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I have a feeling that my husband is falling out of love with me. Either that or I have been deceiving myself that he ever did love me all these years. We have been married for 13 years. I quit my job this year - my husband wanted me too as well- he is unable and unwilling to pitch in with household chores and taking care of the children so I thought it would help alleviate some of my stress. I didn't love my job so it wasn't like I was leaving something that fulfilled me. My life revolves around his needs and the needs of our children. I don't like being reliant upon him for emotional or financial support because I feel it leaves me in a vulnerable position. He doesn't seem interested in what I like, what I want, or how I feel. As long as I am meeting his needs that seems to be enough for him. I have tried to have a few conversations with him about my needs but it leaves me feeling more miserable than if I pretended everything was fine. I have been considering asking for a separation off and on for a couple of years now. I don't want to hurt the kids and I feel like if I wanted a break that everyone would think I was an idiot because he doesn't abuse me and he does a good job of providing for our family. But I feel like I would rather be alone than with someone who doesn't passionately care about me. Does anyone else have this problem?
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Could you start doing romanic things ...nothing big but like put him a not on the bathroom mirror saying that you love and appreciat his hard wok. Wait a day or 2 and put a note in his wallet mail him a laove letter . Start slow then slowly get more romanic withthem. Guys need to feel appreciated and loved too. I call my hubbie and leave him a message at work and just growle amd say hi sexy. He told me that it makes his day.
So what be the one to start the romance it may not happen all at onece but please try this . I do know it works!!! = |
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What you need to do is ask him point blank if he still loves you and still wants to be married to you. Tell him from your point of view,it doesn't seem like he has any interest in you anymore and hasn't for quite some time. Tell him this makes you feel unloved and uneasy and ask him if he would want the two of you to work on improving your relationship or if he is really no longer in love with you but still with you for kids and habit only and see what he says and go from there.
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YES!!! I feel the same way. It is torture to be married to an uninterested bastard whose contribution to the marriage is emotional neglect. That is a valid form of abuse, We all need love and nurturing and if not from our husbands than from who? I also don't know what to do - I have 4 small kids and am considering divorce (but I am terrified to do it). Will my future be even worse as a single mom? Or could it get worse than it is now? And what about the kids? Is it worse for them to suffer through the trauma and stigma of divorce, or to be captive to an unhappily intact family life? Seems I have more questions for you than answers, but just know someone else on the planet is going through the same thing!
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I'm in the same boat, but my husband is not a bastard like Jasmine said. He is a good man, who is caring and a good father. I tell myself that he just doesn't show his affection and that because he is 10 years older than me, his interest in sex is lower. Of course, then I found out that he does enjoy masturbating... So, now I have to face the fact that he's interested in sex, just not with me. Its completely devestating. You should see how is face lights up around pretty girls. I would do anything to be the pretty girl.
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To Afterthought, I think guys masturbate with their wives in the same house only because they are too lazy to get their wives in the same mood they are already in,it's too much effort on their part so instead they just do it quickly themselves.His face may "light up" when he sees pretty girls but I highly doubt the feeling's mutual so don't work yourself up over it. And as for you wanting to be the "pretty one" goes,you're already there! You're husband "picked" you to be his wife,not anyone else! Be happy about that! If you want to feel more beautiful then go have your hair done and buy a new outfit and have yourself all made up,you'll feel so good about yourself it won't matter so much what anyone else thinks!
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You are totally singing my story.............EXACTLY please write me back
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Yes, I dealt with this similiar problem and I ended up divorcing. My ex didn't want me to work, he wanted me to be completely dependant on him so I would be stuck in my environment. However, I ended up working as a waitress at night for extra income and just to get out of the house. Well, he tried to ruin that idea by making things worse around the house. Finally, I just couldn't take is immature behavior any longer. He would accuse me of cheating, call me names and blame everything that went wrong on me. Funny though, he still does!!! He's never going to change. My ex felt just because he was the major bread winner, he had the idea he thought he could treat me the way he wanted. I felt like I was dying inside. Finally, I made the decision to leave after he put some bruises on me. That was the straw that broke the camels back. I have no regrets in leaving and I was able to find myself again. You can too if you decide to make that decision. However, first, I would put all the cards on the table and explain to your husband just how you feel. If he isn't willing to make any changes what so ever then you need to think about your next steps. Before you do, I would try to prepare yourself financially. It would be a struggle in the beginning if you left him. But you need to ask him exactly why he loves you. Put him on the spot with some serious questions. You could even try to plan some romantic evenings or do some special things for him to engage him to talk with you. I don't know if my suggestions have helped but I wish you well.
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dump the sob
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Be more sexy with him. Sex is the key to mens heart ;-)
yeah baby! = |
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I feel for you beacause I am going thru same things-married 8 yrs. but thankfully no kids so it would be an easier break. I have felt emotional/intimacy/sex starved for the last 7 yrs. Thinking back I think he was just in love with me the 1st year. He has actually told me he doesn't think of me as more than just a friend. He has no intimacy urges. I don't mean just sex but really no desire to kiss me besides a quick peck or hug only when I ask. I'm about ready to leave but I keep hanging on to the vows we made & he is trying to get some counseling to see "if his feelings come back for me"as he says. I feel like I'm living with my brother. I tell him I'd rather be alone & lonely than being right next to him and lonely all the time.
