I would really appriciate any advice anyone might have... I recently recieved a settlement, that is enough to take care of my husband and I for now, without having to work. It's only enough to get him through school and pay for expenses while he's at school, and I have told him how important it is for him to start school right away. He was supposed to enrol in the fall, but he failed to get ahold of his transcripts in time. I enrolled for him, all I asked is that he get his transcripts at least in time for winter classes. Online enrolment is a week away, and he still has not contacted his old school. He just sits around playing video games. We just moved into a new place, and my son is 5 months old. So on top of decorating-cleaning I have to take care of my son. He occasionally helps with the dishes, but other then that he complains and never wants to give me a hand with anything. When he does one small favor, he thinks he's the best husband ever... when in reality he does very little in comparison to me,Tonight I asked my husband to watch our son while I put xmas lights up, and he did for a short while... but after I was done he complained and told me sarcasticly "Oh thanks for putting xmas lights up, for yourself" Basically, he doesn't care about what we do as a family, our if we feeel like a family... He doesn't care if we have traditions or spend time together or have a nicely organized house, he just wants to be left alone to play video games....
I'm really close to just calling it quits, I just don't know how someone could be so lazy and just not care about anything. It is SO important for our future for him to get into school and finish up, or we'll run out of money and he'll be stuck working a min wage job... We have a good oppurtunity and he knows it, he just doesn't seem to have any motivation or care...
I post this is two areas since i'm not sure where i'll get a response, sorry if this bothers anyone.
Help pleaaaaaaaseeee!!! ↓
|Name: crissy | Date: Dec 1st, 2005 7:03 AM
|im sorry to here about this its really sad that you have to go |
through this but you see god does so many beautiful things i should no my mum and dad spilt my brother died when he was born i feel so sorry to here about you. I'm a christain and i now there is a way but you have to pray to God to help you through all your troubles take good care!!!!!!!! ↑
|Name: tb | Date: Dec 1st, 2005 8:02 AM
|It sounds to me you have a real problem. What if you didn't do the house work for a couple of days would he complain? If he's not working he should be doing equal work around there. Maybe you need to make a night a week just for you to go out and do something and make him clean,cook and take care of your son. It's hard you just need to put your foot down right now and be strong. GOOD LUCK!!!!! ↑|
|Name: Aleta | Date: Dec 27th, 2005 9:22 AM
|Lesli, you're not the only person with a gaming problems partner. My husband, after 5 years of marriage with a 17 months baby is still addited to games. I go throught the same problem when I was pregranant and when the baby was born and like you I many time wanted to call it quit. But I think for the baby sake. My husband is a loving, kind, and gentle person but it just that he's addited to playing games. On rare days he will put effort in to take care of me and our baby but every other day he would play and I do most of the work. Now I work full time and since he's a freelance he have more time to help around the house. I would nag him into doing it, drive him nut but it's work. We have the power to nag to their ear bleed cuz these guy they will never grow up...and they alway talk like they are the best husband in the world! |
I have a sister who have two kids, 2yrs and 3yrs and she's addited to games. Can you imagine she stay up to 3-4 in the morning playing games. Her husband wouldn't let her install games in their computer so she sleep over at my parent place on a regular bases to play all night. Her kids sleep on the floor on a sleeping bag....these gamer doesn't know when to grow up..... ↑
|Name: Petty | Date: Dec 28th, 2005 4:44 PM
|This mat sound realy petty but....My husband has his friends over and they stay up all night drinking playing video games, and being just plain old loud....meanwhile i'm upstairs trying to sleep....so you know what i did? I broke the playstaion II.....with our son on the way, we can't afford another $150 game so he had to put it on hold....you should let something mysteriously happen to it, and just play dumb. ↑|
|Name: annon | Date: Jan 4th, 2006 7:22 PM
|What the heck is wrong with men today??? They are little boys who have the ability to have children. My ex who is now 32 still plays his games with his friends all the time as though these games are real life and his family is just pretend. We divorced over more serious issues, but playing games till the we hours every night with his friends played a huge part. HEY spend the money on an education for yourself!!!! ↑|
