This is my first time here, and I came with a reason. My 16 yo daughter ask me to put her on birth control last night. She is responsible, has good grades, a job....and a great boyfriend. He has been her boyfriend on and off since they were eleven. I like him, my husband likes him and we have spoken with both of them many times about sex. His Mother has done the same. They actually talked several months ago and made a conscious choice to wait til they were married for sex.
We have been watching the "horseplaying, wrestling, biting" kind of sexual tension for awhile, fully aware of the meaning of it.
I have always told her to come to me, even tho we knew I would not like her request, I would listen and help.
She has had MANY friends in school to become parents, 2 of her best friends over the last 2 years. She is very aware of the possible outcomes and is reminded pretty often.
She told me that they "lost their heads last night" and didn't have sex but scared themselves. They talked and still want to wait but it is getting harder and harder. She wants to be on birth control because she is afraid they will "lose their heads" again and doesn't want to get pregnant.
The best that I know neither of them have ever been with anyone at all.
I am so freaked out ...and proud that she came to me. But I have such mixed feelings about how to handle this. I have always said that she and I would handle this together, but SHE,THEY...ARE ONLY 16!!!! ↓
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| Name: SusanH | Date: Nov 21st, 2006 8:11 AM |
| I was curious to what others think about this or how some people have handled this? ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 21st, 2006 2:39 PM |
| It sounds like you have raised your daughter up extremely well and you should be very proud of yourself for that! In this case I think you should get her on the birth control. She has been completely honest with you and that's a BIG deal! Put her on the pill and tell her if the have sex to also use a condom for even better protection. Let her know that by agreeing to put her on birth control you are in no way saying yes to her having sex now but that you love her and want her to be fully protected should it happen. Also let her know that it takes some time for the pill to fully take affect once she begins taking it and not to rush into anything just because she is officially on it. Your daughter is a very smart girl! Be proud of her! She has had this boyfriend for a long while and you like him,that is a very good thing! I say put her on birth control! It's better to be safe than sorry! ↑ |
| Name: Confused | Date: Nov 22nd, 2006 2:36 PM |
| Hey... im 16 myself.. and understand how you daughters feeling.. Aren't you glad your daughter came and told you that she wants to go on birth control? rather than saying shes pregnant? think about when you were 16.. you were in love... and wanted to do stuff with your boyfriend.. well its exactly whats shes going through...my adice is to put her on it.. that was she is safe.. i know you might be thinking that m only 16 myself and why should you listern to a 16year old.. but i know exactly how your daughters feeling x ↑ |
| Name: SusanH | Date: Nov 27th, 2006 8:41 AM |
I have had some time to digest this since she came to me and I am incredibly proud. She and I have talked more and discussed things like the different types of control and male or female gyno. I also let her know that I would really rather her abstain from sex. But the truth is she has been raised in a huggy, snuggly family so it doesn't surprise me she wants to be that with him too.
Still freaks me out.
I tryied to gently, carefully and oh so lightly aproach the subject of birth control with her dad. BAD IDEA. He would much rather be left completely in the dark. And if I had actually bragged to him that she came to me he may have put her on lock down!!! So, I guess the only thing left to do is make the appointment and not let him in on the birth control part. I don't like that because it is lying...but I think he wants us to lie to him. If that makes sense to anyone your as loony as we are.
I also think her boyfriend talked to his mom, which sorta surprised me but then again he is a good kid.
