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Recently my parents passed away and I was given custody of my twelve year old brother and my sixteen year old sister. I'm finding it hard to be a good role model for them, because I don't if I am supposed to act like a mother or a sister! I feel like its my job to guide them, protect them, and discipline them, but they keep telling me that I'm just their sister so I should lay off. What should I do? ↓
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| Name: Lou | Date: Jun 16th, 2005 4:25 PM |
| I'm sorry to hear about your parents death. Like you, your siblings are probably going through a hard time of re-adjusting right now. Maybe what they need more than a parent is a friend. Rather than acting like a parent all the time, why not let them make their own decisions and offer "gentle guidance" when you see fit? At 12 and 16, they are probably pretty capable of making the right choices for themselves most of the time. ↑ |
| Name: emma turner | Date: Jul 3rd, 2005 4:14 AM |
| i got a 2 year old boy his name is franklin jon jnr turner . iam sorry for your parents death to . ↑ |
| Name: Shelly | Date: Jul 6th, 2005 1:19 PM |
| I am assuming that you are now your brother and sisters guardian?? You can be a sister to them and be there for them, but I know at 16 if you can push for somthing to be YOUR WAY, then you will do it! They must respect you, especially if they are under your roof. Nicely set them down and give them rules to follow. You will not be able to replace your parents, but you are now the adult and have to play both sides. Tell them your are not trying to be their mom, but they need to understand your position as well. ↑ |
| Name: heather | Date: Sep 2nd, 2005 1:51 PM |
| raise them like your parents would want you to. let them be stubborn and say things like that but they know that your all that they have. my brother and i had lived with my father for quite a while and he passed away. since then my brother moved away and got married. i moved in with him because we have never been seperated. i know that that was the best thing was to listen to him. you have to understand that the kids will talk back no matter who you are to them. my brother was my brother but it was also his house, his rules. your younger siblings are just going through alot. they will see later on. just ride it out. ↑ |
| Name: emj | Date: Dec 11th, 2005 10:20 AM |
mabe they are still upset.
dont be a sister or a mother at first be a friend or a guidian angel.
tell them that they choose do you want them to act like a cool mum or a cool but strict sister.
the sixteen year old is hormonale talk
from emily ↑ |
| Name: emj | Date: Dec 11th, 2005 10:24 AM |
| show them the film lilo and stich ↑ |
| Name: Tracy | Date: Jan 1st, 2006 10:49 AM |
| Tell them I might be sis but now I'm also your provider and derserve some respect! ↑ |
| Name: Mom | Date: Jan 3rd, 2006 12:10 AM |
| I would say they need to be reminded of the kind of life you saved them from. They could've ended up in foster care with people who don't love them and only see them as a pay check. I am not saying all foster parents are this way, but some are and who knows what other possible abuses they could've endured had you not stepped in? Sometimes kids need sympathy and sometimes a healthy heapin' of reality is good too. You are truly an amazing person to step into the role of parenthood for your siblings. Wish there were more like you. Best Wishes ↑ |
| Name: Lisa | Date: Apr 3rd, 2006 6:39 PM |
| Tough situation but I think what you should do is have a serious talk with them and tell them that if they arent going to treat you with respect and accept that you are their gaurdian then maybe they would like living with strangers in a foster home instead. Tell them the choice is theirs but if they dont like that idea then they better start respecting you as if you were their parent because if they keep giving you a hard time you can make that decision for them. Tell them this is hard for you too but you would like to ful-fill mom and dads wishes if theyll let you.(And they can still call you sis!!) Good Luck! ↑ |
| Name: p.c. | Date: Apr 4th, 2006 5:15 AM |
sis3,
Your role is that of Legal Guardian. This does not take away from being their sister. But it goes give you authority which they are required to respect. They will not give this respect to you easily, this is natural for their age. But you must require them to, which is terribly hard work, even for parents. It will be more hardwork for you. But you know you must do it. You must command their respect, and do all you can to learn how to do it.
Sometimes we ordinary people are called up to the plate to do extraordinary things and become extraordinary people.
You are being called to be an extraordinary person, even though you probably feel very ordinary.
You CAN do this.
You have quite a full plate, don't you. You and your siblings are grieving a terrible loss. And then on top of that you are all required to readjust your relationship with each other. Your brother and sister, still have each other....but you....you are no longer allowed to be what you were to them, it has to be something more. Nothing is stable anymore for you, everything has changed.
But you are the adult. You did not mention how old you are, but I am sure you are finding yourself having to grow up much faster then is natural for someone your age.
Most people who raise teenagers, have had the benefit of being brought naturally up to it through the elementary school age, and the preteen ages. But you are being baptised by fire, my friend, and are dealing with 2 cases of teenagerhood when you are probably not too far out from it yourself.
This can actually work in your benefit, as time goes on. But I am sure that you are already aware that it is not wise to let a 16 yr old and a 12 yr old make their own decisions. And because of their age, they are going to push and push and push you in hopes of getting you to let them make their own decisions. But this is dangerous, and they do not know it.
Physically their brains are not developed enough to make proper decisions. The part of our brains that we use in the decision making process is proven not to be fully developed until the age of 23 or 24. Before this part of our brain is developed, we make choices that are not based on wisdom, and therefore we must have guidance. Most everyone who is in their later twenties, and thirties, and beyond, look back at these years as fun, but we all can think of bad choices we made that have affected the rest of our lives.
It is now become your responsibility to guide your sister and brother, and to teach them how to make good choices.
Quite frankly, I would not be able to do it alone. I think only an absolutely extraordinary person could do it alone. And I suspect, like I mentioned earlier, that your are an ordinary person, being called to become an extraordinary person. You need help.
