I am in pretty bad shape.  I had intended to work at least through Christmas, but as it turns out, I am having a few minor problems...

I'm 29 weeks now.  I am so heavy and cumbersome from the twins that I can't walk 20 steps without doubling over and gasping in pain.  I have braxton-hicks contractions all day long.  I am nauseated on and off all day.... and I faint so much that I can't even drive anywhere alone or take a shower when no one's home.  I have developed awful hemorrhoids, yay.  And my asthma is really acting up. 

It's gotten to the point where I can't do normal housework or chores anymore.  I have to stay in bed a lot.  With half our our combined income no longer coming in, we are worried sick about money (of course). 

Mom has been helping me a lot by driving Lauren to school in the morning (Nick can't because he goes to work at 6:30 AM). 

At least I'm getting a nap or two a day.  And doing lots of reading, something I probably won't be able to do for a while after the babies come!!

I will survive...... I hope  ;D

I don't get it......... I'm feeling a sense of irritation, tiredness, even boredom and anger with my pregnancy. 

It's funny, maybe every pregnant lady wishes so hard in the beginning to hurry up and get pregnant.......... and at some point many months later turns to herself and says "now WHY exactly did I want this?"

But I am at the point of wishing it would go away.  And I feel really guilty about it. 

I am almost seven months pregnant, and already I'm the size of a woman about to deliver at 40 weeks.  Of course I want the twins.  Of course I already love them more than anything.  But I can't help but feel terrible because I want to not be pregnant anymore......... and not hurt, not be bitchy or weepy, not be sick, not grow excess body hair, skin tags, pigment spots and moles, not gain loads of weight, not be unable to bend over to pick something up from the floor........... a lot of things.   And I know I still have weeks and weeks to go.

I love them already.  But I didn't ask for twins.  Why do I feel so guilty admitting that???

I want to play with my daughter again, run on my treadmill again, do chores and housework without fainting or gasping and wheezing and having to sit down every five minutes, be pain-free in my lower back, and maybe most of all......... I want my husband to want me again!!!  He's been so disinterested in sex, I guess mostly out of fear of hurting me or the babies. We've talked about it but nothing has changed.  It hurts my feelings.  I'm sick of it.  I want my life back. 

This morning, when I woke up, I finally saw them....

STRETCH MARKS

Even using the Bio-Oil, I suppose I was a fool to think I could get out of a twin pregnancy without getting any on my stomach.