Hi, My name is Bianca, i am a 19 year old from South Australia. I just found out a little over a week ago that i am 12 weeks pregnant.
At first i was shocked and the father wanted me to get rid of it as soon as possible. But now i feel movement in my stomach and im wanting to keep the baby even more.
I am scared what my parents will say when they find out that im going to keep it...
i am very scared and to make things worse i think i would rather be a single parent as my boyfriend is mentally abusive and always makes me cry, and then trys to make it to be my fault, i am a scared cause i dont know what to expect in this pregnancy... Am i doing the wrong thing by keeping it???
Am i ruining my life?
Will this bring happiness to my life??
I would really like to hear from you guys, your opinions, everyones counts.
Thankyou so much for taking time to read this. ↓
|Name: Jackie | Date: Dec 28th, 2005 2:57 PM
|Bianca .... what a pretty name !|
Congrats on being pregnant! It is a wonderful thing if you are ready to raise a baby. Many 19yr olds raise babies. As far as the father wanting you to get rid of it - you have to do what your heart is telling you do...which sounds like keeping the baby. And just a word of advice - LEAVE THE FATHER! You do not deserve to be in an abusive relationship!
Your parents will accept you no matter what - you are their daughter ..... I am sure there are also programs for teen parents to help you with prenatal care., food, clothes and other things you will be needing.
Bianca - if you want to keep this baby - Keep it! Dont let anyone pressure you into doing something that you are not comfortable with!
I hope this helps ... if you would like to talk my email is firstname.lastname@example.org ... I would love to hear from you.
Good Luck Bianca!
|Name: lonely | Date: Dec 28th, 2005 6:04 PM
|hi Bianca, i'm 24, i have 2 kids and pregnant with third. I got pregnant with my first baby when i was 21, i was like you scared to death, my then bf now husband didnt want the baby and i didnt know what to do, my parents r the really strict type, my dad is a muslim and we live in a muslim country, keeping it meant getting into real trouble, but i just couldnt abort, especially after i went for the first ultrasound, i was 7 weeks pregnant. I felt like my world was crushing, i had my friends' and my sisters support but then they were some who were scaring me with things like its gonna break my life, i wont go clubbing no more, i'll be disrespected and so on. I had really limited choices, i thought of running away but i had no money, then my bf finally agreed to take on the responsibility but was wasting time, so by the time my paents found out when i was 5 months pregnant, they suspected cuz me always the really skinny one started gaining weight. They were mad, wanted me to abort it but when i said i'm 5 months...no comments. They were mad, dad wasnt talking to me for a long time, but in the end they r my parents and they were there for me. So i got married, no wedding cuz my bf turned out to be a broke ass, i'd only known him for 4 months b4 i got pregnant. Well i'm not happy in my marriage(its another story), the second baby was planned, by him mostly, but this one now it was by mistake, but i kept it, as i said i'm not happy but i dont regret one bit of it, like they say babies r blessings from God, when we decide to start a sexual relationship with someone we have to think ahead, i dont mean to judge or crticise, but we have to be responsible for our actions. And then u know everything happens for a reason, like they say it was meant to be, so if it wasnt u wouldnt have got pregnant. I think u should keep it, it would be the right thing to do, and regarding ur bf, i dont know, u know him better, maybe he'll calm down, give time. all the best. one last thing dont be scared by those who'll tell u that the baby is gonna spoil ur life, u can do all the things u did before, maybe a little less. ↑|
|Name: Bianca | Date: Dec 28th, 2005 11:20 PM
|Thankyou both for the advise, im still worried as i've only told my bf and my best friend i am going to keep it... my boyfriend doesn't mind but i know he'll be mentally abusive towards me during my whole pregnancy... is it wrong to be a single parent?? Do i have to stay with him just because of the baby??|
Im scared that im not gonna find the right guy out there for me, as i know the father of my baby isn't. My mother doesnt want me to keep it but said she's support me if i did, my younger sister said she'd leave and live with her boyfriend if i keep it, all of my friends say im stupid for keping it but i really have nothing to give up as i haven't got a good job or anytihng like that, the stuff i would like to do in the future is art orientated and basicly tattooing and body piercing is my future career.. and i could have a child while i study part time... can't i? Im still confused... i haven't had an ultrasound yet but i will after new years... maybe that will put things in more of a perspective...
Before i was pregnant i had low self asteem, drank too much, smoked alot of pot and smokes... but i've given that all up and i feel much better person, maybe this baby will make my life more happier...