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ellie, you need to start living a life, you are entitled to so much more, rejection is not the most pleasant feeling in the world as i know, you need to concentrate on you and your confidence will come back
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I am in a similar situation as you Ellie. My husband of 4 years says he doesn't think he is in love with me anymore. But he is still attracted to me. He says he loves me but he might not be in love with me. He told me today that he doesn't think his feelings are going to change. We decided to separate today. I am devasted we have been together for 8 years living together for 7 and married for 4. we don't have any kids (2 miscarriages). I want this to work but now I am afraid that this is it. its over. he agreed to go to counselling but I don't know if it will work. HELP!
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Hi there,
I have the same problem you are having. I just found out my husband is having an emotional affair with some girl via cell phone. He has called her 246 to date and he just told me this morning that he needs counseling and that he needs to find a way to fall in love with me again. He is the one who cheated and he need to fall in love with me again. WHAT!!!!! We have also been married for 13 years and have two daughters 4, and 7. I am a stay at home mom and make no money of my own and I think thats what makes me want this to work out. Do you think your husband could be having an affair? Lauri = |
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goode
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strangely enough my darling husband who has always been so in love with me seems to be the same way..my kids are 8 and 5 and we have a loving little family but i feel like he's dissapointed that I'm not more than the mother of our kids..he travels alot and i feel like my hands are tied as far as working is concerned..I just want to feel his love like when we were first together and he worshiped me..I guess i just want to e adored and to adore back..is that too much to ask ??What have I done wrong ..becomeing a mother??
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I feel the exact same way - I am a SAHM right now dabbling in the job I loved and still do - photojouralism - and I tried working full time but found the stress and lack of involvement with the kids not worth it. I love being at home and I do know in my mind that it is very important, a valuable investment in the well being of my kids, and that I won't regret it as I can always work FT later but I do struggle with the feeling of being a servant and not getting my turn even when I want it. I too have poured my heart out to my husband, who does provide well like yours, but it's like he sits and listens and then goes on with life as usual. I too feel even more abandoned and depressed after these talks because it's like I'm reaching out for help and he isn't responding. It's a feeling of rejection and helplessness. Most of the time its fine, he does little thoughtful things occasionally, but it's like he doesn't even realize how much of our family duties he defers to me. On good days I just take control and make plans - either the family vacations or just getting a babysitter so I can go out. If I don't make an effort to do something out of the daily routine or to even get out to eat with him it would never happen. We used to do things together that we just don't do and the things I thought we had in common he doesn't seem to do anymore. One thing I do know is that life won't be easier apart and that another guy comes with his own set of issues. I think I try to tell myself that I can't rely on him to fulfill my needs in the way that I'd like, that I am full of my own flaws and that having a young family is a temporary time when both parents can be just emotionally spent and put each other on hold. What did help was continuing in some part-time work that I enjoy, that gets me out and interacting with others and helps me get a little perspective - not to mention the security of a little nest egg of my own. It is still incredibly hard some days but I think that being the mom with incredibly demanding physically and emotionally and maybe no man can help meet our needs the way we think they should. The best thing is to seek out a group of women who are supportive of you (and not negative toward your husband) and to remember that life changes drastically when the kids grow - which really isn't that far off. My sister, whose kids are teenagers, now has more time than she knows what to do with and gets to 'date' her hubby again after two near-divorces. My husband is very shortsighted and I like to dream big and make things happen. Sometime that makes me desperate, feeling trapped at home and as if life is passing me by. Sometimes I dread that I am the one who has to plan everything just to get a night out to dinner (he doesn't know how to call a babysitter)
I don't know what the answer is but it is nice to know I am not alone. I do think that men just may, once comfortably in a relationship, not really know how to show us how they care. My friend says they are just selfish. Maybe there's something to that ! :-) Hang in there!! = |
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how can i tell if my husband has fallen out of love with me?
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I know how you feel. There is nothing worse than feeling lonley while your husband is right in the same room. I would rather be alone and feel lonley.
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help
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my husband doesn't satisfied me sexualy
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when my husband asked for a divorce, he told me he had fell out of love. that was really hard to swallow because i didn't know that he could do such a thing. all this time i thought i had been the perfect wife to him and the good mother to our kids. yes, we had our problems but i thought we were the "perfect" couple especially because alot of people told me they thought we were doing good. that is he hardest thing for me right now, he has left and come back about 5 times and i let him because i do love him, but i know deep in my heart that he is still not with me just when he wants to. we have good sex! almost everyday so i feel he is trying to get the feeling back for me but there is another person involved that he cannot let go of. she may not give him the sex so he uses me. i don't know if he is using me, because he has done things with me and does take me out once in awhile but the love i want is not always there. i want him to call me for lunch or just call me once in awhile to see what i am doing but he doesn't. i only see him for a couple of hours and he goes back to his 2nd job. so we have little communication. he does hug me and sometimes kisses me so i do feel it sometimes but if it is real i don't know.
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i think u should count your losses and leave
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Yes, my husband and i separated in April this year with have two children. He says he fell out of love with me and we drifted apart. I still love him we still spend a lot of time together weekends etc. there is nothing physical between us although I wish there was. He says he can not totally break away from me as we have been married for 16 years and together for twenty years. He is a great dad and still very caring, but it hurts like hell being apart. He still cuddles me when I am upset and kisses me goodbye when he goes home. Please think seriously before splitting up, it is so hard
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Is it Julien Henley, Manager at Bernard K. Passman Galleries on 5195 Dronningens Gade Ste. #2 on St. Thomas? It’s because he is seeing Brenda Fahie (now Brenda Abraham) and that has been going on for decades. She even left her husband for him so that is why he wants out….LOL!
