| Name: pooja | Date: Apr 23rd, 2009 3:06 PM |
| i already have avery pretty son but now i want to take a second chance for a daughter and be pregnant again but my husband is not agreed for it ↑ |
| Name: wondering | Date: May 13th, 2009 10:21 PM |
| I know how you feel, we also have 2 beautiful children 1son and 1daughter and I would love JUST 1 more but my husband dousn't want the extra finantual pressure and he feels he is getting to old to have another baby i tell you now there is a 12yr gap between me and my husband so this is a little hard to. I find I have talked my head off ! so maybe if you get any good idea's let me know too please lol. ↑ |
| Name: J.C | Date: May 17th, 2009 1:27 PM |
| Here in the midwest where we live, the husband is not allowed to get fixed without his wife's approval first. They believe in this b/c it is the woman who carries the child and cares for it and therefore has the say in whether she wants more or not. ↑ |
| Name: Rachel | Date: May 20th, 2009 11:45 AM |
| My husband and I have two wonderful daughters that we adore. I would really like to try for a third child. It doesn't matter to me what the gender is. My husband doesn't want any more children. It breaks my heart that he doesn't want anymore. I don't want this to be a regret that I always have. He is good man who is a great father. I hate to make a big deal of it because he is so kind and giving. What should I do? ↑ |
| Name: blessed | Date: Jun 9th, 2009 2:08 PM |
I understand what you all are going through. I have always wanted 4 children, for as long as I can remember. Though I have always wanted a boy, as long as they were happy and healthy, I was elated. When I met my husband I already had two beautiful daughters from my first marriage. My husband has always been amazing with them. He has always treated them like they were his own kids and I am grateful for that. We got pregnant very quickly in our relationship. But in getting pregnant so quickly, we were thrown into something that our relationship wasn't ready for, not to mention, the ages of our girls are 4, 3, and 1. When our daughter was born, we had three kids in diapers (the oldest still wore pull-ups at night). We struggled financially for a very long time and our relationship was in shambles. Over the last few months though, things have gotten better. We have finally gotten married and have one of those relationships that you dream about. Built on love, mutual respect, and friendship. I couldn't ask for more, but I did anyway.
I recently mentioned that since our daughter will be 2 in October, maybe here soon we should try for another. My husband says he doesn't want anymore. At first I was hurt and angry because he knew my desires to have a big family and had even said he wanted a big family too. I asked him why and he said he was just sick of the whole "baby" stage. Dirty diapers, screaming, temper tantrums. He said he was enjoying them starting to get older and him being able to bond with them more. I contemplated all kinds of things from divorce to getting pregnant anyway and letting him deal with it. But then I though about it.
First, my husband had been out of work for a while, so he got to see the part of parenting that he never saw before. He got to understand why when he use to come home from work I would hand him the baby and go for a 10 minute walk. Being a full time mom/dad is hard.
Second, though unintentionally, I rarely gave him the opportunity to bond with our daughter. She suffers from acid reflux disease and so is quite often grumpy, but when she was a baby, whenever she started crying I would rush to her and insist on comforting her because she quieted down more quickly with me because she was more use to me. What I should have done was dealt with the screaming a little longer so that she bonded more with my husband. As a result of not having done that, she is just now letting my husband do anything with her without screaming.
Thirdly, we are just getting back on our feet, in more ways than one and my husband is the worrier in our family. So to have another now would put a ton of stress back on his shoulders that he just got off of them.
Fourth, I could never get pregnant without him being on board. The birth of a child is meant to be a happy and joyous occasion and I would have too much guilt to enjoy it. And I would never forgive myself if he resented me for having gotten pregnant.
So my conclusion is this. I love my husband more than life itself and though I want another child with him, I could never force it on him because, I WANT THE CHILD WITH HIM. He is who I want a family with and if having another child will send our relationship into shambles then I am left to say its not worth it. We have 3 beautiful children that we adore and though I would love another, my marriage is more important. Now to be honest, I think my husband will come around given time but even if he doesn't. I want to raise our kids with him, I want to grow old with him and there is no way I would sacrifice what I have with him now for a childhood dream. I don't know if this helps anyone or not because I know that every situation is different, this is simply mine and the solution for it. But I hope that the rest of you get what is truly the best for each of you. ↑ |
| Name: jacey | Date: Jun 14th, 2009 12:06 AM |
I am so glad to have found this site. i thought no one could understand how much i hurt. i am 32 and my husband is 48. my son is 15, i had him when i was 17. my husband has a 25 yr. old son. i want a daughter so bad. i have felt as if i lost a child, i've never met. i don't think my husband could begin to understand the hurt i feel. five yrs. ago we talked about adopting from china. i was so happy. when it came to making an appoitment with the agency he said he didn't want to commit to having another child. his compromise has been foster care. i've spent these five yrs. dealing with the hurt and decided to try the foster care becasue it is my only chance at having a daughter. i would take the chance of having a boy to have a baby with him. i didn't get to expericance the pregnacy i had with my son as joyful, i would love to share that with my husband. i can't help but to question if he loves me why will he not give this to me?
