| Name: maree | Date: Jul 13th, 2008 7:50 AM |
| Yes I feel that i have the same problem , when i go over to visit my boyfriend i feel very uncomfortable as his daughter lives there aswell she's 19 when we greet each other we have a nice big hug & kiss then soon after that she grabs him and starts hugging him and wont let him go or stands there with her arms around him when im trying to talk with him , it really bothers me when she starts pinching ,punching or grabbing him when we are together as i find its immature as im trying to talk with him and she is always trying to distract him . then they start grabbing each other tickling stroke each others hair or when we go out they hold hands and im left to walk behind them it looks like ther together .we went to a wedding she was put at the kids table she didnt like that so after awhile she came over to ours and sits on his lap with her arms drapped around him it feelslike she is always comming in between us she has recently told him that she wants to move out to live with her mother because he is never home always at my house which is not true only 2 nights during the week and one or two nights on wkends and told me that him getting her a dog wasnt enough to keep her company . at 19 i was not needing my dads company i had my own friends and life . when im over there and bring dinner over for all of us i wash the dishes she told me that she doesnt want me to do that . she knows that my fav t.v show comes on so she quickly get in there and watches what she wants i really hate going down there as i feel that she competes with me always wanting affection from him in front of me . i have my own children my son is 17 and my daughter is 13 they dont act like this to him. he hugs my daughter and then his daughter said to mine that he hugs her more and not to take him away from her can someone shed some light on what i should do as he doesnt come over to my house as much since she has said that she's moving out in August .please help. ↑ |
| Name: lady1 | Date: Jul 16th, 2008 11:32 AM |
| I agree with you. This is very inappropriate. I have a 12 year old stepdaugther and she is a little to close to her dad. The other day she jumped off a chair and rapped her legs around her dad. They also went on a trip with other family members and was going to share a room together while the other family members was in their room. He called me that night and I was very upset, so I called him mother who was with them and ask her to make sure my husband and his daugther didn't share the room alone. I know nothing would happen but it just don't look good. I don't want others to think something bad. She is going through puberty and I think its time for her to grow up, its time to be a lady around her brother and father. what do you think? was I over reacting about him sharing a room with just her? Why didn't he just make both his kids stay with him? He ended up sharing the room with his son age 9, after I called and upset everyone. Now we are still fighting about it. How do I make him understand, I was only looking out for him and her, people can get the wrong perseption, why put yourself in that situration? ↑ |
| Name: cel | Date: Jul 18th, 2008 11:59 AM |
I know exactly what you feel..I dealt with that for a lot of years..
We never lived together so what I did see felt weird.They seemed too close.I felt weird about it but could not find a solid reason.
Then One day I found out he took baths with her when she was 7..I told him this was not good and his reason was that she was just a little girl and needed closeness to him and I was making too much out of it..I still told him it had to stop or I would tell his Mother.
I did.
I thought it stopped, as she told him she was too old for that...
Then I called him when she was 9 and knew he was in the tub, she took him the phone and then I realized she was still in there with him.
I threw a fit and he told me I had a dirty mind, I was wrong and making it dirty .,
I told his Mom again..
Anyway, here it is now a lot of years later and this guy hangs out with his daughter still like she is his best friend. From what I see it is still very odd how close they are.
What I would say is if it seems weird and you feel weird, then it is weird.
Tell someone in his family, then let it be their problem and walk away.