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yes i do. have this problem.. but mine is alil different you see my husband of three years tells me he dont love me and that he would be better off if he moved out. he hits and cusses me all the time. yes i know this is my fault for staying but you see i have already ben through one marriage just like this now you tell me what are the odds of me finding two wrong men? Its me and i diont know what to do or what to change. he breaks things all the time no matter what i do im wrong i stay nervous and i shake all over all the time. as stupid as this sounds he can be so good to me at times. i mostly feel sorry for myself i think this may be my problem because i want him to just like me if he would. i miss him so bad and here i go again making it all about me. My suggestion to you is if he is good to you talk to him make your marriage work because it is lonely out here by yourself. and i wouldnt wish this on anyone. im sorry i went on about myself instead of helpong you the best i could.....
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yes i do i have been married for 22 years and have 4 children and 3 grandkids i am 41 and am so lonely the thing i hate is how i have lied to my self all off these years and have told my self he does love me but i know he doesnt really
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Married 13 years, husband not "in love with me" but is trying to get it back. He says he has been feeling like this for 2 years. We have three kids and I thought we were happy. How long do I let him get "it" back. I am hurting so bad and am having a hard time functioning in my everyday life. What do I do?
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Jen M, why is your husband not in love with you? Are you telling us the real story here - why not tell us what went on? When you do then we can provide some suggestions.
Sorry for being so hard on you but women these days are just to bad and they make some good men turn bad. Think about it. = |
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He says I did nothing. We have grown apart emotionally because our life has been so busy. I have become independant in handling things and making decisions because he in working so much. He feels that he has been negelcted but hasn't talked to me about it because he didn't want me to get upset. He finalley brought it to me 2 years later and now we are struggling to get his feelings for me back. He is a great man and he hasn't turned bad, he just doesn't feel good about our marriage and it breaks my heart. We have three kiddos and I can't bear the thought of putting them through this. I would have never in a million years thought this would be us. Have been together 17 years and married 13. Help!!!
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omg i have felt the same for a year or so but the other day my hubby dropped a bomb on me...he said he has fallen out of love with me and wants to seperate. im a mess i now realise how much i do love him and very scared on whats going to happen. i am confused as i thought it was just me that had uncertaintys now feel stupid and wander how long he has been feeling like this.
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if you have just been told that your husband does not love you anymore....but you love him very much what do you do....how can i get him to love me again
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I am in your same shoes. My husband travels for work, and he has been traveling since we met, so this is nothing new. But after a couple of years into the marriage he just stopped communicating while traveling. I will always do the calling to check on him see how things were going etc.. but I started to get no reply to my calls, emails, txt messages etc. There was always an excuse, either he was busy, too tired, sleeping, the phone battery died, any excuse you could imagine I got it. When I bring divorce as an option, he does not fights back and says that it is fine for him. During this last trip, I decided I was not going to call him again, just to see if he would bother to call me. He did for a couple of days, but it will be very brief, or he will txt message me to let me know he was going out to eat, and call me later but never call me. Right now I am fedup with the situatin, I have cried a lot about the issue and stil can't believer that the love is gone on is end. But it appears it is, I'm waiting for him to come home and see how things go and if he shows any type of affection other than sex appetite ( which I am not planning on fullfiling) unless he shows real love and atttention for my needs. I have a feeling a separation is coming, and already started to make up my mind and look at my finances separately to take off. My advice for you, is do not let anyone walk over your self steem, don't ever let the relationship get so uneven because that is when men take you for granted. I feel I have learnt my lesson possibly too late, but I will still leave with my head up no matter how much I love him. Good luck!
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i am going through a similar thing right now and it is breaking my heart. I look around and i know things are perfect but in my heart i know we have grown apart. He told me this past New Years eve he wasn't sure he wanted to be married. Then teh next day apolozied and said he would try. Nothing has changed and each day it just gets worse. He is not a bad guy either but you deserve to be loved and enjoy life
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Debbie, I know just how you are feeling. I feel really stupid that I didn't see this coming. I feel unattractive, I know I am battling depression. I feel like I am just waiting for him to make up his mind. I know he doesn't want o leave because of the kids and I know if it wasn't for them, he wold be gone by now. How do we make it through this in onw peice? I am so tired of being sad and hurt. I am normally a very strong and confident person, this has made me weak and turned my life upside down. I am even having a hard time maintaining my friendships and I am focusing what energy I have on my kids. I just want to move forward but I need him to decide what he wants. Any recommendations are appreciated. I do love him. He is a great person. I want to be with my husband forever.
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Jenna/Jen/Debbie: All of your messages sound all too familiar. I've been together with my husband for over 10 years, married nearly 8 with a 3 year old son. I've always considered us to have a very good marriage, and he would always tell me how much he loves me and what a great marriage we have. Then, it blew up. In September my usually kind husband started being a bit cold and argumentative and it became worse in October. I had gone to him several times asking if everything was ok, if he would like to talk about anything, and his reply was that we were fine, we were forever and that married couples sometimes are snippy with one another - no big deal. Then in late October when I approached him again after he was being snippy, he told me that he wanted to want to work things out, but didn't know that he did. I was shocked. Certain signs (actually many signs) indicated an affair, but he denied that saying that he only had a friend who was giving him relationship advice (believeable, right). Then when I caught him in another lie he said that he didn't want to be married and I asked him to leave. That was one week before Christmas. He asked to come home the next day, and I said no because I knew it would be shortlived, and it was. By the third day in a hotel, he didn't want to come home. We started marriage counseling, and he participated during the sessions, but really was very evasive and didn't really want to do any of the homework. After being gone over three weeks (during the holidays) he came home but now says he felt he came home too soon. He said that he knew I would take action and he wasn't ready for divorce. So he is home and wants all the benefits of marriage, but he refuses to wear his wedding ring because he doesn't have the feeling yet (I believe he isn't wearing it because he very likely told someone that he is only home for his child and that he sleeps in the guest room which isn't true), hasn't unpacked a suitcase yet, but rather left it on the floor in the master bedroom, and continues to hide his cell phone and no longer tells me he loves me. Then on Sunday, he said that he loves me, that I'm beautiful and great, but that he isn't sure he's in love with me. He has hinted at separation, and I told him that he didn't marry that kind of girl. I just can't go through waiting for him to come back to me and our son again, and I can't just say that it's okay for him to go out and have a 6 month fling and then let me know if he wants to home or not. For me, it's two feet in and working on it (which is lonier than I ever dreamed) or it's divorce. Unfortunately, I don't seem to have enough guts to cut the cord myself because I can't bear to be the person who initiates my child's heartache. So I stay here, hoping he will get his act together and realize that our family is the most important thing, or he will come home one day to tell me he is leaving. You aren't alone, but I know all too well that it feels that way.
