I put a couple of new pics of Sage in the album.  He was 12 weeks yesterday.  His personality is EXPLODING!!!

My little boy is fast asleep in his cot.. which has been a bit of a rarity round here during the days.  Night time sleeps are going GREAT, but daytime naps are more challenging.

One thing I am learning with this bub is that things can change week by week and he rarely slots into the definitions provided by baby books -  individual personality effects EVERYTHING!!

My little boy seems to be a sensitive little thing.  His first ever bath left him SCREAMING and flailing his arms around, slowly he got used to the experience and now quite likes it.  Getting changed also used to leave him crying, perhaps he didn't like being nude, having things pulled over his head, being manhandled.. not sure, but that also is getting better.  If he is sleepy though and you attempt to dress him he will quickly regress into angry, crying baby.

He sometimes jumps at little bangs and other random noises. On the weekend at a friends house, after just waking up, a stranger leaned into his capsule and proceeded to baby talk to him with much enthusiasm, Sage promptly started howling.

It seems Sage likes to have things happen to him and around him slowly... he likes to be introduced to things before they happen and given the chance to warm up.  If I soothe him with words while I do things that normally make him cry, he is more relaxed.

On the other side of this he is SUPER alert.  He is extremely curious and very interactive.  When happy he laughs and gets a full on conversation going, where the sounds coming out of his mouth sound more like a 2 year old than a 10 week old.  When we go out he is amazed by everything he sees and would stay wide awake even if exhausted simply to take it all in.

This makes day time naps a hard thing.  Strangely enough he will drop off in an instant  if he nuzzles his face right up against your chest or neck, or if you place a hand along the side of his face and eyes.  Stroking his forehead calms him down and a dummy helps bring him down from the ceiling when he is REALLY overtired and fighting it.

Sage is VERY quick to tell me what he doesn't like. If feeding and I stroke his head or touch his ear and he is not in the mood he will angrily and gruffly pull away and make a disapproving sound.  But he can also be quickly brought out of a bad mood if I chatter away to him and stop him from letting a whinge turn into a wail.

I never realised little babies had such distinct and obvious personalities, having never spent such a long time around one before.  Sometimes when I am interacting with Sage I feel like his is a grown little boy and not a newly  born baby.  I can see so much thought and recognition in his eyes.

I am so interested to see what kind of little boy he turns into.

Sage is 8 weeks 2 days old today.

He is so adorable... I hate to be gooey and clucky but.... I am just so enamoured by this little man.  I love the feel of his palms against my fingers, the soft skin at the back of his neck, the smell of his breath and his whole soft body when it cuddles into me!  Amore`!!!

This morning for the first time out came laughter - real chuckling wave after bubbling wave of baby laughter.  He had my index fingers in the curled palms of his hands and I was lifting his arms up saying 'UP and DOWN, UP and DOWN' and out came his first laughs!  It was very fun and exciting.. i quickly called Caleb, who was driving on his way to work.  He put us on speaker and I tried to recreate the laughing moment but no such luck.  Sage just looked at me like, 'not funny anymore, Mum'.  Ok then.

He has been rolling from his tummy onto his back for sometime and has some serious head lifting abilities going on.  When I take him out to the shops he has his head up and looking around, taking in the colours, sights, sounds and smells of the world for the first time.

I just marvel watching him.  At times he looks confused, sad, excited, uncertain - his little face can already register SO many different emotions. His eyes are still blue!

Tomorrow I take him for his 8 week injections....eek.  I am praying we both handle it well.

Another midwife comes, she is going to take over the reporting as Glenda has been on for close to 10 hours and is getting exhausted herself.  I wait for the doctor to come and asses me, they take AGES.  Meanwhile Glenda continues to direct me, I am beside the bed, kneeling on the bed, squatting on the floor, it goes on and on.

The doctor finally comes, she talks to me, and just wants to move things along.  It has been too long.  Glenda fights for my natural birth.  I agree to the syntocin.  I just want it to be over.  But I will not relent to an epidural, forceps of c-section.  I have to work. 

The syntocin makes the contractions stronger and faster, and instead of scaring me, they are something I can work with and I feel a new sense of energy.  Glenda directs, I obey, the baby starts to move.  An hour or so passes.

The doctor comes back, it is taking too long.  She talks episiotomy, suction.  Glenda says I will do it.  Give us 5 minutes.  The doctor relents.  Leaves.  Says I have half and hour.  I work hard.

Time passes.  Pushing through the contractions makes them more bearable.  They come and go very fast.  Caleb is supporting me, later he says the positions hurt him too.  The other midwife tells him to bend at the knees, put his legs wide, it helps.

The baby is moving, I feel as though my eyes are closed all the time, I am not aware of much except the start of each contraction.  I tell Glenda one is approaching, she talks me through every one.  Take a deep breath and push - I push, now hold the baby there - I do somehow - take another breath and push - not with your face - I relax my face - see the baby moving - it helps - she is my lifesaver.    We work together through each contraction and it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  I need her words.  They tell me what to do and I cling to them for dear life.  I know they are doing a world of good.

The doctor comes back, she is surprised at the progress I have made.  She is beside me for one contraction and tells me to get angry at the pain.  Stupid - this doesn't help, I ignore her.  The other midwife says to push like I am doing a poo - stupid I ignore her.  Glenda is back - she says to take a deep breath, push it down, not in my face, to hold the baby there while taking another breath, keep it coming, keep it coming - it helps, it is wonderful.  I do 3 long pushes with every contraction.

