9TH APRIL 2008
I still hadn't heard from the midwife so i decided to ring her as it's the same midwife from my first pregnancy....My first appointment is on wednesday16th april 9am at my local doctors and my first scan is the 25th april 2:10 @ my local hospital really excited at the moment i'm trying not to be scared as i dont want to stress myself out anymore that i have to.
Everyone in the family are really happy for me....I've had a couple of comments about it being to soon i never wanted anyone to judge me....When is the right time how long should i have left it if the doctor is right about how far gone i am then we were not trying at the time so it must have just happened and i would never give my baby up.... |
......Iv'e got butterflye's so bad i feel sick to my tummy richard cant be with me as he has an appointment and he can't get out of it which he isn't happy about because he soooo wanted to be there to support me.....So joy took me(richards mom) but i wanted to go in and here the bad news on my own so i sat in the waiting room on my own it seemed like forever then the doctor called me in the tears just rolled down my face i didn't no what to do.... if i could have run there and then i would have.....Dr Thomson was so kind and asked me how i felt i told him i hate myself as it's my fault my little boy died...... he then told me it wasn't my fault!!! My blood was to thick which ment it wasn't feeding the placenta and starved william if only they had caught me in time and given me a BLOODY ASPIRIN to thin my blood my boy would be here. I felt angry yet relieved i wasn't to blame for the loss of our son. I was crying so much i couldn't see in front of me....My baby was taken from me and i felt let down. 
WHO I LOVE SO VERY MUCH he is perfect too.... dr kingston was so nice to me but she thinks i'm 8 weeks pregnant don't no how i can be so far gone as we haven't been trying we wanted to wait until my body was ready and 8 weeks sounds to soon after william (that's what we named our son).i dont want people to judge me as nothing or no one will ever replace my baby boy..... 
I cant believe it i'm so happy but scared at the same time, this is my second pregnancy i would have been due on the 20th april only i had a stillbirth on the 4th january2008 it broke my heart 
he was perfect.Richard i think is scared...he would never tell me but he is also happy at the same time, im going to do everything right this time iv'e given up smoking dont drink much so im not missing out there.... and i'm eating little and often.I've informed the doctors and i'm waiting for the midwife to call hopefully thy will keep a close eye on me this time round.