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What did you do?
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Jodie:
Right now, I am trying to exercise patience. I really don't think that there is much more I can do at this point, and begging him to love me isn't going to do it. I've learned not to initiate conversations about our marriage because all it ends up doing is hurting me. So, I'm playing the role of the good wife, and trying everything I can to not get caught up in the emotional turmoil he dishes out. When he does something insensitive to me or emotionally neglects me, I add it to the running list of games I believe he is playing and try to detatch myself that way. And when it seems that I can't take another minute, I look at my son and know that my decision to stop the madness means he will experience significant pain, and will experience heartaches throughout his life as a result of divorce. That is where I find the strength to take another day of the nonsense. But in truth, it is really hard to stay and take more - this has certainly taken a toll on my self esteem. = |
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C, is that so? I feel your pain but women are just as at fault for things going wrong and of course you would like us to hear and take your side, but as they say there are two sides to your story. Is it possible to have your hubby came on here and give his side?
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John: I agree that there are two sides to every story, but having my husband respond is not an option. I've tried to speak to my husband about what has happened, but unfortunately, he is quite evasive. He told our counselor that we had a great marriage before all of this. He said that he got angry at me one night about something I said, but he can't remember what it was. He said he internalized his anger, and then started being snippy with me and I also was snippy back. He said that this wasn't constant, and there were no huge arguments or anything like that, just more of a distance for about a month. Then he started getting "relationship advice" from a secret friend.... and shortly thereafter wasn't sure he wanted things to work. One day in November after an intimate moment, he told me that had considered having an affair, but then quickly said that there was no one in particular which didn't ring quite right. And as I looked more at the situation, the signs of an affair are numerous, but he denies it. My guess is that he is emotionally attached to someone else. I will be the first to admit that I'm not perfect, but I have been very loyal to my husband and very committed to our relationship. We all know that the excitement of a new relationship can be extremely euphoric, and I believe that is, at least in part, what is happening here. He said he quit communicating with the secret friend, and maybe that's true - I can't be sure, but it's likely that he still has feelings for her.
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Thanks for sharing.
I understand how you feel. Betrayal and lack of honesty hurt. My view is that as long as one deals fairly and honestly with others, if others choose to be deceptive, the Almighty will reward them according to their deeds. Let's hope your husband finds what he is looking for. Double-minded people are a danger to themself. Also, you should sholder some of the blame as well because I have not heard your hubby side. I've had a very bad experience and I can't easily buy into women trap of men doing anything because they are extremely dangerous and have made some men disrespect them for their lies. It is my view, that you have done something real bad to your hubby. = |
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C., I can't beleive how much we have in common. Everything your are saying is exactly me too. My kids are my driving force. I went to the doctor and he put me on Effexor for anxiety/depression. He told me that I have to get through this by finding out who I am. I am losing half of my identity and that what i am feeling is greif. I have to figure out what "Jen the mom" not "Jen the wife/mom" looks like. He told em not to be too hard on myself and know that this feeling of greif will pass. Since my husband is still playing the "I don't know game" also, I have to focus my energy on my kids and make them ok. Whne he figures it out, then I will know what step to take. I am choosing to wait ti out awhile longer because I love my children. Oh my God, the thought of the pain they will feel if he leaves us just kills me. I hope some part of this helps you, C. I wish I had a friend to talk to that understamds like you do. Thanks for sharing, it helps me to know I am no the only one.
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Jen M, indeed U may not be alone and identify with C, however, I have a problem with women who bash men without giving all the facts. No disrespect, but for some strange reason I know that there is more to the story and you all are only telling us what U all want us to hear that side with you all. I know of many women who are just plain cheaters regardless to if their husbands are good or bad. At the end of the day, is honoring the union of marriage that matters as we in society have dispel that and we have so much ill in todays world. Wake up women and honor your marriages and those of U who like to divorce consider the main Judge - He is above.
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Jen M, Thanks for writing back. It's terrible to know that you are experiencing the same pain, and my heart goes out to you. I have also been prescribed anti-depression and anti-anxiety medication. It think it has helped, but it's something I never imagined needing before all of this. I hope that you are able to remain patient and that your husband will open his heart to you and place his family first. Unfortunately, my husband has not made any efforts and we are now proceeding to divorce. Although he agrees that we have had a great marriage up until just these past few months, and he can't explain to me why he doesn't want our marriage, he just doesn't. I know in my heart that I have done everything possible to make our marriage survive, and I have always been loyal to my husband, I can't make the marriage a success by myself. It is so painful, and knowing the pain my child will feel is unbearable at times, but I'm going to focus on his happiness. I am praying that focusing on his life and ensuring his adjustment and happiness will also guide me through this. Whatever happens in your life, my advice to you is to try to find yourself rather than try to control his actions, look at things for what they are rather than what you dream them being, and hold your children close to your heart because they need their mommy and because you need them.