Even if he is not sexual with her, his desire to be that intimate with her is not normal and freaky and who wants to feel that weird about the guy they are with? ↑ |
| Name: charles colmar | Date: Jul 30th, 2008 4:02 PM |
| Name: ann | Date: Aug 1st, 2008 1:59 PM |
My step daughter is 16 and she still crawls up in her daddy's lap....there is nothing sexual about it! My 13 yr old will lay her head on his shoulder and he will play with her hair or rub her neck in church. I don't see anything wrong with it. My son and daughter both kiss me on the lips there is nothing sexual about it...it is just how we all display affection differently. If you are uncomfortable maybe there is soemthing else you are not listing
or jealousy? ↑ |
| Name: Sailorgirl | Date: Aug 4th, 2008 12:19 AM |
| USapple1- I just went through the same thing with my husband of 13 years. His daughter is 18, very pretty and slutty, and I found them on our couch all snuggled up together and he was stroking her hair. I came into the room, told them that I thought that was I was seeing was inappropriate and I would not tolerate such behavior, told both of them that she was no longer 5 years old and told her to sit on the other side of the couch. I discussed the matter with a few fathers of 18 year olds and they agreed that she is too old for her father to be treating her like this. I have since developed a list for my husband of things that are inappropriate. ↑ |
| Name: sailorgirl | Date: Aug 4th, 2008 12:38 AM |
| ANN - Sorry girl, a 16 year old sitting on daddy's lap is sexual and inappropriate. ↑ |
| Name: Marie | Date: Aug 11th, 2008 4:16 PM |
| I need someones advise terribly.....I have been married 5 years to a man who has 2 grown daughters (26 and 30 now) The oldest is recently married with 2 kids. I have always thought their relationship as "close" , but latley it makes me sick to my stomach. It seems any major decisions my husband and I might have, he asks his 30 year old daughter before he confronts me. He has cancelled plans with me at the last second so he could babysit for her. We were thinking of moving out of state last year, she told him that he couldn't (she'd be devistated!) We didn't move. Just yesterday he took her to a building we were thinking of renting for our business, without me. They call each other approx 5 times a day.....and they see each other every day. He spends more time with her and her family then he does with me. I am feeling jealous and lonley and I feel unwanted at times. I thought I would be able to accept they way the are together, but I not sure anymore. I need some suggestions on how to make my marriage work. I am tired of being second to my husband. ↑ |
| Name: concerned 44 | Date: Aug 15th, 2008 2:55 PM |
| i am going thru the same thing but my daughter is 16 and her father has brainwashed her against me and we are going thru a divorce and she is living with him. He lets her do her own thing because he says she is an adult. She has no boyfriends and he states that she has her daddy she does not need any boys around her. My husband and i were thinking about reuniting and we told her and she went into a rage and started to cry and looked at her dad and stated how f------ stupid are you, you said you would never live with her again. With me she had everything she could ask for but i wanted to give her rules and at her dads she has no rules because whatever she says he does. They to sit on the couch together and she is always holding his leg or arm and she gives him a hug and kiss (sometimes on the lips) when she goes somewhere and if i want to see her or talk to her he asks why and says she does not need to talk to me. ↑ |
| Name: JT | Date: Aug 18th, 2008 11:19 PM |
| I date a guy that his daughter is 22 and does that to him. When I watch she presses up against him and she would run down to his bed and crawl in so he wasn't alone after his divorce from her mother. She is obsessed with him. She hates me for coming in to his life to the extent I had to move out of the house. Now he is angry at me and refuses to tell me that he loves me, when he used to all he time. It's a weird obsession.. She runs around the house in skimpy little clothes and it makes me sick to my stomach. I think he's married to his daughter and it sounds like your guy is to. It's an unhealthy relationship for them and also for us. ↑ |
| Name: jsspirit | Date: Aug 26th, 2008 10:17 PM |
| This summer has shown more and not sure what to think anymore...his daughter didn't come around much after we got married and when she did she would bring a friend, in which at one point really upset him...she came over this last weekend before she left for college (we had somewhat resolved our situation, and are gettting along...) However, we all went away for the weekend well for two days and the one day he spent away all day golfing so she didn't see him much that day. but the next day we went out on a pontoon and she wore a 2 pc bathing suit not covering up at all, (none of us were in just bathing suits) I believe there is a time and a place and with family you should cover up some unless you are going into swim. Anywasy while she was in getting dressed he conviently had to go in the cabin and get something and stayed in there till I popped in to see what was taking so long and there she was just standing there in front of her dad with just that on, the rest of the day was of them talking things like "we should buy one of those and so on" I wasn't involved in that conversation...but thats how the day went on the boat them just being so sweet on each other it made my stomach turn...anyways after the boat ride and we were inside relaxing, he would sit by her on the couch, almost having her head in his lap but she seemed to pull away more in away...but then people moved around and she was on the love seat and he sat beside her by her feet and leaned into her with his hand on her leg (she had jeans on now) she took a pillow and covered herself and then took a big teddy bear and covered herself, I didn't quite get that...but then she grabbed is hand and started playing with it and then they again were having these sweet conversations. And all I could do is sit there and watch this...his sister and brother in law seen all of this too...but his family is in too much denial...anyways so I tried something out to see how it would work for me...I layed on the couch at home and he sat at my feet and layed a way from me....wow that hurt, I don't know how to get through this and we are newly married and don't want a divorce over this...hoping that the distance between them while she at college will help this. The weird thing is, is that they hardly speak on the phone once a week and she never calls unless she wants something . And yet they act like this????? ↑ |