And CONFUSED, I was looking for all kinds of opinions, 16 yos too! Thanks! ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Dec 2nd, 2006 8:42 PM |
| If you already mentioned it to her dad,(he knows). You will feel more relieved once she is protected,that way once the inevitable does happen then you won't worry as much. Just make sure she understands that she must be taking the pill awhile first before she is fully protected and even then it's still not 100% and it also doesn't protect against STD's,but I doubt you have anything to worry about there. ↑ |
| Name: bmes | Date: Dec 4th, 2006 11:10 AM |
| you should be happy that your daughter is 16 and still hasn't had sex. It seems like they're starting younger and younger. And I don't mean to be blunt, but these days, nobody waits till they're married. Teens are going to have sex. It's a natural part of life and wouldn't you feel more at ease knowing that you did all you could do to keep her as safe as you possibly can? The worse thing you can do is try to stop her, cause ultimately, if they want to have sex, they are going to have sex with or without your consent. And wouldn't it be better if she didn't feel like she had to sneak around behind you back? There's nothing wrong with having sex before marriage as long as it's safe and they're mature about it! ↑ |
| Name: Crystiana_Barrett | Date: Jan 2nd, 2007 7:16 PM |
| maby she cant handle condoms i mean it like this i'm allergic to condoms and i asked my mom to put me on birth control and she didn't and now i'm 6 mos pregnant so would you rather her get pregnant or put her on birth contro lbecause if they usually ask for birth control there most likely not using a condom ↑ |
| Name: Burn4Me, | Date: Jan 13th, 2007 5:44 PM |
she sounds responsible caus if not she wouldnt be asking ya, so i think she as dont a good thing by sayin and being carefull,
believe me theirs load of gals round ere in Utah tha wouldnt care about a kid ↑ |
| Name: ash2 | Date: Jan 14th, 2007 10:22 PM |
| Well i actually believe in the " no sex before marriage " rule. I intend on teaching my boys that rule their whole lives. Their is nothing wrong with it, and i still know lots of men , and im sure there are more , who still are waiting for marriage. I believe if you do put her on birth control that your pretty much giving her " permission " to have sex. I think that she could be tricking you into giving her birth control not because she " almost" lost her head...but because she wants too.Sit down with your daughter and explain to her that having pre-marrital sex in your book is against rules and that you know you are not going to be able to be around her 24-7, but you hope the lessons that you taught her have really paid off. Tell her that you are trusting her enough to let her go out with her boyfriend and be alone with knowing and believing that she will abstain. If she doesnt think that she can do that, then tell her she has to limit her time with him because of the urge. Once she is 18 of course she is an adult and can pretty much do what she wants to do out of your home, but at 16 she is still a child and under your rules. You make the rules and she must abide. ↑ |
| Name: lostchild014 | Date: Jan 14th, 2007 10:55 PM |
| Name: strawberry | Date: Feb 6th, 2007 8:14 PM |
| i know its hard but look at the age most people lose it there much younger just let her go on so what if they dont its just a precaution would u rather her b on it or u have to take her to get abortion she is doing whats best just coz she on it dont mean she will jump into bed with him very next day xxx ↑ |
| Name: TeenageWasteland182 | Date: Feb 12th, 2007 1:01 AM |
Hae
Well done ur daughter is still a virgin however, she did come too u like u asked her too.
One of my frendz had this problem and her mother put her on birth control, personally i think u shuld do it because, u urself said u can trust this boy so he wont push her into anything, but if one night they happen to have sex nd the condom rips or they dnt even use one and she gets pregnant thats not gonna end up very well.
If you put her on birth control at least you can sleep at night knowing she's going too be safe even if she does have sex now.
Cut her some slack she's 16 she can make her own choices about sex, the way u have raised her, i'm sure she willno wen the time is right.
Ace ↑ |
| Name: SusanH | Date: Feb 21st, 2007 9:49 AM |
Well short update, Within 3 weeks of my daughter asking me to put her on BC , they broke up. I had made the appointment and it had not happened yet and ....
Well, to further explain, she and the boy had decided themselves on "a break" before she even came to me. It was one steamy "last feelings"evening that made them wish they had birth control.
She was miserable for quite awhile but know has started to date a very great and mature guy that we actually like more....don't get me wrong we like'd the other guy he just would not have had much of a future.
She has realized that it was a good thing that they had waited. After they broke up, she told me to put off the appointment, I did. But I don't plan to put it off for long, simply because I think it' is the wrong choice. She was ready when she came to me, and just needs to be in control of it herself once I put her on the right road. ↑ |
| Name: sunflower | Date: Feb 23rd, 2007 2:50 PM |
It sound's as though you have done a good job with your daughter!
I don't think that going on birth control at her age is too young,and it may turn out to be a good thing! ↑ |
| Name: babygurl2cute30 | Date: Mar 12th, 2007 2:54 PM |
| Its best that she came to you. you have to think about what couldve happened if she didnt. She could be having unprotected sex or anything like that and may come home to you and tell you shes pregnant. you should be glad she came to you and asked you for help. Yous daughter is being a respnsible young lady by protecting herself because there are so many young girls out there who are pregnant or have a std. Dont think of it as " my daughters having sex at 16" shes growing up and eventually this day was going to come. ↑ |
| Name: Amy19UK | Date: Mar 20th, 2007 5:20 PM |
I think you should be proud of yourself, you have obviously brought your daughter up really well for her to be able to come to you and to wait so long to have sex. She sounds really responsible. Its only natural that she would be getting curious about sex with her boyfriend when they have been together so long. I don't think you should freak out about it though, she has got to grow up one day and find out what it is like in the real world. I think you should put her on birth control and that way if they do "lose their heads" and take things a little bit further at least u can sleep easy knowing that she is safe and protected from teenage pregnancy. I wish i could have gone to my mother when i lost my virginity but i had nobody and found myself in the clinic the next day taking the morning after pill alone because he took things further than i expected them to go and i couldn;t go to my mum.
