| Name: Heather | Date: Sep 5th, 2006 8:49 PM |
To curious0003 and others who are questioning their boyfriend or husband's behavior with their children...I am so glad I found this site because I have been having the same concerns.
My boyfriend's 9 year old daughter is very mature for her age in some ways (interests, music, television, friends, clothing, etc.) yet very immature in others-which I consider being spoiled (whines to get her way & anything she wants, no responsibility, poor organizational/homework/school habits, etc.) She has manipulated her father to the point where he would sleep with her in her bed every night that he had her (3-5 nights per week) and then claim that it was because we were fighting or because I was snoring (and I believe he tried to make her believe he didn't sleep with me when she was at her mother's as well.) Since I moved out 5 weeks ago, she is now sleeping with her daddy in his bed...a couple of weeks ago, I noticed she even has her toothbrush in our bathroom & obviously got ready for bed in there as well instead of in her own room/bathroom.
Since the excuses were previously that he was sleeping in her room because we were arguing, I was snoring, or more commonly because "he fell asleep in her room" and the excuse for her sleeping in his bed is now because either "she wanted to" or they fell asleep watching television...I'm extremely concerned.
I do not believe that he has any ill intentions; however, I believe that this is unacceptable at 9, 8, 7 6 and even younger! AT what age is a girl to learn that she doesn't "need a man", "need to sleep with a man", etc.? Also, why is a 3rd grader staying up until midnight or 1:00 AM watching tv with her father in his bed? Shouldn't she be sleeping regardless of whether it is the school year or summertime?
Over a year ago, I went into his daughter's room during the middle of the night because I had woken up and he was not in bed yet. When I walked in, he was lying on his back and had an erection! I grabbed it, and he was astonished, and didn't sleep with her for quite some time after that. When he finally started "falling asleep" in her bed again for whatever reason, he always had a pillow between them and/or between his legs. Even so, I don't think it matters--it's defining what is and is not acceptable for a young lady to do, and I don't think it's acceptable for her to be sleeping with a MAN (or boy!) And despite the pillow, nobody can be certain what they're doing during their sleep. I've gone in the room since then when he's been laying on his back, and she is laying on her side next to him with her arm across his chest. What if her hand (innocently) moves down a bit ? What happens if he has a dream about something sexual (which has happened before when I'm in the bed with him)...he isn't aware that what he's doing in the dream, he is acutally doing in reality. Where/how do you draw the line?
And please, someone help me with my #1 question...how do I discuss this with him without him getting angry & defensive? I try to emphasize my concern for his daughter's overall well-being, but he still thinks that I am jealous or that I am making incestual accusations. I am 100% positive that he is not doing anything inappropriate or thinking anything inappropriate--but what he's doing is inappropriate and I want him to understand this! ↑ |
| Name: Charlotte | Date: Sep 6th, 2006 11:08 PM |
Heather, if im honest with you it sounds like his daughter is very insecure and messed up about her parents divorce and the fact that she is not with him all the time.
Him sleeping in her bed, ok, not all parents are like this with their children, but if it makes his daughter happy and feel safe and you know that he hasnt got anything else on his mind i dont see what the problem is.
From what i understand is she is trying to be older than she is but at the same time, wanting protection, the feeling that as long as daddys there nothing will harm her. Is she an only child? A lot of only children, and I speak from experiance here, FEEL that only their parents will be there for them, that there is no-one else to love them and cherish them, they become over-dependant. The wanting to be loved and have all of someone to yourself I think is human nature, the want to have someone next to you.
Can I ask, what was your relationship like with your own father? People that grow up maybe closer to their mother i dont think understand that just because the dad is a different sex (we're talking about daughters here obviously)! If she was like that with her mother, would you be concerned? Please be honest. Do you have any children?
I might be really off the mark here, but its just my opinion. ↑ |
| Name: MILLER | Date: Sep 19th, 2006 12:29 PM |
I'M GLAD THAT I FOUND THIS SIGHT....I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR TWO YEARS AND HAVE A TEN YEAR OLD STEPDAUGHTER. HER AND MY HUSBAND SLEPT IN THE SAME BED UNTIL WE MARRIED AND I MOVED IN....