| Name: shirley | Date: Aug 31st, 2008 5:35 AM |
| Name: Allison | Date: Sep 3rd, 2008 8:12 PM |
| I'm glad somebody brought this up. I have been happily married to my husband for 16 years and we have a beautiful 13 year old daughter. But lately I don't know what has gotten into her and I'm starting to get upset. She has developed a very strong attraction to her father-always wanting to spend time with him, sit on his lap, lay with him, etc. I have even seen her hanging around the bathroom in our bedroom when he is in the shower trying to get a glimpse of him! She plays innocent but she knows exactly what shes doing. Sometimes she will cuddle in bed with her father until I ask her to leave because I am going to bed! This is when they are both very scantily dressed, mind you. My husband (being the kind and caring man that he is) is completely oblivious to the whole thing. But I can see how she presses her little breasts into his chest when she straddles him. Why is she acting like this?! And why isn't else noticing except me? I'm getting a little creeped out and if anyone could help I would really appreciate it! ↑ |
| Name: kate | Date: Sep 6th, 2008 11:52 AM |
| this happens way more often than it shuld. when i was in the 7th grade i walked in on my friend and her father having sex. to this day i wish i had said something but i remember being so scared after both of them told me i would be in big trouble if i said anything ↑ |
| Name: maureen | Date: Sep 9th, 2008 8:16 AM |
| my 12 year old daughter and my husband kiss on the lips and sometime they hold it for a while. I know they're just showing affection for each other, but is this wrong? I just think its a little weird and I am going to speak with my husband about it. ↑ |
| Name: elsa301 | Date: Sep 11th, 2008 10:07 PM |
| that does seem a little strange...confront him about it, maybe thats just the way he kises. my daughter is 13 and she sleeps with her father occasionally (as in, shares the same bed, nothing perverted!) but they don't kiss or anything. i don't have a problem with this but I think if they started kissing I would say something to the both of them. ↑ |
| Name: brit | Date: Sep 13th, 2008 2:44 PM |
| well i was brough up by just my dad and i don't think its weird at all to be that close. me and my dad shared everything because we were all we had. he bought me my first bra, taught me about masturbation and helped me shave for the first time. i'm so thankful i had a dad that cared about me like that. i love you dad! ↑ |
| Name: marla | Date: Sep 18th, 2008 2:37 AM |
| I think you are correct in being upset. I too have step-daughters, the youngest being my husbands favorite. She is an adult. He will openly kiss her on the lips. My husband will touch himself in front of his daughters, mother, sisters. When we were dating he didn't so this. 2 mos after we were married his youngest came to spend the night at the time she was 24 yrs old, I walked into the living room to see her laying on top of her father and a blanket on, the next experience I had was a year later after coming out of the shower my husband was talking on the phone with her and stokinghis penis and he was erect, he use to fondle himself when talking to his sisters and Mother on the phone, he no longer does this as I flip out every time I see the behavior. It has fractured our relationship and I don't trust him around his female family members. I have noticed that his parents touch themselves as well, I have come ot the conclusion that it is a "comfort" touch yet I find it disturbing. ↑ |
| Name: kalyn | Date: Sep 27th, 2008 12:26 AM |
| I think there is definetly something going on with your husband and i think that maybe you should talk to his daughter and ask her does she ever feel uncomfortable being around him and does she feel safe being around him. then you should ask her has he ever did anything to her. and also maybe you should talk to your husband. you should sit him down and have a serious conversation with him about the way he touches her and stuff because when a teenage girl such as myself becomes a certain age, your father should most definetly not be touching in that way at all or for your daughter to touch the father like that at anytime. ↑ |
| Name: user73 | Date: Oct 27th, 2008 6:01 PM |
"Stop Causing Problems" has no less of an issue to work with councelors compared to a "jealous" step-mom. If Step-moms (second wifes) have a responcibility to approach these issues with a great deal of patience, then the fathers are the ones that do need to approach it with a lot of sencitivity towards both their daughters and their wives (current partners, whatever). I've found that most men do react furiously if their partner suggests there is something inappropriate in the phisicalities of their relationships with their daughters, but the trught is in many many cases that their outpouring of affection is not just their caring and responcibility to bring up healthy psyche in their daughters, but also they feel deeply flattered by beeing adored by their teenage daughters that are in the age of curiosity about their own bodies and start to discover the male attention.
