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Name: curious0003
[ Original Post ]
At what age is it odd for a father and daughter to continue giving each other kisses on the lips? When I was little, I believe I started to feel uncomfortable with this around the age of six. My boyfriend's daughters are 12 and 8 and they still continue to do this. Also, he only has them every other weekend but whenever one has a bad dream, they still crawl into bed with dad. It's just weird to me and I don't know how to approach the subject as he seems to feel it's innocent. Of course, I have discovered the 12 year old (no matter how innocent he believes she is) is fully aware of the male anatomy and the names of genitalia and I'm guessing is only a matter of months away from the first sign of becoming a woman. Please give your thoughts as to if this is odd behavior or if I'm just paranoid.
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Name: Melanie | Date: Jun 21st, 2006 8:35 PM
Youre being VERY paranoid, Im 19 and also have a very close relationship with my dad, Id give him a kiss on the lips until I was nearly 15 which was when I started dating my first boyf. As for the getting in bed with him, dont worry its completly innocent, I was the same. When I come home after a bad day I always go into my dads room (where hes normally reading coz he works nights) and lie down, give him a hug and tell him whats happened. I think youre lucky to have found a guy that has such a great relationsip with his kids coz Im sure he'll have that kinda one if you guys have kids together. Dont panic, even though the 12 year old knows about stuff like the male anatomy, I can assure you that it doesnt have anything to do with it, theyre just close. Im lucky to have such a good relationship with my dad coz a lot of my friends dont get on with theirs, and its cool that your boyf and and his daughters have a good relationship. Dont worry, its all completly innoent, you have no reason to feel uncomfortable. 

Name: Nadine | Date: Jun 22nd, 2006 6:24 AM
I would be a little wierded out about the bed thing too, but after reading what Melanie said i think that that would be good for them to be close to their dad. I have a two year old that will sleep in bed with me and my husband and sometimes it wierds me out because he wears boxers and you know that things can fall out of places and i am constantly saying put a pillow there or a blanket. I feel very uncomfortable, but at the same time i know that he is not a pervert i think that it s because i never had a dad and if i did maybe i would be more understanding like Melanie!Thanks Mel 

Name: curious0003 | Date: Jun 22nd, 2006 8:44 AM
Thank you both for your insight! I do agree that it is a good thing that they are so close. I just needed an outsider's view that this wasn't uncommon or unusual behavior. I feel much better about the situation now. Thanks! 

Name: Layne | Date: Jun 22nd, 2006 9:57 AM
My son and daughter 9 and 11 kiss me and there dad on the lips. I have a 24 year old son also and he doesnt kiss on the lips. I guess when my kids stop aproaching us to kiss on the lips then we will as well.
You just reminded me how precious these years are and how short of time we have our children want to be close.
I would say when she starts her period and developes she'll pull away from the father. 

Name: nicole jones | Date: Jun 23rd, 2006 5:13 AM
i dated a guy briefly (and lived with him for a couple weeks) who i had the same feeling about. his case was a little bit stranger, because on top of the kissing on the lips his daughter slept nude (in her own bed the whole time i was there, but i dont know about when i wasn't - no idea why a child would sleep with no jammies on!!!) anyways, i never commented on it, but it was the biggest deciding factor in me moving out. i never saw anything else going on besides the fact that she was spoiled rotten... but they were just a litte too close. he almost seemed co-dependant on her the way he treated her. she was 8, but pretty mature for her age. 

Name: Layne | Date: Jun 23rd, 2006 9:36 AM

Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jun 26th, 2006 1:38 PM
I'm 29 and still give my dad a kiss on the lips. My sister is 26 and also still give my dad a kiss on the lips. I wouldn't worry about it, your daughter will stop if she becomes uncomfortable. 

Name: Lisa Curtis | Date: Jul 13th, 2006 12:58 PM
I think the age is 20 yrs old my daddy always kisses me when we see each other. 

Name: Jody Schares | Date: Jul 22nd, 2006 6:30 PM

Name: sandy | Date: Jul 25th, 2006 1:10 PM
I am in your shoes exactly. My husband's "daughter" only sees him 3 times a year. She is 11. They put their arms around each other and kiss on the lips for at least 20 seconds at a time. She also gets under the covers with him in bed (he sleeps in the nude). I feel she knows exactly what she is doing. She is developed and I feel nauseas. I don't know what to do. We have only been married for 3 yrs. I don't think I can continue on with the marriage. Their behavior is just not something I am comfortable with. If I say anything he will just think I am jealous and that is ABSOLUTELY not the case!! I just feel it is wrong! :( 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Jul 26th, 2006 6:22 PM
Are you suspecting there may be more going on? If not and it's just a quick peck,I'm sure it's nothing but 12 is a little too old to be crawling in bed with dad. When I go to family get togethers, grandparents and aunts and uncles expect to be kissed on the lips and personally,I find it disgusting and would rather be kissed in the cheek or better yet,no kiss at all and have a hug be sufficient!!! 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Jul 27th, 2006 4:06 PM
Sandy,you are absolutely right in the way you feel. You need to tell your husband thats so wrong and if he won't stop it then you should turn him in and divorce him. Thats disgusting! 