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C, stop the whinning and get a life. If you believe and honor the vows that you took then U know what to do. Don't come on here and bash anyone - go get professional help that can truly help you in your marriage - if you are interested in saving it and not cheating as an excuse. Had enough of your cry.
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Exactly my problem
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John, until you are a woman in this situation, you need to keep you opinions to yourself. How can you be so hurtful to somone who is going through something so horrible. This is a chat room for C. to be able to vent, get off her back. In reference to what you wrote to me, I am honoring my marriage and helping him in anyway to come to terms with why he is feeling this way. I do not want to divorce, who are you to judge if I am giving you the whole story, if you want to support these women in their time of pain , great! If not, stop judging others and go get a life since you seem to know how it should be lived. You sound like a man that is not interested in anyone but himself and I bet if you look around, everyone around you thinks the same thing, jerk.
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Jen M you came of here to vent to this comes with the territory. If truly wishes to vent U would go seek professional help not come on here. So to U go get your life in order dear.
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John, I am doing all I can to get my life in order. Why don't you practice what you preach and give some hope to these ladies or something constructive. We don't need or care to be judged by some random man who is on a website that doesn't even pertain to his life. Get your own life and own problems and solve them. You are preying on people's pain, you are the one who needs to get his life in order.
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I am not your "dear" either.
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Jen M U are full it it so go look at your life again. Why not work out your problems with your husband than spending time here with your whinning? We are tired....
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Jen, why be upset with John when you came on here and seek advice? If you want advice then accept another's perspetives we also need a man side as well - don't you agree?
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Shirley, John seems to be giving judgement as well as some biased advice. These women came here to talk and try to find some sort of understanding and can only tell their story as it pertains to them (and what their spouses have chosen to divulge to them) and I do not see the women passing judgement only trying to make sense of what is happening to them. John on the other hand is assigning partial blame when he himself is not the one in their shoes (judge not less he be judged). This forum is not for blame, but to help! blaming only makes things worse instead of finding solutions. And so does telling someone to quit wining (who's wining now, does he want cheese with that?) When they just need someone to listen and have constructive advice. He on the other hand is horrible and sounds a bit bitter against women by the way he put things and if you (or he) can't see that then maybe take a good hard look @ how each of your roles with the opposite sex are.
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Ann, Thank you for your reply, and for your insight into why both Jen M and I came to this website. This is my first chat experience, I'm going through the most difficult time in my life ever, and I needed to hear from others who have walked in my shoes. Getting your mind around something so shocking and making sense out of something that doesn't seem to make sense no matter how hard you try is so emotionally challenging, and to be accused of the things John writes to us about of is very disheartening. We need ideas and perspectives, not personal attacks. Thanks again - your support is appreciated.
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I think my husband has fallen out of love with me :-(
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April you are so right your husband have fallen out of love with you because of your cheating affair with me and you were caught on tape by a PI.
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Hello, I am 23 years old. I have been with my husband total almost 3 years, married only a few months. He told me he loves me but.. he is falling out of love with me. He said all I do is nagg, and put him down.. and hes tired of being accused everyday. For some reason I have a trust issue with him.. maybe it was because we broke up for 3 weeks last march and he slept with someone else. I dont know anything else that would make me not trust him. Anyways, so this morning he said he wanted me to leave because he doesnt think I will change. He said he needs me to be supportive to him and he doesnt need to be called a liar all the time. I promised him to change.. but I am scared that wont work. I know he isnt cheating on me because he is a iron worker.. he has the 3rd most dangerous job in the world, so i hear. I know he doesnt have time to even call me barely when hes there... so I know he isnt calling anyone else. He comes home filthy dirty, and smells bad... so I doubt he would be making a house call on his way home. I know he isnt cheating.. but for some reason.. I feel like I have to dig and dig... until I find something. What can I do to stop this? Just last week he was texting me on his lunch break telling me how much he needs me and wants me to just stop pushing him away with all the nagging. I love him so much.. we just got married.. I cant lose him. : (
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I TOLD MY HUSBAND TO LEAVE AND I WANTED A DIVORCE BECAUSE HE STAYED OUT TILL 5 AM . HE ALSO HAS GOTTEN PHYSICAL WITH ME , WE HAVE CHILDREN AND BRAKES MY HEART BUT I DONT BELIEVE HE LOVES ME . IT IS ALL WORDS NO ACTION!
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HELLO IS ANYONE THERE?
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Now that u will be single contact me and perhaps we can have a great time - its what I do.
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that is quite comon, i think he may bee sneeking around on you , but if not then he,s tired of you,you have to go with somthing he would like to do , maybee trip with out kidds for a bitt, but a sit down and tell him how you feel ,and be honest,with out getting mad, don,t forget he might be seeing someone else, play it kool don,t get mad or all hell will happin and everyone will loose, try act happy with him ,get him to be happy there,s somthing that,s missing in you,r relasion ship you got to find it or ask him out right. good luck you need it
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Gar I am waiting for that discussion and interaction - so see you in the bedroom later.
