I found this when I googled "bitter ex wife" :)
Bitter Ex Wife Pattern
Some examples to help you identify the bitter Ex!
by a BSWC Member.
It is recognised and accepted that Divorce is a painful, emotional process and it takes time for both separated spouses to recover and get on with their new lives. The BSWC has found, and many health professions agree, it takes at least 12 months for parties to get over the divorce and focus on their new lives however many 2nd marriages are finding, sometimes years after the previous marriage had ended in divorce, they are having to deal with the a bitter ex-wife who refuses to get over it and get on with her life and accept children have a right to have a happy relationship with their father.
Whatever the decisions were to end the marriage there seems to a number of first wives who have unresolved issues, we have discovered a familiar pattern into which a bitter ex-wife's behaviour falls: BEP ~ Bitter Ex-wife Pattern.
Most of our members have experienced some or all of these problems:
Ex-wife seeks to control ex-husband's time with their children.
Ex-wife dictates who should/shouldn't be around the children, ex- wife may seek to have 2nd wife, girlfriend, grandparents excluded.
Ex-wife to make child contact as difficult as possible - offer the children up for contact when she knows the ex-husband is working then accuse him of being an uncaring father when he can't see them at short notice.
Ex-wife insists she will not do any driving on contact days.
Ex-wife using the children to send messages to ex-husband and his family.
Ex-wife bad mouth ex-husband/wife/girlfriend/family and make children repeat it.
Ex-wife makes young children aware of court action, CSA etc.,
Ex-wife ridiculing ex-husband in front of the children and encouraging them to do the same.
Ex-wife tells the children they don't have to listen to their father.
Ex-wife insists on calling the children on their mobile phone while they are supposed to be relaxing and enjoying their time with their father yet blocks any calls ex-husband may make to the children.
Ex-wife refuses to give children privacy when their father calls to speak to them; she will listen to the call and coach the child in what to say.
Ex-wife insisting the children call there father by his first name and to call her new boyfriend 'Dad'.
Ex-wife enrols anyone who will listen to her into her hate ex-husband campaign.
Ex-wife gives no priority to ex-husband's time with the children and will organise an activity without discussing with their father.
Ex-wife to make verbal agreements so arrangements are made in advance and then claim it’s not in the court order so it won't happen.
Ex-wife refuses to abide by the court order and considers herself above it all, doesn’t matter how it affects the children.
Ex-wife refuses to 'allow' ex-husband to have any part in the children's education.
Ex-wife blocks ex-husband's attempts to have contact with schools, doctors and dentist.
Ex-wife lies to education authorities telling them her ex-husband is a bad person and that he should be excluded at all costs.
Ex-wife claims everything is the ex-husbands fault and she was totally blameless throughout the marriage.
Ex-wife had affairs during the marriage yet acts like a woman scorned when ex-husband gets on with his life without her.
Ex-wife lies about situations in the marriage and dates.
Ex-wife spying on ex-husband's new girlfriend/wife, hang around his home, and make nuisance phone calls.
Ex-wife obsessed with ex-husband's new life, wife and/or girlfriend.
Ex-wife engages the services of a Private Detective to spy on ex-husband and his new partner.
Ex-wife makes false claims of abuse of the children by ex-husbands new partner.
Ex-wife will claim at every opportunity her ex-husbands partner/wife is unfit to be around 'her' children.
Ex-wife makes false accusations about ex-husband harassing her.
Ex-wife makes false accusations of ex-husband beating her although she can't back this up with any evidence and her friends have never heard her mention this.
Ex-wife writes long waffling letters using solicitor’s terminology because she believes she has legal training due to the fact she spends so much time in their company.
Ex-wife claims the ex-husband is bad father because he doesn't pay enough money.
Ex-wife belittles presents given to the children by their father/his wife/his girlfriend/his family.
Ex-wife destroys presents given to the children by their father.
Ex-wife thinks she is entitled to most of the ex-husbands money.
Ex-wife enrols the help of her latest boyfriend to threaten and intimidate ex-husband.
Ex-wife has 'playing the victim' down to a fine art.
Ex-wife destroys all ex-husbands personal belongings she can get her hands on.
Ex-wife destroys family photos in front of children.
Ex-wife never questioned ex-husband's ability to be a good father and to care for the children by himself until they were divorced when he became totally unreliable and couldn't be trusted with the children unless she gives him a complete list of dos and don'ts.
Ex-wife refuses to acknowledge she has a problem and seek professional treatment for her problems such as paranoia, poor self image, anger...