SHE WAS EIGHT THEN...THEY KISS ON THE LIPS (PECK) AND CUDDLE ALL THE TIME...HE STROKES HER HAIR AND HOLDS HER HAND. A COUPLE OF TIMES A FEW MONTHS AGO SHE WOULD LAY ON TOP OF HIM- I PUT THAT TO AN END BUT IT HAPPENDED AGAIN WITH A PILLOW IN BETWEEN THEM...I SAID SOMETHING THEN TOO.. SHE ALSO WILL SIT ON HIS LAP AT CHURCH, ETC. I HAVE SAID THINGS TO HIM BUT HE JUST THINKS I'M JEALOUS... AM I CRAZY?? ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 19th, 2006 7:49 PM |
Is this a joke?
Adults being spanked?????Once children hit puberty they should not be spanked!!!!!!
Why are these adults allowing their parents to do this??????
This must be a joke ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 19th, 2006 8:00 PM |
| Heather, how long have you been dating her dad-your boyfriend....This will help on how to bring it up to him. ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 20th, 2006 1:02 AM |
Why do these ADULTS have curfews???? I think maybe some kids must be in here fooling around.
If my parents would have spanked me as a teenager, never mind an adult I would have walked out.....It would never happen again. ↑ |
| Name: Sandy | Date: Sep 20th, 2006 10:08 AM |
| I originally wrote on July 7th. I want to thank all of you who gave your thoughts. The kisses between my husband and his daughter were not quick pecks! They were lingering on the lips kisses. I still have a pit in my stomach. I got up the nerve to tell him that I felt his physical relationship with his daughter was inappropriate. He told me he is "not changing" anything. He said that when she gets a boyfriend, she will pull away from him - until then it is just going to remain as it is. I have since gone to a therapist and a divorce attorney and am slowly moving toward the inevitable. Both of them told me he could be arrested for his behavior and that is my concern. I am a well respected business woman in my town and it is just embarassing to have such behavior in public and even more so in my home as if I am not there. I am not at all jealous - I just am concerned that the wrong message of what is acceptable behavior is being shown to an 11 year old. ↑ |
| Name: Sandy | Date: Sep 20th, 2006 12:09 PM |
| Heather - I forgot to tell you that I totally feel your pain and concern. I wish there was an easy answer. Especially when you love someone. You must, as my therapist says, do what is best for you. If he doesn't get it - it is HIS problem. ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 21st, 2006 2:11 PM |
| I think as long as the Dad and the children are both comfortable with this it is fine. ↑ |
| Name: to winnmon | Date: Sep 22nd, 2006 1:16 PM |
| I think you are wrong about young adults haveing a curfew, I still live at home and dad tell me I will have a curfew untill I move out im 23 and I have a 1am curfew and I get punished if im late sometimes even spanked but most of the time I get grounded but you know i would reather be spanked then grounded ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 22nd, 2006 9:09 PM |
That is just down right WRONG in so many ways!!!
YOU are an Adult! Why would you put up with that?
Unless you are just making this up. ↑ |
| Name: to winnmom | Date: Sep 23rd, 2006 4:08 PM |
| I am not make it up im 23 and I have a curfew and I get punished if I break the curfew that the price of living wlth my parents I have to obey their rules and yes I sometimes still get a spanking ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 23rd, 2006 11:43 PM |
| well that is just plain and simply wrong. That is ABUSE. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Sep 24th, 2006 7:39 PM |
| Sandy,you are right to get out of this situation he is basically telling you that HE is going to fill in until his daughter gets a boyfriend to take over more or less and that is sick! You should have him arrested yourself but I do understand why you don't want to draw attention to yourself. Get out of the situation. ↑ |
| Name: to winnmon | Date: Sep 24th, 2006 11:48 PM |
| that 23yr old girl who still has a curfew could be my daughter yes I have a curfew of 1:30 on the weekend I think thats fair and yes I punish her for breaking curfew if she is more then an hour past curfew she get put over my knee and spanked if less then she is grounded for a week if she lives with my wife and me she has to obey our rules she only gets punished 1 or 2 times a year ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 24th, 2006 11:55 PM |
This must be a joke,
I hope that you are having fun with this one! ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 12:08 AM |
How can you justify putting a 23 year old WOMAN ( whether she lives in your home or not) over your knee and spanking her?????Either this is a JOKE, or you are a sicko who needs serious help.