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MY HUSBAND DONT LOVE ME OR MY BE I DONT LOVE HIM ANYMORE
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HELLO THERE IS SOMEONE THERE
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Sorry Grace, it is not your husband that don't love you perhaps you don't love him or just you like to whore around with me. If I were your husband, I, too, would not have loved you or even want you anymore. Come pass by the Jewelry store you gold-digger.
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SOMTIMES I FEEL LIKE IM DOING SOMETHING,I HATE ASKING MY HUSBAND THE SAME,THING; DO WONNA MAKE LOVE OR GO AWAY FOR THE WEEKENG, I HAVE A SON AND 3 STEP-KIDS,I JUST TUNED 31 AND HES GOING ON 40, BEEN TOGHTHER FOR ALMOST 5 YRS BUT I CAN SEE ALOT OF CHANGES WITH HIM, TO BE TRUTHFUL I WISH GO BACK IN TIME ,WHEN HE MADE FEEL SEXY,JUST OPEN UP AND TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL,WHAT DO HAVE LOSE YOUR PRIDE, MY SON AND PRIDE IS ALL HAVE LEFT AND NOONES TAKING THAT AWAY EVER AGAIN, WRITE BACK,LIKE TO BE FRIENDS
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YOUR ONLY HURTING YOURSELF, AND IF YOU HAVE KIDS CHANCES ARE YOUR KIDS CAN ACT JUST LIKE HIM, I KNOW I HAVE 10 OLD WHO IN EVERY WAY ACTS JUST LIKE IS DAD,WHEN I LOOK AT MY SON I SEE HIM ALL OVER BUT I LOVE MY SON HES MY PRIDE AND JOY,I FELT LIKE YOU NOT WORTH IT LIVING IN LOVELESS MARRIGE, I GAVE INTO HIS NEEDSAND WANTS BEFOR LONG I FORGET WHO WAS, BUT 5 YRS LATER I MATE SOMEONE WHO IS GOOD TO ME,YOU CAN TO JUST BELIVE IN YOUR SELF,HOPE WE CAN BE FRIENDS
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Starr who are you asking to be your friend? If you wish to be my friend I can send you my contact information but be aware that I am a player. Also, which mate you met and is treating you good - come on you have not met me yet.
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Julian i would like to play send me your contact.
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I HAVE THE SAME FEELING BUT HES THE ONE THAT WANTS A BREAK WEVE ONLY BEEN MARRIED TWO ANDA HALF YEARS AND I TOLD HIM I WANT IT ALL OR NOTHING AT ALL AND HE DOESNT TAKE ME SERIOUS HE LIVES LIKE HES SINGLE ALREADY MAYBE ITS BECAUSE I QUIT MY JOB AND HE WANTS ME TO WORK 120 EVERY TWO WEEKS
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Amanda please move in with me....but remember I do not have one woman.
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my husband treats me like crap all the time every day I just hate him. I have a 3 year old and a 4 year old and they see no love between us. I want out soooo... bad it hurts. I hate him because he is sooo mean to me.
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allowed him if you heart is not more with him or his is not also with you. contact me via email alexendra_bernard001@myway.com
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I am a 21 year old girl, been in a relationship for 2 years, so some might say I dont understand what anyone of you are going through. However, I have watched my parents go through a bitter divorce and understand how painful it is when you love someone but are not getting enough in return. I have been very happy with my boyfriend, happier than I ever thought possible, but recently he seems to have lost interest in me. At first I was really heartbroken and cried alot and tried harder to win his attention back, but I have now come to the conclusion that it is me that has got to change. I have started going to the gym, and looking after myself more, finding my own hobbies and going out with my friends more. I think it is really important to have your own life, seperate from your partner. You need to feel that you can be happy by yourself and that you are happy in yourself, that way you dont put as much pressure on your partner to fulfil all your emotional needs. All i wanted to say was, men are not everything, there is life out there other than your partners needs and wants. Sort your own life out first and worry about him second. x x
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Hi there,
I am going through the exact same situation as you are. My husband rarely kisses me and if he does it is only on my cheek or a quit peck on the lips. We maybe have sex once or twice a month and if it is that much then it usually really quick and fast to suit his need rather than mine. I feel very alone and on my own with my kids and in this marriage. I feel like a single parent as I too am a stay at home mom whom stayed home to look after the kids while he started up his own company and works as a policeman. I really have noticed that his displays of affection are more towards our daughter, by giving her a kiss 2-3 times per day, whenever he leaves she is who he kisses and I am not. He has substituted his affection for me towards his daughter. So I know deep in my heart this marriage has ended. When he said he wanted to go to Edmonton for the weekend I said that will be fun just the 2 of us, but then he said he didnt want to go. He wanted it to be a family vacation with the kids. So he is avoiding me and an intimacy. I have a problem just like you where I have tried to ignore it and hope it goes away, or be nice and hope he is nicer to me, or do my own thing and hope he falls back in love with me. I have done the steps but I am in this marriage by myself. I am very lonely and I would like to seperate but he does not want too, however he has very little energy to get things on the right track. He is not intereted in councilling or working on the marriage. Instead he doesn't to get into right now, so I keep my distance and hope for the best. I would like to get on with my life though instead of just coping. = |
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I feel the same way. We have actually only been married for 5 yrs. and I feel like he is falling out of love with me. This is really hard to deal with because we were always known as the "in-love" couple. Now, we are always arguing and he has cursed at me, talked badly about my mother, and told me that I can leave whenever. But after we argue, he always tries to make up and I just can't get over how much he has changed since we got married. I have asked for a separation but he will not consider it. I also would rather be alone than have someone yelling at me everyday. I thank God for the hours I have to myself.
