Go back to work that is.  I have a week and half left as of today, and I don't WANT to do it.  I know I have to, but I'm already finding it incredibly hard to think of.  I plan to do nothing extra next week but spend all my time with Meghan, even if that means holding her while she's sleeping, playing with her when she's awake and taking lots and lots of pictures of her.  I'm discovering just how importaant pictures are.  I know I say I'm going to post more but time is really limited.  Which brings me to another question.

Why does it seem like I'm the only mommy who doesn't have a schedule yet?  Meghan is 1 month old and it seems like I don't have her on a daily "schedule" yet.  Although is it really necessary to have a daily schedule?  Maybe I do have a schedule and I just don't know it?  Maybe I'm full of poo and am talking silly nonsense? Honestly I don't really care, I know when she's hungry and needs to be fed, she sleeps when she needs to, is awake when she needs to be and everything is great.  So when asked about her needs and daily routine, why am I finding it so hard to answer those questions?  I think this was brought about because I'm filling out daycare paperwork.

Yes, daycare paperwork.  We got in at the daycare at my work, which really is answer to our prayers.  Meghan will be right there with me which will make my transistion back to work 10 times easier.  Although, I'm still not thrilled (and will never really accept) that I have to depend (and pay) someone else to take care of her.   After being home this long with her, I'm having an extremely difficult time accepting that someone else will be taking care of her that isn't me.  I  feel (and know for a fact) that no one can take care of her like her mommy and daddy - no matter how much training they have.  A mommy knows her child best.  I now can say I completely understand the concept of stay at home mommy's.  So, I can anticipate how hard this is going to be for me, especially since yesterday I broke down crying after filling out the daycare paperwork.  What's it going to be like when I drop her off on the first day?  As with everything else, I have to put my faith and trust in God, that he knows best, and will be with the both of us during this difficult transition.

Meghan is doing wonderfully.  Last night she went to bed at 11, woke up at 1:30 and then again at 4 to eat.  YAY!  She's doing so much better at night.  I thought for sure she'd never get her days and nights turned around.  Her reflux has gotten better.  I've stopped giving her the medicine for the past week and she seems to be doing fine.  The reason I stopped was it seemed that it was making things worse than better.  I plan to re-evaluate this with the doctor when we go in for her two month check-up.  Oh, do I dread that check-up.  She'll be getting her two month shots and that is not going to be fun for either of us.  I bet she's maybe 9 1/2 pounds now.  I'm not going to venture at her height as she's gotten soooooooooo long.  She's going to be lean and tall - just like daddy.  Her eyes are still blue but we all have a feeling they'll be changing to brown.  I secretly (maybe selfishly) pray for her to keep those baby blue eyes.  She has the cutest dimple in her chin, just like mommy.  I can really see the both of us in her, it's amazing.  More amazing is that she looks just how I dreamt she would when I was still pregnant with her. 

I can't get enough of her and never will.  What scares me the most is how fast she's growing.  I'm already reviewing pictures of her and can't believe how she's grown and how fast time has gone by.  I don't want to blink as I'm afraid another week will go by.  I need a pause button or maybe in a rewind button as I would do this over again in a heartbeat.  Now if only we could convince Dad hehe. 

Well, I need to go, Meghan is beginning to wake up and I always like to be there when she does, as she's a real grumpy pants at first.  I hope to get more pictures up as soon as I have time to download them and get them up here.  Love to all and we will talk to you soon! 

I CANNOT believe our baby was one month old yesterday.  It seems like overnight 30 days went by.  I wish I could rewind time.  I'm sure the rest of her life will be like this.  *Blink* she's walking, *blink* she's off to her first day of school, *blink* she's graduating from high school.  I sit down with her every day and try to figure out a way to keep her this small forever.  Her tiny toes and hands.  Small enough to fit into the nook of my arms.  Still pulling her legs up in the fetal position.  *Sigh*    Life goes by so quickly and I"m not so sure I like that, hehe. 

I can't stay on long, Meghan is awake and I desperately need a shower.  Who knew as a new mommy you could get stinky so quickly, hahaha.   I promise to post more pictures soon as we've taken at least three dozen more!   Much love to everyone!  PS - I updated my monthly reflections for after baby's arrival. 