why is it that it has to be what he wants. should i be content with the fact that he is willing to do foster care and possibly adopt some day? i just wish i could make this hurt go away and be happy with my life. my husband is a good man who loves me and provides for me and my son. i have thought maybe i would be more happy with someone more my age who wants to have a baby. but i couln't see myself leaving the blessed life that I do have. so ths is why i wish i could let it go. i'm even in couseling because of this. i don't think i can ever explain to my husband how much i hurt, that i do cry myself to sleep sometimes, that is causes so much depression for me. i don't want to be 60 and regret not having another child, i don't want to cause distance in our marriage, but how can it be anyother way. ↑ |
| Name: Dolly | Date: Jun 14th, 2009 1:04 AM |
| How long are you willing to try for this girl and how many pregnancies are you willing to try for? What if the next two are boys? Then what? ↑ |
| Name: tumor | Date: Jun 14th, 2009 1:16 AM |
| OG, exactly what possessed you to search the internet about babies and those wanting them if you detest children so much? Subconscious yearning or something? Doesn't make much sense why a bitter bag would come on here just to rant about babies if she wasn't thinking about them! LOL ↑ |
| Name: wannababy | Date: Jun 16th, 2009 12:36 PM |
Jacey,
Our situations are similar. I’m 34. I have a 14 year old son. I desperately want another child as well. We had an “accidental” pregnancy a few years ago that ended as quickly as it began. Before then – I perused adoption sites.. longed in quiet.. but since then – the longing has taken over and I can’t be quiet about my want for more children – and my husband is dead set against it. I can’t get past the resentment.. but I do love him dearly. Every day – the resentment grows – as does my desire to have more children. I have scheduled an appointment for counseling for myself.. but I believe my choices are limited to. I can stay and resent him and cause us both unhappiness. I can leave and find love with someone who shares in my desire. I see no way past the resentment and I refuse to continue on feeling the way I do. My feet have been planted though – because of concern for how my son will feel. I couldn’t be much more torn. ↑ |
| Name: melissa | Date: Jul 5th, 2009 1:03 AM |
| no i dont think you are men dont understand what kind of bond mothers have with there daughters they get to have special bonds with there sons but wont allow us to try again for a girl i have three sons and i want a girl but my husband doesnt care to think of want i want only him thats how men are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: trowa | Date: Jul 13th, 2009 4:38 PM |
To the original poster - you already have 2 (presumably) healthy children, why do you need a third? It's not for the child's sake - it's all about YOUR needs, and YOUR need to be glorified. Nobody ever thinks of whether it's fair to the child.
You can't control your urges - well, men are supposedly wired to spread their seed around. if you want all the baybees you can handle, you'd better let your wallet - oh, I mean HUSBAND - go satisfy HIS urges with all the women he wants.
