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Hello all. I am an U.S. expat living in Germany (temporarily). I have been dating a single mom who has a 3.5 year old son. First off he is mixed: black and white. His father was black. His mother (my girlfriend) never really had real relationship with the father, in fact he is completely out of the picture. So now I am faced with this; she is wonderful, I love her very much. The boy is also a great kid. I want to stay with her, that is marry her and bring her back to States with me. My dilema is that I am not sure how we will be viewed by society in general. Most of my close friends (black or white)do not (seem) to have a problem with it. I am wondering if there is anyone out there with a similar situation, or just someone with advice or feelings on this. Please be honest ↓
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| Name: momof3dolls | Date: Nov 29th, 2006 10:56 PM |
| "True Love has no color" when you look at this child remember that, ↑ |
| Name: atomic snowflake | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 6:30 AM |
| People might be curious, but I can't see that it's important. There's many different types of families around these days. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 12:32 PM |
| Well you said be honest right? Well that situation wouldn't be right for me,but that's how I feel about it. In your case if you are willing to accept it then go for it! I don't believe blacks and whites should mix and have kids anymore than I believe it's o.k. for gays and lesbians to be together. It's just how I feel about it and it's how I was raised. There are many other people who think that those ways are perfectly fine,but I do not. I'm sure I'll get a lot of shit from people now about my feelings on the topic but we all have our opinions and this one is mine. You asked,I answered. Do what you feel you want to do. ↑ |
| Name: benedict_14 | Date: Dec 1st, 2006 5:25 PM |
| color or race is not that important. if you really love her and have decided to live with her completely then no issues can stand in your way. love knows no boundaries. if you are really concerned by what other people might think then perhaps it is time that you think about your decisions over again... ↑ |
| Name: saxton_emma | Date: Dec 2nd, 2006 11:43 AM |
| why care what other people think, if you are all happy then that is all that matter,, ↑ |
| Name: sally24 | Date: Dec 14th, 2006 7:22 PM |
| my aunt is white and her adopted daughter my niece is chinese , yes some people are ignorant and choose to look or say stupid things , but the world is a giant place and you have to live the only life you have been given as you see fit, you will be teaching this buetifull little boy a valuable gift , by saying to heck with all of it , of learning to just live your own life and not buy into what other people think. ↑ |
| Name: tessy21 | Date: Dec 19th, 2006 8:51 PM |
| This should not be an issue. If you love her and you love that child that should be all that matters to you, not what society thinks! I have a mixed child also, his father is black I am white and I am married to a wonderful white man now and have a child with him also. There have been ocations over the years...stares or coments made but it does not matter becouse they are my family and nothing else matters. Don't let a simple change of skin color make your disision of lossing the ones you love...thats foolish and errogent! Best of luck. ↑ |
| Name: hazelsweetp | Date: Dec 20th, 2006 2:13 PM |
| I am in a interraical marriage and I have friends that have families such as yours. There will be close minded people anywhere you go but if you love eachother and that child than don't worry about it. be strong and look for support from family and friends to help you get through the hard times ↑ |
| Name: pastors kid | Date: Jan 7th, 2007 5:01 PM |
| Hey. I have some words for you. Imagine being a black woman in a predominantly white state married to a white man! One thing i've learned being a pastors kid is that if Jesus had the same attitude then people like Lizzi wouldn't have the opportunity to make it to heaven because he would be racist. Its okay to get the stares because their ignorance should be your strength. When you start to care what people think then you open pandoras box to live your life according to what everybody else thinks. Its like asking permission to love to work to worship. My mother-in-law had trouble for atleast 5 years but my groundrules were if you didn't get it together by the time she was 5 then don't come around. Racisim is for the ignorant not the knowledgeable and if people would really look at their backgrounds, they would discover they're not as pure as they think!! ↑ |
| Name: Burn4Me, | Date: Jan 13th, 2007 6:15 PM |
| Well it doesnt really matter aslong as you care for him the same as his natural dad would, but it might be a problem at school so you should tell him early that you know you not his dad, so it seems natural cause hes only a kid.. SO BE NICE ABOUT IT !!! and give him choclate afterwards LOTS OF IT ! : ) ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Jan 15th, 2007 1:21 PM |
| Well pastors kid like I said it is MY opinion! : ) You don't like it? OH WELL!!!!!! And if i don't get into Heaven over it,that's o.k. because I know I will have PLENTY of company!!!!!! Besides i think I'd like to stick around awhile and do some haunting anyways! Lol ; ) ↑ |
| Name: jillw | Date: Jan 17th, 2007 4:42 PM |
