My right boob hurts.  I looked up mastitis online yesterday because i had heard of it before and it sounds like i have all the symptoms.  Immflamation, soreness, redness.  I think it's better today.  It's still red, but not quite as sore to the touch.  I don't think i have an infection though because i don't have a fever.  Disruption in feedings, feeling run-down and stressed, and not emptying the breast can be causes for getting mastitis, all of which apply to me.  Two times earlier this week, joe and i went out with people and joey was fed pre-pumped breast milk from bottles.  The problem is that my breasts get really full and i have to relieve myself.  But i didn't get out near as much as he would have if he was nursing (the whole point of bringing the bottle is to have some freedom and who wants to go out with people just to spend an hour in the bathroom!?).  So just like any other part of the body that doesn't get fully drained, things can get plugged up, and that causes definite irritation.  It should go away on its own as long as i keep nursing frequently on that side.

Oh great, joe just came up for a minute and asked if i wanted to go to a seahawks pre-season game next saturday because a friend offered him the tickets.  He said we didn't have to stay for the whole thing because it starts at seven and it'll take us a few hours to get home.  Plus it's a pre-season game and they hardly play the good players.  And he wants my mom to babysit.  With the time that we'll have to leave by (he'll have to close the shop early) and how late it'll be when we get back, that'll be like TEN HOURS!!  Normally i love watching the games with joe, we went to two last season when i was pregnant and had so much fun.  But all i'm thinking as soon as he tells me that is man, i'll have to pump all week to get enough milk for that long of a stretch.  And to prevent this same problem from happening again, i'll have to be pumping and dumping on the car ride there and back.  Joe had a customer come in so we didn't get to talk about it, but he did say that he really wanted to go.  It would be nice to get that much alone time, we haven't been very connected lately to say the least.  But i also don't even know if my mom would be free to do that, that's a lot of babysitting, and she's the only one that i would trust to do it anyway.  I don't know what to do!

By the way, the sleeping through the night thing - just a fluke.  He now likes to get up twice in the night.  Thankfully he still goes back to sleep right after he eats.  During the day, he eats more now than ever.  Every two hours still, is that normal?  I can't seem to get anything done.  Oh well, I've at least rigged an awkward way to type as he eats.

8 WEEKS TOMORROW.

7 hours, can you believe it?!  Look at my face, i'm in shock i tell ya.

- eat

- listen to his daddy sing him silly songs

- watch his mobile go round and round

- try to fit his fist in his mouth

- eat

- talk to mommy and tell her everything about his day

- peeing

- pooping

- sleeping

- planning to change the world!

He is amazing and i know he will do great things.

But i don't have expectations for him.  The last thing i want to do is try and have expectations that he can't meet.  The number one thing that i want him to know as he grows up is that i love him for WHO HE IS, not what he does or accomplishes.  I don't want to brag about what grade he got or award he won, but instead for how big his heart is and the amount of love and compassion he has.  I hope i can set an example for him.  Even now i find myself grateful that he doesn't know exactly what words mean as i scold myself for letting a vulgar word slip.  Please please let your first word be "mommy" instead of "dammit". Being a parent really does bring out the best and the worst in you.  As much as i love my son, and i do, so much it scares me sometimes, it is hard, really hard.  And i don't ever want to glorify mommyhood.  In the first couple weeks there were times that i would cry, mostly out of pure exhaustion and also because sometimes i thought no one cared about me.  Even though everyone tells you to "sleep when the baby sleeps", those same people aren't there to do the chores when your laundry's piling up and the dishes are in the sink.  Thankfully it passes, you remember your spouse again.  But you're never the same person again.  I know i'm different.  I'm not a child anymore, i'm a mother.  And we're not just husband and wife anymore, we're a family.

As joe and i are trying to watch some tv at 10:58pm and HE is the one who has his ear glued to the moniter waiting to hear the slightest whimper or cry.  I gotta say, i'm almost proud of myself for being in a different room than my baby and being somewhat relaxed. 

Who am i kidding.  As soon as he makes a sound i'm sure i'll go running.