If your serious, then you need to realise that your supposed daughter is 23 and a woman, and desrves to be treated like a woman not kike a kid. ↑ |
| Name: to winnmon | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 1:01 AM |
| I know my daughter is a woman but I make the rules in this house and if there is rules their has to be punishment for breaking them my daughter knows the rules and she chooses to stay sat night she was gfrounded for comming home at 2am ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 2:25 AM |
| You seriously need help......Your daughter needs to move out. You have serious problems. Either a real sicko ar a complete control freak. ↑ |
| Name: to winnmon | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 7:18 AM |
| I agree she needs to move on her own but untill she does when she breaks curfew she will be grounded or spanked ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Sep 25th, 2006 1:52 PM |
I am not responding to you anymore because you are full of crap trying to ruffle my feathers.
One minute this is supposidly happening to you, next minute you do this to your child?
You are just on here trying to piss people off.
Why else would YOUR user name be in reference to my name? ↑ |
| Name: phillis | Date: Sep 26th, 2006 12:43 PM |
| Name: Heather | Date: Sep 28th, 2006 4:31 PM |
Well... my parents divorced when I was 4 and I would see him in the summers from 5-11... then sporadically through my teen years. He kissed me on the lips... I didn't like it. Flash forward 17 years and he's now in prison for molesting children. he was always a perv. I think it depends on the family... but if you get "perv vibes" listen to them.
My father is the only father I ever saw kiss their daughter on the lips and look where he ended up. ↑ |
| Name: to heather | Date: Oct 2nd, 2006 7:36 AM |
| there are many dads who kiss there teens or older on the lips that are not a pervert i know my dad kissed both his boy's and girl's on the lips and there was nothing preverted about my dad,dad could also be strict boy did he spank so think before you call anybody a perv, im sorry about your farther ↑ |
| Name: jane | Date: Oct 5th, 2006 9:58 AM |
| my dad and i still kiss on the lips im 18 i don't think there anything wrong with it ↑ |
| Name: Christine | Date: Oct 6th, 2006 3:31 AM |
| I recently saw my dad for a little over a week and everyday I gave him a hug and a kiss on the lips. I do not think that there is anything wrong with it as long as both the child and the father are fine with it. I just turned 29 I was 28 when I saw my dad. ↑ |
| Name: lorrineim | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 1:22 PM |
| im wondering is there young adults who still get spanked i can't belive there are 20yr old who would let there dads spank them i have not been spanked since i was 13 its hard for me to belive but i may be wrong ↑ |
| Name: harriet | Date: Oct 10th, 2006 6:24 AM |
| yes there are young adults who still who get spanked and im one of them im 19 almost 20 and dad still gives me a spanking whats worse he does on my barebottom I know im to old to be spanked but I still live at home ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Oct 11th, 2006 4:49 PM |
| Oh Harriet I know that is still you using a different name now, Do you get your thrills from this?Give it up already ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Oct 12th, 2006 12:38 AM |
| If you keep up with this I am going to start hitting the poor tase button , when I read your posts. I know it is still you just using a different username ↑ |
| Name: David | Date: Oct 12th, 2006 9:49 AM |
| You're overeacting to a relationship between the father and his daugthers. Most likely it's because your relationship was different towards your father, and it makes you feel uncomfortable, but very normal for them. Your perception is " this odd behavior" and it's not unusually at all. I wouldn't let your value system interfere in theirs, or you could cause conflict with your boyfriend which isn't necessary. ↑ |
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