The only thing is i have to have a couple of tokes of pot to get to sleep at night or i can't sleep at all... is it effecting the baby?? should i give up completely??
Cheers for reading this, my email address is email@example.com if anyone wants to email me directly.
Luv bianca. ↑
|Name: Taylor | Date: Jan 5th, 2006 1:55 AM
|Hey Bianca! |
A lot of your questions are very circumstancial. There isn't really a right answer, you just have to think of what is best for you. I can tell you that your boyfriend is a jerk, and i'd agree with you, that it'd be better to do it without him. Either way its going to be really hard, but its nothing you can't handle, you are stronger than you could ever imagine. You're nor ruining your life by keeping it, if thats what you want. Your baby will bring more happiness than you can believe, but don't have the baby because you are unhappy and want someone to love you. At first you're going to be giving all you got and getting very little in return. I guess the bottom line is, your baby will make you so happy, but it doesn't come at an easy price. You have a lot of choices to make, and if need someone to talk to, i'm only a post or an email away. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
Oh and a little background on me: I had a son when I was 16 and I'm not 19 and I'm pregnant with another lilttle boy. I'm engaged to the father of my second son, but the father for the first, is not around and wasn't around through any of my pregnancy and only a few weeks after he was born. So when I say you can do it on your own....I know.
|Name: Jackie | Date: Jan 7th, 2006 11:27 PM
|Oops -- I left the wrong email address ...|
If you would like to email me, the right email address is email@example.com.
Hope to hear from you Bianca! ↑
|Name: Val | Date: Jan 10th, 2006 8:10 PM
|No if u feel that keeping the baby is the right thing to do then u should do it. Im a mother of one and im only 18 my son is only 2 years old and im a single mother. Im not going to tell u raising a baby is easy because it is not u have to have a lot of patience and reponsibility. Another reason i was okay to raise a baby for me was my parents they help me out a lot... ↑|
|Name: Wesley | Date: Jan 12th, 2006 5:48 PM
|Bianca, have you had the ultrasound yet? You really ought to tell a doctor about using the pot to get to sleep. That can't be good for your baby, and the doctor may be able to recommend something to help you sleep that won't hurt your baby. |
You might find this information helpful, especially the part about the emotional effects of abortion: http://www.opendoors.com.au/unplannedA.htm
A lot of women who have abortions are depressed for years and can't forgive themselves.
The group I gave you the link to offers free counseling too. Here is their contact info:
OPEN DOORS COUNSELLING
5 Greenwood Ave Ringwood. 3134
Ph: (03) 9870 7044
Free call outside Melbourne 1800 647 995
Don't let your friends or family pressure you into an abortion. It's your baby, after all, and you will live with your decision for years. So you want to be sure you make the right decision. Raising a baby on your own won't be easy, but most women who abort wish they hadn't done it.
Let us know when you find out if it is a boy or a girl!
Praying for you,
|Name: Clair | Date: Jan 16th, 2006 8:08 AM
|You gotta remember that this pregnancy isnt about you.........it is about an innecent baby. if you are capable of taking care of this baby and you are willing to sacrifice the next 20 years of your life putting this child first, then go for it.... just remember that you brole ur parents hearts by doing this and soon it will be your heart that gets broken by this unborn child ↑|
|Name: maritess | Date: Jan 22nd, 2006 7:55 PM
|i think your decision is right, having a baby is a wonderful gift of god, the person you should ged rid of is your boyfriend, at first if he really loves u and care for you, he should support you, and i know your parents will understand. your baby will give you joy in your life...god bless you! ↑|
|Name: Luzmarina | Date: Jan 31st, 2006 5:17 AM
|You absolutley need to have the baby. You are responsible enough to conceive it now you need to deal with the consequences. There are so many women out there that are unable to have children and would give anything to be in your shoes. Having a child is a blessing. What if this is your only chance that you get to have your own? ↑|
|Name: Tapinga | Date: Feb 3rd, 2006 1:59 AM
|Hey I went though that too. I was sixteen when I had leah, I'm so thinkful for her, she brings happens to mylife. I think its really good that your going to keep him or her. But it will be hard, I'm a single parent, tell the father of the baby you don't want him anymore. If he stays with you he could really hurt your baby and you, don't take that change, this kid is conting on you to take care of himor her. Tell your parents of what your doing, they can't stop you, make it clear to them that this child is apart of you, you love her or him, that you will rise her or him, that you know it will be really hard, but you'll do it. And your mom and dad trust me when your kid starts to walk and talk and eat food, Oh my god will your parents baby him or her. this will be the hardest time in your life. But you were chosen to have this child. you'll do great. And my mom when she took me to get tested, and the dr. said I was pregnant I smilled, I was so happy, but my mom wasn't, she wanted me to kill leah. Know leah is her little hony bunny. ↑|
|Name: Heather | Date: Feb 4th, 2006 7:06 AM
|hey, i'm 17 and pregnate, my dad wanted me to get rid of it too...but that's the kind of thing you have to make your own deciscion on. My dad has even called me a disgrace to the family and called my child a bastard, but i still want to have it. I could definatly see myself regreting an abortion but i couldn't see myself ever looking at my child and really regretting haveing her/him. |
I say go with your instinct, only you know whats right but i just wanna tell you (for your own understanding, not to sway you either way) your baby by now already has oregons forming, it has a heartbeat, and the stomach is already producing bile and the bladder is already producing urine. You wouldn't be aborting a lil embryo like you might be envisioning...its very much a baby-i just thought you'd wanna know because that was the deciding factor for me in not having an abortion-realizing what i really had growing in me.
