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Name: Leslie147

[ Original Post ]

I know that sounds like a ridiculous question, but it's where I am.

I am 7 months pregnant. My ex boyfriend and I have been trying to work through our issues, but nothing has improved.

The issue: he is irresponsible, financially and with taking ownership of things. When we dated, I felt like I was doing everything - taking care of him, his daughter and all of our finances. He owes me 10,000 where I paid for his daughters school and debt, no plan to pay back. He has a job he hates and says does not pay him enough, yet he doesn't put effort into finding a new one. In the past, he has drank excessively and been verbally abusive to me, but that has subsided the last year. Overall, I am so tired of being disappointed by him., and i get scared of how he will disappoint my child. I don't trust him or believe in him. I don't love him anymore.

He wants our relationship to work, and he wants us to be a family, including his 5 year old daughter he has 50% of the time. He has been trying to work on himself, but little has progressed. He is a good dad to his current daughter.

We have been living in a "wait and see" limbo state since i found out I was pregnant. Now that the baby is coming soon, I realize that there are no boundaries set. He feels he will be at my house 24/7, staying over, bringing his daughter over, everyday. He keeps pushing me and just assumes I'll eventually give in to this relationship.

I've seen a lawyer and my other option is to separate now, build a parenting plan and agree to 50/50 custody. Not having my baby 50% of the time after she is 6 months to a year old is so hard to imagine. And putting her through all that back and forth the first years of life.

He doesn't beat me. He doesn't do drugs. He's not a jerk. We don't fight or scream at each other. We are just not compatible and he has a lot of growing up to do.

Id love to hear from single moms out there who separated while their kids were very young or before they were born. Is it better to suck it up the first few years for the child's sake and give consistency and stability? Or do what is right for you and start this process now, but having the child impacted in the process?.

Thank you for reading. ↓

Name: Aspimom | Date: Feb 2nd, 2014 3:02 AM

First of all my story can not be your story.

At 17 I found myself married and shortly after pregnant. I got married because I found myself living alone with him and that is what I felt was the right thing to do.

I felt a lot like you did, I just wasn't sure. After my son was born it only seemed to get worse. I felt that if I had to share my love I wanted to give it all to my son.

It wasn't easy but I did it. Did two years of college and got an Associates Degree. You can do anything you want to.

As far as the custody thing goes. He has to want to take care of her that much. My ex-step-son gets 2 days a week visitation with his daughter but he doesn't go get her so he never has her. They told him after she turned a year old to come back for 50/50 custory and he won't go back because he doesn't want her that much.

Whatever you do may God Bless you. ↑

Name: Samantha | Date: Feb 14th, 2014 1:51 AM

The guy is abusive. Financially at the very least. You need to worry about your child and yourself above him, at all costs. The excuses are a really bad sign and if he cared about himself, his first daughter and let alone you and the new baby- he would be looking for a second and 3rd job just to make ends meet. The drinking and verbal abuse is not ok, and it won't end there.

You are dealing with a narcissist, which can become physically abusive if given the circumstances (you trying to leave, etc)

My advice, find out more about his past. Has he admitted to abuse? Have his exes claimed he was anusive? Do your homework. Have an emergency plan. Take me seriously because if I didn't dine tidy with your situation- I wouldn't be sharing this. Have a bag packed and contact your local domestic violence shelter. You can always give them a fake name, but be honest, talk to someone, and if you are afraid of not being able to pay bills- get your name off the lease.

Once your name is off the lease, get as far away from him as possible. Cut all ties. You aren't married he has no claim to you or that child. That means he doesn't have the opportunity to hurt that child, use that child. He damn sure wont provide for the baby, and you already know that. Get out while you can. If he does find you, he has to prove he is the father. You should be able to find community resources to get on your feet by then. My guess is he won't make the effort, it is too much work.

Last, get on your feet and provide that child with love and financial support. Get counseling and learn how to avoid men like him.

I am legally married and never thought my husband would cheat r hit me. He did both while my daughter was 3 monta and my son almost 2 years. We started out the same as y'all, I paid and made sure everything was taken care of. He stayed at the same job that barely paid bills and refused to get a Bette job or second. I had to do everything, I was exhaughsted. Now- even with proof of his abuse on me and the kids- he does not pay yet has the right I see them. He is very negative and full of false promises. My daughter is very afraid of him and my son has mixed feelings. It affects them horribly to be around him, and If I could so it over again the ont thing I would change is getting married. I don't regret the relationship or my kids, just the pape that gives him these 'rights' even though he has horrible intentions.

Be strong, and if you red help post a new comment and I will stay in contact with you. ↑

Name: Lauren | Date: May 9th, 2014 6:58 PM

I am 22 and 11 weeks pregnant. When I found out, I moved back home with my mom and the father doesn't know. Not everyone agrees with me, but the people who saw our situation think this is the best option. He is trying to make things work and wants me back-but old habits die hard. It's up to you to make the right decision for you an your child. Think of how you would feel if he put you down or talked nasty to you in front on your child. The money issue is also a big one. You have to be able to support your child and take care of the baby's needs. It's a tough choice and I don't know your entire situation, but you just have to think about what is best for your child in the long run, even I that means the father is not in the home. And you deserve to be happy too! Sometimes you just have to "cut the cord" and realize it's time to break away. Best of luck hun!! ↑