And finally.....
Ex-wife claims she is always reasonable and all the problems are caused by her ex-husband! = ↓
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| Name: Lory | Date: Dec 18th, 2007 4:16 PM |
| How unfortunate for those of us who answered yes to each & every one of these....and, have to add a few of our own! Can you imagine the children with the x....along with the new kids dealing with all of that? It's been a very long haul for all of us....to say the least....... ↑ |
| Name: catherine | Date: Dec 18th, 2007 5:18 PM |
| you must know my husband's ex wife. those are all of her. you need to add alleged husband molested child when less than two months old but stayed with them. Give your daugther presents at a gas station because new wife is not allowed to be around her daughter. ↑ |
| Name: jenelle | Date: Dec 24th, 2007 12:25 AM |
| Oh my gosh!! Cannot belive there are so many crazy ex's that there is a list. But you ya they have got her nailed!!! I just wish they would go away escpically if they asked for the divorce. Crying, crazy women move the freak on. ↑ |
| Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Jan 2nd, 2008 9:37 AM |
| Name: SrlGrl | Date: Jan 11th, 2008 12:28 AM |
| Anyone know why they can't move on? Why is it a syndrome? Can't they find another man and start anothe rlief? I'm the 2nd and buried in this crap from the ex. Why? I've been an ex and just moved on. Do men do this? I don't think so. Yuck!! ↑ |
| Name: Judy | Date: Dec 31st, 2008 11:20 AM |
| Men DO do this! I have been seperated for 8 months, began dating a great man after 4 months. The kids initally really liked him, until their father got wind of it. It said that we were both bad people, that he had no right to stay over at my house because he wasn't family, That he was trying to be their dad. That I was a bad person because I was still married to him. The kids come back from their time with their father and are nasty to my boyfriend. I tell them their dad has no right to talk about someone he doesnt know and that he is mad at me. They have to decide who to like, neither their father nor I can tell them. Its how the person makes them feel. Unfortunately theri father cant/wont move on. He is an intimidating person and initially I started to back off from my relationship. But them realized that no matter when I started dating he would be like this so I refuse to give him the power to control my actions. I protect the kids the best way that I can. But its still difficult. This is a man who called we some of the nastiest names, let our children who are both under 10 read our seperation agreement, tells them how much money he gives me and that i spend it all on me and my new boyfriend. SO YES men act the same way. ↑ |
| Name: barb | Date: Jan 6th, 2009 3:03 PM |
| Yes men do act like this too. ↑ |
| Name: perfect | Date: Jan 10th, 2009 7:12 PM |
| I ve been married for 5 years & seen my husband keeping photos of his ex which his ex wife now married too.what should I do.? ↑ |
| Name: Roxanne | Date: Jan 23rd, 2009 7:09 PM |
| It's so nice to know there are other EXs out there that are just as bitter and loony as my husbands. His EX doesn't fit a lot of these, but I could add so many more. I'm an EX, my EX and I get along great. We're both (obviously "I" am) married again and try to keep in touch. It's been almost 8 years for us and she still hasn't moved on. She comes to family gatherings and even has family pictures taken with us. Of course, his family 'loves' her (supposedly) and includes her, since they didn't want them to divorce. Personally, I think she's just hanging on in hopes we divorce and he'll come running back to her. Little does she know, he can't stand her and only interfaces with her because of the children. ↑ |
| Name: new wife syndrome | Date: Mar 16th, 2009 5:21 PM |
mmm.. my ex's new wife displays a lot of this rubbish. She thinks he is a saint.
You women are very judgemental..you need to watch his bad behaviour doesn't turn you into this..