|Name: bianca | Date: Jan 4th, 2006 9:35 PM
|well first you need to be congratulated for wearing both the pants and the skirt around the house. i understand that its your husband but it sounds like a bad investment. the answer is right in front of your face. why dont you get a financial counselor and find something better to do with your money. you can take a horse to the water but you cant make him drink. if he does enroll and drop out you would be even more upset. what about you? have you thought about going to school or looking into your future? just think about it. have you two considered financial aid? ↑|
|Name: overworked | Date: Jan 17th, 2006 9:19 AM
|It is time to give him a taste of reality. Go aways for a weekend, and leave the baby with him. Leave him a list of what needs to be done and how to do it. He needs to realize that you are not the only one in the marraige that knows how to do anything. |
My husband sounds like yours. He worked for about 3 months last year, and is not back on the couch, watching tv and eating all of the food. I work all day, come home, cook dinner, do laundry and clean up his junk food wrappers. What is worse, is that I was in a car accident 7 months ago, and I have doctors appointments almost every afternoon. I have many limitations, and I stil ldon't get any help. We also own rental property, and are rehabbing one of them. I go there on the weekends and work. We come home, after he whines and complains the entire day, and have to do all of the weekend chores also. He won't eve nlift a finger to help, but he is very tempermental and gets very angry with me when things are not perfect for him. We even have to watch what he wants to on tv. He will sit there and complain that I am working on laundry aor other things while the tv is on. he wants me all to himself, but does nothing to help me have a minutes to breath. I work full time, havd a 13 year old daughter who needs hel pwith homework, I own 2 businesses, and he does nothing. We are not able to make it anymore on just what I make. We have been married for 4 months, but I let him move in 8 months before the wedding, because he was not working, and we figured it would be less expensive to run 1 household. After we were married, on the second day of our honeymoon, he handed me a stack of bills and told me they needed to be paid. I ended up catching him up on over $30,000 in bills, and he has not once thanked me for it. He jsut sits around and complains that we don't have enough money to do all of the travelling he wants to. I go wihtout eating, just so he has money for cigarettes. He does nto wnat to get a job, because he doesn't like people telling him what to do. He thinks his way is the only way. He thinks this way at home also. Everything has to be his way, but he says that he compromises alot. I asked him to let me know when he is compromising. He never does. Then he comes back and says he told me over 100 times that week . If I would have known he was going to change the day we got married, I never would have married him.
Do not let you husband turn into someone like mine. Tell him to get some sort of job. A little money is better than no money.
Or; you can with hold in the bedroom unitl he gets a job. Maybe if he does without, he will understand. Good luck!!! ↑
|Name: Veronica | Date: Jan 20th, 2006 9:26 PM
I'm not going to complain, but I'm in the same boat. What both of our hubbys need is to see a counselor. I think they both are afraid of failure! There's a deep-seeded problem that won't fix itself. They are escaping from reality. The going back to school yourself, is the best advice anyone has given you so far. I'm going to school and I feel very empowered knowing that if the marriage fails, I'll be able to take care of myself and my daughter. Also, there are books you can find on the web about this subject. Just make sure the author is reputable. I empathize with you whole heartedly! God bless you. ↑
|Name: ginger | Date: Feb 10th, 2006 10:25 AM
|Let me tell you from personal experience this situation will only get worse. You are already taking care of him too much. I started that a long time ago and am now almost 40 and have a husband who is completely dependent on me for everything. He 'lets' me do all of the housework, bills, car repair, child care (3) solve any problems he has. He spends his time as he wants while I take care of everything else. We both work (at least he has a job.) When he comes home, he sits in front of the television or computer (surfing) while I clean up, help kids with homework, do a load or two of laundry, fix dinner, clean up after dinner, (Which he gets and takes with him to eat while he stares at his screen). I then spend some time visiting with the kids and getting them ready for bed. The kids are usually in bed by 8:30. I then pack lunches for the next day (his included) and handle any little ones who wander out for a drink of water, or some other delaying tactic. When all is quiet and I have a moment to myself, I will start grading papers (I'm a teacher) or sometimes try to relax and read a book. This is when my husband 'needs' my attention. I f I do not respond the way he wants me to, he sulks & pouts in an effort to manipulate me. If I try to go to bed early, he often starts a fight (maybe unconciously). I am up at 5:30 the next morning getting everyone dressed, fed and packed up for school while he snores away then, waits until the last minute to get ready and get out the door.|