As far as your boyfriend, I REALLY don't think you should permenatly close any doors right now, unless you really feel he isn't the man for you. I just know that since we're pregnate we're emotional and can be hyper sensitive...i keep wondering if i should be with my b/f but i just don't think im emotionally capable of making the best decision right now. Besides, his reaction to your news should definatly tell you a lot. ↑
|Name: Livi | Date: Feb 5th, 2006 3:36 PM
I can't believe that our situations are so similar. To be honest it's a relief that I'm not the only one going through this. I'm 19 from UK. I'm 29 weeks pregnant now but at 12 weeks was in exactly the same situation as you are in now. Even though the father wanted to abort the pregnancy, I have decided to keep the baby and although my family were shocked at first they have been so supportive and now they are used to the idea they are really excited.
I'm not going to advise about your boyfriend but I will say that my boyfriend is also mentally abusive and manipulative and I haven't broken up with him. This has made the whole pregnancy 10 times harder as he is completely uninterested in me and the baby. I feel trapped because I'm scared of bringing this baby alone but would probably be better off without him. Anyway it's your choice but from my experience he's not going to get any better!
Apart from the trouble with my boyfriend this has so far been the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me. I dont think you're ruining your life at all. It's going to be hard but how can your own tiny baby not bring you happiness?
Good luck honey xXxXx ↑
|Name: Livi | Date: Feb 5th, 2006 3:54 PM
|If you want someone to talk to my email is firstname.lastname@example.org ↑|
|Name: Nadja | Date: Feb 26th, 2006 1:19 PM
|I will not even try to offer you advice, as I don't know you, neither the situation you are in, to that extent. Also, I am in the exact same boat as you (I'm 22 weeks), so the same thoughts are running through *my* head.|
I'm also 19. The dad and I were friends, nothing more, slept together, and now I'm expecting a boy. I don't love him, and I know that he will never be able to make me happy. I therefore decided to be a single mom.
Pregnancy is a very emotional time, and you're sure to go through lots of different emotions in the months to come. It's especially hard to make decisions at a time like this.
I've though about abortion a lot, and although I have nothing against it, I can't bare the thought of losing my baby. I won't lie, I really don't want to be pregnant now, I'm not even sure if I want this child, but I also know that it's become such a part of me, that I can't imagine how I'll feel if baby's no more.
