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I have to say that i am blessed. I am 27 weeks pregnant and i have a 3 year old stepson. We have him 3 days a week every week. And i love him to death. My husband and i are expecting our first child and the ex is actually very supportive to us. I actually do get along with her and i have no problems. So i think that even though some ex's are envious and like to cause trouble i am one of the lucky ones. I get along with the other mom.
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You are blessed. My husbands ex and I don't speak because we tried it once and she wanted me to do was tell him to pay her more and for me to realize how horrible he is. She will continue to dislike me for no reason at all
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Dawn,
You know my husbands ex says that she needs money as well but like i tell my husband that he pays her way over the amount he should, he told the court he would pay this amount so they said ok which he is paying to much. I also told her that the things that happened when they were married i don't care and don't really wanna know about unless it has to do with my stepson. Ever since then we got along. Hopefully things will get better. = |
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Hey Pam! I just want you to know that I didn't like my stepmom for a couple of years due to the fact that my parents talked trash about one another and tried to pit us kids against the other parent. She didn't take our crap and hung in there and really showed us that she loved us. She also wasnt afraid to discipline us and i respect her for that. I love her and appreciate her so much now and I am sure your stepson will too. glad to see you are so close to him. What a lucky boy to have your love as well.
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Rian, Thanks for the compliment it feels good to hear that sometimes, since my husband doesn't say it much to me. I do try my hardest with him, but its hard knowing that he's not biologically mine if that makes sense. Its also hard because i'm due in like a week to have my baby, so i'm not sure how he will handle that either. All i can do is pray.
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Well, prayer is the first place to start no matter what! : ) Hang in there. I know that just showing your stepson that you love him and that he is important to you will be all you need. I understand how having a new baby can make you feel spread thin, (I have a three month old), but try to stay positive and just do the best you can. Get plenty of sleep as well. Oh, whenever I would have a new baby, we bought a stuffed animal for our other daughter (s) from the new baby. It helped so much to bond them from the start. Maybe this would be a way to bring both your stepson and the new baby close together as well as bringing your family group closer. I will pray your last bit of pregnancy goes well and for a safe and easy as possible delivery. Take Care
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you're lucky. I was in that situation too. I have a stepdaughter who's almost 6 and a 17 month old. My problem was that once I had the baby, I was overwhelmed with feelings of wanting to focus just on the baby and not on her. I started to resent her being there so much. I was taking care of her most of the time, even on her mother's weeks. NOw I'm expecting again, and fear the same feelings resurfacing. For some reason, i have a really hard time with it. I hope differently for you. And believe me, my relationship with her before the baby wasn't perfect, but was very good.
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Hey Pam. Are you the same Pam I posted too about the whole Joel Olsten thing? If so, I wasn't mad at all about your comments. Hope you didn't think I was. Anyways, how are you doing? How is the preg. going?
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To Rian,
Hey yea it was me, i didn't think that u were. Just wanted to say sorry for saying all. My pregnancy is going good due anytime now. To the mom who said she started resenting her step child, i know how u feel. At times i do as well, even though i still love him, its hard cause i know that i'm about to have my own flesh and blood. R u pregnant Rian? = |
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Nope. Not preg. now. My new little girl is three and a half months old now. I have three girls. The other two are 7 and 5. They are all the light of my life (as well as my hubby of course LOL). I hope my stepmom didn't resent me, my sister, as well as my brother, although, I guess it is possible that at times she did. Unfortunately, my dad rarely calls me, he didn't call me on my birthday on the fourth. The only time he does call is when my step mom reminds him to. She is a good woman and I appreciate her so much now. Wish I was kinder to her back when. Hang in there Pam. You will do great. Try to make the most of both relationships with your stepson as well as your new baby. One day, your stepson will realize how lucky he was to have a lady in his life as caring as you. Oh, I am wondering, how old are you? I am 26.