So please, GO NOW!! It is alright to be his friend, but do not enable him. It will not make him a better person and you will feel used and resentful. He will not learn and grow without suffering the natural consequences of his actions. He is not your responsibility. You are not a selfish person (although that may be his reaction) This is called tough love. Unless some other woman enables him when you are not there, he may surprise you and become a stronger, moe self-confident person. In my own case, I am afraid it is too late. My husband has never had to take care of himself and has no confidence in his ability to do so. I feel like I have contributed to this and am now responsible for him. I would divorce him, but how would he survive? If there are any women out there who would like a smart, handsome (I fell for that-how shallow) affectionate, 43 year old manchild to nurture- Please contact me so that I can find him a good home. ↑
|Name: rpaice | Date: Feb 15th, 2006 5:31 PM
|I'm glad that there are other women out there that have these same problems. Luckily my husband works, but that was a struggle and if he could stay home and play on the XBOX all day he would. I work full time too, and still have to make sure that dinner is made, my daughtersí homework gets done, everyone has clean clothes and that the house stays picked up. Oh and he's very vocal and I dread the days when he doesn't have that shirt clean that he needs. I never hear the end of it. He does occasionally do things, but its only when he feels like it. The bad part is that I feel like I will eventually end up like Ginger if I don't try and fix this. I am really starting to feel a lot of resentment and anger towards him and am not sure where the love part comes into play. Another problem I have is that I'm not very good about expressing my feelings so when I start to talk about my frustration, I feel like its stupid to bring it up and just end up crying and not saying anything. Is there anyway to approach it nicely but still express how I feel and make changes? ↑|
|Name: anon | Date: Feb 18th, 2006 1:59 PM
|phew! god it's so good to find women with similar issues! my husband is 36, works at a coffee shop (yes, at least he has a job!) but is unmotivated beyond that. he's a good man and his heart is in the right place for the most part but i feel empty so much of the time. i work all the time and do all the housework (he does help sometimes) but my husband is perfectly happy sitting in front of the computer, smoking pot and doing nothing! he has no ambition and that hinders mine as well. bottom line: he's lazy! he can't even keep up with his hygiene (showers once a week!!) women his entire life have enabled him and sometimes i'm afraid i made a mistake marrying him. i feel like he's the ball and chain. i feel like now that we are married he got what he wanted so he doesn't have to try anymore. i agree with everyone: what happened to these guys?? our fathers generation would die of shame before acting like this. it's really frustrating that this generation of men/children just doesn't care! so what do we do? stick it out (i'm 35!) or leave and let them figure it out on their own? ↑|
|Name: Nikki | Date: Feb 21st, 2006 7:16 AM
|i know this may not be a very good solution, but, have you ever asked him about how HIS parents divided up work? A lot of men that just expect their wives do everything had dads that let their moms do everything. Maybe try asking him if he wants his kids growing up to be the same way - lazy boys and unappreciated, overworked girls. If he cares at all about his kids, maybe that might make him see it in another light... ↑|
|Name: kelliet | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 12:04 PM
|I am sorry lesli that u are going through what ur husband is taking u through.|
I am getting married in less than 75 days. My fiance has lost his job. so of course i have to not only plan a wedding but pay for it aswell.
unless he gets a job.
we don't even have rings yet.
i don't know what i should do.
i love him but he is not motivated to get a job.
last year when we first started dating he moved into his apartment and loss his job. his dad paid his rent for almost a year before i found out. he sat around for three months.
until i quit my job to stay at home and make him get a job.
i don't know if i have that kind of energy left.
i don't want to be taking care of him.
even though i love him.
he is a man he asked me to marry him.
