Praise God, I'm still pregnant! What an experience this has been, and I've another 7 months to go!

About a day or two ago, I felt a strange fluttering just left of the center of my abs. I've heard that some women might feel the baby moving a little this early, but always thought I had too many fat cells to experience it until the 2nd trimester. Still, it was kind of like a light muscle spasm, but on the inside. Who knows? It could have been a spasm, or it could have been a gas bubble.

My mom is very excited. She asked me about potential names and nursery themes, and cribs, and stuff, but I've no clue at this point. I'm so trapped in my little world of worry and doom, that I can't always see that other people are actually excited and happy and optimistic about this pregnancy. Not that I'm not happy or excited about it, but deep down, I still keep expecting the worst. I think that if I get my hopes up too soon, that I'll just be all the more devastated if the worst DOES happen.

I've decided to start looking into day care centers and pediatricians next month when I've reached the second trimester. I hear that the good places have 1 year wait lists for infants, and so I need to get moving. Registries and stuff can wait until the 2nd trimester as well. Right now, I just need to focus on hanging on to this little bean. (Like I can really hold on tight!)

As I mentioned, my mom is going all out. Already, she gave us a little hooded towel and a bib that says "I love my Grandma."  Then yesterday, she said she was going to a sale at a baby superstore and asked if I wanted to go. I said no, that I wasn't ready for that.

Well, she went, and she called me from the store describing a Pack N' Play. I said it sounded nice, but I wasn't sure. Then she said "oh and it has a little... well that's too cute! I'm getting it!" So, there' s now a Pack N' Play on order for Little Bean. Ha! I told her to pace herself, because there are still 7 months left!

My mom called me at work today and told me my cousin wants to throw me a baby shower. "Ummm...it's a little premature for that, isn't it?" I asked.

Well, she's just getting a guest list together right now, along with a list of foods I shouldn't eat (like hot dogs, seafood, sushi, raw egg products, etc.) How sweet!  The actual shower will be sometime in February.

I had a pretty late night last night. Stayed out until after 11:00 chatting with my pal. We discussed so much, I was even a little hoarse this morning. I was a bit concerned that I didn't need to go to the bathroom for the entire 4-5 hours, but I'm trying very hard to stay positive and not freak out over stupid stuff. I'm just thankful for every day I'm pregnant.

I'm really looking forward to my next ultrasound! I think I need to check in on Little Bean again just for a little reassurance. They'll be measuring something called a "nuchal fold," which is an indication of the likelihood of Downs. I did a little research on the internet (but not too much!) to see what it's all about. There's a lot of calculation involved, but in the end, nothing is 100% certain. It's just a test to determine whether something more invasive like amnio or CVS should be done.

Today and last night were very bad! I went to the game yesterday, and since it was 120 degrees inside the stadium, I wound up getting overheated. It was so hot! We left at halftime, but even so, we had to walk about a mile back to the car with the relentless sun beating down on us.

I tried to drink plenty of fluids - chugged a bottle of Gatorade before the start of the national anthem, then downed a 24oz. bottle of water in the first half. Still, it was HOT! On the way out, Alex and I shared a cold lemonade, but I think the damage was already done. I was soaked in sweat from the heat, which actually kept my abdomen really cool, thank goodness. Still, I worried about baking Little Bean, as I've heard that an increase in body temperature of more than 1-2 degrees, can be really damaging. I also heard that overheating during exercise can cause blood to flow away from the uterus in order to deliver more oxygen to the brain.

Alex stopped at a gas station on the way home and got me a blue raspberry Icee, which really helped cool me down from the inside out. I still must have gotten dehydrated, though, because I came down with a migraine that night. It was really bad, and all I could take was Tylenol!

I remember waking up around 2:00am in horrible pain from the migraine, and feeling very hot, although my skin still felt cool. Of course all my moaning and whining woke Alex, who kindly got me a cool washcloth for my forehead. It helped enough to allow me to fall back asleep.

Upon waking this morning for work, I was still in pain and extremely nauseated! I took a cool shower and brushed my teeth, then started throwing up for the very first time in about a year or more. I had nothing in my stomach to throw up, though, so I was stuck with horribly loud retching until my stomach could conjure up some weird yellow bile. (yuck!) I guess it was either the Tylenol from last night, or just some nasty phlegm. In any case it was gross, and I was a little worried that it might be an indication of something really bad. (Of course, I think anything that doesn't involve sore boobs is bad!) I resisted the temptation to call the doctor, trusting that it was just a simple migraine and that they wouldn't be able to do anything for me at this point anyway. I felt better once I got plenty of water and a double-chocolate muffin in me.

I told my boss today, since I have another appointment scheduled for next Friday. He was actually very cool about it and was very understanding. He asked if I planned to return to work and I gave Alex's answer of "if I want to eat, I will!" I told him it was a bit premature, but at this time the plan was to come back, unless, of course, there were any serious health issues involved. He seemed pretty content with that. I also said I wasn't ready to share with the rest of the team now, so I think he got the hint that I want to keep the news confidential for just a little longer.

I really hope I didn't hurt poor Little Bean yesterday! I can't help wondering if the dehydration and/or heat did any damage. I'm going to try to hold out on consulting the doctor until my next ultrasound in two weeks. If I make it that long, then I shouldn't have any worries. If I don't make it that long, then the doctor probably wouldn't be able to help anyway. Lord, I am learning so much about trust and patience!

Another milestone down! I had my first ultrasound yesterday, and the baby looks great! Based on the baby's measurement of 4 cm, my due date was moved out to April 11 instead of April 8. That's ok. I don't mind a few days tacked on. I'll just update the dates of my milestones.

The office was packed, so it was a long wait on a full bladder, but I was too nervous to mind. When I got to the office, I was weighed (I told the nurse the weight was all in the bladder!) and handed a little cup for after the ultrasound. The sonographer called me back, but Alex had to wait until after the initial exam.

I started out with an abdominal ultrasound, but was then told that she "needed a closer look." I had to empty my bladder, then get a transvaginal ultrasound. Goodie! So for the second time since my miscarriage, I got probed with a condom-covered, lubed-up "magic wand." And again, I was told to "get it started." (Well, at least this time, it didn't feel like the sonographer was poking my ovaries or checking the fillings in my teeth!)

After it was confirmed that everything's ok, the sonographer said "here, hold this while I go get your husband." ??!?? Actually, it was better to lie on the table, holding the wand in a rather private area, than having the wand yanked out, then re-inserted. Still, it seemed to be a rather absurd situation.

We got a couple of pictures, and videotaped the little bean. I was told to cough so that the baby would move, and it took a few coughs before the little tyke finally rolled over. Alex said it reminded him of another heavy sleeper he knew. I denied it, given my current run of sleeplessness.

We met with the doctor afterwards, and were told that we would need another ultrasound in two weeks. I asked if that one would also be transvaginal, and the doctor said probably. Oh goodie! I couldn't help but think of the old Rocky & Bullwinkle show - "Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my uterus!"

We decided to tell the family a little early. I called my mom and told her that I was watching the video of our November cruise and she wouldn't believe who I spotted! Then, I brought the tape of the ultrasound and played it on her VCR. She was thrilled. She says she thinks it's a girl, but I told her it was way too early to tell. It's probably just wishful thinking on her part.