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Rian,
I am 27 years old. Thanks for the comforting words. I completely understand what ur saying. And truely i hope that ur right. I don't know what i would do if he decides later that he hates me, even though at times its hard. But hey no kids are perfect. So just curious were are u from? = |
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Hey Pam! I am in New Mexico. You are probably across the other side of the country. Seems like most people are. I doubt seriously that your stepson will hate you. In fact, even kids who adore their parents have said they hate them at one time or another, so I wouldn't worry about that. Oh, did you see where the olsten thread has gone to? I guess those people who are throwing themselves at his feet can't be swayed. Sad. Do you attend church? We were going every Sunday until a month ago when our oldest girls got viruses and then our baby girl got it and then it just kept getting passed around. In fact, my middle girl is home today from being sick AGAIN! I am getting cabin fever so bad. What are you up to today? I am so behind on housework that I am going to try to make a dent in it today. Wish I knew where to begin. We are going to be selling our house very soon, so I have lots to do to prepare it for showing. We are going to build a new house in about a year. In the meantime, we will be living in the same trailer house we lived in for our first year of marriage. It is on the same property as my in laws and is next door to them. It is an older trailer and I believe they will get rid of it sometime soon after we build our house and move out of it, but it will be rent free (we will work that out in other ways around the farm by caring for the horses, property ect. but we don't mind). I am sorry, I am probably rambling on and on. I am a talker. Born and raised in Texas, so it's in my nature to be social. LOL. Well, gotta get busy. Hope to see you have replied later. Take it easy today. Oh, how are you decorating the baby's room?
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Hey rian
I live in Texas, Houston to be exact. It funny that ur from texas as well. I live next door to my inlaws it has its ups and downs at times. But i guess if i ever need something their not to far. I am doing the babies room in Baby Pooh and Sesame street. LOL i am due now actually the 19th and still waiting but going to be induced on the 26th if she does not come then. Since that will put me at 41 weeks. So i'm hoping. Hey u can email me sometime at lee_kim05@sbcglobal.net if u want. = |
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I need help...I am a stepmother but I do not feel like one I met her about 6 1/2 years ago when she was like 3 and I was the one playing with her while her dad was out side with his friends. The little girls mother would not take her to see him but to see his mother. I didn't even acknolage her being there. I think he felt that the mother trapped him. He was in jail when she was born. After we got married and I got preg. the mother called and said she was putting him on child support. This was about 4 years ago and at that poing we had only seen the little girl maybe a total of 10 times if that. Ok she is supost to come over everyother weekend and every wednsday after school. But she doesn't and we really didn't care. We have to of our own and tring for another. But know he decided he wants to be a father to her. So he has been getting her more but when she is over here. They don't talk she just goes in the room with my girls. She doesn't listen to what we say and she is just very bad. She is 9 and I expect more. I mean if my 2 and 4 year old can say thank you I expect a 9 year old to do the same. My husband pays $400 a month for her and it really leaves us in a bind b/c I don't work. Last time Alexis was here she saw a christmas present for my oldests godparents kids and she refused to leave untill she got her present. My husband was like ok ok I'll get you something. It really made me mad that she is walking all over him. so I told her ..." Alexis you don't celebrate Christmas so we did not get you a Christmas present " I don't think I was being mean because They don't celebrate Christmas or Birthdays, it is their religion. So after he left to take her home I called her mother to tell her what happend (b/c Alexis lies to her mother about me). After Alexis got home her mother called my husband and told him that I embaressed Alexis and she doesnot want to come to our house anymore. I don't know how I did that...I would be more embaressed about the way she was acting. ok...We are having a Birthday Party this weekend for my girls and my husband wants to go get Alexis...I really don't want her here because I have a lot to do. and I know he is not going to be watching her. And she has a habit of tearing up decerations and not listing. So is it wrong of me to be feeling the way I feel?
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If anyone has anything that would help me...Please email me at
rachcantu@hotmail.com I am from TEXAS too.....about an hour south of houston = |
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HELP!!!!!!!
