Pregnancy Journal

So I haven't been on for a while as I miscarried my baby at 16 weeks and 4 days on February 28th, 2008.

There's no sense in me even being here anymore. I don't know what i had, they are doing the pathology tests and i have to wait for that. It wasn't something that i had known in advance, meaning an u/s to confirm. I just woke up that morning cramping and had some blood when wiping, then that stopped. It started up again a few hours later. I went to work thinking please don't let this be happening. By lunch i knew i had to go to the Emergency Room (ER). So off i went and got checked out, forgotten about by doctors (i was supposed to go to an ultrasound and they forgot to take me) and then they told me i could go home and that i had an appt in the morning for a fetal assesment. I got home around 6pm, by 7:#0 a gush of blood came and while sitting on the toilet i gave birth to the baby...still in it's sac. So i never got to see him/her. It's all sad really.

Anyways.... i'll leave this up in case anyone cares to read it.... and to update who ever does read it on what the pathology report said.

Thanks for listening.... Lee

So I'm almost 4 months accoding to me... 16 weeks = 4 months. It just sounds nicer.

Okay last week was drama of the husband. It was quite the rough week. Here's what happened Friday night. I get home and say to him, ok are you always just going to do this for the rest of my pregnancy or what? He's like I don't know. Ugh I hate that response. I just went straight up to my room. I decided I was going to write out my feelings on a note and give it to him. He comes up about half hour later and says, don't worry I'll write you back a note too and we aren't going to break up or anything like that so don't worry. He seemed happier for whatever reason, which is coming up. He then says my son, who's at his friends house across the street, that my son called and asked my husband to go over and play monopoly so they have enough players. He says sure and tells me he's going over to play monopoly. It's now about 6:30pm. He stumbled in drunk at 1:30 am after I had to call the neighbours house twice. The first time I asked him to come home and he said no. The second time I said please at least in ten minutes he said fine and came home half hour later. That I couldn't believe after everything we just went through about his drinking etc he does THAT??? Saturday morning I wake up and decide I have to get away. Just get out of the house and away from him for a while. I ask my daughter (7) if she wants to go shopping. she loves shopping. So I'm getting ready to go and ALL OF A SUDDEN he's asking me where I'm going. I said you know what? After I poured my heart out to you, you STILL go and do something like that. You chose what you care about most, now I have to get away from you for a while because I'm sick to my stomach being around you. I said you don't care about me or how i feel at all. He weakily said, ya i do. I laughed and went sure go have another beer with the neighbour and walked out.

We got home about 3 hours later, i was feeling better. He came up to me and apologized for everything he has done to me. He said that he will comprimise for me and the baby's sake and that he is truely sorry that he put me through the stress during a time that I should be relaxing and enjoying things. I was actually shocked and said really? you're serious? he said he was.... so as far as that goes.... we'll see. I'm hoping as usual that he sticks to his word. It's a new weekend, another drinking friday. I'll be shocked if he doesn't drink today.

I'm feeling a bit better of course, not entirely. I wanted to thank the girl who left me that nice message. I will definately email you with that thanks. Sorry it's taken me so long to post. I'm so tired, I feel like I just want to sleep all the time.

Hope you all have a good weekend... I'll definately let you know how things go. Fingers crossed.