If you ever need to talk, my e-mail's email@example.com ↑
|Name: xyz | Date: Mar 3rd, 2006 11:53 PM
|You're not ruining your life. I can't promise you you'll be happy, but how could it not make you happier? You cant get rid of your baby just because your abusive boyfriend wants you too. If you want to be a single parent go for it! You're better off without him, honestly. Its not wrong to be a single parent. You're strong, beautiful and ready to be an independent mother if you have faith in yourself! ↑|
|Name: Robin | Date: Mar 8th, 2006 5:42 PM
|Bianca, love that baby cause it will one day love you back. This is all you will ever need to remember. If you were to lose everything you would still have your child. The wellbeing of your child rests in every decision you make from here on out. Good Luck, Bianca ↑|
|Name: Erin | Date: Mar 9th, 2006 10:31 AM
|Well Bianca I know exactly where you are coming from I was 17 when I got pregnate and I was the scaredest I ve ever been In my entire life and my mom.. oh my lord is she the scariest person that I had to tell I will say that by telling her it made me a stronger person and I wont lie when I told my mom she did not!!! take it well but as the months went by and my belly started to show she became more and more excited and acutually happy for me no mom wants to see thier baby girl pregnate but it happens and thats life....I am still with my babys father and we are now married I did get lucky in that sence I am now 19 and my daughter is almost 2 I live with my husband and my daughter in our own townhome I am good hard proof that you can do it.... Because for a long time I didnt think I could but I made it and Im only 19 my husband works durning the day as an appentice working twords being an electriction and I work in the middle of the night as a caregiver that way I can be home durring the day with my daughter she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldnt trade it for the world ..... I know its hard.. but you can do it even if you have to do it alone thier are so many people willing to help maybe you can join a church or something..... just a suggestion If you need to talk more feel free. firstname.lastname@example.org ↑|
|Name: Laura | Date: Mar 14th, 2006 4:56 PM
|Hey Bianca, i went through the same thing as you. I am now 18 but i had my beautiful baby girl at 15. I was so scared i didnt know how to tell my mother and especially my father. The only person i told waz my cousin and my best friend. My boyfriend wanted me 2 get rid of it but when i started to have feelins in my stomach i decided to keep it. When i told my boyfriend he wasnt very happy. I waz over 4 months pregnant before i told me parents and even though i waz really young they didnt take it that badly. About 5 weeks later my boyfriend left me and raised emma on my own. You are not waisting your life by having a baby. Everyone waz always telling me that but i never regreted it!|
So if i can do it then soo can u. I hope everything goes wwell for you!
Laura xxxxx ↑
|Name: Ta' Shauna | Date: Mar 17th, 2006 3:18 AM
|i mite be and im scared ↑|
|Name: kira | Date: Mar 25th, 2006 11:28 AM
|Hey, Bianca, i am 18 years old and i am in the same boat as u? iam 11 weeks pregnant and my boyfreind is the same as you'es , we have split up and i am now living back with my mother. my other half wonted nothing to do with me or our child, but that didn't stop me from making the right choice for me.i nearly let him talk me into aborting. i sed no the day before my appointment, really my point is thatits your choice and there is so much help out there 4 you if u are scared. i am so scared but i biult up the courage to tell my family and that was hard. to my surprise they were so happy with me for not going through with it and r there for me the whole way. iam seeing my other half tomorrow he is talkin me out 4 lunch he sed because i left him it gave him time to think and wonts to be there for the both of us. u do wat u think is right and dont listearn to anyone else its you and ur baby the most important things in your world now ok. i wish you luck and every thing will workout right for u of u follow your heart xx luck ↑|
|Name: angie | Date: Mar 26th, 2006 6:01 AM
|Hello Bianca, I would like to share with you some of my story. I am 36yrs old and when I was 15yrs old I found out I was pregnant. It was scary, the scariest thing of all was telling my parents. At the time the father was supportive but at 16yrs old neither of us were very mature. I cannot tell you all the things you can go through, I can tell you that to be responsible for another human completely is the scariest thing ever. I can tell you that the second you lay eyes on a child you brought into the world you then learn what true happiness is. You don't have to decide between having a personal life with career and friends and a baby. You have to decide if you want both and what is most important. It is extremely hard at times to manage both but possible. For me it probably would have been easier if I had tried to do it on my own from the beginning. My boyfriend at the time was also very controlling but I was so young and with child I thought I had no way out. You have to ALWAYS put what's in the best interest of the child 1st, then decide what makes Bianca happy and incorporate both. This gives you balance and makes you a better parent. There will always be times that you sacrifice but if you try and balance things and put the child 1st you can't go wrong. I wish I would have known this from the beginning and my life may not have been so rough! My daughter is 20 now and we are best friends. There is no love like the love between mother and child. I had gotten pregnant again with the same person and we split when that daughter was born she is now 16. We struggled for a long time and I finally landed a decent job and was in a good place