I hope all three of you are in weekly counseling. There should be some kind of insurance that your family is under that will pay for this.
Your sister and brother need to see that you can no longer be 'just' their sister. You will always be their sister, but you are also their legal guardian. And that is the title you should use, constantly. You tell them
"I am your legal guardian. You are my dependents. Because of this fact I am responsible for you, and I will not shirk my responsibility. You are to listen to me and you are to do as I say. I will always hold your best interests at heart. I will always put your best interests before mine, because my best interest is that your best interests are met. I am giving you this utmost respect, and you are to give me your respect and trust, for that is in your best interest, whether you agree or not."
They will try to get by with shit. But don't let them. Work your dang hardest with them for them to get good grades in school. And remind them that by putting school first andin getting good grades in school, they will escape much sooner and easier from your 'rule'. With good grades, they can get in the college of their choice, with scholorship and loans, and be on their own. But if they fail, they will be dependent on you for much longer then they need to be, and neither you or they want that. Tell them good grades are their ticket to the freedom they so desire.
Sis3,
I hope you have a good support. You are going to need it.
I sincerely hope you have a church that you belong to....it is at times like these that churches are a blessing, coming thru for you when no one else will. ↑ |
| Name: p.c. | Date: Apr 17th, 2006 10:20 AM |
sis3,
Are you still around?
How are you doing? ↑ |
| Name: Rachel | Date: May 17th, 2006 12:15 AM |
Wow! I'm recently going through the same thing! I would love to talk to you about it more.
My hotmail, aim, and yahoo screen name is rmtsinclair. Please let me know if you'd like to talk.
I'd love to have someone who's been going through the same thing as me to talk to! ↑ |
| Name: lenn | Date: Jun 8th, 2006 3:20 AM |
| Name: johan | Date: Jun 22nd, 2006 2:55 AM |
| Name: samim | Date: Jun 29th, 2006 2:12 AM |
| i want a reall gril for making realations with her a nice and a good gril. ↑ |
| Name: angel | Date: Jul 2nd, 2006 11:02 AM |
| hey I wish you luck you just be there for them and watch them make their own decissions and also just give them time. ↑ |
| Name: Dunja | Date: Jul 24th, 2006 4:37 AM |
| I have been waithing my whole life fore my sister! ↑ |
| Name: priya | Date: Aug 10th, 2006 1:56 AM |
| jst try to make them ur frands and be close them dnt show that u r younger. take some decisions fm them bt do wish u feel its right. ↑ |
| Name: step dad | Date: Aug 15th, 2006 12:15 AM |
| i know its hard but you have to remember your there parent now try punishing them when they don't obey try grounding them or even spanking them i know it will be hard ↑ |
| Name: sis3 to stepdad | Date: Aug 15th, 2006 3:33 PM |
| I tried to follow yoyr advice I tried to tell my brother to clean up his room he told me to shut up I told him to lower his pants that I was going to spank him that what mom would of done to me if I said that to her he would not obey me so I did it myself and p;ut him over my knees and gave him a spanking now he says he hates me. I also gave my sister a curfew and told her she would get spanked if she did not obey I guess now I feel like a p;erent insted of just a sister ↑ |
| Name: dad to sis3 | Date: Aug 18th, 2006 6:23 PM |
| remember you are not only there sister now you are a parent all kids say they hate there parents when they get spanked so don't worry about it now for your sister and her curfew if she a little late besure you keep your word and spank her she will be testing you good lock ↑ |
| Name: to sis3 | Date: Aug 20th, 2006 8:35 AM |
don't worry about what your brother said when you spanked him I said that to my brother maney times my brother was 22 and I was 16 when our mouther died my brother had to raise me maney times I was put over his knee and spanked and I told him I hated him after h.s. when I was in collage I begain to learn what my bro did for me he made me a man so keep on punishing when they need it your brother ad sister will thank you when they grow up.
i was 16 when ↑ |
| Name: to sis3 | Date: Aug 20th, 2006 9:54 PM |
| as well as spanking them try telling them how good they been it may work wonders. I think you are a great sister they will remember that long after they forget the spankings ↑ |
| Name: Jesus | Date: Sep 7th, 2006 8:51 PM |
| Name: heather | Date: Sep 21st, 2006 7:09 PM |
| im sad because my cousin died ↑ |
| Name: jeff to sis3 | Date: Sep 29th, 2006 12:14 AM |
| when my dad die my sister had to become my parent my sister desided that like my dad that she would use spanking to punish me i was 14 and sis was 25 i got spanked a lot i did not like it but i gave my sister the respect she had a right to expect even tho she spanked me i love my sister ↑ |
| Name: to jeff | Date: Sep 29th, 2006 8:27 AM |
| tell me jeff did your sister spank you on the bare bottom if she did did your penis get an erection? ↑ |
| Name: jeff | Date: Sep 30th, 2006 7:53 AM |
| yes my sister spanked me on my barebottom and no i did not get an erection my spankings were punishments not sexual ↑ |
| Name: to jeff | Date: Oct 1st, 2006 3:49 PM |
| how old were you when your sister stoped spanking you ↑ |
| Name: jeff | Date: Oct 1st, 2006 4:43 PM |
| i was 17 when my sister stoped spanking me, i guess i was getting to big to be taken over knee, im 19 now i still live with her while im going to school she will still punish me by grounding me infact im beeing grounded this week for talking back to her so i can't go out this week i think i would rather have gotten a spanken ↑ |
| Name: to jeff | Date: Oct 1st, 2006 11:17 PM |
| how at 19 can you let your sister still punish you im 17 and i have not been punished since i was 16 and then i was only sent to bed for talking back to mom i have not been spanked since i was 14 i hope your sister lets you grow up ↑ |
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