| Name: anonymous | Date: Aug 29th, 2009 4:14 AM |
I think it's crossing boundaries that should not be crossed. I don't know how this situation can be stopped. I don't think it can at this point, unless she gets a boyfriend and he is not ok with it -
and most likely that won't happen as the dad won't let go/ she won't find someone who compares/ etc. at least not for a long while.
if you try to say or do anything, you'll look like the bad guy.
even if he agrees and starts acting differently, the daughter will resent you for changing him. and then he'll side with his daughter.
all you can do to protect yourself is to let go of the guy and find someone who you feel totally okay with. ↑ |
| Name: K | Date: Sep 17th, 2009 1:05 PM |
| My fiance displays some behaviors with his 5 year old that I find extremely disturbing. He gives her shoulder rides, but the reverse way...I guess is how you would describe it (i.e. facing his face rather than the back of his neck). He rubs her butt for extended periods of time and it's very similar to the way he rubs me. His fingers nearly graze her vagina and it makes my stomach turn. Maybe it's just something he does that comforts him and isn't necessarily paying attention to where his hand is going? He's always been sort of obsessed with her, and it sounds like I'm upset with his love for her or how he expresses that, but that is not the case. I too have a daughter, and although I am extremely affectionate, I feel that this extent of touching is very inappropriate, especially considering the way he treats her in general. She seems very provocative. I know that a lot of these television programs glorify these sexy, tough young girls but I honestly cannot stand it. She's 5 years old!!! She has grabbed my breasts on a number of occasions, not accidental or innocently either. It's very calculated and I feel like she's testing me. I have heard her ask him to put his hands on her butt or to grab her there and I just can't ignore it any longer. I keep reading replies on here in which other woman are disturbed by the young girls straddling their fathers and just all around behaving in a way that seems sexually suggestive and generally inappropriate. I notice all of these with my fiance and his daughter and I don't know how to talk to him without sounding accusatory, because I honestly don't think he would ever molest her but she displays behaviors that would suggest it could be taking place somewhere. I'm concerned for everyone involved. Please help. Am I being silly? ↑ |
| Name: berry | Date: Sep 28th, 2009 9:57 AM |
| I Totaly agree with you, this kind of behaviour is unexceptable.. i have a 13 year old step daughter and just last night i over heared her father telling that if she goes to bed to sleep naked... what kind of father tells that to his own daughter even though he was under the influence of alcohol.. how should i react that has 3 kids with him where one is a girl turning 2 next month... do you also call this jelousy or what ... i am going over my head and nedd advice ASAP!! i am thinking of moving out will that work then it means my marriedge is over ↑ |
| Name: Seashore | Date: Oct 5th, 2009 7:07 PM |
| My boyfriend is very inappropriate with his 24 year old daughter. He buys pot from her and they smoke it together. ↑ |
| Name: Cadence | Date: Oct 20th, 2009 12:47 PM |
| I agree with that I felt uncomfortable in the beginning. Especially the time when she wanted to sleep on the same bed as us saying she was afraid. She also asks him to give her a towel or wanders around the house with just a towel on. She used to lay on him too. I almost left this man because I felt he was too affectionate with her the same way he was with me. Made me think he was doing something sexual to her. It past I believe he started feeling uncomfortable with it! ↑ |
| Name: MWilk139 | Date: Oct 20th, 2009 1:46 PM |
I have a situations similar to these. My fiance and I have been together and lived together for 2 years. I have an 8 year old son and he has an 8 year old daughter. He has 50/50 custody with her mother. On the days when she is with us, I feel like leaving him, I am unsure if I can deal with the overt physical relationship his daughter has with him.
From the beginning, when she was 5 almost 6 and they first moved in, he would shower with her, she would sleep in our bed, and throw an absolute temper tantrum because they stayed at my house, as opposed to alone with him. This has stopped long ago at my urging, giving her her own room and things, etc.
However, since then she constantly has to touch him even during a normal coversation. If they are standing she places her hand on his stomach or rubs his chest, if they are sitting she will nuzzle his neck or run her hand through his hair while sitting/straddling his lap. If we are sitting on the couch (it is a sectional) and she can't sit next to him, she will stare at him from the other end. Then find a reason to get up and sit on the arm of the couch next to him and put her head in the crook of his neck. If they do sit together she rests her hand on his lap or place her hand in the waistband of his pants.
Even at the dinner table she has to sit next to him and will place her hand on his arm as she is eating. She stares if he is affectionate towards me and will purposely come in between us when we are talking. He kisses her on the lips, and tucks her in several times a night, to which she has taken a custom to sleeping just in underwear. She has no problem dressing/undressing in front of him, or showing him her privates. If we are all out for a walk she will walk with me until she sees me or my son get close to him, then she will hold his hand until we move away from him. She is very possesive and controlling over him, and I mean controlling. She demands that he do things for her, calls him when she is not here to "remind" him that he has to work, watch a show, pick her up the next day...etc. I have many times told him that she is competing with me, and that it will get very ugly as she gets older. He coddles her and has not ever disciplined her (because he's never had to, according to him) she rules the house when she is here. My son and I both feel like we are the odd man out. I find activities to do just with him, because she will not allow her father to display affection or attention to my son. If he sits next to my fiance she will sit on his lap and literaly use her hands to turn his head to face her. My son hates her and says he wants her to stay at her mom's and has even said he would kill her if he had a gun. My fiance sees no issue and feels this is normal for siblings.
