so its like 4:20 am and im wide awake. i ran out of ambien two days ago and have slept shitty ever since. i only take half a 5mg tablet at bedtime, but its enough to help me get to sleep. i am tired, but cannot pass out. i just lay there...waiting...wishing...hoping for the time to pass quickly. my body is restless, my back hurts and my feet and hands are swollen. i am going to be so tired by the end of the weekend if my damn tax check doesnt come. i dont know how long i can go without consistent sleep.

i have an adult family education class to attend later today for mark, and then we get to visit for 1hr 30min. i dont know if he attends the class with me or not. i hope its in a comfortable and cool room...its gonna be a long time for me to sit.

i guess thats about it. im gonna go watch some tv now and hope my eyes get droopy and tired, but i doubt it.

omg...i gained 6 pounds in 2 weeks. i am in denial. last time i was in i had only gained 1 pound in 4-5 weeks...so im gonna blame this on water weight. i have been swollen like a stuffed pig. yea, thats what it is...

anywho, everything with baby looks good. will find out growth progress next wednesday at the ultrasound (maybe this time they can sneak a peek and make sure shes still a girl).

provided everything goes as scheduled, the tentative due date has been set for august 1st @ 6am. 08.01.08. yay.

took daddy to resident treatment today. it took a LONG time. we arrived at 1:30, the scheduled appointment time, and i didnt leave until after 3pm. the only thing we did while i was there was sit in a small, warm room with little space to move and not enough comfortable chairs. someone finally came and checked him in by about 2:45 and shortly after 3pm 2 nurses came in and kicked me out. they stood and watch as i cried my eyes out and said goodbye, then escorted me out without giving me any information whatsoever. i asked if he would be on a blackout and she said no. she said its 100% voluntary and that he could call whenever. i have no clue as to the schedule and/or if i will be coming in for counseling with him or not. all i know is that he will be gone for 14 days. i wish it was more organized and that they were more informative. its hard to walk away in the dark and not know whats going to happen. i guess the most important thing is that he is getting help, and i hope he takes full advantage of the services. the last two weeks have seemed like forever and things have gotten better, but two weeks isnt anything, really. i do commend him for the effort tho...i can tell hes tried.

i worked hard in avas room tonight. i put a lot of her clothes away and organized the closet and drawers. i cleaned the carpet and dusted, cleaned the windows and mirrored closet doors. it looks and smells nice in there and now all i need is the crib, etc. i wont be able to bring that stuff home until next weekend tho, as donna is busy this weekend. im looking forward to getting it home so it finally feels done! not too much longer...

got the 32 week appt. tomorrow. my feet are fat and swollen. i hope my blood pressure is OK. i guess thats about it for now.

today the feef had her first dentist appointment. yes, a few years too late, but at least she went! she had a HUGE smile on her face the entire time and even said "well, this is a little exciting..." which made me laugh. she did a great job and wasnt scared one bit. the hygenist and dentist were super gentle and worked well with her and im glad she doesnt have the anxiety about the dentist that i have. she does have two cavities (one we knew about), but they will be able to fix them and she will be good to go for a bit. looks like her bottom front teeth are getting ready to let go...so we may be seeing a toothless feef by the time school starts in the fall.

after the excitement of the dentist, feef and i joined yaya at oaks park for the end of the year party for the 8th graders. it was COLD and wet and windy, but we had a good time. mya LOVED the boat ride and went on it over and over and over again...i could barely keep her off it. after standing in line for 30 minutes to purchase freshetta pizza, we had a crappy lunch and tried to stay warm--which didnt work. one of the students that yaya trusts took feef on some rides and she had  a great time with the "big kids." she even went on the rollercoaster! yay for her.

i must have walked 1,000 miles today and now i am P O O P E D. i am ready to pass out but dont want to quite this early--its only 9pm. but, i do think i will sleep well tonight. miss ava is really starting to take a toll on me, my lungs are squished and i can feel my tummy being pushed up into my ribs. every day brings us a day closer to the grand finale tho...so im being as patient as possible.

mark has his treatment assesment tomorrow, hopefully they will admit him so we can get this party started.