| well it sounds like you are having an issue with it your self. do you feel a bit ashamed when you are out with the two of them? I can tell you that it is much more common then you might think. there are many kids who are adopted by white parents who are all different races. the important things is that you are truely ok with it. If would be unfair for you to be involved, but still have some issues with him being half black. he will sence that in time and will grow to resent you. You have to enter it knowing that you can love him like your own child or you should not enter that situation. I can tell you that my father married a woman who had a mixed son. My step brother has never had an issue that he is the only black person and that our parents and me and my brother are all white. Some kids might ask him about it at school, but he will know that you are his step dad. Mixed race children don't ahve it as hard as some might think. his reply will be well my bio dad is black. End of story I doubt that he will get much slack because of it. Unless you live in a known raciest area. Good luck ↑ |
| Name: pastors kid | Date: Jan 21st, 2007 12:18 PM |
| Hey Lizzi. I've got a brother that felt that same way but God has a way of throwing it in your face to make it not matter to you. His son went to college and brought home two babies from white girls and his other daughter is marrying a white guy with red hair! You see what you hate may slap you in the face one day and you have to choose between loving your grandbabies and being alone. ↑ |
| Name: breemichelle | Date: Mar 10th, 2007 11:00 PM |
| If you love the woman and her son then I say go for it, if your friends or family don't accept it then that's their problem and probably people you don't want to be friends with anyway. But for the sake of the boy be honest with him!! I am friends with a couple who are both white and the womans son is mixed and he calls the man his dad and truley believes he is his father, well my husband is also mixed and when the boy sees my husband he clings to him like crazy because they look the same and he says that they are "tan guys" so this little boy just believes he's tan, and he's obviously going to find out soon enough that he's not just tan but his dad isn't his biological father and I think that will just confuse the poor boy, plus I think it's wrong to deny him of his heritage. ↑ |
| Name: tubbybubble | Date: Mar 12th, 2007 8:53 AM |
| i believe there's good and bad in everyone, no matter what race they are. i personally would never date another person of a different race, but i don't see a problem with anyone else doing in. now with adopting another child of a different race, i have no problem with that. it sounds like she made a mistake with her son's father (not her son)...people make mistakes all the time....they learn and move on...but i would never hold it against a child. ↑ |
| Name: lindalu | Date: Mar 14th, 2007 12:05 AM |
bengal1993
Let your hart tell you if it is rite for you! As many have already said.... there should be no boundaries when it comes to love. In the end it will be your decission alone, have faith your hart will lead you in the rite direction! ↑ |
| Name: jbluntswifey | Date: May 21st, 2007 1:42 PM |
| I dont see any problem. I am white. I have a black sister and a mexican one. Their mom had children with three different men all different races. People look at me crazy when I introduce them to my sisters but when we explain people dony care. As long as you dont try to say the child is biologically yours you'll be fine. Dont get me wrong the child is still going to be your son if you chose that road. When people tall me or my sisters that we are not really sisters because we are not full blood we get angry. Family isn't about blood. It's about who loves you the most. ↑ |
| Name: anonymous | Date: Jun 21st, 2007 1:50 PM |
| My nephew is mixed (black & white) and his mother is now married to a white man so they are actually in the exact same situation. As a bystander all I can say is that you should choose carefully where you live because prejudice runs rampant and it is cruel to submit this child to a life of racial isolation. Diverse urban cities would probably offer the child more opportunities to feel less odd and develop normally. Also, you should make a concerted effort to love her child and respect the child; especially if you have another child whom is white. ↑ |
| Name: Go Lizzi!!!! | Date: Nov 26th, 2007 9:16 PM |
| I totally agree with Lizzi and I respect her honesty!!! And guess what MANY people DO!! There is nothing wrong with sticking to your own culture. When the Indians have arranged marriages and want to stay in their own culture people understand that! But when white people want to stay with their own it's racist! Nonsense! ↑ |
| Name: Dear Bengal | Date: Nov 26th, 2007 9:24 PM |
| Your friend will never honestly tell you the truth. Believe me they wouldn't want your situation. They think the girl your with has a screw loose for being with a black guy. And of course he left her. Don't most of them after they get a white girl in bed. She is down with the brothers and will probably leave you for another black guy. ↑ |
| Name: annie7224 | Date: Nov 30th, 2007 1:49 PM |
| I would probably stay in europe they are more liberla and it doesn't seem to be such and issue. However in the next 50-100 years we will all be a nice shade of Light mild chocolate. Do what is in your heart and if you have doubts and conderns then it probably not a good idea. But in 20 years when this kid is dating and he brings home a black girl how will you feel or if he brings home a white girl or hispanic or what if he brings home a boy? then you might really have an issue. Good luck and ↑ |
| Name: youngman | Date: Jan 5th, 2008 7:19 PM |