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wokvf
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ALITTLE DIFFRENT,BUT I CAN STILL RELATE , I OFTEN BLAME US WOMEN FOR ALLOWING A MAN ARE ANYBODY FOR THAT FACT TO HAVE THAT MUCH POWER AND CONTROL OVER US ITS HORRIBLE TO THINK THAT US WOMEN GIVE UP SO MUCH AMAN AND TOTALLY FORGET ABOUT OURSELFS,I THINK THE FIRST THING WE SHOULD DO IS TAKE ARE POWER BACK AND BE IN CONTROL OF US AND ONLY ALLOW WHATS COMFORTABLE FOR US ARE ELSE WERE LOST AS MOTHERS WIFES FRIENDS SISTERS AND SO ON
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Hi Jai. I don't know if I at the right place to say this too. But I've only been married for thee years and thats how i've been feeling for two years now.
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i came on here cos my hubby has spit his dummy out again, and gone to bed with the monk on. but after reading all these things, i feel so much better i have been where most of you have. my husband had an affair four years ago with my next door neighbour which went on right under my nose for 7 months. yeah how dumb am i. but anyway we are still together mostly on my part cos we have 2 young children. i loved my husband so much, it was like a fairytale romance, it was a second marriage for both of us. although we both knew each other when we were married to our first partners, it was always just admiring from afar. then 14 years ago we met up and we were both single, well 1 thing led to another and we got to gether, i worshipped the ground he walked on, felt like i would lay down and die if he asked me to, but he always seemed to hold back, never letting his feelings show and even though i showered him with love and affection i never got much in return.
but after his affair everything changed, it's like the tables have turned his the 1 showing all the love and affection, always telling me how much he loves me, always telling me how lucky he his to have somebody so understanding, and most of the time it just makes me want to gag. i don't show him any love or affection now i'm the 1 holding back, when he tells me he loves me i usually just say "yeah right". i can't bring myself to say it back, and i don't know if that's cos i just can't say it or if it's cos i don't love him anymore. i think i've forgiven him for the affair but 4 years on i still can't forget it = |
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My husband doesn't work. I was 34 when we met and a virgin. The first 2 year of our marriage he would kiss me and other marital stuff.Now it's like nothing, really like living with my brother. No marital relations for over 3 months. I think he's interested is someone younger. We are 13 years apart. I'm 40 now. I really don't know what to say or think.
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I had exactly this problem with my husband, he would often say off the cuff hurtful things like " I dont love you as much as I loved my first girlfriend" etc, I never thought he really loved me and I forgave him when I discovered he had an affair and kept it secret from everyone for our kids sake. Then this year I had enough and asked him to leave. He went mad, crying and telling everyone I left him for someone else and everyone turned against me, family friends, everyone, the general feeling was, that as I had not complained and moaned about him over the last 13 years I must be lying about him now. On Christmas eve i found evidence on his pc that he'd been cheating on me through our whole marriage and brought prositutes back to our home when i was pregnant and visiting my parents. Now everyone says "you didn't know about them when you asked him to go so you can't complain now". He feels no remorse and is trying to make the kids and I penniless. Be prepared. If you aren't able to cope well on your own dont ask him to go. Dont expect him to suddenly realise your worth and change, my husband liked to tell everyone how much he loved me, but his behaviour towards me has been viscious and cruel since he left and he as dated non stop since leaving the house! If he makes you feel worthless now that feeling will probably double once he has no incentive to be nice. I'm waiting to find out if it was all worth it. But some days, like today, I think maybe I'd be better off dead.
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Well i not sure how we end up in a similar boat..... My husband of almost 8 years said he loves me but i feel like he rather be with his dog then me....First for the past 7 years the doctor told me i couldnt have kids and that was the thing i wanted the most, then after 7 years of trying we got a break he got some money from an accident and i decide to take some of the money to become a mom... We tried and after 2 months into the medication it did work, we got pregnant.... It wasnt all sugar though... All of my pregnancy wasnt easy at all, I was in bed rest and i was sicker then a dog all the time and to top it off we had to find a new home to rent..... Well we moved and spend every single penny with had to moved into a bigger house and more expensive, I talked to him and asking him if it was going to be a problem he said not to worry that he was happy and was going to do what ever it takes to make it worked....After we had the baby he decide to changed of work to make more money...He goes and get a sweet job in the oilfields....Then after he leaves i started to meet people and have girlfriends over and that makes him jealous asking me why does this going on and fighting me over the phone calls me every name on the book and make me feel like i should be alone with a new baby, anyway after more thoughs he decide to quit that job too BECAUSE HE SAID HE HATES TO BE AWAY FROM HIS FAMILY . after a month of no work he finds a new job closer to home...I worry about the bills and all that other stuff but he again tells me everything going to be ok....a few weeks later i get a call from our landlord telling me that maybe this year its going to sell the house.....Well another worry i get now i have to save money to move to another house but how can i do that....If my husband pay cheque only pays enought to keep us going through the month.....Anyway i got to talk to our landlord and he told me not to worry that maybe he wont sell....then after telling my husband that he is happy again but then he wants a stupid Dog.....after fighting about that too I give up i tell him he can had one..... A few days later he finds what he was looking I unsure about the whole thing i let him know that i am super tired cause i dont sleep at night cause the baby wakes up every hour...He said Not to worry But i know that i am going to be stuck with the dog all day and the baby and the house work and making all the meals .... so i dont have time for me anymore...well i get a bit of money from the gov. and then he said to used it to buy a dog but the dog its more then what i got so to make him happy I decide to sell all our jewellerry to help to pay for this dog..... well i felt like i just lost the something i though i could used this money to pay a bill or something but he seem to not care all he wants its a dog....later on i asked to come with me to get the baby shots But now he said he cant because the dog cant be at home alone and lose so i went on the net and find a create...But its not big enough he gets all mad and start to tell me every name under the book again.... and to top it off he tells me that he loves me but i feel that he doesnt everynight he comes home, walk into the house kiss the dog, comes to the living room kiss the baby and then he comes in the computer???? i feel like i just anothe object that soon its going to be in the corner collecting dust, I have been thinking about leaving him but i dont even know where to go with a new born baby, and i feel so ugly fat and everything horrible about my self what should i do??? because talking to him seem like its not going anywhere.
