When Caleb and I got married, we both agreed that we wanted to wait at least 3 years before starting a family.  We were both working full time, and not too long out of University and part-time jobs, and were enjoying the natural progression through the business world.

After many years of study and part-time jobs I had finally completed a degree in Film & TV and Creative Writing and had been blessed to receive a full-time position in the Film and TV Industry.  I started as a Production Assistant, but was getting increasing responsibility as a Production Co-ordinator and Production Manager.

Caleb's story was much the same, a musso at heart, with a music degree under his belt, he had disembarked from the part-time job circuit and managed to progress from warehouse to office, from new kid on the block, to Industry 'vetran', the one the newbies come to for advice and troubleshooting.  Of course, he is still working full-time, and continues to move on and up, his role expanding and hopefully soon, his paycheck!  ;)

Anyway, something weird started to happen last year.  I began thinking about having a baby.  But mind you, I didn't mention it.  I just kept it to myself, kept working, but kept dreaming bout it now and then.  After a while, I told Caleb.  I mentioned it off hand, admitting I was surprised to find myself thinking that way.... and lo and behold... he admitted that he had been feeling the same way!

When we realised we were both feeling 'clucky' so to speak, we laughed and were a little surprised, but just continued on, after all, we had a plan.  3 years.

Eventually, the Production Company I was working for folded, and I, along with everyone else, lost my job.  By this point, I was glad to see it happen, because I was sick of the way things were being run there, which were obviously not so great, hence the required folding.

I then embarked upon a year of freelance work.  This was interesting.  And God provided in ways I would never have imagined.  I got to work for some notorious companies, worked on some bigger budget projects and generally made a lot of contacts in the Industry, all good stuff... but still, all contracts, and at the end of each contract I would be left thinking...."yikes, what next?"

The baby desire started to grow even larger.

We bandied about the idea.

I went from job to job all the while praying for a full-time job so I could stop living week by week and just start saving.  But the full-time job never came, only more contracts.  Months passed.

We starting praying not solely for the full-time job, but for another option as well, the "perhaps you want us to have a baby now option".  We prayed that we were open to this change in plans, and asked for an increase in the desire if it was God's will.

The baby desire got stronger.

After a couple of months, we sat down and prayed again , "Ok God, maybe you have kept me out of full-time work so I would start seriously contemplating full-time motherhood.  Maybe you have given us this burning desire to have a baby, (which by this stage was kind of like an ache, like wanting to see someone you love who is far away and unreachable), and if so, we are willing to accept this, please send us a baby".

Now, of course we had to do a little something to orchestrate the actual 'building' of the baby, but once we tried, on just one ovulation cycle ....BAHM!

...we were pregnant.

I have spent little of this pregnancy  fearing, for I know this baby has been sent from God, I know it is His plan, and I know it is the right time for us.  When the baby is born we will have been married for just a little under 2 years, this is not to OUR plan, but I know it is to God's. 

And things continue to unfold that show His hand in all this.  A place in the Birth Centre, rare and cherised, a move to a new home, the gift of maternity clothes which I could not have purchased on one wage, the list goes on.

And I don't feel afraid of becoming a mother.  I don't feel rushed.  I don't feel worried that I won't be able to do it right.   I just feel blessed and content.  God truly is good, He just gets a bad rap.  But Caleb and I are set on trusting Him and we continue to have our faith strengthened as our lives play out.

It is official.  I literally can not sleep. 

It started out as random night time wakings.  Progressed to include frequent toilet trips. And later increased to include trips to the fridge to appease my seemingly endless hunger.   And is now at full blown, 'I can not get comfortable, it takes me HOURS to fall asleep and when I finally, finally drift off, I wake up needing to pee'.

I know it is common, but that doesn't make it any easier. 

At present I have 4 pillows. 4 pillows all to myself.  1 for my head, 1 for my side, 1 for between my legs and 1 spare to throw at the window with despair when it reaches 2:20am and I just can't take it anymore!

Just when I think I may have found a comfortable position in which my belly isn't pulling, stretching and aching.... between my rib cage will start to ache, or the length of my spine.  And when I toss onto the other side in an attempt to find some relief I am often met with uterus cramps that seize across my belly.

It is midnight now.  I have been in bed since 10pm, to no avail... and so gave up.  Last night I was up til 2:20am.  It wouldn't be so bad, this going to bed late, if I knew I was going to stay asleep, at least until 6:00am..but no... regular, hourly wake ups continue ALL NIGHT LONG.  And I ain't talking no Lionel Ritchie song.  This sucks.

... my feet are looking suspiciously spongy.

I didn't think I would get swollen, bloated feet and ankles, but then again, I didn't think I would get morning sickness either, and after my 142 976 spew, I realised I was wrong.

I am a ravenous, eating monster.

I am not kidding.

It is getting hilarious seeing how much I can eat.  All my life I have been a little weed, the skinniest kid in the class, the one that gets the, "Gee your skinny", comments wherever she goes by strangers, friends and foes.

I have always loved food, but have always been a grazer; eating little bits of food all day long, rather than big, chunky meals in one sitting.  I think I have a small stomach, so a small bit of food will usually fill me up pretty quickly, but 2 hours later, I am ready for refuelling again.

When I was a pre-teen, my mum even took me to the doctor to find out why I was so skinny! The doctor, after testing and asking a heap of questions, came to the conclusion that I just had a fast metabolism.

But now, nearing the end of my 2nd trimester, I have become an eating monster!

Not only am I hungry ALL the time, I can eat and eat and eat and eat.  I can eat more than I have ever eaten in my life, and then be hungry again 2 hours later!

Last night we went out to dinner at a Chinese restaurant.  I ordered the same meal I have been eating from that restaurant for over a year, and for the first time ever I cleared the WHOLE plate by myself (this is a share plate), and the WHOLE bowl of rice, and the WHOLE pot of tea!

Dinner was at 7:30pm.  I went to sleep slightly hungry, but woke at 2:20am with hunger pains and headed to the kitchen for a glass of full cream milk.  I awoke again at 4:50am with more hunger pains, tried my best to ignore them, but ended back in the kitchen eating a bowl of tinned apricots around 5:00am.

9:00am Breakfast. Wholemeal toast with jam and a glass of milk and milo.

12:00 Lunch. Tuna and cheese sandwiches, cashews and a bowl of yoghurt and muesli. 2 glasses of oj.

2:00 - 6:00 A girl's get together at a friends house - non stop food!!!!!

8:00pm Dinner.  3 glasses or cordial and 4 toasted wholemeal sandwiches filled with pork, cheese and onion..

and I still feel hungry!!

This is crazy and funny and amazing.

My husband is wide eyed watching me eat and eat and eat.

As of last week I had put on 9.6 kilos - that is a little over 21 pounds I think.  My mum was like, "whoa, that is alot".

But I think, I am just gonna continue to eat as much as my body tells me it wants to and just enjoy it. My thighs touch! Ha ha!  So funny.

I wonder how big I will get??