|
Someone told me this: You are more likely to become pregnant if you have sex with a stranger whose sperm you aren't used to, rather than by your partner. Any thoughts? ↓
|
|
| Name: P.C | Date: Mar 20th, 2006 9:48 AM |
Actually the opposite has been found to be true. Our bodies are designed to be monogamous, and will accustom itself to the sperm of our first frequent partner, and view it as 'friendly'. Then when different sperm enters the system it is more apt to be attacked as it were an invader. The new sperm also lowers our resistance to STD's. This is why it is best to have one lifetime partner.
However to some women it may seem that they are more apt to get pregnant by a stranger just because it is least preferred to be.
I read this recently in a book, and will have to find a copy of that book to give you more specifics on the studies this is based on. I will post it sometime down the line as I have lent that book out. ↑ |
| Name: Gill | Date: Mar 20th, 2006 10:02 AM |
| Thanks for that info! Its relieved me actually, as 2 weeks ago I found myself in bed with a friend. I feel awful especially as my partner and I are trying for a baby. For the first time in MONTHS I'm actually longing for my period, rather than a positive pregnancy for once. Feels odd! ↑ |
| Name: to Gill | Date: Mar 20th, 2006 10:10 AM |
| You just found yourself in bed with a friend huh? Wow your boyfriends a lucky one to have you. How could you do that escpecially since you are trying for a baby with your boyfirend? Sorry I lost all respect for you. ↑ |
| Name: Gill | Date: Mar 20th, 2006 10:16 AM |
| So have I. I was drunk for the first time in months, since I've been avoiding alcohol to increase fertility. My partner and I haven't been getting on so well recently, and I went to my friend for comfort and a shoulder etc as I don't have a supportive family. I got drunk, and to be honest I remember very little about what happened, but anyway, yes I've lost all respect for me too. ↑ |
| Name: p.c. | Date: Mar 20th, 2006 10:26 AM |
If you and your partner haven't been gettting along well recently, you really should reconsider having a child together! If things don't work out between you for the rest of your child's life you will have to have contact with the father and show that person respect in the best interest of your child. This is an extremely difficult task!
It really is not wise at all to have a baby unless you are married and able to offer that child a lifetime commitment between that child's parents. This is a person's whole life you are setting up troubles for otherwise. ↑ |
| Name: Gill | Date: Mar 20th, 2006 10:35 AM |
It is wise to have a child regardless of whether we've signed a piece of paper or not. We own a beautiful home, both of us work, we're engaged, in love, both of us work. Neither of us are religious so it makes no difference. I'm not just going to dash his dreams of fatherhood, and my dreams of motherhood simply because I made a mistake, which incidently I'm going to tell him about because I feel he has a right to know.
The reasons we haven't been getting on are due to his mother's interferance, and a death in my family. It's no fault of ours, and we've been through much worse.
I ache for a child with my partner. Yes I was irresponsible, and no it won't happen again. It doesn't mean I love my partner any less. I don't even feel I did it consciously. It was a mindless act of drunken stupidity after weeks of tears and headache after my losing a loved one, and anger over his mother. I'm not going to top everything off by telling him I'm going to put off having a baby. ↑ |
| Name: Laura | Date: Mar 20th, 2006 12:02 PM |
I agree with "P.C.", Obviously you do not, and have taken offense to her words.
All right Gill, but they are just words of wisdom, that's all. What do us 'old ladies' over 30 and verified studies that prove it is not wise to have children out of wedlock intentionallly know after all? You know so much better, right?
If what you have is good enough, too bad it isn't good enough for that 'piece of paper' that tells the world you really mean it.
Obviously there is something about that 'piece of paper' you don't want, or you would have it. And whatever that reason is, that is what will break you guys up, for if you guys intended to stay together, you would have that 'piece of paper'. This wouldn't be a big deal, except you intend to bring a child into the picture, and that is really unfair to the kid.
It's probably wise that you guys don't get married at this point, considering that 85% of the couples that live together before marriage end up in divorce. I just feel bad for your child, because in your eyes she/he isn't worth making a public commitment to your partner.
Deep down you really cannot deny this, for your actions with your 'friend', drunk or not, have proved P.C. and I correct.
Yes, I know you will take this as being judgemental, but ten years from now, you will see how it is not. It is just some harsh truth that you will learn eventually after heartache for you and your kids if you are silly enough to have them with a man who really has no interest in commitment. If he did, you'd have been married before you moved in together. Or maybe it is you too that has no interest in commitment. Words are cheap Gill, actions speak louder then words, and your actions have made it clear you do not want a commitment at this time. But a child changes that picture.
Good luck with that now. ↑ |
| Name: p.c. | Date: Mar 20th, 2006 12:14 PM |
LOL , Laura, how did you know I was over 30?
oopsie, is my old age stupidity showing? Already??