he has responsibilities as a husband. ↑
|Name: Tameshia | Date: Mar 23rd, 2006 10:32 AM
|I recently dumped my fiance for not having any initiative to either go back to school or go to work. He lives with three other friends who works. He blame all his problems on his broke arm but he still manages to play video games all day and all night. He told me I was insympathetic for dumping him because he can't work due to a broke arm. Honey, he didn't work for months before this "incident" occured. And now, I'm the one who needs prayer for having a hard heart....I don't understand. ↑|
|Name: Michelle | Date: Mar 23rd, 2006 1:37 PM
|I am in a very bad realtionship. I am with someone who has a massive gambling problem and puts his entire paycheck into lottery tickets and sports gambling. I just recently had to get married to him for insurance purposes and I really didnt want to but I am pregnant and didnt have any insurance, and his income was too high for our family unit for me to qualify for medicare. Anyways on top of his gambling problem, he expects me to stay at home and cook and clean and do laundry when in return he gives me nothing but stress and makes me depressed all the time. Our bills go unpaid, we have an electric bill over 1500 dollars and he is way behind on our mortgage. I dont get any money at all from him and I get child support from my ex husband and he takes evey last penny of that too. I have nothing for myself. When I am allowed any type of money I spend it all on my kids for their needs. He takes my childrens lunch money at the begining of the week so I have to hide it from him. I am so depressed and dont know where to turn. He doesnt realize that he has a huge gambling problem and wont go to counciling for help. I keep telling him to leave but he wont, he says its his house, and I should leave. But I have 4 children and no where to go. I know its only a matter of time before I lose the place that I live because of him and I think he should let me and the kids stay here until that happens. He is so selfish and its getting to the point where something bad is going to happen if we stay together. Where can I turn for help????/ He is destroying our lives!!!!! ↑|
|Name: Lana | Date: Apr 28th, 2006 1:24 PM
|I understand completely. I think your husband is depressed. The reason I say this is because I am married to a man with similar symptoms. My husband got laid off from work over a year ago, told me he was going to go back and get his Masters and has done none of that. He seems to enjoy staying at home in front of the computer. Luckily we don't have a child in the picture but that doesn't stop him from pressuring me. I have decided if he can't help himself, (I have taken him to numerous counselling sessions), then I have to help myself. I will not live like this forever, it's unhealthy and it's unhealthy fo you and your child. ↑|
|Name: shoejunkie | Date: May 12th, 2006 3:41 PM
|Boy does this hit home with me! My situation is different in your in several ways, most notably that we don't have a child and that I work full time myself, but I am forever dealing with my chronically lazy husband. I think that your husbands lack of motivation and immaturity is highlighted in your relationship because his actions could potentially make a huge and potentially devastating impact on your future if he doesnít get his act together. If this were my situation I would be going insane right now. Incidentally, in my case, I am the primary bread-winner because I have job skills that have a higher earning potential. Iím ok with this. I make a great living and can support us whether my husband works or not. That is not the issue for me. The issue, as childish as it sounds, is more of a ďitís not fair ď thing. I know, itís stupid, but itís how I feel. My husband has coasted through his entire life, never really having to take care of himself or be responsible for himself. Throughout our 8 year marriage he has only intermittently held a job. He went a good two years without working at all, while I flew across the country twice a week to earn enough money to support us. In the meantime he sat at home playing video games, watching T.V., painting mediocre pictures and doodling in his sketchbook. No, heís not an artist, itís just a hobby. I allowed this fr a time because of his continuing claims that he was going ot go back to school and get a degree affording him more opportunities. Yeah right, he started at a junior college, two classes a WEEK, not even for credit, and dropped out without telling me. Currently he ďholdís a jobĒ and actually makes a paycheck, but I still find that Iím frustrated with him. Why? Because his goal is only to do as little as possible! He keeps seeking out these jobs where he ďworksĒ offsite. He leaves for work at about 7:30 am, makes an appearance at wherever heís supposed to be working for the day then somehow manages to sneak out and come back home. Heís usually back home by 9:00 am, playing video games, watching T.V. or heading to the beach. He thinks that I should be happy that he is holding a job and is able to screw these companies heís working for into paying him for a full 40 hours a week when he MAYBE works 3 hours a week, but I am clearly not thrilled about this as I sit at work all day long and heís out somewhere screwing around and spending money. This is certainly not a situation I want to bring a child into, and having a child is something I have always wanted to do. It wonít ever be a reality for me unless my husband changes. I think the key question here is WHY DONíT OUR HUSBANDS HAVE ANY MOTIVATION!!! Mine, in addition to no motivation also has no scruples and Iím sure will get caught soon making it even harder for him to find work, but still. The heart of the matter is that we both have husbands that act like children and we didnít get married to be mommies to our husbands! Not to mention they only resent us for telling them what to do anyway. What, may I ask, are we supposed to do here? ↑|