Women should stick together.. you lot make me sick. ↑ |
| Name: Sara | Date: Mar 30th, 2009 4:47 PM |
| Dear New Wife Syndrome - My boyfriend and I have dealt with 99% of the items on this list from his ex-wife. These women who care only about themselves and consider their ex-husbands a paycheck and don't care about how it hurts the children make me sick. ↑ |
| Name: Meagan | Date: May 2nd, 2009 5:20 AM |
| My boyfriend ex gets almost $2000 a month from him and it's still not enough for her. I think she is determined to ruin his life even two years after their divorce. My parents emailed me the other day to let me know she calle them to ask questions about me and she then informed them that he abused her during their marriage. I have been with him for almost two years - definetly not an abuser. And she has never met me, so why in the world would she call my family and ask about me. In addition she has a public blog where she mentions me by my full name and bad-mouths my boyfriend using his name. She also created a webpage about deadbeat dads and posted and his picture on it. He has never missed a payment a nd she is the one who did and said everything she could to make it very difficult for him to see his children. yet she labels hima deadbeat and is trying to ruin his name. How can we ride the world of the sociopathic women? ↑ |
| Name: mini | Date: May 24th, 2009 2:29 AM |
| A cheating x husband deserves all he gets for wrecking everthing they should be locked up for destroying lives of women and children!!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: #1StepMom | Date: Jun 3rd, 2009 10:18 PM |
| Name: sorry to say in Socal | Date: Jun 15th, 2009 7:49 PM |
| but every single one fits the bitter ex wife in our life....the poor children. ↑ |
| Name: zeebeez | Date: Jun 19th, 2009 2:29 PM |
| OMG! Is it true that I am not the only one living with this?! Here I thought that I was the most despicable, irresponsible, depraved man who ever walked the earth!!! I can especially relate to the part about the boyfriend...he has even given the finger to me when I was with my daughter!!! Why won't these women seek help?? Anyway, life goes on, and we must have faith (in whatever) that in time the children will realize where the breakdown really is... ↑ |
| Name: Norris92 | Date: Jun 21st, 2009 5:53 PM |
| Unfortunately, 3/4th of what is written my ex-wife did or is currently doing, but I can one more to the list. "My ex-wife lies to the children that I have made unreasonable promises for the chidren through her. She then 'reminds' me of those promises in front of the chidren. When I tell her that I haven't made those promises, she tells the children that I am lying and that I am proving to them what my ex-wife have told them all along that I don't love them." ↑ |
| Name: Marjie | Date: Aug 18th, 2009 1:02 PM |
Holy cow, I could have written that list myself,
it was so accurate, EVERY SINGLE item on that list is a carbon copy of what me and my husband go thru, kudos to the author, at
least someone out there gets it! ↑ |
| Name: kara | Date: Sep 1st, 2009 12:06 AM |
| its nice to know that we are not the only people this is happening to i cant beleive that some one can be such a child about these thing, its hard on the children and they continue to act this way makes me sick. ↑ |
| Name: Anthony | Date: Sep 3rd, 2009 9:27 AM |
Talking about hitting the nail on the head....... I am gong thru a divorce now and this list is all I've been seeing. Its text book steps.
It's sad how some ppl will do and say anything to keep a good father away from their kids.
The kids will always see the truth in the end..... All mothers need to do the right thing for the kids. Life goes on for everyone.
To all the good fathers out there stay strong for your babys. Let them be your strength. ↑ |
| Name: The new wife | Date: Sep 10th, 2009 9:23 PM |
| I can seriously only find one or two of these descriptions that do not fit my husband's exwife. Can this be brought up in court since we are there OFTEN!!! ↑ |
| Name: Yeah Right | Date: Oct 11th, 2009 2:42 PM |
| Wait a minute Uranis :-) How about the ex husband who neglects feeding the children, forgets to give them their medication, forgets life jackets on them on a boat, takes them to bars and leave them outside in the dark while adutls talks dirty to them, or about not taking them to the ER when they are having an astmas attck because his girlfriend insists she goes home first, what about saying horrid things abut the mother to them, what about forcing a child to see him so the girlfriend can call them names and make faces at them, what about his family members catching him cheating on his now ex when they were married with that same woman, what about him taking money from the kids and promising to pay them back but never does, what about that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! get a life jerk ex husbands are not perfect and not all ex wifes are as you describe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: Lily | Date: Nov 1st, 2009 9:36 PM |
| That list fits most ignorant ex wives, why do you think the book Second Wives Club was such a Best Seller, b/c it's true. I too am a 2nd wife; my husband, I, and their children have both experienced everything on that list due to his ex not moving on and finding happiness within herself. Point in case, my husband is a police office and just had to arrest an ex wife inside a restaurant due to her harassing her ex husband and his new fiance. Keep in mind that their two children and the ex wife's baby (from her most recent ex boyfriend) were sitting in the idling car out front. Situations like these are sad, unfortunate and not uncommon, but the bit of advice I can give to people who are in the same situation is just to try and be patient especially if there are children involved. Do this by to focusing on your new healthy family. As the children get older they realize the truth and stop feeling pressured to be loyal to the very parent that has been poisoning them against the other. In the end it's the ex wife's toxic energy that has just given herself the ugly cancer. ↑ |
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