Go kill yourself, selfish breeder moos. ↑ |
| Name: frustrated | Date: Jul 17th, 2009 3:27 PM |
| my husband i got married a year ago. while we were dating, i made it very clear i wanted more children, i currently have one and my husband has one that lives with his mother. He had a vasectomy years ago but befor e we were married he promised to have it reversed. Now he says it is a bad time in the economy but i can tell from certain things he said he doesn't want anymore. He understood that there were relationships in the past that i ended because they didn't want more children. I think it is unbeleivably unfair to lead me on so we could get married i know now that his heart is not on having more. can i live with that or will i resent him for protraying something false? ↑ |
| Name: frustrated | Date: Jul 17th, 2009 3:49 PM |
| i just wanted to add that i changed my entire life to be with him and sometimes i feel it is under false pretenses that i chose him. I had my son at a very young age and had to raise him on my owb for ten years. I chose veryb carefully the person that would be his father anbd made sure our needs were common. now i find out they are not. in love myn husband more than words and am having a hard timr to even type the words that i might think he was being manipulative,m what do ni do? feeling very sad and depressed. ↑ |
| Name: I Feel All Alone | Date: Jul 18th, 2009 2:13 AM |
| okay whoever this trowa is, didn't your mom teach you that if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all, your words are very harsh and unfair. I don't think you're getting it, it's not right that the man/husband and or boyfriend gets to make the final decision for the whole family and that's it. All these men have this picture in their minds of the perfect family, perfect job, the nice house with the white picket fence but does that picture include their partners? Obviously not or they would be open to discussion or even try to consider having another baby. You don't know these women or their situations, you don't know how much money they have or if the woman works. I have two children and would love to have another but like all these other women my husband gets the final word and I just have to sit by and take it. As for my husbands "wallet", I contribute almost as much as he does to his wallet and I don't know about these other women but his wallet is as much his as it is mine. I really don't think you belong in this chat, you need to maybe be on the site for women haters, or on the site to rent a woman to "spread your seed". I'm just assuming that by your message to all of us "selfish breeder moos" that you are single and probably be so for a very long time if not forever, because If you spoke to any woman like that, hopefully she would have the common sense not to be with you. I understand that you may be very lonely and maybe you should go see somebody about this so it doesn't eat you up inside, and stay off of this site, bucause really, what you say is not going to change how we feel. ↑ |
| Name: lol | Date: Jul 22nd, 2009 7:18 PM |
| simple...sleep whit annother person and get pregnant of course it will screw evry thing up but hey you might get an daughter..LOL ↑ |
| Name: neo | Date: Aug 18th, 2009 7:59 PM |
| i want another baby but my husband dos not.what should i do? ↑ |
| Name: mommy05 | Date: Sep 13th, 2009 11:14 PM |
| Hello I just read your post and can relate to you. I have a 4 yr. old boy that I love dearly. I want a little girl to have that special bond with as well. I want it so bad that it hurts. My husband is not ready to have another one yet if ever. I am thinking if ever. He knows how upset I am about the situation and I feel rejected by him. We went through a tough financial patch a couple of years ago so I feel that he is scared of that again. I am not sure what to do. I just got ride of all my sons clothes and baby gear because I really do not think he will change his mind. How do you deal with such a pain. Its a human being that I want and he thinks it can wait. WE are running out of time. I never dreamed of my kids being that far apart. I am a girl of 6 kids and he is one of 5 kids. I couldnt imagine growing up any other way. I am only asking for one more even if its a boy I just would like one more to be content. (If it were my way I would have 3 total). PLease help me. Thank You! ↑ |
| Name: Loretta | Date: Sep 25th, 2009 11:38 PM |
| My husband and I had our first baby 15 years ago. We were busy making money for some years, and kept putting off baby making, but at some point I decided that I wanted another child. He kept putting it off and would get very angry when I brought the subject up. I kept asking for a child for three years! Finally, he gave in and I got pregnat three years ago (my son is now 2+ years old). My kids are 13 years apart and they have only a small connection between them. My daughter grew up as an only child and I see my son being very lonely too. His sister is a teenager with her own friends and interests! I want another baby so my son can have a playmate, but my husband is again negative and almost hostile when I try to talk to him about this. He quit sleeping with me so he wouldn't have sex with me on my fertile days. At other times he does have sex with me but he quits the last minute so as not to make me pregnant. I feel terrible emotional pain from all this and I think it is a form of emotional abuse. He got into a marriage relationship with me and that entails chiidlren, he knew that from the very beginning. My needs (emotional, sexual, etc) are just as valid as his needs (to be carefree?). My children`s need to have siblings are also valid. Since we have paid off our home and have some savings, I think that he is not taking as much a financial risk as he thinks he is. I make good money myself, so I can help raise the children, he won`t carry the load by himself. Lately, I find the resentment towards him to be overwhelming. I cannot love a person that causes me so much pain. He is not considerate of my feelings, my needs, my dreams, just his own. But marriage is a unity, when both persons have equal rights. He is older than me. Great. I am not ready to retire and take it easy. I feel stronger than ever and my happiness depends on having chidlren. I love him and I don't want to raise my children without a father, but I think it is not fair to me to give up on my dreams because of him. This is a sacrifice that I am not prepare to make. I talked to him about the pain that I feel, about how bad I need a child, about how depressed I get at the thought of not holding another child in my arms for ever and ever. I begged and I pleaded. I got angry and threatened to divorce. It has been a year now that he plays games trying to avoid getting me pregnant: pretending he is tired, pretending he does not get an erection, drinking alcohol, etc. I had enough. I have come in contact with a fertility clinic and I explained to them that I need an artificial insemination. I will try this way. All I want is to hold a baby in my arms and forget how mean he has been. ↑ |
| Name: Broken Heart | Date: Oct 9th, 2009 10:17 AM |
| WOW, i thought I was alone. I am 32 and my husband is 10 yrs older. We have three beautiful boys and we BOTH love them so much. I am finally a stay at home mom and have so much time and love to give. PROBLEM = I want one more and he detest the idea and thinks I am completely selfish. I am the youngest of 6 kids and he is one of 2 kids. I was pregnant in June of this yr and 14 weeks into the pregnancy I had a miscarriage. The worst day ever for me - the happiest day for him. He said that he would love the 4th just as much as the other 3 but feels that we should just focus on the three and I should be happy with what we have. I AM BUT I feel that I have so much love, energy and attention to give to my 3 boys and one more. I do not want to "convince" my husband to have another child, I know what kind of resentment toward me that would lead to. BUT I cannot be married to someone and live a life with them knowing that we both are not on the same wave length. How do I move forward? what do I do? My heart is broken and I cannot stop thinking about leaving him ↑ |
| Name: Theresa Leonetti | Date: Oct 10th, 2009 12:37 AM |
I am married for almost 14 years this november i have 2 beauiful girls.Sadly on a beauiful sunny day i had a miscarriage,i was 8weeks the year 2007.My husband was on board to try again mind you i resigned at my job because the pain and hurt was overbaring.