|Name: Kay | Date: May 29th, 2006 9:35 AM
|I am also married to a lazy guy. We have 2 daughters. 2 and 4 years olds. Unlike you, we have major financial problems. When we had our first child, I talked my husband into attending Devry Online. He never put any time into classes. He woudn't do the homework and the quizzes. I found myself doing all of my husbands coursework. When I had our children he wouldn't get a job and keep it. We were actually homeless with our first child. I was so devasted. I was 19 at the time and didn't realize I was sheltering a uncaring lazy ass. He didn't care for family activities. Holiday times were special to our kids, simply because I made it that way. Also, at the time I was fat. He never kissed me. He always made negative comments about my weight. He would disrespect me by breaking his neck to stare at other women. He tried to get back with his ex while I was pregnant. He wrote her letters that stated he was still in love with her. By this time I was thinking, Oh my gosh, I've put up with all this from this guy, loved his broke ass all the while I was faithful. He wrote the letter to his ex, and get this address the letter in my mothers address( oh I forgot to mention this, the prick tried to get into both of my sisters pants). Now it's 2006. after being a faithful wife of 3 years, and being moral support for my husband after his suicide attempts and hospitalizations on Thanksgiving and Christmas, I can't take any more. I truly think he tried these acts because he felt doomed into a loveless relationship. A loveless relationship that I wasn't aware of. I'll graduate next year in June from Devry University Online. I am over 200 pounds lighter. My husband and I are so close to divorce. He decided to take the kids room for himself. So, we don't share rooms anymore. At first it hurt, but now I a numb. I can't stand when he tries to spend time by invading my privacy. He uses the kids as excuses of crossing into our room. I pray that one day I won't be required to go through this. Our kids and finances are what holds our marrieage together currently. But after I graduate, the kids will be old enough to handle leaving their father, and I will be financially stable. I am only 23 and sometimes I wonder why all this happened to me? ↑|
|Name: louise | Date: Jun 1st, 2006 1:34 PM
|It seems I'm not the only one who is at the end of her rope with a husband I love, but who will NOT get a job because I am taking care of everything. I have read all of the posts here with some alarm. For many of you, this situation has gone on for years without change. For me, it has been about a year and a half with no end in site. I have just come to a painful conclusion: tonight, when I get home, he will be treated like the lazy teenage boy he has become. I will pull out the ol' 'family contract', giving him a deadline to find work or I begin to separate our finances. I don't want to kick him out, I don't want to say good-bye, but I also don't want to feel resentful and angry anymore, and I certainly don't want to face the financial ruin I see coming our way. If the deadline comes and goes and he does not have a job (or prospects), then the consequences will be to take his car off of our insurance, eliminate his access to our credit account, and take him off of my work health insurance. The agreement will be that when he gets a job, he will go back on everything. If he still does not get a job, then he will have to find himself an apartment so that I can rent out the back bedroom to someone who will reliably participate in making the mortgage payments. This is a sad and ugly state to be in, but it is my hope that these ugly measures may finally get his attention. Like y'all, I did not sign on to support my husband when we got married. I love him, but I also want to respect him. ↑|
|Name: Lizzi | Date: Jun 2nd, 2006 8:38 PM
|My husband works part-time and thinks that because he works outside the home then that means it excuses him from yardwork and anything else that might need to be done around the house that a man should take care of!!!! ↑|
|Name: Ally Weinberg | Date: Jun 22nd, 2006 9:02 PM
|I saw your posting and thought this may be something that interested you. Please contact me right away if it is.|
Greg Behrendt, the author of "He's Just Not That Into You" and "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken", has a new talk show.
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We will be tackling a variety of relationship topics from marriage and dating to friendship and family problems and are looking for energetic, outgoing guests. We also need opinionated audience members who live in the Los Angeles area. If you are selected to be on the show and do not reside in Southern California, your travel expenses will be covered.
We're looking to help put people on the right path; this is a very positive new program.
Right now we're looking for guests for the following show:
Are you a Supermom? Do you do EVERYTHING with your kids and at home? Are you always 10 places at once? You love your husband, he's a good guy, but you wish he would help pick up the slack when you can't? Do you do everything around the house? He's not romantic or gives you bad gifts on your birthday (when he remembers your birthday)?