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Maybe you should find a fulfilling job and not stay at home. Maybe then you'll know if your husband appreciates/loves you in your absense. Make him sit down and have a private discussion about how you feel and ask how he feels. Plan date night just for the two of you.
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you kow exactly how i feel. My dilema i feel the family would despise me if i leave him. not the children they are young but parents and relatives. Right now he is hanging out with his friends wtching movies rather than be at home with his family. This seems to be happening a lot more. conversations with him are useless because we just end up in fights.
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IT SOUNDS LIKE MY STORY. BEEN MARRIED 17 YEARS, 2 KIDS, FULL TIME JOB AND A BIG HOUSE TO KEEP UP WITH IT. WE HAVE ALOT ON OUR PLATE. I FEEL THAT WE ARE SO MUCH IN LOVE BUT YET CONSTANTLY FIGHTING FOR ATTENTION FROM HIM. HIS STORY IS WE ARE MARRIED, I KNOW WHAT I HAVE I DON'T CONSTANTLY HAVE TO REASURE THIS. I'M HURTING.... IF HE LOVES ME THE WAY HE DOES WHY IS IT HARD TO SHOW. I FEEL LIKE WE ARE SO ANGRY AT EACH OTHER THAT WHAT EVER COMES OUT OF OUR MOUTHS IS ALWAYS NEGATIVE... WE'RE BOTH STRONG MINDED AND NEITHER OF THE TWO IS GIVING IN.
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We been together for 7years,.We were so close & now we argue over nothing. I try to talk to him but,we always end up fighting with each. Our romance is over, we can't even make love without fighting. I love him so much but I can't stand it when we fight. All I want is for us to be close.
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I am in a similar situation. My husband and I have only been married for 10 months. He is the provider. He takes care of finances. I work a part time job so I can some pocket money and pay for my car. I do all the housework. Our problem is similar to yours in that he doesn't meet my emotional needs. Nor does he care to understand the pain it causes me. He is extremely defensive and stubborn and rarely ever wants to be intimate with me. We have been going for counselling but I am starting to think it's a waste of time because whatever is discussed in the sessions does not get carried into our normal lives. If I wanted to leave him, I would have to move back home with my parents and that is definitely not something I want to do because I am 30 years old and should not have to depend on them. I would love to be able to support myself financially but my credit is terrible and I don't make much money. Also, my parents live an hour away and that is too far for me to get to work nor can I afford the gas money. It seems everytime I try to talk to my husband about my feelings, I too, like yourself, am left feeling even worse. So know that you are definitely not alone. I know my husband loves me but he doesn't love me the way I need him to. I hope that you can work things out for you and your family. We don't have any children but recently lost a baby when I was 5 months pregnant. I am seeking counselling for my own personal insecurities in hopes of helping myself feel better as a person and maybe that will help my marriage too. But I do know that we can change other people, we can only change ourselves. So if changing ourselves helps things than that is great. Staying married for the sake of children sounds difficult but believe me, when I was 14 yrs old, just going into highschool, my parents split. It was devasting and had major impacts on my personal growth. I lost interest in school when I used to be a straight A student. I got in with the wrong crowd. And never finished highschool. So now I am struggling in life because I never learned how to become independant and did not have the confidence to stick with anything. My parents got back together 7 yrs later and they are still together this day. Although they still have their marital issues I am happy that they stay together. Anyhow, I am probably rambling on too much. Again, you are not alone and if you would like to talk further please reply soon :)
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I pushed my husband away and made him feel bad about who he was, I had a partail hysterectomy then 8 month later a full hysterectomy with trace of ovorian cancer.. Everything went well, trying to be on the right hormonme pill was hell! Finally I'm there..
He had left me for 8 months, we still saw each other, not seeing anyone until he 1 month beffore he came home, he had an affair for 5 months even after he came home. I caught him.. It stopped but there is so much gulit and hurt he doesn't knw if he has that feeling.. The way I look at it he had 2 times not to come back to me and he did both times, know he says he dont knw if he loves me in that way, We had made love until he said that and when I said u wouldnt' make love to me if u didn't love me in that way, now he has pushed me away sexually, and feel he don't know if he has it in him to work through the mess. We have been together for 18 years married for 15. It has been a long and bumpy road but I'm hanging on because I love him and in love with him.. He loves me just trying to figure out if he still has feeling in that way! So if I can hang in u have the strength as a woman ion love! = |
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oh my god i know where you are coming from.ive been with my husband twelve long years and i do love him.we have three kids and i stay at home to look after them.he is in a band so all his spare time revolves around that.he has no time for me or my feelings iam just here to do my job ....loook after the kids and him.i dont feel he loves me or cares about me in any way shape or form.could i live without him?i dont know.could he live without me?yes.so i agree ith you if i thought i was strong enough to go it alone then i think i most definetely would.
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Yes, I do. My husband actually told me that h | |