Name: crybaby2 Title: ADHD HUSBAND! WHAT DO I DO?

My Husband has know that he was ADHD since he was a child. We've been together for 7 years now and I find that his mood swings and temper are getting out of control. He gets so angry at the drop of a hat. I don't know what to do anymore, I have two toddlers and I don't want them to see this. What do I do?  ?

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Name: teresa • Date: 09/29/2006 08:02:44

My husband is also ADHD and I had the exact same problems as you. You can give him two choices, he goes to the doctor and gets medicated or you can do like I did, and threaten to leave him if he doesn't change his attitude. I had just had enough of my husband's mood swings and told him that we either get counseling or I was going to leave him. We did end up going through marriage counseling for about six months, and in all reality, I don't think it was the counseling that changed him, it was he knew I was dead serious about leaving if things didn't change. If he can cange his attitude, your husband can too. I believe if they really want to control their behavior they can with a little effort on their part.  =

Name: momOFthree • Date: 10/05/2006 15:14:29

We have a 5 year old daughter with ADHD and I have realized that my husband is also ADHD from reading your letter below and from my own observations. I have done the exact same thing a few weeks ago - given him an ulitmatum because his temper was out of control and I was so tired and depressed from being yelled at all the time and sworn at. He said he'd change and go to counselling but now he is doing it again and hasn't gone to counselling. What should I do? I really love him and don't want him to leave us but I can't live like this anymore.  =

Name: crybaby2 • Date: 10/05/2006 21:54:02

I would love to threaten him with leaving but he's always the one threatening to leave. We have these crazy blow out fights and then like two hours later he's always sorry and he's going to change. I'm just at my wits end because I love him sooo much and want things to just be ok instead of feeling like I'm walking on eggshells ALL the time!  =

Name: jamberrt • Date: 10/05/2006 23:29:47

I wouldn't be surprised if my husband is ADHD. My daughter is and they just clash. I feel like I'm always stuck in the middle...exhausting!  =

Name: teresa • Date: 10/06/2006 08:25:25

I know that you love your husbands and don't want to end the marriage, but is it worth it? Personnally, I don't think so. Between my husband and my daughter, I just couldn't take it anymore and since I would never leave me daughter, if my husband hadn't changed his attitude, I would have been gone. You just have to determine if you want to live like that for the rest of you life. Your husbands are grown men and they can control themselves with some effort on their part even if they are ADHD. I say, stand firm, demand counseling, and don't give them the opportunity to back out or follow through on your threat. I know this can be hard to do, but you have to really make the decision to act on your threats and they have to know under no uncertain terms that you are DEAD SERIOUS. Good luck ladies.  =

Name: Kit • Date: 10/17/2006 05:30:26

Please help..anyone!
My boyfriend has adhd,I don't mind the cross between a little boy and a puppy or the hyperactivity and impulsiveness but when I found out he is sleeping with another woman it was the last straw,,he doesn't seem to understand why I won't accept this. Is this typical of men with adhd?
Kit  =

Name: teresa • Date: 10/17/2006 08:20:24

hey Kit, I don't believe this is typical behavior for adult ADHD. My husband (to my knowledge) has never cheated. How old is your boyfriend? If the man can't understand why this is unacceptable, you need to get out before it's to late. You're not married so why put up with this abuse, find a man who will treat you right. It's the least you deserve.  =

Name: malki • Date: 10/19/2006 15:41:10

well i have had suspetions that my husband has ADHD and he thinks so aswell. and it so happens that my doctore said i have it aswell (what are the odds) anyway i am willing to try medication and go to tharapy but he on the other hand wont hear of nither and he always says he will change or try to be a better husband but nothing really ever changes and we are always fighting because of it. he doesnt help me around the house. he doesnt help me with out little girl. he is a complete controll freak. he ignores me when i talk. he leaves everything to the very last minute even real emportant things and he has these moos swings. one minuts he is cold mean and distand and the next he is goofy and hyper and he gets real wild but good wild like funny. although sometime i do have to tell him to take it down a notch and calm down so anyway can anyone relate to that? and do you know of anything i can do that i havnt tried already? (the threatening doesnt really work cause he just says he will change or try or whatever and the next week its back to usuall)  =