Drat! ↑ |
| Name: p.c. | Date: Mar 20th, 2006 12:21 PM |
btw, Gill, I am sorry to hear about the death in your family. Such times will test a relationship. I hope you can pull through this time and grow strong together.
As for the mother's interference...get used to it, it probably will never stop. Love and respect her anyways out of respect for your partner. I found that it makes life easier for everyone involved as opposed to crashing heads.
My mother-in-law never liked me from the start. But I didn't marry her. And I give her respect anyways because she deserves it if only for having raised and loved my husband. In doing so I am rising above her pettiness and proving to be a good wife, which is my main job. ↑ |
| Name: Gill | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 3:20 PM |
| I've seen many babies born out of wedlock, including my sister's baby, and they're a happy family. The baby doesn't want for anything. He has a mum and a dad and that's all that matters. I'd like a special wedding day, but we're spending all our money redecorating the house, and saving so that every penny can be spent on a baby, rather than on a piece of paper, which will happen eventually. Please refrain from telling me whether I should marry or not, or whether I should have a baby or not. I will do both, and my baby will be loved unconditionally. He/she won't need your pity simply because his/her parents aren't married. He'll need the money I'm saving for HIM/HER rather than wasting it on a wedding day for me. ↑ |
| Name: Gill | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 3:26 PM |
| In the meantime, I'd rather we dropped this discussion. It's too personal to be discussing with strangers, and I regret my honesty. Thank you for any kind words you said. But lets just leave it now. ↑ |
| Name: Angela | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 3:48 PM |
Wow, is this world now relying on statistics to determine if their relationships will be successful?
I love my fiancee to no end. We are having a baby together. We are in NO RUSH to get married and have not set a date or anything of the sort. I have never cheated on him and he has never cheated on me. So I guess we're doomed? LMAO! ↑ |
| Name: Laura | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 5:59 PM |
Gill,
a wedding is only as costly as a marriage certificate and filing fees. It's all a matter of what is important to you.
Maybe this is a reason why there is such an extraodinarly high rate of divorces amongst people who live together before marriage. Marriage simply is not that important to them to begin with so therefore it is not worth the work it always entails.
Obviously being married is not important to you, because if it was you would be. It is clear that having a fancy wedding is more important to you then getting married because you are waiting to have enough money for a fancy wedding. Getting married costs less then $100 dollars in most states, less if you attend premarital classes, which some states offer.
Angela,
no the world is not relying on statistics to determine if their relationship will be successful, but the world is what is providing the statistics. So such statistics should be given proper consideration in determining what is important to you.
In order for a marriage to be successful, it has to be held in high esteem by the parties who participate in it. Anyone who ignores factual statistics and willingly enters into behaviors that are proven to put their future marriage at stake is making a profound statement that marriage is not important to them.
Most people are not aware of these statistics, for if they were, many of them would reconsider living together before marriage. There is a myth out there that living together before marriage is a good idea, a 'trial time' to see if you are compatible. But obviously this is false. Because if it were true, the divorce rate for such couples would be less then the national average, not higher.
On the other side of the coin, Angela and Gill, 15% of the couples do end up having successful marriages.
May you both be part of that 15%.
Just know that in order to be, you will have to view marriage as more then 'just a piece of paper'. ↑ |
| Name: Laura | Date: Mar 22nd, 2006 6:02 PM |
Gill,
discussion dropped on my end from this point on.
Don't worry about the personal part to strangers, no one knows who you are. You've mentioned no names, other then "Gill" which for all we know is a pseudonym.
I sincerely wish you well. ↑ |
| Name: Chris | Date: Mar 23rd, 2006 12:56 AM |
As you redecorate your house, remember that a sofa costs a whole lot more then getting married ahead of a judge.
But then again, if you would rather purchase a sofa then get married, chances are that it's a much wiser investment of your money. It'll last longer. ↑ |
| Name: sally | Date: Mar 23rd, 2006 1:19 AM |
| how materialistic are you? you can afford to redecorate your "beautiful" house but you cant afford to get married yeah that makes sense. no wonder you fooled around and got drunk and slept with a friend.great friend at that. your husband deserves so much better than you. ↑ |
| Name: sally | Date: Mar 23rd, 2006 1:27 AM |
| Name: Chris | Date: Mar 23rd, 2006 4:50 AM |
well now, we don't know that her bf deserves much better then her, now do we? If they are both agreeable to live together before marriage, they are probably well matched.
With such couples it is wiser they do not marry ever and at all. Marriage has a bad rap because couples who do not recognize it's value enter into it, and increase the divorce rates when they find out it's not what they thought it would be and give up when they realize they are no longer "In Love".
Only the ones that stick with it when they are no longer "In Love" end up finding out that Real Love comes later, after "In Love" is lost, and "In Love" is always lost. It has to be lost before Real Love can enter. ↑ |
| Name: luke | Date: Mar 23rd, 2006 12:12 PM |
| sperm want your egg so thats not true ↑ |
|
|
