My Dearest Precious Pumpkin Meghan ~

What a joy you have been to our lives.  I never could imagine what being a mother truly was until you came.  When you smile and talk to me, it just melts my heart.  Lately you love to hear us sing songs like "The Itsy Bitsy Spider",  "The Wheels on the Bus", and "Old McDonald".  You love to look around and take in your surroundings.  When you see Mom, Dad or Big Brother your face just lights up with the most beautiful smile.  You like to use your eyebrows to make your facial expressions.  This last weekend you learned how to be surprised.  Whenever mommy put her face close to yours and made a raspberry with her lips, your eyes got wide, you threw your hands up, your feet kicked out and you gasped.  It was the cutest thing in the whole world.  I would laugh and you would laugh right along with me.  You're kicking A LOT, and you try to move your body to the side - I think rolling over will be following shortly.  You go in for your two month shots on Monday.  Mommy is not looking forward to it, as she hates to see you sad or hurting.  Daycare said you are such a good baby and seem to be very easy to take care of.  You are.  You are sleeping through most of the night an only wake up to eat around 2:30-3am.  You then wake up around 5 to eat again and expel gas.  You poot so much in the mornings and most of the time end up making a huge poop shortly after.  Whenever you wake up you smile and then stretch.  You stretch like mommy does - puff out your chest, raise your arms up, hands in a fist, legs curled up, and pucker your lips like getting ready for a kiss.  It's the cutest thing to watch.  I hope I can catch it with the video camera.  Your 0-3 month clothes are getting too small (in the length anyway).  You are so teeny circumfrence wise, but are getting so tall already.  I may have to start safety pinning things to fit your waist!  Your hair is getting lighter and your eyes are still blue (YAY).  You still have long hair in the back and the top is slowly but surely growing in.  You love your playmat and bouncy chair.  You kick and bat so much.  You learned quickly that if you punch or kick your toys on the playmat that they'll make noises.  You're acid reflux seems to be getting better.  I've noticed you don't get the hiccups as much (YAY!).  Unfortunately, you did inherit mom's stomach problems (it runs on my side of the family).  Pretty soon you'll be getting a big girl crib to sleep in. 

You continue to amaze us my darling and I'm so looking forward to all the new things we'll be learning together.  Don't grow up too fast, mom loves your baby smell.  I love you honey!    All my love, kisses and hugs ~ Mommy 

Okay, so I've made it three days.  It's still hard leaving Meghan at daycare, although I'm assured it will get better after the first couple of weeks.  Meghan, on the other hand, is doing just fine at daycare.  Of course, everyone but me knew that she would survive without Mom.  However, it still doesn't mean anyone other than myself would take better care of her - after all, Mommy knows best.  I feel that in the 6-7 hours that I don't see her during the day that I'll be missing so much or that she'll grow up in the blink of an eye.  I hate that feeling. 

Poor thing has had gas pretty bad the past couple of days.  She didn't poop for over a day.  She had gas all last night and finally pooped at daycare when I fed her at lunchtime.  Dang that chili I had the other night.  I'm not even sure if that is necessarily true - that what the Mommy eats goes to her baby through her breastmilk.  Is it?  Grandma K is here this week and has visited Meghan at daycare a couple of times and is just loving it.  Seems everytime she sees her there's something new she's doing. 

Just this week I've been putting her on her playmat and she's been kicking and batting away at the hanging toys.  We'll watch her and clap everytime she hits something and she smiles and does it again.  Show off! hehe.  I've learned she doesn't like hats - she moves her head back and forth and fusses to try and get it off.  She LOVES hearing nursery ryhmes and  songs.  Old McDonald and Itsy Bitsy Spider seem to be her favorites.  It may just be the faces we make when singing them though.  I can only imagine how silly I look singing "Eee Iii Eee Iii Ooo"  haha.  She also loves being talked to.  I hold full blown conversations with her even though she only responds with her cooing.  Its great.  Her 0-3 month clothes barely fit in the length anymore.  I can tell already she's going to be a tall girl.  The 3- 6 month clothes fit in length, but not the in the waist.   Oh they grow so fast.

Well, I better get some work done (7 weeks worth does pile up quickly).  Much love and prayers!   