If you are interested in participating (for ANY show topic), please contact me right away. Feel free to forward this email along to anyone who might be interested or know someone who would be. Thank you very much for your time.
|Name: pj754 | Date: Jun 23rd, 2006 11:10 AM
|I hear all you ladies out there!!! I was in the same boat. I was married for 12 years, always trying to get my husband to be more motivated. Yet, finally, I discovered I was never going to change him. He was going to do what he wanted to do no matter what. Granted, he did work a full time job that allowed me to stay at home to raise the children but he took me for granted. To him, I was just a physical body, who was the nanny, housekeeper, chef, disciplinarian and secretary. His time after work was all for himself. His excuse was, "Well at least I don't go out to bars after work!" When our finances would get tight, he had the capabilities to earn extra money by doing side jobs or working overtime. He refused. When I decided to get a part time job waitressing at night to help suppliment our finances, he would try to make home life harder for me. He wouldn't help to get homework done, put the children to bed or clean up after himself or them. Finally, I told him that if he was trying to make life harder for me because I am working, I will chose work instead of him. Needless to say, I ended up divorcing him. He was very impractical. He would spend money like it was water especially on a new 4 door dually deisel truck that cost us over $1,000 a month for him to drive back and forth to work which he has no business owning. His thinking if he owned something like that, he was hot shit. He knew perfectly well the money we had was already spent towards bills. Then, he started blaming me for our financial problems because I was the one handling the money. About 2 months before I left, he told me he was taking over the bills and not to pay anything out of the check book. Ok, I went along with the program for a little while until the notices starting coming in that our utilities were going to be shut off. I was able to pay the important bills that wouldn't affect our credit without telling him because I didn't want him to ever come back and say that I ruined his credit. Wouldn't you know, after the divorce, he states I ruined him. Yet, since I filed for divorce, his work started to become scarce and sporatic only because he didn't want to have to pay child support. However, that didn't work in the court's eyes. Now, he's truck and house payment is more important than his children. He doesn't pay in a timely manner and he whines and cries to the children, "Oh, poor me, poor me, your mother ruined me!" I've been away from this man for 3 years and he is still struggle with his finances. It goes to show it's his problem and not mine. Material things were his main priority, always have been. That's part of the reason why I left him. He took for granted what it takes to keep a household running. I tried to get him to understand priorities but he is very stubborn and wants to do things his way. Well, he's doing it without me. I knew I was going to have a struggle as a single mother of three but I rather did that then be in a relationship that was literally killing me inside. So, no matter how much you think you can try to change their minds, you can't!! Only they can be the ones, who want to change themselves. Our relationship got to the point that I would just ignore him and kept myself busy with the kids, housework, etc.... What kind of life is that? I thought I was stuck and had no way out. When I realized the relationship we had was effecting our children, I knew it was time for me to go. Staying in this kind of unhealthy relationship for the children's sake wasn't good for them. Now, I am a much stronger, happier person. The person I knew I was without the influence of my ex making me feel so low. I know this because my children tell me so. They said I seemed angry all the time and would always tell them no. Now, I am more willing to focus on them in making them happy and try my hardiest to lay a good foundation for them in life, even though their dad tries to interfere with it. The only advice I can share is to communicate with your spouse. Explain how you feel and that you want some changes that both of you can work on together as a family. If he is unwilling to help meet you in the middle, then he is never going too. It will only make you more miserable. Fighting to survive in a relationship is not good for either one. ↑|
|Name: Veronica | Date: Jul 2nd, 2006 3:15 PM
|I am having the same problem. My husband talked me into selling my home and moving away from my family and things that I loved. We made $$$ on our old house and put it away for HOUSE $$. New thee months later...I can not stand the sight of him because he is being so complacent in looking for work. Now all of the sudden, he wants ME to go to work. Who will care for the children...if and when he finds a job! LOL! Can not take anymore! AAARRRGGG...if I vent...it causes a mejor upheaval in the house and a huge fight. ↑|