I am planning our wedding, 7 months away and she refuses to be part of the wedding unless she stands at the alter with him, and has even said she wants to stay at the hotel with us the night of the wedding and refuses to be left behind on our honeymoon. We have no private time when she is here, as she will literally follow us around the house, if you stop she will run into you. She rarely plays with my son and if she does, she will run back to wherever we are to make sure we are still there. Her and I have a strained relationship because of this, I refuse to compete, so I mostly leave the room, go to work, shop or whatever just to get away as to not make her feel like she has to compete. I usually take her with me, but it is like jekyl and hyde as soon as she is back around him. I would treat her like my own except, if she were my own, I would never allow this type of behavior. I would never allow my son to feel as though he had to compete nor would I ever allow him to make my fiance feel like he is the third wheel. My son and I opened our doors to them both and now we feel like we are the ones who don't belong in our own house most of the time. They also argue like adults, like an argument a husband and wife would have about money, babysitting and activities we will all do, even where we eat. I have made him aware that this is inappopriate conversation and it makes her feel empowered over him. She has no respect for him, will tell him she hates him, and outright tells him NO. It is very difficult to raise two very different kids under the same roof. One gets away with everything and I have always been strict with my son and his behavior. Of course this starts a huge argument with my finace and I, although he has told me that she will not and should not come in between us, he is mostly oblivious to her and her affection.
I admit I am jealous much in the same way I would be jealous if the neighbor lady were doing the same things to my finace. It is human nature, especially when he treats her like an adult. I must say that most of this affection is not returned by him, she is the pursuer and he is a patient, tolerant father who overcompensates out of guilt. I am very fearful of what the future holds as she becomes a young woman and teenager. Otherwise, him and I have a very affectionate loving relationship. He is my best friend and have always felt comfortable talking about these issues with him. He however refuses to get her help for her separation and emotional issues because it makes him seem like a failure. What can I do? I need some help before I get to the alter, also I would like to have more children and I would always be fearful of what would happen if she had to compete with a baby, I have already had the pleasure of seeing this with a friend's baby and it was not pretty! Will this stop as she gets older, or get worse? Does anyone know what is "normal"? ↑ |
| Name: Mary1 | Date: Nov 1st, 2009 1:55 AM |
Some of these stories are really creepy..
I had a situation like that with my x.. And he is a x for that reason.
If your stomach churns and you feel creeped out every time they get close to each other..Then trust your instincts..If the guy argues and refuses to deal with this like a adult and a father..
Then leave him.
If you are really disturbed by it, call child protective agency.
Why would you want to be with some one that disturbs you on this level?
Trust you instincts..
It's not the childs fault..It's the father for not drawing a line. The child only does what she has learned when she is that small.
Your focus should be on him..He is the problem. Not a little girl that is not getting the right guidance. ↑ |
| Name: Margaret | Date: Nov 4th, 2009 5:04 PM |
I recently married a man with two kids. One is a 15-year-old girl and the other is a 13-year-old boy. The man has never married, although the children are biologically his. He has told me his daughter has insecurity issues so she needs a lot of comfort. I did not expect this to be him always allowing her to sleep in his bed, kissing her hair and laying together on one small couch! The other day I was informed by my husband that she asked if it is awkward for father and daughter to kiss on the lips. He told her no. I do not know what to think of this. I know from his son that they do not have any sort of sexual relationship, just that she is extremely insecure and often cries at night. I have to feel a bit sympathetic for this, but it worries me. While I make dinner she comes into the kitchen and sits on his lap!
When I brought it up with him, he said he would slack off so I could stay over night. In the morning her eyes were red and puffy and my husband explained that when she wakes up alone she gets scared that he was gone for good. I do not know what to do about this? Any help? ↑ |
| Name: Nicolette | Date: Nov 4th, 2009 6:19 PM |
| Right now I am a little confused. My name is Nicolette and I am 15. I guess I'm too young for sites like this, but I really need some advice. I live with my 13-year- old brother and my dad. Sometimes my dad lets me sleep with him (he has never been married and sometimes I feel really afraid, like I'll wake up and he'll have run off with another girl.) which is really comforting. He doesn't mind if I just want to lay on the couch with him and watch tv or something. He often kisses my forehead or something, and occasionally he kisses me on the lips. I don't know what to think about this. None of my friends ever do this. Should I tell him to stop? It's only like a peck, and I can't say I don't like it, but I don't know if it's something we should be doing. I love the relationship I have with my dad and I like how he lets us be so close. What should I do? ↑ |
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