No i am with someone that loves me and treats me with respect but i went and put myself on birth control.
I've gone on a bit now i;m sorry about that lol all im saying is that they are going to have sex with or without ur blessing or consent, I just think that u should go along with it and be with her not against her. the last thing you want is to upset her and have her run off all emotional and do something before thinkin it over properly cus then u will never forgive urself
I hope that helped ↑ |
| Name: kare_bear | Date: Mar 24th, 2007 12:51 PM |
well im glad she came to you and stuff but put her on birth control is a great idiea you ever know how fast things will move with the new bf and if he wants sex now .. birth control takestime to work so start her on it early and by the time she does have sex she will know not to piss a pill (but i have to say that the pill did not work for me because i got pregnate on the pill and i used a condom ... im not 16 im 26 but i still love my baby and im happy about ths baby i guess i was ready :P...
try your little girl out on the shot its last 3 months and you know she is pertected ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Mar 24th, 2007 5:33 PM |
Wow susan what a great daughter you have there! she seems VERY mature and did the right thing by comming to you. I'm with you though on NOT putting the appointment off for long. Actually I'd go ahead and reschedule now. Especially since she IS seeing someone new,because it's only a matter of time before she and this fellow are in a situation where things could maybe happen and it is much better to be SAFE than sorry! That's super that you and your daughter have the close relationship you do. It means you have raised her well and you should be proud of yourself as well as your daughter! :) It isn't easy parenting good kids,we try our best and hope for the best to come out in them. You have done remarkably well with her,congratulations! :)
I have a 15 year old son and so far I think he's turning out for the better,I'm keeping my fingers crossed! LOL :) ↑ |
| Name: PippaLou | Date: Oct 23rd, 2007 2:23 PM |
| she is allowed to have sex it isn't againt the law!! it's her choice her future let her go on the pill ↑ |
| Name: heather704 | Date: Oct 24th, 2007 10:21 AM |
| Look, teenagers are going to have sex at some point. Isnt it better if she has some kind of protection? If the really want to have sex, they will, i think you should get her the pill. ↑ |
| Name: Burn4Me, | Date: Oct 24th, 2007 11:31 AM |
OMG I WAS READINT HE REPLIES AND THE ONE NAMED BURN4ME, i neva posted that
i dont even live in utah lol ↑ |
| Name: daisy255 | Date: Oct 26th, 2007 5:44 PM |
| Take her to the doctor and discuss the birth control pills. Let her know that this doesn't mean that you approve of this but your glad she came to you. Tell her the fact of young teenage boys. They just want one thing. If she doesn't give to him. HE will eventually find a girl who will. Tell her she has a whole life to do this. ↑ |
| Name: amy2 | Date: Nov 13th, 2007 1:13 PM |
| do it/ your daughter is v smart girl you must have alovely relationship. well done ↑ |
| Name: Anne xoxo | Date: Nov 15th, 2007 1:35 AM |
| I was having sex at 16 theres nothing wrong with it. And at least she has come to you about wanting protection and to be safe. And it sounds like shes known this boy long enough to be safe and feel comfortable with him. ↑ |
| Name: Lucky V | Date: Nov 22nd, 2007 4:50 AM |
theres nothing wrong with having sex at 16, i would agree, unless the male was 17 or older because in some states in the US that would be considered statutory rape. I know you live in Australia, but have you heard about the Genarlo Williams statutory rape case in Georgia?
He was arrested and charged as an adult for having consensual oral sex with a girl that was 16 and he was 17, the age of consent in the state of Georgia. The state legislature changed the law once the story started getting quite a bit of negative press, but they authorities still didn't release him because the racist DA's position was that the "crime" occurred before the rescinding of the law. The 16 year old girl did not press charges and even testified that the sex was consensual, but the prosecutors still charged him as an adult....when you do not have a victim means this prosecution team felt that it was in the interest of the citizens of the great state of Georgia that this crime of consensual sex between a 16 yr female and 17 yr old male was so heinous that they should incarcerate him for the preservation of public safety. Do you know that even after the Georgia State Legislature rescinded the statute the prosecution still refused to follow current updated law that would make his "crime" not a crime and release him.
So if there was a law that allowed any white man the legal right of lynching any black men for no reason was in effect on april 1 and someone was scheduled to be hung from a tree naked, shot, have his genitalia removed and finally covered with tar and set on fire on april 20th, but on april 15th the legislature or supreme court ruled that the lynching black men statute was not constitutional. Would the Georgia prosecutors think that the black man should still be lynched in a most heinous and dehuminizing way because on april 1st it was the current law? ↑ |
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