|Name: pj754 to Veronica | Date: Jul 3rd, 2006 8:12 AM
|It really sticks when you are trying very hard to move forward with your life as a family and the other partner doesn't have their priorities straight. I hate it when they depend solely on us to keep things running smoothly but they don't want to take responsibility, too. Then when things start to go wrong, we get blamed for everything. No matter how much I busted my butt even though I was a stay at home mom, it was never good enough. Would you believe, when I was going through my divorce, my ex wouldn't let me have some of things out of the house. For example: my sewing machine, cookware, candle holders, Longaberger baskets, my clothes, etc... Since, my name was still on the house, I ended up breaking into the house and taking some of things that were important to me. Yet, even though it was court ordered for him to give me some of the items out of the house, he still managed to make them disappear. Plus, he hid a lot of stuff thinking if it was out of sight, it would be out of mind. I let him have almost everything out of the house and started my life over from scratch. I figured they were material items and they could be replaced. He was doing all of this to try and make me made but I didn't care. I just wanted away from him. However, I couldn't get very far because we have 3 children we share custody with. |
Veronica, my advice to you is, stash some money if you can if you feel things are going to go further south in your relationship. Remove some of your most important things to you out of the house and store it with family or friends. I do hope things will work out for you. Be careful not to let him control you. My ex didn't want me to work because he knew I would earn my own money and leave him. I guess he was right on that. Stand strong and don't let him ruin you. ↑
|Name: Heather | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 2:31 AM
|I have been in exactly your situation. My husband didn't work for the first 3 years we were together. He did the same thing; sit around and play video games. He would tell me that he was going to do something and blow it off then tell me that it was no big deal. I ended up losing my job because I had an accident and he found a way to make that about him. I don't think this has anything to do with laziness. I think these men are selfish and have a sever Peter Pan complex. They expect what they give to be good enough and we should take care of them. Both financially and emotionally. ↑|
|Name: tessa5839 | Date: Sep 30th, 2006 5:34 PM
|I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I have been together for 13 years, but married for almost 11 and have 4 children. For the first couple of years, it was ok. Then after we got married and later had our second child, everything went down hill. I found out that he had been chatting with other women online and had even tried to meet with them. He admitted to cheating on me twice. He started going out with old friends and eventually ended up hooked on drugs. That went on for almost 8 years, but I stayed with him. In between that he also had bouts of depression and tried to committ suicide on several occasions. I thought that if I could help him through all that, that in the end things would turn out for the best. He has now been clean for almost two years and got a great job. But then he started smoking weed again, because he thought that would be harmless, despite my objections. He has now lost his job because of his paranoia. Did I mention that he has a genetic chemical imbalance that causes him to have paranoid thoughts? In the meantime, I've stuck with my job, which is a good job, however it is about 2 hours away. So I drive 2 hours each way to work. I can't afford anything in that area of my work because its too expensive. My parents help me with the kids, but I don't want to alway rely on them to help me all the time. I've managed to put myself through school and almost done with my Masters Degree, while my husband has no education aside from a GED. Now that my husband has lost his job, we may end up losing our house. Although I make good money, it's not enough to cover all of our expenses, especially because interest rates are going up, up, up, which make smy mortgage do the same. I did refi to get a solid interest rate, but that made my mortgage payments higher. He doesn't want to work because he says he's going to get into real estate and all he'll have to do is sell one house a year and he'll be set. How can he do that when he sleeps on the couch all day long? I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my house, but I can't make ends meet alone. I don't want my boys to think that this is the way a man is supposed to be and I don't want my girls to think that this is the kind of man they need to settle for. For some crazy reason, I still love my husband despite the emotional roller coaster he has put me through for the last 8 years. I don't think there is anything else I can do but walk away, lose my husband, lose my house, but keep my sanity. ↑|