We where in the middle of .... and he told me that we are not trying no money but came to this decision on his own.
For years now i am in counseling regarding the hurt of my miscarriage and the hurt of him cutting me off.
We have been talking but everytime i mention baby he flips out i say he broke his vow to me and moraly he is wrong.
I am 44 years old and time is running out I pray every day for a sign and it always brings me back to trying for a boy he wont even try for 6 months. I am so hurt and confused by all this.
So any one who can help in your word please do because if he wanted more and I didnt because he is my husband I would.
PLEASE HELP!! ↑ |
| Name: ebaby | Date: Oct 12th, 2009 9:24 PM |
| Theresa, I am in the same boat as you. I feel as if my husband has taken away, my option to have any more children, just because he doesn't want any more. We have two kids, a boy and a girl. Most people would say "aren't you happy with that?". Yes, I am. But women have a maternal instinct. Something they feel inside them, that NO MAN would ever understand. I have always known I wanted to have 3 children. Even when I was pregnant with my second, I knew in my heart that it wouldn't be the last. Now, because my husband doesn't want anymore, I am supposed to be ok with that? I don't want to be 50, and look back and say, I wish I had had another. Or why did I stay with a man who doesn't want children? Needless to say, even though we have 2, that decision never came easy. That was a struggle all its own. The first was not planned, more of a surprise. We got married and all was well. Then when I was ready for a 2nd, he kept putting it off, and putting it off. I really wanted to have a baby that we both wanted to try for. Finally when he was kind of ready, I had to beg him to be with me to make it happen. To make it worse, I had 3 early miscarages over the year it took to get pregnant. Every time I got pregnant, I was worried it wouldn't last. Then I had to beg to try again...Finally my son was born, 5 years apart from my first. Now he is almost 3, and I am ready. I want to have the third now and be done. Not separate them so far apart, but he isn't willing. He told me today that he knows he doesn't want any more. He said he loves his kids, but if he had to do it all over again, he wouldn't. So I am at a crossroads. Leave and be happy, or stay and always wonder... ↑ |
| Name: KLT1027 | Date: Oct 27th, 2009 12:26 AM |
| My husband got a vasectomy 10+ yrs before we got married. We did research on reversing the vasectomy but, the procedure is not promised to work. Plus it is too expensive. It has become a stressor in our relationhip. I don't have any children. He has two children from two previous relationships. I always wanted a house whole of children. We have been trying to adopt for three years. My husband don't appear interested in adopting a child. If, my husband refuses to adopt our marriage will be over. Please talk to your husband about getting a vasectomy . Look at the consequences of receiving a vasectomy. It will truely affect your relationship. ↑ |
| Name: Kara | Date: Nov 9th, 2009 3:30 PM |
Orwell---I cannot even begin to relate to you. I think you are so selfish. You made a decision to have unprotected sex in a committed relationship. You knew that their was a risk that your wife could become pregnant! You need to suck it up and get over yourself. This child needs to feel loved and welcomed even before he or she arrives. This is you and your wife's baby you are talking about. Get over yourself and the what ifs and the resentment. It is what it is!
I have four sons and would love to have another child. Sure I would love a girl, but I would equally welcome another son. My husband is totally against having another child. I will not pressure him into it because I don't want him to resent me. If I was to force him I would be telling him that my feelings are more important than his and that is simply not true. This is a decision we both need to be on board with. ↑ |
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