Good evening everybody,

I discovered today  why they say full recvoery of delivery takes 6 weeks. While I feel fine, and according to several look better then I did before I got pregnant, I am having serious hormonal issues today. The whole sweating randomly thing came back and my mood was nuts. I was fine one second and could barely stand to look at anyone in my house the next. So I did what any rational woman does when ready to go insane in her house...I took the baby and shut myself in the bedroom and took a nice 3 hour nap with her and ignored the world.

I'm not quite sure what set it off today but it has just been a roller coaster of emotion. I am excited about Crystal's upcoming baby shower and worried about Mary being newly pregnant and trying to handle all of the stress that goes along with planning a baby shower. I am excited about finding out how much my little Gracie poo weighs tomorrow and excited about everything going on at church and irritated with my kids for being awful to each other and irritated with Scott because of the sermon at church today.....lol....it's just been a whirlwind of emotions. All of which culminated with me looking at my whole family and telling them " I am laying down with the baby...if you get hungry before I get up eat a sandwhich...otherwise you can wait!"...lol...Now if you know me at all this is NOT like me especially not on a Sunday afternoon when I normally cook a really nice meal... Not today!

I just hit a breaking point of being annoyed today is what I think it was. It was just one of those I need to hold my baby and marvel at her for her awhile and forget about all the craziness outside of this bedroom for a little bit.

SO I did and we were out for 3 hours....Scott came in and did the "baby when are you gonna get uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuP?!?!?!" thing.....I just rolled over and looked at Gracie sleeping soundly with me and said ..."when she does".... and went right back to sleep...She woke up about 9 and he was hovering nearby waiting for any sign of she might be remotely awake so I would have to get up ...lol..so at the first baby girl stretch he had her up and was carrying her..poor man. He made me mad yesterday so I held her all day long and wouldn't let him hold her...only because I really had nothing to do yesterday except hold my baby which was nice. SO I used it to my advantage and held her all day long. We napped together and played together and just bonded. And Crystal and Mary made me feel better about something today.

I've been struggling a little bit with letting people hold her. I mean I can let her go everyonce in while but I feel like a greedy momma. I know that she is gift to me AND every life she touches but I am her momma. I want to hold her when I want to hold her and I don't want to feel pressured to share her. I feel bad because there are times when I know someone wants to hold her and I try to be accomodating but at the same time I am like no way man I am not giving her up right now. Fortunately she is still young enough to where I am just not going to play the pass the baby game. AND I have cool enough friedns and family that they understand this maternal issue. Babies can make things kind of tricky in a social environment and people get their feelings hurt if you don't let them hold right when they want. That is so not what this is about.

It is just it has been 9 years almost since my last baby and it is like having a first born all over again. Plus how hard we worked to have her and how different life is now then it was then. I am different kind of person and I believe and even better momma. I just don't want to miss on second of this with her. Also with this being my last baby it is emotionally difficult this time around more so then it was with Kollin. I know this is the last kiddo that I will birth that will be so utterly dependant upon me and have moments where no one matters but momma. That is a pretty amazing feeling. I seriously have to make myself leave the room when Scott is holding her just so he can have his time to bond. I want to give him his space and not be a distracting voice in the background when he is talking to her and forging his own connection. It isn't because of anything with him. He is a great daddy. It is just that I could so easily scoop her back up or talk and refocus her attention on the voice she hears all day long. I don't want to do that....so in moments like now when he is holding her and spendning his time I just come in here and hang out and check emails and do an update.

So anywho~ Crystal and Mary both understood and expressed those same feelings themselves about just wanting to hold their babies and everybody leaving them alone. That explained to me alot about why Crystal hasn't gone nutso around Gracie. i know she wants to hold her but her own personal experience of having the first grandbaby on both sides of her family was enoughf or her to relate to what I am feeling. And it really isn;t that it bugs me when someone wants to hold her. I just have this overwhelming urge to hold her and never let go. I guess it is the no one will ever love her like I do thing...*shrug* I dunno....I just know it made me feel better to know I am not the onyl geedy momma out there.

On a side note..we found out 2 days ago that our lease is not being renewed so I am going to have to move with an almost 2 month old baby. Not something I was prepared for but I am at peace with. However I do ask for prayers with our financial situation. With this being dropped on us with such short notcie and having to worry about deposits and stuff....just not something you want to worry about with a new baby. The outcome of this will be a huge savings on rent hopefully but for now it is a little stressful. This is however and answer to a prayer so while it comes in an unusual form I am gratefult o be answered as quickly as we were. So prayer for wisdom and discernment in finding a new place and that God would open the doors to where we need to be as opposed to where we want to be. And that we will make no decisions without seeking Him first. That is how we ended up in this awesome house for a period of time and that time has served it's purpose. So now we move. Thanks in advance for the prayers.