Kneeling on the bed over a pillow my nose starts to bleed I am pushing so hard.  I can't believe how hard I have to push, the head is still not out.  Each contraction I push harder and harder and harder. I can't believe it can climb so high.  Blood pours out of my nose.  The position is changed. Got to keep this baby anterior.

At one point I am standing, they say to feel the babies head, I touch it, it is hard.  I keep pushing.  At another point Caleb says he sees the head, I have opened, he says what he sees is an almond shaped opening.  I don't want to hear it. I want to hear it is as big as a basketball, that way it would be near the end. Only an almond shaped opening with SOO much work, how much harder do I need to push?

The doctor comes back, apparently I am nearly there.  I just keep my eyes shut and push harder and harder.  I push with every bit of strength and determination I possess.  At this stage Glenda starts to work on my perinium.  My God, I must be close.  She has hot, wet towels pressed against there.  The relief is heavenly.  She holds the towel there and wobbles it side to side, fast, it is the best relief.  She gets me to start vocally relaxing, I know this is to soften the vagina and perinum, I have to moan.  I copy her, trying to get my moan the exact same sound, note, loudness as hers.  I have got it.  She says to soften the mouth, moan low, I do, I know this is to make sure the perinum and vagina are relaxed and less likely to tear.

I push and the stretching is so intense, I feel as thoughconcrete walls are slamming together inside me.  My bones are pushed to their limit.  The head is crowning.  It burns.  'It hurts!' I whimper to anyone and everyone.  Once I feel the head crown I think, right this is it, I am getting this baby out!  I push soo hard that the head pops out, Caleb lets out a cry, he can see his babies face and is so overwhelmed, I keep pushing in the same  contraction, I do not want to stop, it must be over, the body quickly follows the head.  It flops out, shoulders, legs, feet.  It has all come at once.  There are sounds of shock.

I am soo relieved.

Glenda pulls the baby onto my chest.  They are soooo floppy, they are rubbery and their mouth is open wide.  They are purple, blue and soo unbelievably soft.  Glenda, Caleb and I all rub the baby, trying to get them to warm up, take a breath, cry out. 

The doctor is hovering nearby.  She says something like, ' take him to the table'.  Damn!  She told us it was a boy.  'What is it?'  I ask Caleb, he doesn't know, he hasn't checked.  I try to get to the babies groin as the doctor and other midwife reach in to take him to the table, I push past their hands and see a penis, it IS a boy.  We knew it.

They take him to a nearby table, a dark lady is there, she is the pediatrician.. the other midwife has called her.  I can see my baby lying on the table, purple with his arms outstretched at his sides.  They put air above his mouth, and check his vitals.  He is in shock as he had the cord wrapped round his body a couple of times... maybe this is why he was posterior Glenda later mentions.

Glenda tells us to talk to they baby.  I call out to him dreamily..not much energy left.  I tell Caleb to go be by his side.  He hears our voice and starts to perk up Glenda later tells us.  He is breathing and fine, they put a singlet on his head as a beanie and pass him to me naked and screaming.  I reach out and he grasps my finger tight.

I put him on my naked chest.  He is sooo unbelievably soft and smells of amniotic fluid.  His eyes are bright and glassy.  He is wide awake and no longer crying.  Caleb later says how surprised he was that I was so low key, talking slowly and quietly.  I tell him it was because all my energy was depleted.  We talk to the baby.  Everyone seems to disappear, except the other midwife she is writing in the corner.

I have seen a video at the Australian Breastfeeding Association about putting an unmedicated baby on your chest and allowing them to find the breast and latch on themselves.  We leave Sage to do just that.  I am amazed, his little pink feet dig into my floppy tummy as he pushes himself up towards my left breast.  He is making little grunting sounds, Caleb is filming it.  He eventually throws his head to left breast and latches on.  Amazing!  He sucks and we are astounded and happy.

He is a big boy.  Eventually they weigh him. 7 pounds 12 ounces, this is big for my family!  Caleb, Sage and I stay in the room for 2 hours.  Sage drinks colostrum and I wait for a doctor to come and give me stitches.  I have a minor second degree tear.

When she comes, she says it is small and I am happy and relieved.  All the family come in.  I hold my baby and they peer in wonder.  I gush out the story of the birth.  I am shocked at how hard it was. 

When the pain of contractions has faded from my mind and I have debriefed with  Caleb and Glenda I start to feel proud. I did it.  Glenda says I found the strength to push him out all on my own, that was me.  I feel it was thanks to her, she says the other midwife said I did so well.  The other midwife says if I had been in the hospital and not the Birth Centre they wouldn't have let me labour for so long, they would have sucked the baby out or given me a c-section.

I am so thankful for everything! Glenda fought for my natural birth and I did it, I made it!  God gave me the chance to realise that dream.  It was hard and enormous but I am left with the immense satisfaction that inspite of everything my little body was able to endure and produce it's baby without intervention. This is a victory.

Ladies in my family think I am crazy for fighting for so many hours without drugs, they ask if I will do it natural again.  At first I feel shaking at the thought, but later I feel determined to at least try again next time.

It was certainly NOT an easy labour, but I did it!  And I am SOOO thankful and proud.  The female body is capable of such tremendous things.  If I can do it.. anyone can!