I am a step mom to an 8 yr old girl and a 4 yr old boy. My kids are 9 yr old boy and a 6yr old girl and just to make it a little harder we just had a baby girl who is now 4 months old. My stepchildren live with us making us a crazy family of 7. I am having a hard time with the 8 yr old girl, she wont warm up to me. Her mom is an alcoholic, and has started drinking alot in the past 3 years. Her father and I have tried to let her be a part of her mothers life, but it is never consistent. Her mom has binges where we wont hear from her for weeks at a time, but then will tell lies to the 8 yr old and make us look like we lie. I am finding myself hating this little girl for the way she acts to my kids and to me. But when her father is around she wont act bad to me and tells him she wants to kiss and hug me but does not feel like she can. But when he is not here, is terrible to me. I am so stressed out always and don't know what to do, it's so hard to try to raise 4 kids who are going through a lot, and now a 4 month old baby. But now my husband and I fight about this child. Is there anyone out there who has advice for me??? = |
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I met both my dad and step-mom when I was 7. My step-mom never tried to be my mother, just my friend. She would help me make valentines day cards for my mom. She would talk to me about my dreams. She would save little chores for me to do when I came over and made me feel like they would never have gotten done if I didn't visit. She came and sat with me when I was angry and upset without saying a word. She told me repeatedly how special I was to her. When she died at 84 I was holding her arm. I watched her spirit leave her and surround me, my dad, and the others in the room, while her body turned to stone. Her spirit and that of my dear mother live with me today. Please please please don't give up on your step-kids. Start with a referral from your pediatrician or your local information and referral service (411).
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i have been with my partner for four years and he has twin eight year old sons. i have always had a reasonably good relationship with one but the other one hates me. I have tried absolutely everthing to get him to like me from treats to shouting to ignoring to talking, i am at my wits end. i love him so much of whichj i have made abundantly clear, yet he doesnot give me a reason for it. The only thing he has offered is that he doen't blame me for his parents seperating. Please, if you have any ideas i would be most grateful.
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that bitch has ruined my life because of her im moving miles away from my friends
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i want to join the club
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dont care what you say cause you arre so stupid
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Pam,
I am a stepmom to a 9 year old little boy. We do not have a good relationship. But he also has a bad one with my husban. I believe this has a lot to do with his mom. She has alway liked to make thing difficult. Like showing up late every holiday or telling her son about his father which are untrue or bad. She makes my stepson chose between her and my husband. If she disagee with my husband on the phone she has my stepson on the other line to argue to. She tells people in our town thing about our home that are not true. She has my stepson tell us when she wants to pick him up which has cuased a lot of problems. My stepsons a agree little boy and is hurting our other kids 11 mns. 2 yrs 4 yrs. and our 5 yrs. My stepson doesn't want to see us any more. So we haven't in 3 months. I feel so sorry for my husband. I love my step son but I also can't under stand why he does this to a great father and his half bothers and sisters. Do you have any advise for this sad state my family is in. = |
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If you can help or want to talk email me at tzimmerman01@swmich.edu
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I dont have any step children but I have a son from a earlier marrage. We never put my son in the middle. I always realized he would resent me not my x if i did that.Now my son is 24 and I still have a good relationship with his father. Even if the x causes trouble please rise above it. Believe me you will be greatful you did. I have a real sence of pride that in a touph situation we didnt cave with the presure of devorse.
Hang in there all. It takes 2 to fight. = |
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sorry about the poor spelling. I wish this sight had spell check!
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Hi Pam, maybe you or other moms can help me. I have a 4 year old son & am in a relationship with a man I love who has 2 girls 6 & 4. I love them as they love me. Recently, a little over 6 months, they have been living with us. I am having issues which I addressed to my husband. Concerns of how the girls, at times, will yell/scream, disrespect, or just not listen to me. I have plenty of experience with children but I have tried talking to them, time outs as well as him talking to them. Nothing seems to work. Any help?
