The last couple days I've just known. I've just been sitting around waiting to muster the courage to pee on that stick.
I've never missed a period, I'm 18 years old, have had regular menstrual cycles since I was 11.
Tonight I watched as one line formed, and another, faint at first, followed, completing the plus sign.
I'm pregnant.
I want to keep the child. I could have been pregnant for 1-3 maybe ever 4 weeks. Which means my child could have a hearbeat anyday.
My partner is not ready and made me promise him months ago that we would not keep a child if it came down to it.
It breaks me heart.
as soon as I saw the plus sign, I collapsed. I've been crying for hours, unable to sleep. He slumbers peacefully in my bed, and I am torn.
I know I should do what my heart desires, what my gut says it right, but... somehow all I can think of is him and what he wants.
Anyway, I'm really... just... beside myself. I don't need advice, but of course it will be welcomed, I mean to say that that isn't what I was looking for.
A lot of you seem to be in the same boat as me right now and it just feels good to talk about it.
thank you. ↓
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| Name: NIKKIS | Date: Mar 7th, 2008 12:08 AM |
I have been in this exact position before. And my love for my partner was so strong I ended up doing what he wanted and got an abortion. We went to the abortion clinic twice. The first time I was bawling and sobbing and was just hysterical and they refused to give me one that day and said to wait 24 hours to reconsider. On the way home he told me how he really wanted me to do it, just to do it for him. And that he would love me more if I did it. Inspite of myself those words rang in my ears and all I wanted to do was make him happy and make him love me more. So 2 days later we went to the abortion clinic again. This time I signed the papers and agreed. As I lay on the table all I could think is I didn't want this and how could I so willingly give up something I wanted so bad. Despite being in what is called a twilight I was fully awake and alert for the procedure, I heard the noises and they made me sick. It was horrific. They wheeled me into recovery where I sat trying not to cry. Something inside me died that day and I willingly let a man convince me to kill my baby. For in the end though I feel like he pushed me into it ultimately made the decision to have the procedure done. One of the god things that came out of it was the doctor found I had a form of a septated uterus and may never carry a child to term.
Following all of this I walked around broken and empty for a long time. It hurt me to the core and it still hurts. 4 months later we got pregnant again with my daughter. He again wanted me to have an abortion, this time I stood my ground there was no way in hell I was going through that again. I am now a mother to a 9 month old, she was born 5 weeks premature but I was able to tellthe doctors of the condition my uterus had. Of course he is not around, we actually left him while I was pregnant to live with my parents. I'm 21 in case you are wondering.
I look back now and am saddened by how weak I was and how easily I let him push me around. My daughter was born 1 year and 3 days after my abortion. I was always remember my unborn child. But without it my daughter wouldn't be here.
Anyway I am sorry this is so long, I'm sure I wrote a book. This issue is just very serious to me. I am Pro Choice and always will be because I believe it is the WOMAN's right to chose. So girl, chose!
If you need to talk feel free to email at nikkisearcy@msn.com or just talk to me on here. I am not ashamed of my experience, I have learned from it. ↑ |
| Name: zoey9810 | Date: Mar 7th, 2008 12:42 AM |
Wonderfully Said Nikki!
I too got Pregnant when i was young, i was 17 and in a very steady relation ship with Marriage and Children in our future. Well the Children part happened about years too early in our big plan, i freaked and didn't know what to do, i cried and cried and cried, and we had decided long ago that Abortion was NOT an option, but then it happened to me, i got pregnant.... the thought passed through my mind over and over again but i couldn't see my self doing that to our child, esp when we planned on having them in the future. My Husband is in the army and im always worried that something could happen to him that would prevent us from having kids so with all those decisions, i decided to keep Our baby. Tyler is now almost 10 months old and i love him to death! I wouldn't trade his life for any thing and i feel bad for ever thinking about abortion and i tell him im sorry from time to time.
Having a baby and raising one is not easy and it is very stressful and some times i wish it was just US again, but then i look back on him and see what we have made and i realize im happy with our child. Even if your Boyfriend doesn't stick around that ok, you are a woman, and you are stronger than he is and i bet you will make a wonderful parent! ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Mar 7th, 2008 4:24 PM |
First of all, shame on him to sleep so peacefully whilst you are feeling so torn. Do you feel torn between your man and your baby?
Women have instincts the moment they know they are pregnant. It's very natural for you to want to protect your unborn baby.
If you want this baby, please keep him or her. Or else you'll spend the rest of your life regretting it. But if you don't, then it is your body, your choice.
