Wishful thought! This is just a random thought about Talon and how David acts now. I only hope that my future child acts like David in the good ways and not the horrible ones. You see David has ADHD and until recently, as had horrible temper tantrums. Its gotten better the last few months not by much but I think the closer I get and the worse I feel.. the better he is. Why I dunno? Its nice. I will say the bad days DO NOT outweigh the good. I think most of it deals with the abandonment issue of his father and another with the inefficient way I handled punishments in the beginning. However, now... we have such a stable punishment system and HE KNOWS he will get punished for the amount of time I say so... he has behaved a whole lot more.
However, its more than just his behavior now I hope Talon mimics.. Maybe David is doing it for Talon's sake or David is finally realizing that of both his parents.. I do care about him the most, more than William. (William wanted David in the beginning but has said he would give him up in a heartbeart NOT to pay for child support. I DONT THINK SO!)
David, knowing I cant do much, as been so helpful. At 11, he is growing up faster than beyond his little years and for that I feel bad... However, this little man helps me around the house, cleaning the dishes when I cant, vacuuming the floor because HE KNOWS I cant, helping me wash clothes and fold them (mind you the old lady who runs the laundromat even stated to another customer that David was a very helpful son and that he is just the nicest little boy in the world she has ever seen) Ofcourse that embarressed him but I think he was glad to hear it! David said back to her.. I always help my mommy! He is my little helper!
However, his genoristy aparently knows no bounds. Back in April, my parents gave David $25 to spend on Star Wars toys. They knew he loved Star Wars. Well, thing is... he lost the money for a short time and until recently found it in a book he had been reading! (A DICTIONARY!) Last night, Gary and David went to Wal-mart. I tried going but got some awful pains in my stomach and wound up staying home! Its okay they both needed the time together anyways. They have been spending alot of time together and I am glad Gary is taking the time to play "daddy" which he has always said he loves being to David. (He said he only wishes David was his in the beginning). Well, they were gone for about 45 minutes.. mind you this is very late at night.. the best time to go.. and when they got back. Gary had bought 4 dvds and David 2. However, David's 2 that he had bought.. was a present for ME! He decided to spent his $25 on his mother because he loved me that much. He said he felt so bad that I hurt all the time and wanted to do something nice for me. I almost cried. I gave him the biggest hug in the world and I didnt want to let go! He is without a doubt the most kindest boy I have seen in a very long time! David said I buy him things all the time and dont get much for myself except essentials that I deserved a treat too.
What did he get me you may ask?
Matrix Reloaded and Matrix Revolutions to finish off my set! I had debated buying those way back when but money issues all seem to be in the way. This time it took a son to finish my set and show me that "real" love is in his heart. He is older in his heart than his age that isnt a doubt there but he defintely took my heart away last night!
My wish.. Talon will be like David in this respect. No.. he doesnt have to buy me anything to tell me he loves me. But be respecting and taking care of the things that need to be without being told. Yes, I know this will done when he is older NOT in the next 5 years or so! LOL. I am just thinking how much David is going to have a profound effect on Talon as he grows. Both in good ways (more good) and in bad ways!
I LOVE YOU MY SWEET SON!
2006-05-27 (32 weeks)
sufferin from lack of sleep.... I dont know what hurts worst on me.... either the pelvic pain I feel when I turn in bed, get out of bed or even try to walk to the bathroom... or the lack of sleep in the last three days that I have gotten from the pain in my pelvis. Making everything worse is the fact that I have to climb those dang stairs to even get to my car or vice versa. I am so tired right now! I am sure I am just jabbering away.
The pain in my pelvis eases up from time to time but then when it hits, it hurts so bad im literally crying. I am barely able to get into my bathtub to take a bath hoping itll help but it doesnt. I dont know how much longer I can stand this pain and lack of sleep. Until recently, it was fine but now more than ever.. it hurts. The dr says Talon has his head in my pelvis region and when he moves, he twists into it! ARGH! I love you my dear Talon but you are not being fair to your mother!
David has been a great help! He asked me not too long ago if he wanted me to stay home and take care of me instead of going with his daddy to the waterpark. I told him he needed to go spend time with Gary. It was nice he would give it up to take care of me. Earlier, I gave both men a scare when I ran, mind you.. hurt like hell to do, but ran to the bathroom to throw up. I dont know HOW in the world I made it but I did it! Both men are worried about me greatly.... My husband is such a sweeti! He tries so hard to help me out even when he is tired himself. He can tell that I am in so much pain.. David says while I am sleeping, I am moaning in my sleep. He asked me if its Talon but I tell him its my pelvis. Gary keeps wondering why all of a sudden it hurts like this.. but I tell him its Talon laying on me..
See, I said I would ramble. The men should be back soon. Looks like its about to rain out there.. suck! Being sick also sucks.. with the lack of sleep I have gotten, I was suspectible to getting sick.. yep, I am! Figures! They're back!
2006-05-26 (32 weeks)
He weighs WHAT?!!!! I had a growth ultrasound this morning and come to find out Talon is weighing in at a whooping 5 pounds already. OH MY LORD! Course at 35 weeks, David weighed 7 pounds, 4 ounces.. so that isnt too surprising. Good God I am glad I am having a C-section. Dr said about the pelvic pain that Talon may still move but if he doesnt, there is belt at Walmart that can possibly help. He said other than that... there isnt much to do. He said its no wonder I am in so much pain and he realizes now that with the amount of stairs i have to climb that its gonna get progressively worse. NO KIDDING DUDE! My 8th month appt went find and this time I didnt have to do a NST. Plus.. the lab techs are going to check my thyroid levels for me instead of me getting stuck for a 4th time this week by another dr. This I am thankful for.. Jerkins said no reason for it when they are checking on it all. YIPPEEE!