THere is this article here: http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/21625.htm , that speaks of the strong need of fathers attention girls have in order to be built as strong individuals in their adult lives and I would subscribe under it, since from my own experience with not having a relationship with my father I can tell that this has hurt me much and is deffinately not helping now that I am in a situation with a partner with a daughter from previous marriage who's entering puberty and is all over him and I do indeed feel as I am "the other" woman who can just not be as fresh, and cudly, and naughty and provocative as his daughter can be with him, since anytime she wants it she gets his unconditional, undivided, genuine, sincere attention. Sounds like a jealousy? It sure does - but if fathers couldn't make things work in their first relationship/s, where such jealousy issues would be a lot less common compared to when it comes to step-mother - step-daughter dinamics, and if noone would debate that after a break up of the relationship the fathers are staying responcible to do their best for their daughters wellfare, I say they are just as responcible to start thinking and be aware of any totaly human and natural feelings that their very close relationships with the daughters (especially physical aspects of those) can bring to their new female partners and not be all defencive and naturaly as all males are - agressively defencive by blaming all on the jealous natures of their current wives.
USapple1, you are deffinately not alone in feeling the way you do - I found it is a very, very common problem. I find that this has to do with the entire relationship between the man and his second partner and what kind of man he is in generally. I think in situations like this first - a conversation can be brought up with your man. If he does react defencive/agresive - women really need to reevaluate the way they relate to their husbands and start thinking about all the things that they care about outside of their relationship with their partner. I find that unsencitive/defencive/agresive reaction on the part of the husband to a softly started conversation on the subject does speak for the husband's priorities and women need to react accordingly - take care of themselves and their children above everything else.
Some guy is talking here about men having more time and opportunities in modern times to be enjoying affectionate times with their children. You know, in the process of enjoying one thing - you can not hurt the very person you have chosen to live with your insencitivity to the things that are important to them. Why don't you do this with your daughter's feelings? And as I mentioned I have been on both sides of this relationship....
So as much as I have not found the exact answer - I found that concentration in your own interests and well-being certainly does help as well as finding other things to do (for yourself and your own enrichment and not cleaning the house or servicing stuff like this) while they are cuddling excluding you from their heaven does help. THis is a risky path for your relationship, but it may bring him after all to his sences.
Girls are never directly to blame, since all they want is their father's 100% attention. They just need to be taught (better indirectly than directly) that yes, they are absolutely important, but there are other people besides them - current partner, children from current marriage regardless of gender. ↑ |
| Name: user73 | Date: Oct 27th, 2008 6:24 PM |
| You are sooo very right og217 !!! ↑ |
| Name: user73 | Date: Oct 27th, 2008 6:44 PM |
| The posting of "stepmom" deeply resonated with my feelings and yes, indeed it is disturbing that he showns lack of patience for you and all this loving for her. Ofcource only you know best how far have you gone with your addressing these issues with him, but if it has been any close to reasonable - your husband is clearly showing his priorities and as I said in my previous posting - please define your priorities not in front of him, but just for yourself better. You should be your own priority. Do not let yourself being a servicing piece for their "happiness". Just as his daughter is important - you are too and if he plays the game in a way showing that you are not as important - really - think radically. No demonstrations necessary - just think with your own head and do with your time things that are best for you. Just as he may be so incensitive to your pain - you may as well stop cleaning or cooking for him assuring him this perfect environment for his love to his daughter to flourish! Once again-I am not against their great relationship - but lack of sencitivity towards your woman must bring some drawback for the selfish husbands - don't you think? ↑ |
| Name: lindalu | Date: Oct 28th, 2008 3:31 PM |
I am shocked! and utterly surprised. I have read just about every post and reply in this thread. I really do think you ladies need to check your heads! Let me ask you all a question.... do you want to have sex with your dads? or have you ever looked at your dad in a sexual manner? Probably not! so because your husbands show his daughters affection or she shows him affection back that means there has to be something sexual behind it?
I'll tell you what I think...I think a women that feel this kind of insecurity.... where she need to compete against her sd... for her dads affection need to go get....HER HEAD CHECKED! I know you all are going to say.... its not me being insecure , and I will say again.... it is!
Where do you think the term daddy girl came from? not from some twisted minded step mom who is jealous, it came from a dad and his daughter having a very close and loving non sexual relationship. Now, I really do have a much clearer understanding as to where the term The Wicked Step Mother came from. ↑ |
| Name: lindalu | Date: Oct 28th, 2008 3:50 PM |
One more thing.... it is even more disturbing to read of a mom who would accuse her own biological daughter of sexually soliciting her own dad.
I might be able to wrap my mind around a step mom accusing such a thing, to step mom step daughter is just another competitor for her husband. But your own daughter with your husband and her biological dad... That's in its own category much different from the others.
