Hubby and I finally decided to spill the beans about the Little Bean to our co-workers today. We both work at the same company, so you can imagine the corporate chaos that ensued. Ha! Lots of jaws fell on the floor, since hubby and I have never led anyone to believe we even WANTED children of our own. I think everyone already wrote us off since we've been married for nearly 10 years now without so much as a hint of having kids.

Once the initial shock rubbed off, I got lots of questions about names (no idea) and if we were going to find out the sex (heck, yes!) and if I had a birth plan (other than to give birth sometime around April 11? No). I told everyone that for the most part, I really can't think of stuff more than a month ahead of time; otherwise, I become overwhelmed. At 12 weeks, I still have a little more than 6 months ahead of me to worry about that stuff. As it is, I'm trying to psyche myself up for exploring my daycare options in a few weeks - eep!

I know it sounds really pessimistic and unreasonable, but I actually had to take several deep breathes and calm down before I could click the "send" button to send out the news. Even now, I feel pretty scared knowing that everyone knows and if something bad happens I would have a ton of people to break the news to. On the other hand, it feels great not having to hang on to my secret anymore! :-)

Despite my silly freak outs from time to time, I feel better and happier with each passing week. We even bought our first pieces of baby furniture this weekend - a crib and a glider rocker with ottoman. Hey, they were really good clearance buys! But for now, they're still in their unopened boxes in the garage. One step at a time, right?

I'm really looking forward to feeling Jelly Bean move around so I can have that daily assurance. (I know! When that happens, I'll probably wish for the little one to sleep more so that I can get some rest!) Right now, though, I'll have to settle for not fitting into most of my clothes. Ah well, I got some loaner maternity wear from Brenda this weekend too!

I had my second ultrasound this morning. I couldn't be more relieved to see the sleeping little baby with a rapid heartbeat!

Everything seems to be going well, and Little Bean (now Jelly Bean, since the birth will be around Easter time) now measures 4.9cm. There's been almost a full centimeter's growth in just two weeks!

No need for the "magic wand" transvaginal ultrasound this time, as I made sure my bladder was extra full! One good thing about the magic wand, though - the pictures show more detail and are closer angles than the abdominal ultrasound! I've added the latest pictures to the photo album, but all that can be seen clearly is the head and maybe the nose in profile.

The doctor told me that he would have to refer me to a high-risk specialist in order to accurately evaluate the nuchal fold measurement. I declined, knowing that it would just give me more things to get worked up about. Still, I asked the doctor to clarify that I am NOT high-risk!

The doctor brought out a doppler monitor to see if he could pick up the heartbeat, even though it's still a little early for that. At first, nothing, then HELLO! a very strong and rapid heartbeat could be heard. How cool!I asked about the sleep apnea thing, and the doctor said sleep problems including snoring and apnea are common in pregnancy. I asked if I should be worried that the apnea would cut off the baby's oxygen supply, and he said no. He also said he could send me for sleep testing if I wanted, but I declined again. I figured that since it only happened once so far, and it's a common pregnancy thing, I didn't need to bother.

My next appointment is next month, when I'll be 15 weeks. The doctor said we'll talk about doing blood screening then for glucose levels and stuff. Oh goodie! More bloodwork! Oh well! It doesn't matter WHAT they do to me now - I am so elated knowing everything's ok!

I reach my next milestone tomorrow - baby's second ultrasound. I'm almost as nervous now, as I was before my first sonogram!

I'm so worried that there won't be a heartbeat this time, or that the baby hasn't shown any growth or development. I can't believe it's been 11 weeks, and I'm still freaking out like a complete nutter. All because I haven't been able to identify any more "flutters." Ugh!

Well, at least I have only about 13 hours to go. My appointment is in the AM, so I don't have to wait too long. I hope it's good news!

I'm not sure what happened, but what a crazy morning! A little before 5:00am, I woke up very dizzy, and had to concentrate on breathing. I'm not sure if I had some sort of heart palpitations, of just some sudden panic attack, but it was bizarre and scary!

I guess I could have rolled into a position that was cutting off circulation or my oxygen supply or something. I just don't know. I woke Alex up when I sat straight up in bed and started gasping. Then I kept tapping him on the shoulder, and he asked what was wrong. "I don't know," I said, "I need help. I'm dizzy and it's hard to breathe."

"What can I do?" he asked.

"I don't know. I think I need... water."

So he got me a glass of cold water, which I chugged down. I felt better and lay back down for a little more sleep. No more problems, but now I'm concerned that I'm not feeling the little flutterings today. I'm sure everything's fine. The flutterings aren't a daily occurrence yet anyway, and some women don't even get to feel the baby move until many weeks from now, but I'm such a paranoid freak these days! I wonder if I'll ever have a worry-free day!

Thinking back, I wonder if I had an episode of sleep apnea last night. Hmmm. I guess I'll put that on my list of questions for the doctor this Friday.