Other than that.. I was told to just take it easy and rest as much as possible. He said Talon could move at some point relieving that pressure and he doesnt think that any longer term reprecussions could happen from him being on my pelvic bone for so long. Thats what my MIL wanted me to find out. That and if and when they would deliver if it would become worse. He doesnt want to deliver any earlier if he has to. I just want to have the pain relieved.
Well, other than that.. thats it! Im gonna stay home until Gary is ready to come home. Heck, I might just take a nap too. I am very tired. I dont get much sleep anymore because of the constant pain but I try my best and we go from there!
2006-05-26 (32 weeks)
dreading the walk down Where do I begin? Since Tuesday I went back to L&D for pain thinking I was having contractions again, which I probabably was in thd beginning but come to find out Talon is laying so low he is on my pelvic bone. I mean David laid low but NOT LIKE THIS and not this early. Talon seems like he is ready to come out NOW! I can barely walk around my house because the pain in my pelvic bone radiates throughout my body. I have two flights of stairs to get down just to get to my car and vice versa for the house. I take baby steps just to get anywhere. It feels like he is ready to fall out and when he moves, it nearly kills me. Yesterday morning was David's last day of the fourth grade... I didnt show how much pain I was in until later... it was so bad. I tried to get a ride to the hospital before I called the ambulance. You see my dr wanted me there to check me make sure I hadnt dilated. I knew I hadnt but the pain was so intense even friends who lived in Arkansas could tell something was so not right with me. Hubby even knew somethign was wrong and decided to come home for the day to take care of me.
My dr didnt want me to come by ambulance. However, Gary had the car. I walked very slowly and crying the entire time to the neighbor next door. I hate asking anything of her because of what has happened recently but I "figured" she would see how much pain I was in and take me to the hospital. A three minute trip. NOPE! She was like I aint helping you....I dont care and slammed the door in my face. (the problem actually stems from her son beating on mine any chance he gets. The straw that broke the camels back was last week while David was taking the garbage out. Apparently her son thought itd be funny to hit David on the back with a bow and arrow... causing a huge welp to come up. I didnt think it was so funny. But wanting to get the story from Matt.. making sure David wasnt lying... I asked him why. She starts yelling at me DONT DISCIPLINE HIM! How does asking a question go to discipline? Non the less then she starts in well let me tell u about ur son.. I was like SHUT UP! David was doing his chores and Im trying to find out WHY YOUR SON HIT HIM! She asked him.. did you hit him? Yes.. why? because I wanted to play! I told Matt you have caused a welp on him! She was like I am so sorry! I was like whatever.. ) I didnt think she would actually turn me out but I guess we cant help who we are and I wont go into that! I told David he is no longer to play with Matt and the next time Matt chooses to hit David causing a bruise, I am calling the cops.
Nonetheless, I tried the neighbors across the street.. mind you can hardly walk.. and no one answers the door. I know someone was home.. BOTH OF THEIR CARS WERE THERE.. Perhaps they are hard of hearing! Dunno.. tried calling a friend of mine down the street.. no such luck.. so what was I supposed to do?
My dr was so mad I came by ambulance but he isnt me and when I told the nurse what happened even she felt bad for me. We are down here and barely know anyone! So what can we do? I told my husband and my MIL, screw it.. I will drive MY CAR illegally to just go to the hospital. I DONT CARE! My car is illegal because my tags are still Arkansas and out of date. I HATE THIS PLACE!!!!
Anyways.. the nurse said when she was checking me that he is so low that he even kicked her. She said it seems like he is ready to come out already too. NO wonder I am hurting she said... but she did make me feel much better about coming in. She told me that drs can only guess what is wrong but as women we only know our bodies. She said I can be the one who says whats wrong and drs can go with that or not.
My MIL.. as much as she hates to say it.. said perhaps it would be wise to go ahead and do the c-section risking an early delivery. She is afraid my condition is only going to get worse. My only prayer is he decides to move but he has been getting progressively worse about being down low. I dont see how thats even going to be possible. Let me put it to you this way... David was up yesterday at 5:30 a.m. because I was moaning in my sleep. To get back to bed after peeing every 30 minutes, I crawled and was barely able to get the pillow in between my legs WHICH STILL DID NOT HELP in the long run. I am completely miserable. After we got back from the hospital, I slept off and on.
Gary's bosses called him to check on him and asked him if we wanted to take more time off just in case something else were to happen. I told Gary I would be okay now that munchkin boy would be here... I wont have to do as much anymore and try to carry it all by myself. Heck, even my son said he was glad he was home so he could help take care of me. He can see how miserable I am. Last night before bed, he came to my belly and said.. Talon, please stop hurting our mother.. and kisses my belly several times. After he pulled away, Talon kicked.. as if he had heard that.. didnt listen but it was nice to feel that... Dont get me wrong... Im enjoying feeling my son moving around.. but Id like to be able to walk without feeling like I am going to pass out... if that makes any sense.
Anyways.. today marks 8 months... we have PIH labs to do and a growth ultrasound.. Hopefully Talon will be over 4 pounds.. Did I gain more weight. When I went in Tuesday, I weighed a pound and half less but we shall see! I will be so glad when I can have my body back! ARGH!