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When my step son was 3yrs old the ex wife had no problems either. When I got pregnant she appeared to be supportive but as soon as my daughter came into this world that woman has caused nothing but problems. Now that she sees her ex- my husband with a family and happy- she can not stand it and does all she can to bring trouble. Some advice, never let your gaurd down. Good luck with your ex- wife.
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my stepmother in-law hates me all because i couldn't give birth to children and she tells my husband (her stepson) to divorce me because of it. what gives her the right to be saying that to him about me when i haven't done anything to harm her in anyway.
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I HAVE A 7 YEAR OLD STEP SON FROM WIFDE #2 AND MY HUSBAND X #2 WANTS TO TAKE HIS DAUGHTER FROM WIFE # 1 TO DISNEY IS THIS NORMAL? SHE ONLY VISITS IN THE SUMMER AND THIS IS MY 2ND SUMMER WITH HIS DAUGHTER. SHE I LET HER GO?
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woah anonymous! some stepmothers have been around since their kids were babies, and have 50/50 custody... i think if the stepmom is putting just as much effort, time, and money into the child then she deserves the same amount of 'mommy respect' as the biological mother... and what's with the name calling?
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Here's a tip "Anonymous"... if you can't put your real name out there for everyone to see, or at least an identifier, then nobody takes you seriously. I think you (and you sound like you must be a bio mother who's ex just got with someone new) need to do some serious growing up, for your kids sake. I may be harsh on here sometimes - but you're just being rediculous. In the end - if you really want what's best for your kids you'll lighten up. And for God's sake, tone down the cursing. I know it's an expression of emotion, but you can't be that pissed all of the time!
p.s. i looked through real quick to find your previous post ( i dont even remember exactly what you said ), and unless i missed it somehow, it appears you may have been in 'poor taste'? = |
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I need some advice. We have my three stepkids over 50% of the time - ages 11, 9, 7. I really work my buns off keeping our family in order (we have an 18 month old also) and I work. I really thought I had a good relationship with them until today. I was running an errand and saw the ex's car, she and two of the stepkids were in it. I saw her start to laugh and they all hid under the dash, etc. I was completely perplexed that she would be so mean and so childish , so I walked right past and said hello so that she had to acknowledge my existence. She did a fake surprised look and very charmingly said hello back - as the two children were coming out of hiding (embarrassed and giggling nervously). All I said was "I thought that was you guys hiding in there," and walked off. I have to say I'm very hurt. There's no room in my life for playground tactics, especially with someone who doesn't want to see her kids for weeks at a time. When these children are in my care - they are so well looked after and loved! In the meantime she's strategizing which relative to fly them off to when her time to be responsible rolls around. Serously, she's going to see them for only two days in the next month. How do I handle this whole hurtful mess?
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Not many people take the necessary steps to help solve the issues you are currently experiencing. I applaud your outreach to this forum.
I'm actually working with a psychiatrist right now. His name is Dr. Keith Ablow, and based on his experience and likeablity my cpompany has given him a new daytime television show debuting in September. Dr. Ablow is a renowned psychiatrist who's goal is to advise, educate and inform, not to judge or sensationalize. The opposite of Dr.Phil's approach in every way. He's younger, approachable and genuinely interested in helping people strategize and take away tools for a healthier life. You may have seen Dr. Ablow on TV, he's a frequent guest on Oprah, Good Morning America, CNN, etc. as an expert. He was also a practicing psychiatrist in Boston. To find out more about Dr. Keith please visit www.keithablow.com I'd love to hear more about your story and you're under no obligation to appear. You can reach me toll free at 1-888-372-2569 ext 4347 or email me at stacie.nice@drkeithtv.com = |
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I actually need help...sorry not much of a reply...My problem is I have a 10 month old Stepson...long story and my child is 5 months old. My Stepson is starting to learn words and I wanted to give myself a name until he is old enough to give one to me, but I do not feel comfortable being called by my first name. Any suggestions would be great...I have looked everywhere!