Name: Dee | Date: Jul 28th, 2006 6:33 PM
I am also dating a single dad and he sleeps with his daughter when she's over. There is only one bed in the appartment for now. He says he's getting her a bed in the new place and she will sleep there. What bothers me is that she sometimes sleeps naked and he's in his boxers. They take showers together. Am I nuts being bothered by this? 

Name: Dee | Date: Jul 28th, 2006 6:34 PM
sorry, forgot to mention she's eight in a half years old and very mature for her age. 

Name: mike | Date: Jul 29th, 2006 4:59 PM
i think your just a bit worried my girlfriend has just had a baby 7 weeks a go and im not worried about when to stop kissing her its a natrual thing to do kissing your daughter i dont think you shud worry 

Name: ali ababho | Date: Aug 14th, 2006 3:18 PM
yes thats true its always awkward to touch ur mother or sis,and that 

Name: debbiei | Date: Aug 15th, 2006 12:05 AM
im 25 and i still kiss my dad on the lips theres nothing sexual about it dad and i were always close dad was strict in facted i was spanked till i was 17 but i still love and respect my dad and everytime i come home i kiss dad on the lips 

Name: to debbie | Date: Aug 17th, 2006 8:10 PM
there is something wrong with a 25yr old woman who still kisses her father on the lips do you have a boy friend or a husband maybe one of them will spank you so you will kiss them on there lips 

Name: a 20yr old | Date: Aug 18th, 2006 10:45 PM
all this talk about spanking I wonder anybody in there 20s or late teens that still get a spanking I still live at home im 22 and sometimes my father will spank me he still does over his knees most of the times I get spanked for talking back i also get my mouth washed out with soap I know im to old to still be punished but as my dad says I still lkve at home so I have to behave yself 

Name: sue to 20yr oldI also get span | Date: Aug 19th, 2006 11:03 PM
I also get spanked im oniy 18 I just got out of high school I thought I was thru with being spanked but dad spanked this morning for disobeying him like your father he told me as long as I live at home I will be puinshed when I need it he also did it on my barebottom but he did not put me over his knees 

Name: to sue and 20yrold | Date: Aug 23rd, 2006 4:18 PM
im the mother of 2 teenagers 14 16 i've spanked both till they were 13 and i have not bared thrir bottoms since they were 10 I can't imanage getting spanked at 22 and 18 if true both of you should move out fast as possable. 

Name: Judy | Date: Aug 25th, 2006 11:34 PM
to the mother who can't imanage a 22 yr old who still get spanked i can im 23 and live with my parents I have not been spanked in 4 years till last sat. I got home at 3am my curfew is 1am when I got in momtold me to come to the front room when I got threr she took me olver her knees and took down my panties and spanked me she said I was getting spanked for not calling her she was worried I hope this was my last spanking 

Name: to judy | Date: Aug 26th, 2006 11:44 PM
I never heard of a 23yr old having a curfew let alone getting spanked for comming in past it you must be rather immuture im 21 and no way would I let my mother take down my panties and spank me I have not been spanked since I was12 like the other lady said move out 

Name: bladerunnerx16 | Date: Aug 27th, 2006 8:15 PM
yeah judy that's kind of strange to be spanked at 23 

Name: Judy | Date: Aug 27th, 2006 10:07 PM
to bladrunner16 I know it sounds strange but i do get spanked and I am 23 I don't get spanked very often but I do get punished lioke fight now im beening grounded for talking back to my mom she sent me to my room I thought I was going to be spanked but she only sent me to bed and grounded me I know i sound like a baby but I live at home and I have to obey mom or I get punished 

Name: Jessica | Date: Sep 1st, 2006 8:03 AM
I feel it isnt odd at all! by all means, yes it can be uncomfortable for some, but a little peck on the lips and cuddle doesn't mean it shows any indication to him and myself looking like we are madly in love, for goodness sakes.
I'm 18 years old, and sometimes whenever he goes/or I go to hug him, i may recieve a quick small kiss on the lips and sent off my way. I really don't see how it's innappropriate. Another example of this, would be the time, which hasn't occured since last year, ever since i was 7 years of age sometimes my dad would give me a little tap on the backside just as to indicate, ' off you go now' type of affection. now many people would think of that as sexual harrassment, but it's just a little father to daughter sign of affection. I addmit i would feel uncomfortable if he started doing that again now, because personally it feels awkward and invades my space, but really your behaviour is very paranoid and you seriously need to ease down a little! 