With every week that goes by her personality emerges more.  For me, this has been the most exciting.  She really smiled for the first time this last week and is smiling more and more during the day when she's awake.  I caught a few smiles on picture and video today, so hopefully I can post that here in the next day or so.  It melts my heart when she smiles.  Today she was just talking away to me - cooing and grunting.  It's funny, she's developed a grunt and uses it to her advantage quite a bit (even though Dad says its not ladylike) hehe.  She holds her head up so much now and she's a real champ at it!!  I think since we have to hold her upright so much from her reflux she's really been able to practice holding her head up.  She's become so alert and wants to look at everything (even though most things may not be in focus yet) she loves the shadows, colors and movement.  She loves playing and talking.  When she's awake I make faces with her and talk with her - she loves it!  

Her eyes are still blue and I so hope they stay so.  She has such beautiful eyes.  They are so telling and are truthfully the window to her soul.  I think I spend most my time looking into them and end up getting lost!  I never ever knew I could end up loving someone so much. She has the most adorable dimple on her chin (from her mom of course).  She has some baby acne but that's normal and will go away in time.  She still curls her legs up when you pick her up or hold her - I dread the day when she doesn't do that anymore.She's just starting to fit into her 0-3 month clothes and even then most of them are still a bit big.  At night we have her in sleepers and she looks so freakin adorable in them.  

Her reflux seems to be doing better - not completely better but definitely on it's way.  The meds seem to be working.  Her nights are getting better as well.  There has been a noticable difference in her sleeping pattern and she sleeps through the night more.  I know it  will continue to get better.  She still breastfeeds VERY well.  I love doing it - it's my favorite time with her.  I'm going to pump soon as my breasts leak sooooooooo much and I really feel like it's going to waste.  Plus, soon she'll be at daycare and will need to be fed if I can't make it over to breastfeed.  I hope to breastfeed for at least 6 months. 

Speaking of dread - I go back to work soon - too soon.  I can't imagine giving her to someone else to watch her and hold her.  Until then I spend every minute I can with her and as Mike puts it - I spoil her.  I honestly dont think you can spoil a baby (at least that's what I've read) - not until about 6-7 months old.  If it was ever possible to stop time, there is no doubt in my mind that I'd do it now.  I wish I could pause and spend this day with her forever.   

Well, I have to head off, I need to shower my darling daughter with kisses, hugs, and love.  Hugs to all!

My Dear Meghan,

Here we are sweetheart, 3 weeks already since you were born.  How quickly time goes by when you have something so precious to watch over day and night.  There aren't enough words in this universe to tell you how much I love you (even though I tell you every single minute that I love you).  Everytime I look at you and you stare back, I see the most precious gift God ever could of given me.  I wish you could stay little forever so I can hold you in my arms and lay your head against my chest.  Oh, we'll cherish these days my sweetheart.  I love you always and forever!  ~Mommy

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3 Weeks today!  It doesn't seem like that much time has passed.  It's incredible to me how quickly time goes by - reminds me of how important it is to spend every day to it's fullest and give as many kisses to my baby girl as I can. 

Did I mention how I really don't want to go back to work?  It makes complete sense to me now - mothers wanting to stay home with their babies.  I am well aware of HAVING to go back - I just don't WANT to.    I'm seriously considering asking to telecommute if at all possible - especially when we end up moving to a house where I may be able to set up some sort of office space.

Oh yea, and I've become stretch mark queen!  I think I may have had all these stretch marks while pregnant, but they decided to appear after my skin wasn't so stretched.  They itch like crazy!  They are everywhere!  I kindly remind myself that these are my baby marks.  They tell me that I, amazingly, grew a baby inside for 9 months.  Plus, most of them will end up fading away over time.

Meghan had to make a trip to the doctor's the other day.  Her reflux symptoms seemed to be getting worse and her irritability was increasing.  Well she definitely is getting enough to eat because she weighed in at a healthy 8lbs 11oz!  Doctor checked her out and said to increase her medicine to 3 times a day and (drumroll please) she has colic.  Colic would explain her irritability and late, sleepless nights.  My poor baby - as if the constant spitting up, gagging and hiccups weren't enough!  Mom and Dad have it under control though - lots of love, kisses, and soothing (we love giving extra extra love and kisses).

Well, baby is calling for some boob juice so I have to sign off.  Hope all is well with everyone!  Hugs!