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mom
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I have a step-son who was 10 months old when I met my husband. He just started calling me Mom when he started to talk. We tried to teach him my name and he would say "no, Mom". My husband finally said "He sees you as a mom, we will let him call you that" The only reason we tried to teach him my name was out of respect for his mother. She was very angry to find out that he called me that, now that he is older he still calls me mom. but knows to address me by name to his mother. I would say, let him call you what he wants! Good luck
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Hi, I am very happy for you Pam, I plan to begin my life with a man who has a daughter from a previuos relationship. I know it will not be so blissful. The mother is very angry and vengful. When she has an argument with the father or just has a bad day she calls the daycare and atempts to keep the father from picking up his daughter or for me to wave to her from the other side of the fence. Will this ever change?, I have a gut feeling that it won't because the mother won't, take care of her underlying issues. I feel so helpless, I am engaged to this man, threfore I have no legal "rights" when it comes to comforting this little pink and pretty 5 yearold. I feel so sad and I feel that my hands are tied.... this little girl really needs me....
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I HAVE A STEP DAUGHTER THAT IS CONSTANTLY LYING AND CAUSING TROUBLE. SHE HAS DECIDED SHE WANTS TO MOVE IN WITH HER MOTHER WHO HAS NEVER REALLY WANTED HER. SHE IS ALWAYS TRYING TO BE ATTENTION REGUARDLESS WHETHER IT IS POSITIVE OR NEGITIVE. ANY SUGGESTIONS.
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You are very lucky. My husbands ex has done nothing but make trouble for us for 8 years.,and she broke up the marriage for another man. I have 2 step daughters 11 & 14.
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Dear Lara,
i am in a so very similar situation as you i would like to chat on line with you if it is possible i think we could be good for each other as i am a family of seven RE- my partner , me , daughter 11 son 8 and three step children girl 12 love her son 10 love him and a boy of 9 who i dont like and probibly never will by his choice not mine he is a very cruel mean smart mouth little boy and he has told me he will like this till his father sends him away which will not happen even deep down in side i would be gald to see the back of as he is affecting the other childrens time with us and my children dont know whats going on as they have always been in a happy family my husband and i have never had huge loud fights until now he has told me he doesnt care that he is destroying our family and that the kids are missing out on their dad for he is so high maintenence dad has no time left at the end of the evening for the others .thier is alot more to this story but would really like to chat online . short version he has treatened his own brother with a calving knife wjile he was sleeping and stabbed the pillow he has grabbed a can of mower fuel and lighter and ran towards my son saying he will burn him in hell he does this all when father is not home and when father is home he turns into a little 5 year old that needs to be told to have shower told to brush teeth told to eat properly i am at my wits end as his father and i fight every time i discuss what is going on as the father knows i dislike him and thinks it is me making trouble if the other kids tell him about the child he thinks i told them to tell him those things and that they are making them all up . i must mention that he hasnt seen this child since he was 18 months old where as the 2 step children have grown up with him and have said he was always like to with mum i thnk thats why she gave him up but the other 2 were taken to and givin to us 10 months ago ??? i will send my msn addy if you would like to chat more as i feel for as in same same situation take care rebecca. = |
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Dear Tiara,
When i read your story it was like reading about my own life that is what i am living at the moment ,would be good if we could chat online it was so surreal to read as it was my life in writing please post a reply . Becca = |
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I am very happy for you Pam, I plan to begin my life with a man who has a daughter from a previuos relationship. I know it will not be so blissful. The mother is very angry and vengful. When she has an argument with the father or just has a bad day she calls the daycare and atempts to keep the father from picking up his daughter or for me to wave to her from the other side of the fence. Will this ever change?, I have a gut feeling that it won't because the mother won't, take care of her underlying issues. I feel so helpless, I am engaged to this man, threfore I have no legal "rights" when it comes to comforting this little pink and pretty 5 yearold. I feel so sad and I feel that my hands are tied.... this little girl really needs me
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Dear Lara,