Well today is officially my first day back at work.  I've never been a "clock watcher" before, but today and I can only assume for the next week or more, I have deemed myself a clock watcher.  My baby Meghan went off to daycare today and I went back to work.  I have been preparing myself for this since she was born (knowing I'd be returning to work in 6-7 weeks), so it wasn't as hard as I thought.  I actually handed her over to Michelle (her daycare teacher) on my own and walked out the door.  Definitely not without a few tears, okay okay, LOTS of tears.  She seemed to do just fine.  I headed to work tears in my eyes.  They assured me that she'd be OK (and that eventually I would too), but I can't help but constantly think about what she's doing, if she's crying, does she need to be fed, is she playing or smiling?  *sigh* 

Michelle called at 10:40am and told me she was sleeping.  She had a hard time going down for a nap as she wouldn't keep her pacifier in and kept waking up.  She does this at home and we end up sticking it back in two or three times before she finally keeps it in and falls asleep.  However, I'm sure at daycare they can't constantly continue to do this as they have other kids to tend to.  So they said they swadled her and she dozed right off to sleep.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  Knowing that she's able to sleep somewhere other than the comforts of my arms or her bed, tells me she feels safe and comfy.  They told me they'd call when she wakes up.

I was called again at 12:40 and she's still sleeping!  My precious angel is doing so well.  She tends to take a long afternoon nap - so this is good.  I plan to take off and feed her when she wakes up.  I'm so glad they continue to call me.  I'd call them, but I don't want to be a pest.  I have it played out in my head that if I call TOO much it'll be "Oh my gosh, it's Meghan's Mom calling AGAIN.  Meghan is doing just FINE, she doesn't have to call EVERY hour."  Of course, that is totally not the case and if I wanted to call every hour, I could.  I just can't - I have a gagillion emails to sort through and I'm not even through half of them.  Whew!  

All in all, this will be another adjustment to overcome and I know I'm strong enough to do it.  I don't know HOW Mike did it after just three weeks.  I just feel that this shouldn't be an adjustment I HAVE to make.  I know if it were feasible that I, or one of us, would stay home.  Our materninty leave in the U.S. is a JOKE.  Even with 12 weeks of FMLA it's without pay and really, how many families can afford to do that?!  Out of all this, I have come up with a positive thought - at the end of the day, I have one absolutely BEAUTIFUL baby girl to pick up and spend time with and that right there is my strength to get through each day. 

Meghan will be 7 weeks old on Sunday.  Every day I feel so blessed to have such a beautiful happy baby.  Meghan is such a joy.  Gramma and Grandpa Scruggs saw her for the first time last week and just loved her to death.  Great Grandma Schell saw her on Wednesday and just loved her too.  She has so many people out there that love her and I hope as she grows she contiues to feel that love. 

Meghan has the longest eyelashes, which makes her already beautiful eyes even more so.  It seems like just this past week she's talking more - "hiiiiiiiiiiiii", "ahhh haaaaa", "oooooo", and "haaaa ah".  She smiles quite a bit now and it's the cutest, gumiest smile ever!  She's awake more during the day and sleeps more through the night.  When she's awake during the day I play with her.  She loves her butterfly playmat and just kicks and punches away at the dangling toys.  She likes her mirror as well and will just talk talk talk to her twin.  When she sleeps now she sleeps with her hands in an "L" shape.  She still has lots of hiccups and spit up (which we now cure with Mylanta).  The Mylanta seems to work quite well with her reflux.  In fact, I think it helps her sleep better at night.  She was 11 pounds at the doctor the other day (I think I mentioned that in my last entry).  Meghan can now see further and follows us with her eyes when we get up to walk around.  She definitely knows who her mom, dad, and big brother are.  In the morning my alarm clock is Meghan pushing and grunting for her morning poopie.  Then she makes poopies almost every other diaper until lunchtime.  Her poops are loud and have given us quite the chuckle, especially when she does it in the middle of church. 

Her two month appointment is coming up.  I dread it as it's the "shots appointment".  I was reading about some of the reactions that are normal and one of them could be a knot (sometimes up to the size of an egg) on her leg.  I guess we should also plan for a hard night as they tend to be up and fussy from the soreness.  Truthfully, I would rather her be sore from the pain of the shots then the miserable or even fatal pain of the diseases she could get without getting the shots.        

We went to JC Penny's the other day and took her first "professional" pictures.  She did so well and all the pictures came out darling!  Mom spent an excessive amount of money because she couldn't choose just one of her beautiful sweetie.    

Daycare day is coming quickly.  I'm still worried, even though Mike insists I'm being absurd over the whole thing.  He tells me that she's going to be right there and that I really have nothing to worry or be upset about.  I understand that and am greatly comforted and fell blessed by the fact that she IS going to be right there.  However, I know the care that I give her isn't going to be matched at a daycare and even being minutes away won't comfort that feeling. I guess I could go on and on with reasons as to why they are no match to her Mommy and I really think my feelings are normal.  That being said, it will be ok and I will be strong and overcome this hurdle as with all the other things I've overcome.  That doesn't mean I CAN'T be worried or sad about it.  Right?

Our little princess Meghan is awaking and I know she's going to be hungry.  So, I will sign off for now.  Maybe this weekend when I get a minute I will upload more pictures of our sweetie.