Name: Jessica | Date: Sep 1st, 2006 8:09 AM
Goodness gracious! Sandy I couldn't agree more with Lizzi's comment, if i was you i would sit down and have a private talk about this sickning matter, if he chucks a sad than yes, you should divorce him or turn him in. Because for heavens sake your child is 11, that is only 2 more years away from being a teenager, his behaviour couldnt be any more innappropriate and, i must state, i am astounded and disgusted at the fact that you have been allowing him to do such a thing. you should have really known better then to wait this long, and i hope and pray to God above that you do do something about this fast, because what he has been/and is doing is illegal, very disturbing and perverted. 

Name: Jessica | Date: Sep 1st, 2006 8:22 AM
Okay, I just want and feel I need to add that those who get spanked till the age of 18+ - move out immedietly!
don't get me worng, everybody on the face of this earth should show their parents the upmost respect, love and care, but to be spanked above the age of 18, i find, very odd and upsetting to read. Growing up i got my fair share of spankings with a firm hand which belonged to non other than my dad, and he told me that i will coninue to get them until i've reached the age of 19, and that is when he won't lay a hand on me! if i am to be utterly disrespecting than i will recieve a good slap across the face, and as much as that sounds harsh, i think that sounds more mentally sound and appropriate than pulling me across his lap and assessing me with a good hard long spanking. So to those who do get spanked above the age of 18+ get this information rammed into your brain at once and fast - move out, you are no longer a child/teenager/pre-adult ( 17-18). It's just wrong, my father has always been strict, but has loved and appreciated me since the moment, he says, he held me in his arms when i was a little baby and he tells me, that he couldnt possibly imagine giving me a spanking above the age of 18. he feels there is just no need and its taking it too far. And i couldnt agree more. 

Name: CATHY | Date: Sep 5th, 2006 6:53 PM
I'm wierded out by this. Your father had MADE you think this was normal, just by doing it all your life. Let me assure you, he was having other thoughts..... 

Name: Cathy | Date: Sep 5th, 2006 6:56 PM
What the heck is wrong with YOU???? That you ask such a question is so ignorant. Are you so hard up for a partner that you will rationalize your boyfriend's incestuous behavior? For heavens sake...get a life.... 

Name: Heather | Date: Sep 5th, 2006 8:49 PM
To curious0003 and others who are questioning their boyfriend or husband's behavior with their children...I am so glad I found this site because I have been having the same concerns.

My boyfriend's 9 year old daughter is very mature for her age in some ways (interests, music, television, friends, clothing, etc.) yet very immature in others-which I consider being spoiled (whines to get her way & anything she wants, no responsibility, poor organizational/homework/school habits, etc.) She has manipulated her father to the point where he would sleep with her in her bed every night that he had her (3-5 nights per week) and then claim that it was because we were fighting or because I was snoring (and I believe he tried to make her believe he didn't sleep with me when she was at her mother's as well.) Since I moved out 5 weeks ago, she is now sleeping with her daddy in his bed...a couple of weeks ago, I noticed she even has her toothbrush in our bathroom & obviously got ready for bed in there as well instead of in her own room/bathroom.

Since the excuses were previously that he was sleeping in her room because we were arguing, I was snoring, or more commonly because "he fell asleep in her room" and the excuse for her sleeping in his bed is now because either "she wanted to" or they fell asleep watching television...I'm extremely concerned.

I do not believe that he has any ill intentions; however, I believe that this is unacceptable at 9, 8, 7 6 and even younger! AT what age is a girl to learn that she doesn't "need a man", "need to sleep with a man", etc.? Also, why is a 3rd grader staying up until midnight or 1:00 AM watching tv with her father in his bed? Shouldn't she be sleeping regardless of whether it is the school year or summertime?

Over a year ago, I went into his daughter's room during the middle of the night because I had woken up and he was not in bed yet. When I walked in, he was lying on his back and had an erection! I grabbed it, and he was astonished, and didn't sleep with her for quite some time after that. When he finally started "falling asleep" in her bed again for whatever reason, he always had a pillow between them and/or between his legs. Even so, I don't think it matters--it's defining what is and is not acceptable for a young lady to do, and I don't think it's acceptable for her to be sleeping with a MAN (or boy!) And despite the pillow, nobody can be certain what they're doing during their sleep. I've gone in the room since then when he's been laying on his back, and she is laying on her side next to him with her arm across his chest. What if her hand (innocently) moves down a bit ? What happens if he has a dream about something sexual (which has happened before when I'm in the bed with him)...he isn't aware that what he's doing in the dream, he is acutally doing in reality. Where/how do you draw the line?

And please, someone help me with my #1 question...how do I discuss this with him without him getting angry & defensive? I try to emphasize my concern for his daughter's overall well-being, but he still thinks that I am jealous or that I am making incestual accusations. I am 100% positive that he is not doing anything inappropriate or thinking anything inappropriate--but what he's doing is inappropriate and I want him to understand this! 

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