Name: aktopsnax • Date: 04/11/2007 16:49:34

my old man is in denial that he has adhd in fact he wont even admit it exists weve been togather 10 yrs i have to try and ignore him and concentrate on my 7 yr old daughter diag adhd aug 06 the problem is as ive learnt more about it ive realised ive got it too hopefully i can get sorted and start making sense of my life.
ive found you can never satisfy or please a adhd man so its easier not to try.  =

Name: danniiw • Date: 04/21/2007 21:58:58

I have a husband with ADHD and we have been together for about 8 years so i could probably understand where your coming from. My husband was the same, bad really bad mood swings and temper aswell but the problem was it did get out of control and i gave him an option to help himself or there was going to be more trouble than it's worth. let him have time to himself and suggest going and seeing a doctor about it and see what it is they could do for him. my husband is now on a medication and he is a totally different person. But occassionally slips by missing one but he is happier taking it then not as he suffers a bit of depression as well. I hope i am helpful.  =

Name: ADDGIRL • Date: 05/27/2007 22:50:21

One book I suggest for all of you dealing with spouses with ADD/ADHD is Delivered from Distraction. My husband and I both have ADD. I have ADHD. It makes life interesting there is no doubt about it. There are some things that WE can't help....it's difficult enough having ADHD and being hard on yourself, not being with someone who can support you and help you with it makes having ADD even worse.
I'm not saying you let him/her off the hook, i'm saying you have to understand how our minds work. There are support groups, through CHADD - that are free, which we have found helpful. I suggest reading the books Delivered from Distraction and Driven to Distraction - the latter is for us with ADD/ADHD.

You have to understand that we will never be "normal" or "have our S*&t together...this is as together as it gets. This is normal for us, running around feeling out of control, cranky, happy, distracted and zoned out....this is our normal everyday. If you could be in our minds for 10 minutes you'd run the other way.  =

Name: Lorna • Date: 07/12/2007 00:50:04

If you cannot get him to go to an adhd specialist, I think you should do so yourself. Someone specializing in this serious disorder might be able to help you cope and in turn help your husband.  =

Name: mar22 • Date: 07/12/2007 22:48:10

malki , it sounds as though there may be more going on than adhd, do some resaerch on manic depression, it seems to me by the desription that this could be a possibility, good luck. Remember our kids come first, they are watching and learning that this is appropriate behaviour and then do it themselves. A child learnes most of their sociallization by the age of five, after that its harder to change. we cant change our husbands the only person we can change is ourselves, start there and he may foloow as he sees change in you. hope you work things out.  =

Name: george • Date: 07/13/2007 03:02:12

kill him  =

Name: Kim • Date: 08/11/2007 10:53:36

Jambert...I have a situation exactly the same as you described in your post on 10/05/06. Please feel free to email me personally, I could use advice on this situation.  =

Name: A Mom To Be • Date: 08/17/2007 19:24:17

My husband is 30 and was a poster child for adhd, he still has it and is still medicated, if he was acting like your partner I wouldn't tolerate it, but if it did happen I would know that it wasn't his adhd, that it was an indication of something else. And I commend you in recognizing that this isn't the behaviour that children should be exposed to. He needs to see someone about this, perhaps even a counsellor to see what the problem is and then work from there. Good luck.  =

Name: kirsten bee • Date: 08/23/2007 11:31:35

try not to stress them oot to much
get the toddlers oot the way if he starts his moods in frount of them
and just sit the 2 of yooh  =

Name: tigsnay • Date: 08/29/2007 11:53:10

hi there im a 27 year old who have adhd, im the same i get in moods and stuff the doctors took me of my meds and that as made things worse  =

Name: LM • Date: 09/05/2007 23:17:30

Dear Wife of HDAD, in my opinion there are no excuses even for the person with adhd without anger management. Some tough love might be in order for your husband to get the counseling and med. he needs. Is there a center in your area you could both go to?  =

Name: Gem • Date: 05/01/2008 09:04:03

My boyfriend has ADHD and we have been together for 2 years and he doesn't take his tablets as he doesn't like to think they control him. but recently he seems to have got worse - he never listens to me, walks out and leaves me for a couple of hours when we have had a argument, when i was upset he also thought sex was the answer for me to stop cryin rather then comfort me. Also ive had a miscarriage recently and on the way out in his car he stopped and told me to get out and then drove off leavin me in the middle of no where at 11:00pm. i was really sacred and he came back half an hour later. but to me that is not good enough as he should have never left me. please help. what should i do?  =