I'm absolutely floored my whoremonger womanizing grimy son of a maggot ex tried to actually RUIN my future career..

met with the psych today for the conclusion of the job and found out he totally slammed me, with all bad intentions of course, and my history.....anyhoo, that mf isn't even more than 2 paragraphs worthy........nevertheless, it was only mentioned as the psych interview was the beginning of my day.....

following a long gruesome 2 hour drive to the san jo area....robin is back from hot august nights with mr. l and called me in the middle of my testing (me, forgetting i had my cell phone on) and i had to politely apologize and quickly excuse myself from the room filled with some of the most unforgiving-looking weary-eyed test takers...

returning her call on the way home, she was total relieved i had spilled the beans to my sis because in her words "i can't hold any water" - which i already knew ........forcing me to make tons of mental notes to never tell her anything of severe importance.......first.

more in baby news....today marks a week since i've felt any tata soreness or lower tummy achy feelings...or anything else -- i guess a part of me feels like i don't deserve to have a untypical good pregnancy....maybe it's too early to even claim but.....geez......if the rest of it goes like this.....i'll be the first to get back in the buffet line for seconds....

ugh......crazy wicked visual thoughts in just even imagining that lol.......wrong choice of words perhaps........?!?!?

anyways, j's home now, and he's loving, supportive, and proud of me, bless his sweet soul-----and happy that thee final step to this painful 13-month process of getting a stupendous high-paying stressful job has finally come to a close.......he assures me that everything will be just fine.....and knowing that.....nothing else really matters........

i told my sis today, this morning actually, which was cool......

wait was that this morning......no my bad, that was yesterday........brain freeZe.

anyway...feeling better today.......actually was......until a couple of hours ago when i convinced John that a juicy greasy Bud's hammy burger would be great!....needless to say, he hated it, and secretly i did too.......

anyways, maybe today ran back into yesterday since i spent another hour or so on the phone talking with my sis......motormouth her had no beeswax telling Andre, her blast from the past, who is recently married,with child, and experienced the same stressors as new baby, and wife...but....new house(moving) which can indeed be just as stressful as moving can be equaleinanvalfjdkadjlk; -------grrrr....im trying to spell equivalent.....ahh..there it is.......

EQUIVALENT to starting a new job.....

so once again here i am, rambling about nothing......

john called off sick today........poor poor dad, suffering from sickness.....i b'd out on him, explaining the important of taking vitamins......especially working in a ffithlf.ddfjokadjkl;dfajkdfjdfd.........filthy.........gosh, i'm having spelling probs today.........

FILTHY environment such as his......

anyhoo......bedtime time is approaching here as it is 8:12pm.......

i've got that psych exam manana, and i'm dreading the 2 hour drive.......

.......laters gators

This will be short because i'm crabby and down-n-the-dumps...

Had an ultrasound yesterday(uploaded pic in photo gallery), they found a cyst, and didn't find the baby...more than likely because it is not 6 but only 5 weeks,.....doc said no worries, as cysts are quite normal: - http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,5335,00.html but of course, they always say that --and i've found many discussions & articles of other women http://www.pregnancy-info.net/QA/answers-Ovarian_Cyst_During_Pregnancy who have had other experiences --they don't really know, although the doc was more than reassuring, that the cyst will shrink or dissolve.....i have another appt on the 15th to check it and make sure my hcg levels are rising normally, and to hopefully see something in the sac-- my blood pressure was also abnormally high 156-158 something over i forgot what, --she even looked through my chart and wondered why it was so high....at my physical on friday, it was perfect 110/70.....so i dunno wtf is going on......

i'm a lil' stressed and pissed.....i broke down and confided in Robin...she only had good things to say but....of course, i wasn't trying to hear all that positive crap at the time.....me and John have been arguing alot, yesterday was very very very very bad.... I talked to a friend of Marlo's whos been working at bpd for 3 years now and confided in her about the pregnancy, and her response really didn't make me feel any better, she was happy to hear about the news, but then said, "well, you'll be outta training then have to go on leave, and you'll go away and forget everything so.......i dunno, you'll have to figure that out with them" which just made me feel like pure crap........and that comment was made after she told me a lil' more about the culture of the group and how they talk alot of shit among each other and how you really have to be thick-skinned in order to survive....and oh yea...how they just fired some girl who wasn't able to pick up the system fast enough....

i'm gonna go lay back down now......

i thought this tiredness stuff was all in-my-head...but it's not...i've been cruising around reading other ladies journals with the same due date as mine, or a few days within, and we all have the same issues...it's also good to know that i'm not the only one who has normal concerns like miscarrying, preggo blues, and other uncomfortable issues....

went for my physical today and passed!! yippie!!...well i was a lil concerned about that...now i just have to pass the psych test on monday, which is almost 2 driving hours away...it was hard getting up this morning, and for some reason i just didn't wanna go..i arrived early and started getting pissed off around 5-10 after 9am when they hadn't called my name yet.....why? who knows!!! my patience for just lil' everyday life events is slim.....but the whole process was done and over with in about 30 min....

naturally i came home and ate, and once again, got attacked by the sleepy monster...its like i can't even keep my eyes open......so i fall asleep at around 11ish and just got up......it's 4oclock now - lol - john called from work for no reason, and that woke me up, ...so i just decided to get up.....

i haven't felt any sickness at all since monday nor have i had an lower ab stretching icky type of pain either.....i wake up feeling pretty darn normal......and that's a very beautiful thing.....i just wish i had more energy...and wasn't so tired....but every research reference i've read claims this goes away the next trimester, but reappears in the last one.....so we'll see!!....