Don't get me wrong! I would never say that its not possible for some of these dad to be pervs. If you have reason other then he kissed her on the lips then do some thing, But pleases! don't portray the step daughters as though they are some kinda sexual hussy just waiting to hop their dads bones. ↑ |
| Name: user73 | Date: Oct 29th, 2008 1:45 PM |
",lindalu" or shall I say "Mother Theresa, or just you "issueless?!" and sex-less creature - you are not helping let me tell you. If you do not have some insight to share to help the women that are very legitimately fighting these feelings then I have an offer for you - Just SHUT UP!
Sorry to sound so mean and harsh, but I can't help being disgusted by lame and shallow creatures who had no "bumps" in their life road, maybe after all just by being lucky being daddy's girls and having a great start this way - never having collided with issues of insecurity and thus never getting themselves in situations that are highly prone to hurt feelings and pain such as being a member of a mixed, shared step-families.
Great you've been so lucky or just pretend and take some high grounds on these issues, however being a step-mom is highly demanding and hardly as rewarding job as being a real mom. If the real mom is completely out of the picture - the dynamics may be a great deal easier for the step mom, but otherwise step moms are most often in a position to sacrifice nearly as much for their step-kids as their real moms, without getting the same kind and debth of love and respect in the relationship, without having the same level of authority and control. One's own children are mostly source of joy and delight to be arround. The same maybe possible with step children if a lot more conditions are met and obstacles overcomed. And even more chalenging are the specific relationship between step-moms and step daughters. More so than step-moms and step-sons. There is an inevitable danger of competing for very similar kind of attention and it all depends on the specific relationship between the couple, but I believe (don't have statistics) that very often the step-moms are put in a position to show endless and limitless patience and sacrifice their own need of attention, affection from their partners after they have exhausted these with their daughters. What they are left out is often only the sexual side of the attention, which is just not feeding most women's needs...
What do you think ladies? And people like the above mentioned person need no respond. ↑ |
| Name: jberry | Date: Nov 2nd, 2008 5:32 PM |
| No you are not a freak, Filipa. Grown men should not take baths with children!! Period!! There is no need for it. Mothers should not take baths with their children. Why is it so hard for people to respect the boundaries of their children? They are people and very sensitive. They are too young to say "no". RESPECT THEIR BOUNDARIES!! ↑ |
| Name: jberry | Date: Nov 2nd, 2008 5:37 PM |
To "In the same boat" Do not marry this man. Report him to child protection services and her mother. He will sexually abuse her. He is gearing up for it. He is aroused by his 12 year old daughter. Was he abused when he was a kid? Ask him about that?
Where is her mother?? Let her know what he does!! It is REALLY inappropriate. He should NEVER sleep in the bed with her, nor kiss her on the lips. He is a pervert! ↑ |
| Name: jberry | Date: Nov 2nd, 2008 8:22 PM |
Brit,
Your dad is a pervert!! A good man does not teach his daughter about masturbation. Gosh, did he do it for you....to you to show you???
You are an idiot. ↑ |
| Name: susan | Date: Nov 4th, 2008 8:34 PM |
| It is disturbing, but these girls are not as innocent as we think. About a week ago I found my 14 year old daughter masturbating in her room. I had a long heart to heart with her and everything seemed fine, but afterwards I found a picture of her step-father under her pillow. I was shocked and disgusted! I cannot believe she would do something like that. I haven't said anything to her yet but I did talk to my husband about it. But now I can't even watch her hug him or smile at him without it making me cringe. I am at such a loss as I have never dealt with anything like this before. Has anyone had problems like this? What makes girls act like this? I don't ever remember having thoughts like this when I was her age. Any advice would be welcome. Thank you ↑ |
| Name: 55lynn55 | Date: Nov 8th, 2008 8:01 AM |
| to susan: it is scary, but this is much more common than you might think. Many young girls are attracted to older men, regardless of their relation to them. I have a 13 year old daughter myself, and she constantly tries to get a glimpse of him naked. She waits for him to get out of the shower or sometimes she lays down next to him when he's asleep and only wearing his under garments. She will also try to get him to come see her if she's naked in her room or in the shower by asking him the most ridiculous questions. I am not really worried because I don't think this is going anywhere, especially on my husband's part - I think she just likes the attention. But I did want you to know that it happens, and you are not the only one going through a problem like this. ↑ |
| Name: capricornbaby | Date: Nov 9th, 2008 11:18 AM |
| USapple 1 I find his behaviour very inappropriate. My father was the same way with me until I reached puberty ad his interest in me grew. Eventually he approached me about sex twice and I was devastated to have been approached but a man who was supposed to love and protect me about something like that. I am in no way comparing your fiance' to my father but I am just letting my feelings be heard. ↑ |
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