i am in a so very similar situation as you i would like to chat on line with you if it is possible i think we could be good for each other as i am a family of seven RE- my partner , me , daughter 11 son 8 and three step children girl 12 love her son 10 love him and a boy of 9 who i dont like and probibly never will by his choice not mine he is a very cruel mean smart mouth little boy and he has told me he will like this till his father sends him away which will not happen even deep down in side i would be gald to see the back of as he is affecting the other childrens time with us and my children dont know whats going on as they have always been in a happy family my husband and i have never had huge loud fights until now he has told me he doesnt care that he is destroying our family and that the kids are missing out on their dad for he is so high maintenence dad has no time left at the end of the evening for the others .thier is alot more to this story but would really like to chat online . short version he has treatened his own brother with a calving knife wjile he was sleeping and stabbed the pillow he has grabbed a can of mower fuel and lighter and ran towards my son saying he will burn him in hell he does this all when father is not home and when father is home he turns into a little 5 year old that needs to be told to have shower told to brush teeth told to eat properly i am at my wits end as his father and i fight every time i discuss what is going on as the father knows i dislike him and thinks it is me making trouble if the other kids tell him about the child he thinks i told them to tell him those things and that they are making them all up . i must mention that he hasnt seen this child since he was 18 months old where as the 2 step children have grown up with him and have said he was always like to with mum i thnk thats why she gave him up but the other 2 were taken to and givin to us 10 months ago ??? i will send my msn addy if you would like to chat more as i feel for as in same same situation take care rebecca. = = |
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I am 40. I am concerned it will be difficult to conceive.
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Don't worry. You can get pregnant at 40.
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i love my step kid but sometimes i get really jeolous when my boyfriend plays with him his ex is a mouth cow who constantly causes trouble
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thats realy great for you and your husband. but my problem is my stepson and his real mother do meth together.so we fight all the time.there are 5 step kids all together. The ages are 11,12,19,21,23 and it's hard.the 19yr old totaly hates me.the youngest ones11&12 yr old we got full custody of because the my husbands ex-wife is and does her kids. she puts every thing and everybody befoe them.
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I am 32 weeks pregnant. due in may 08. and I have step daughter she is 5 yr old.. every time when she gets here.. and she makes faces and all that whenever I asked her to do not to do those things and she whines and cries telling daddy that i am being mean to her which i am not!!!!!!!!!! she is being a brat and a spoiled kid. and i found out that her mother told her not to listen to me at all.... Which drives me nuts. and when she stays here for a night or during the weekends.. she never listen when i told her to pick up her toys off the floor when I have chores to do around the place. and she make faces and smirks and i get really frustrated and. father... just sayin stop .. stop .. enough stop.. stop making faces. when he turned his head around and she makes faces.. no matter what.. I was like about.. walk off.. and leave the place..... and uh.. she disrespects me. and now on.. when she kept doing those things daddy have to take of her toys and tv and dvd movies put up... but did he? he did not.. and still. and I have to do it myself.. which he wont let me to do.. and she thinks that i am stealing her toys and I said no.. YOU the one who arent listening to me so you are not getting anything from me. PLEASE GOD JUST HELP ME! SICK OF THAT BRAT KID TREATING ME CRAP EVERY TIME SHE'S HERE!
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hi there i have problem my ex bf took my kid from me and now im fighting with him and the courts to get my kid back help me please
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Wow how I wish we were in the same place as you. I have two step children and I love them dearly. They are like my own. However their mom is unbelieveable. Jessica just passed away from a three year battle of cancer. She was like my own child. I have been blessed to have her in my life since she was 3 months old. She was 9 when she became an angel. Her mom wants all the control and is always always causing problems.
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u r very lucky...I am going through a hard time with my family due to scheduling and lack of communication on the part of my husbands ex. She refuses to communicate and we have never met so I am basically on call as to scheduling. Her daughter is not even allowed to mention me even though I am the one taking care of her half the time.!!!
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