| Bengal, I am going to be honest. You have a problem with it. Otherwise you would not be asking the question. You need to ask why do you have a problem with it. Are you afraid of people who will look at you. Do you see yourself with black grandchildren. Their are several reason to worry about this, but none of them will pan out for you. If you love the women take her luggage. You have some and do you see her on the internet writting. We are so stupid sometimes. The real question is does she love me. There are so many people in this world and I have found one who really loves me. And I wants to question it. I am going to tell you the truth. It will be hard. If you had a white child it will be hard. Purple,no. Blue, maybe. But a child nonetheless is hard work. Man you have found what everybody wants. just understand even without a child, two people saying together for the rest of the remaining days on earth is something great. Shoot for the star Bengal and enjoy everyday of the chase. Good luck. ↑ |
| Name: the lover | Date: Aug 30th, 2008 12:45 PM |
| the children is a children so you now ↑ |
| Name: Baby face | Date: Aug 30th, 2008 10:57 PM |
| HI, I' M BABY FACE AND JUST WANTED TO GIVE MY OPINION BECAUSE I HAVE MY SHARE OF PROBLEMS, BUT I COULDN'T HELP MY SELF WHEN I READ YOUR FORUM. FIRST OF ALL REALLY HOPE YOU SOLE CALLED PROBLEM HAS COME TO AN END, BECAUSE THE PROBLEM ISN'T HOW YOU WELL BE VIEWED BY SOCIETY, THE FACT IS I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE HAVE COME ACTUALLY ACCEPT THE CHILD COMPLETELY CUZ OF HIS RACE AND HOPEFULLY YOU CAN PUT IT ASIDE SO YOU CAN BE HAPPY WITH THE WOMEN YOU LOVE, AND ACCEPT THE CHILD FOR ALL THOSE GREAT THINGS YOU SEE IN HIM, AND SEE HIM AS THE ANGEL THAT EVERY KID IS, AND NOT BY HIS COLOR BECAUSE ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU THINK AND NOT THE COMMUNITY, AND UNTIL YOU SEE IT THAT WAY MAYBE YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE THAT PROBLEM CUZ IT'S NOT SOCIETY IT'S YOU! ↑ |
| Name: keegan | Date: Nov 20th, 2008 10:36 AM |
| i dont know why im black but have two white parents ↑ |
| Name: Erika Johnson | Date: Jan 1st, 2009 9:26 PM |
| Hey I am wanting to find a nice christan black guy ↑ |
| Name: *Mz.Thickness* | Date: Feb 10th, 2009 10:39 AM |
| it does not matter what color we r we all r thr same..................... ↑ |
| Name: *Mz.Thickness* | Date: Feb 11th, 2009 10:30 AM |
| Yeah its my BIRTHDAY TODAYbitch get at me ↑ |
| Name: carrozzo | Date: Feb 25th, 2009 3:51 PM |
| If you are coming to america with her and child you would not be looked at any diffrent . You are a great person and love your lady deeply to have concerns but he is just a child and god bless her for keeping him. color means nothing ↑ |
| Name: Karl | Date: Sep 21st, 2009 9:01 PM |
Why do you care about what society thinks? Society's thoughts will not sustain any relationship. If you love the woman and her son unconditionally...that's more binding than anything else. What's more, if you both accept Jesus Christ as LORD and Savior, you have more in common than that which seems to divide you (racial backgrounds). Some people seem to be obcessed with "blood lines...and ethnic orgins". If the world continues much longer blood lines will be less of any one line and more of a mixture. If you're both in Christ, your spiritual bond is greater than any ethnic bond could ever be. Some say that blood is thicker than water, meaning that blood lines carry some mysterious ability to keep individuals together. Spirit is thicker than blood!
Marry the woman, love her son as your own and teach him how to make the tough but wise choices in life...like you did by marrying his mother and by adopting him.
Sometimes we only get one opportunity for deep and abiding love. If this is your one opportunity, don't screw it up by listening to society. Listen to your heart...then listen to your gut. Let them both counsel your mind. Most of all, ask the LORD to give you the peace and guts to do the right thing. ↑ |
| Name: Judith Howard | Date: Oct 5th, 2009 2:58 PM |
If you love her so much, I suggest the following: Marry her, adopt the child and stay in Germany with them!
That's my honest suggestion! I tell you why: I am a German Citizen, living in the United States since 22 years and i have an interracial child, a 14 year old daughter. I live in the USA and I can tell you, that most Americans may pretend that they are color blind, but this is not so. There is still a lot of racism going on here and at times my child does not have it easy. Over the years I have encountered numerous incidents, where non-blacks talked about blacks in the most terrible way, not knowing, that I have an interracial child. Once I confront and tell them, they are embarrassed and come up with some kind of excuses. Others plainly state that they can't help, but being racist. Now I am not saying, that there are no racists in Germany, but I can at least speak for my generation (and I am 50 years old) . During my entire school years I was taught about the Holocaust every single year over and over again. This contributed to the fact, that my generation is so guilt ridden, that there is no place for racism. the younger kids in Germany may not have endured this the same way my generation has and therefore racism may be on the rise again, especially since a lot of foreigners have been flooding the country in recent years. But overall your girl friend and her child may be better off in Germany. If you really love her, don't take her to the United States! I would suggest you take her for a walk through town, or a park, and see how many people give her child a friendly look. admiring it, telling her how cute he is. Then imagine trying this here in the USA!!! I can guarantee you, that the opposite will happen. That's all I have to say, good luck to you! ↑ |
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