and now the 16yr old is living with their dad for the 1st time in her life. And it absolutlely killed me at first but I know that our relationship will be stronger in the long run. My point is the love is like no other, the hurt is too. Also as far as when we finally broke up I was relieved because I thought I was stuck because he was the father. I didn't want to raise my kids that way and I applaud you for recognizing that now! The only time I would say that you were wrong for keeping your baby is if you don't plan on doing your very best.As far as ruining your life, my kids saved my life. And if you think it would bother you to see your friends go out and party while you stay home and change diapers, you may wanna consider adoption. I'm not saying that it's easy to this but it's very important that you don't ever have a thought that it's the baby's fault. This will be your decision. And no-one will love you back like your child. At least until teen-agehood. You can still have goals and accomplish things and be a single parent. It's just harder but very satisfying. I hope this helps and I wish you nothing but the best! And if you don't you need to pray that will get you through! ↑|
|Name: angie | Date: Mar 26th, 2006 6:08 AM
|I forgot if you would like to email me feel free, at email@example.com ↑|
|Name: Christine | Date: Apr 3rd, 2006 3:46 PM
|I think you should keep it. I mean if you get rid of it, you're taking a wonderful life away from a small child that could make your life so unbelievable. I am only 14 but if i was in that situation, I think I would keep it. I mean it's part of you! you can end up living your life with your own child! I might not be making any sense i mean wow! a child, but picture it this way, you have a child.. you wont ever be alone, you'll always have some one to protect you. if u decide to get rid of it, that will ruine your life! Dont listen to what your boyfriend says! I mean it's only his sperm. It's you who'e going to end up looking after it and deliverig it. Not him... ↑|
|Name: sammy | Date: Apr 10th, 2006 6:21 PM
|i feel for u because right now im going through the same thing but my boyfriend wants me to choose between him or my unborn child im reall scared but im sure i'll do the right thing as so will u ↑|
|Name: To Sammy | Date: Apr 10th, 2006 8:31 PM
|Don't choose your boyfriend. He may say he'll be there for you til the end but who can predict the future? If you have an abortion those thoughts and feelings will last your lifetime, you will regret it. You could choose adoption for your unborn baby and then your boyfriend won't have the responsibility of raising the baby and you'd be giving a family the greatest gift ever. We are a family built through adoption and we are so grateful to our daughters birthmom for choosing life. I truly hope you will choose life for you baby anyone who gives an ultimatum to someone the "LOVE" needs to reevaluate their definition of love. I wish you the best. Kristina ↑|
|Name: Anonymous | Date: Apr 27th, 2006 3:04 PM
|I'm 19 too. I just found out I'm pregnant as well, about 10 weeks. I'm in a similar situation with the boyfriend. He didn't want me to get rid of it, he just put me down about it alot, and makes me feel bad about the whole thing like its ALL my fault. I've been thinking about doing it by myself too. Good luck to you! ↑|
|Name: Cindy | Date: Apr 27th, 2006 6:18 PM
|Hi Bianca my name is Cindy I am 47 and have 4 children in NYC. I wont lie to u being a single mom isn't easy but U can do it. If ur boyfriend is mentally abusing u just think what he can do to ur childs self esteem. Ur parents might be in shock at first but Im sure they love u and will help u. My e-mail is firstname.lastname@example.org if u need to talk!!!!!!! Good Luck....C ↑|
|Name: claire | Date: Apr 27th, 2006 8:38 PM
|hi bianca, my names claire im 19 too, i no exactly how u feel, im 33 weeks pregnant, my babies dad ran away as soon as he found out i was pregnant, but im over it now and looking forward to meetin my little girl.|
ur not doing the wrong thing by keeping the baby at all follow ur heart darlin, there is nothing more precious then feelin your little 1 moving around inside u. im still a bit scared now, my family werent to pleased about it but r all comin round to it now and now that i have all my family i dont even think about the dad.
it is scary especially at our age we r young but u can do it.
dont be scared take each day as it comes and enjoy it i have and i love being pregnant i dont need n e body but my little girl.
goodluck and i hope it all works out 4 u, x x x x ↑
|Name: kw | Date: May 13th, 2006 6:16 PM
|u rnt ruinin ur life, bt jst havn a bby 2 mke u hppy isnt rite. it wint make u hppy. ditch the bf now, and tell your parents. hiding it will b the immature optn coz thyll fnd out l8r. gd lck! ↑|
|Name: carla | Date: May 13th, 2006 11:15 PM
|you are not at all doing the wrong thing, if keeping the baby is what you want. the decision should not be anyones but your own. having a decision forced on you will only fill you with regret for the rest of your life if it is not what you truly want to do. i am a 22 year old single mom, in a situation much like your own...and believe me, i chose to keep the baby and now i couldnt imagine it any other way. of course there is alot to think about when deciding to become a mommy...financially it is not easy, but it is very possible that it can be done. pregnancy, as scary and emotionally overwhelming as it has been at times, has also been the most amazing experience i have ever had. (and as for your parents...just tell them, regardless of the fear you may have of their reaction. all the harsh things that may be said at first, all diminish as the tummy grows and they realize that they are going to be grandparents.....trust me) congratulations, i wish you all the best for you and your little one. ↑|