I have a 5-month-old son, and he's my whole world. He goes before everyone else, miles ahead of my fiancé too. I'd drop my fiance in a heartbeat if I thought it was best for my son. If you continue this pregnancy, once that baby is born, you will not be torn. Your baby will come first above all others. Your partner should come round eventually.
This is your body, your baby and your choice. Yes, he has the right to have his say, but at the end of the day, YOU decide.
Take care. x ↑ |
| Name: meaghan | Date: Mar 7th, 2008 5:31 PM |
Nikkis, thank you for your response, I loved reading about this time in your life. It was touching, moving. Thank you.
Zoey, if you happen to read this, I ask what type of relationhip do you and your gaurdians have? Was it easy speaking to them about it?
And Briseis, I have known for weeks, without actually knowing. hence the title.
I just felt it inside you know, somthing changed. I changed.
I'm not sure what I am to do, I will keep you posted.
Thank you all again. I appreciate the time you spent reading my post, and the time you took to reply.
Meaghan. ↑ |
| Name: meaghan | Date: Mar 7th, 2008 5:36 PM |
| I would also like to apologize for the spelling mistakes, it takes away from the ache I was trying to get out as best I could. ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Mar 8th, 2008 7:10 AM |
Well I hope you will make the right decision. You said
"I want to keep the child"
So I think that's the right choice. :) Good luck. It'll be ok. :) ↑ |
| Name: meaghan | Date: Mar 8th, 2008 9:58 AM |
I told my mother last night. We're very close, but she's been stressed lately and at first I had decided that I wasn't going to say anything.
I didn't know how she would take it.... and it went well.
She took me in her arms and said she knows I must be scared, she was scared for me.
She doesn't agree with abortion, she feels the same way as I do about it, it's murder. And unless one has been raped it is viewed as unacceptable in my eyes.
Eli, my parter, still doesn't want it. Says he can't have a kid right now.
I think that best thing to do is just have it, and, he can do whatever he wants. he can stay or he can leave. he can be a part of the childs life or not.
But I want to have this baby. ↑ |
| Name: NIKKIS | Date: Mar 9th, 2008 5:28 PM |
| You go girl! Stand strong. It will be hard, trust me it's hard. But it is also easy as long as you are getting support in the right places, and to me that is family. So I'm glad your mom is behind you. Feel free to become apart of our community we all support each other. Honestly I think I have made it through my pregnancy and my daughters 9 month life, thanks to these women, they build me up when I am having a bad day and keep me in check when I am feeling stupid. They also remind me tha Brooke's father is an asshole, which helps :) ↑ |
| Name: Lola | Date: Mar 9th, 2008 5:31 PM |
But this isn't about you or you partner is it?
Do what is best for your child. ↑ |
| Name: zoey9810 | Date: Mar 9th, 2008 7:00 PM |
My Boyfriend an i got married , but we only did that because we really loved each other and we had our wedding date already planned, so we jsut did it alittle bit early. We will be married 2 years in October, im now 20 and Chris is 25 and we are Extremely happy, and i Love my life.. Chris is my best friend and so it is very easy to talk to him about that, but i did cry. and same as you, abortion in our eyes is only ok in a Rape case.
But please stay on this forum i have been here since December 2006 and my son was born in May 2007 and then women helped me so much and have made many friends and even consider one my best friend.. we regularly talk on the phone and on instant messenger. Chris got deployed so the first 5 months of Tylers life and my entire pregnancy he was gone so i did it all by my self, and if it wasnt for this forum board, i dont think i could of done it.! :)
and you have made the right decision to keep your baby ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Mar 10th, 2008 6:54 AM |
| Meaghan, well done. :) You won't regret this. Like I said, my baby boy comes before everyone and everything else. My fiancé is the love of my life, but he doesn't even compare to how I feel about my son. Keep us updated on how you are doing. It's stressful for you now, but given time, you'll become excited and happier ... :) ↑ |
| Name: meaghan | Date: Mar 10th, 2008 10:53 PM |
Everytime I smile, I think I shouldn't. It's always in the back of my mind. It always will be.
He's making the appointment for thursday or friday.
I can't believe I'm doing this, I feel like a terrible person. ↑ |
| Name: LindsayK | Date: Mar 11th, 2008 5:48 AM |
| Then why are you doing it? Are you talking about aborting your child? It's not the child's fault you became pregnant. Can't you consider adoption? I think you better think long and hard about how you'll feel about this in the future. I'm starting to wonder if this is even a real post, or some sick ploy for attention on our emotions. If you choose abortion I hope for the child's sake that you're a fake. ↑ |
| Name: smashlee | Date: Mar 11th, 2008 6:53 AM |
| i thoguht you wanted to keep it meaghan? are you aborting now? i dont understand... ↑ |
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