|Name: lana_81 | Date: Sep 30th, 2006 11:40 PM
|I feel for you. Iam in the same situation. Please read my blog, on Stay at home Mums called Lazy HUsband please help me... I just want to kick my husbands ass, he doesnt even think nothings wrong and he says he does heaps. How stupid... ↑|
|Name: Sabina Dalo | Date: Jun 19th, 2007 12:56 PM
|I have a similar situation ,the only difference is my husband works ,He is consume with work and forgets were alive ,, and watches tTV all the time ,, and ignores the house hold duties that a man usually has like fixes stuff around the house ,, He basically ignores stuff ,, and expects other people to do it for him.. My advice to you is get out of the relationship before your in to deep like me,, My husband is very controlling and sabotoges me all the time he uses my kids as admonition agaist me.. I sure wish I had a back bone Iam a chicken to say the least ,, good luck to you! Must men to me our oportunist,, There animals ,, of course there are exceptions .. Sounds like your Husband does'st appreciate you ,, Just like my Husband the BIG Jack ASS ↑|
|Name: Brian | Date: Jun 29th, 2007 3:37 AM
|I used to be that guy and It will take me years to make it up to my wife. She worked so hard while I sat there in my own little world playing video games all day. I suggest you leave him, immediately, but don't worry within a few weeks of being alone he will come to his senses and miss your terribly. Hopefully that will be enough for him to learn his lesson. It's an empty and loney life he is living, and there is so much he's missing out on. He doesn't know it now, but he will in time. ↑|
|Name: Patti | Date: Nov 8th, 2007 5:28 PM
|I have been married for 13 years and my husband is lazy. He only does what he wants to do or will do something when I nag. I don't enjoy nagging but I would mentally go nuts if I just did it all myself. Everybody is different and handling situations with everyone is different. Either you can stop doing anything for him, like do not wash his clothes, do not cook his meals,|
if he says anything just respond by it takes two, and I am one. He may think he has your money and this may be the problem. Money causes problems if not handled correctly. I do not think ending a marraige is always the right thing to do because I believe the vows taken in a marriage do not say to laziness do us part. Some may tell you to be super sweet to him and he will come around. Honestly, there is no one answer. I pray a lot! I try to be thankful for what I have, especially the little things. Communication helps but honestly men and women respond differenly to every conversation. Maybe sit down, tell him how you feel, listen to him, too. Make goals, support him (which I am sure you do, paying for him to go to school, getting his transcripts etc) Focus on what you can do and remember you cannot change anyone but yourself, See if you can change, not saying you need to change. Look within, keep trying and PRAY ↑
|Name: ROBERT | Date: Nov 18th, 2007 11:06 PM
|I AM A LOT LIKE THAT I AM THE HUSBAND AND I HAVE A SIX MONTH OLD GF WITH MY GF. HE SOUNDS JUST LIKE ME THATS WHAT I FEEL LIKE. HE HAS MORE PROBLEMS THEN YOU REALIZE HE NEEDS LOVE AND SUPPORT AND MOTIVATION FROM YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU DO SO MUCH HE NEEDS THE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION BUT WILL NOT TELL YOU HE EXPECTS YOU TO KNOW HE NEEDS YOU TO COME HOLD HIM. MY GUESS IS HES INSECURE HES SCARED BUT HES SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAN SO HE DOSENT WANT TO LET YOU KNOW BECAUSE SOME MEN THINK LETTING WOMEN KNOW THAT MAKES THEM WEAK, MY FATHER WAS LIKE THAT TO ME AND MY CHILDHOOD SCREWED ME UP PRETTY BAD NOT AN EXCUSE BUT I FEEL VERY DEPRESSED A LOT HE PROBABLY FEELS THAT WAY TO. CAUSE HE SOUNDS JUST LIKE ME. ITS HOW YOU APPROACH HIM AGAIN NEXT TIME YOU ASK HIM TO DO SOMETHING CURL UP NEXT TO HIM GET IN FRONT OF HIM KISS HIM HUG HIM. DONT BRING UP RIGHT AWAY YOU WANT HIM TO DO SOMETHING AND DONT GET MAD MEN HATE THAT. WOMEN HAVE MORE POWER THEN THEY REALIZE THEY JUST NEED TO KNOW HOW TO USE IT. USUALLY GETTING WHAT YOU WANT CAN BE DONE WITH TACT AND NOT FIRE ANGER WILL ONLY LEAD TO TROUBLE INT HE RELATIONSHIP HE NEEDS A CONFIDENCE BOOST HE OBVIOUSLY IS VERY SCARED BECAUSE HE WANTS TO PUT HIS MIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO HOW AFRAID HE IS AND HE PROBABLY WONT TELL YOU IF YOU ASK HIM. IM CONSIDERING THERAPY FOR HELP BECAUSE I FEEL ALL THESE FEELINGS I REALLY HOPE THIS HELPS YOU OUT. BUT ALSO SOMETIMES THESE PROBLEMS RUIN THE REALATIONSHIP ↑|