This song has weighed on me today. I love Third Day and it has just been one of those afternoons when it feels like just ugh!...ya know...so this is my song today...God is good ALL the time.

When the rain comes you think that everyone has gone away
When the night falls you wonder if you shouldn't find someplace
To run and hide
Escape the pain
But hiding's such a lonely thing to do

I can't stop the rain from falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain, but i will hold you till it goes away

When the rain comes you blame it on the things that you have done
When the storm fades you know the rain has fall'n on everyone
So rest a while
It'll be alright
No one loves you like I do

I can't stop the rain from falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain, but i will hold you,
I can't stop the rain from falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain, but i will hold you till it goes away

Take care and God Bless,

Misty

I think this is beautiful and accurate. I had to share. Gracie poo I hope you know this is how mommy feels...exactly how this is described...I love you and your brother and sister with all my heart.

Being A Mom
 
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions
that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."
 
"We're taking a survey," she says half-joking.
"Do you think I should have a baby?"
 
"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.
 
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."
 
But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my Daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.
 
I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.
 
I consider warning her that she will ne ver again read a newspaper without asking,  "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.  That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.
 
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is,  becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.  That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.
 
I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood.
 
She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting  and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.
 
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. 
 
That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.
 
However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
 
Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.
 
That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. 
 
That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring,
 but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.
 
I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.  My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.
 
I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.
 
I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war,prejudice and drunk driving.
 
I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. 
 
I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. 
 
I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.
 
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.  "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
 
" May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart"

"Mine was wonderful with you by my side, open my eyes...and see your sweet face..well It's a good morning beautiful day!"

Yea, yea I know Steve Holy wrote that with a woman in mind but I have Gracie in mind. There is nothing in the world like waking up to face the day with a beautiful baby looking at you. She is so sweet when she wakes up in the morning. Well she is sweet anyway but she does these long big girl yawns and stretches. Then she blinks and opens her eyes real big and kind of takes the whole world in all over again. Kinda like " wow this place gets a little bigger and more colorful everyday...oh wait there's mommy...time to eat..."....It takes her a second to get focused on me and then she starts her little piggie feed me noises. It is adorable. So the good morning beautiful song has become our morning song. It is the time of day before anyone else is up or Scott is already gone if he has to work. So we listen to our song and fix a bottle and wake the other kiddos up before we go settle down to rock and eat.

If you know me you know I tend to be the one in the group who likes plans. I like things planned out and am not terribly comfortable with last minute changes in routine. Now this is not to say I am not one to pick up a phone at 11:30 and say hey lets get together for lunch. I just like my normal daily routine to go a certain way. I do allow for changes and have gotten better about accepting that life just kind of throws things at you. But this part of my day I don't want to change to soon. I really enjoy that time with her.

I also like when we get back from dropping kids off and we kick back in daddy's recliner and she snuggles up against me and conks out for her morning nap. It's like having a first born all over again because of the big age gap between her and Kollin. I really hate that I didn't get to do all this with Amanda. It's ok though. We have different bonding time now. Boys, nail polish, arguing about computer sites...lol...fun almost teen mom and daughter stuff. BUT, I'm much happier now that she is talking to me about everything as opposed to not talking to any of us about anything. I know which boy she likes day to day...cause they change day to day at her age. I know what her definition of "going out" is at this age even though she is not allowed. And I know I am proud of her for telling her friends that yes she does like (insert boy name here) but she is not allowed to go out yet.

I am very much enjoying all these different stages of life my kids are at. Kollin is still at the age where nobody knows as much as his momma...well except maybe him from time to time. And in his eyes there is no need for any other female in his life yet. Oh how quickly that is going to change.

So yes, we've already been praying for them to meet Christian counterparts so that they will be equally yoked. I guess we need to begin praying that up for Gracie. Stormie Omartian wrote the Power of the Praying Parent and it is NEVER to early to pray specifically for your children. It is an awesome book. If you have never read her stuff check it out. She also has the Power of a Praying Wife. Excellent book for all stages of marriage.

Anywho~ I am just feeling a little reminiscent today when I look down at my little baby with her tiny features. It's like I blinked and my other babies are almost all grown up. Hope everyone has a great day and Don't Blink 

Love In Christ,

Misty

This is similar to something I received in a spam email tonight. if you see something similar NO AOL is not tracking the email and you can verify it on www.snopes.com 

 I adapted this without the spam to fit my life and my children. I hope you enjoy it. Feel free to repost!

"TO MY CHILDREN"