Amazing how 20 weeks can fly by!

I had to kiss my wardrobe goodbye about 2 weeks ago. It's like that day you realize your favorite pair of pants no longer fits.  You feel bad about yourself for gaining weight, and then you push the pants to the back of the closet, or in a drawer you rarely use...

Only it's with 90% of your regular clothes, and it feels aweful!!!! Don't get me wrong, being pregnant is great (most days) and the reward at the end is not comparable to any other thing. It's just sad.  Struggling with my weight my whole life, I feel a little defeated, because no matter what I do at this point I'm still bound to gain some weight. So now I have a giant suitcase full of clothes I can't wear and a huge closet that only has about a fifth of it with things still hanging. It's torturous knowing I have stuff hanging still that probably wont fit me too.  Thank god for Motherhood Maternity...I'm going to be needing more clothes very very shortly!

I think maybe I'm just hormonal today and a little touchy, I don't want to get dressed, just stay in my pj's and eat Corn Pops in Rice milk.

I've been feeling her kick a lot more in the last week, it feels so cool, but sometimes she really gets me hard!  Chris needs to take a new belly pic too, I've been popping out like crazy the past few weeks!!! HELLO BELLY!

It's a GIRL!!!

I'm already having visions of pink everything, pink clothes and bedding...yep pink.

Chris is having visions of buying a shotgun to protect his little girl LOL!!!

Our little baby girl is doing really good, she's measuring a few days smaller than what she should, but nothing out of the ordinary.  Her little heart was going at 144 beats per minute. We got more ultrasound pictures too. She was posing for us, it was adoreable!!

She was sucking her thumb at one point! We also got a great ultrasound picture where she's doing the "thinking man" pose, tiny little fist just under the chin. TOO CUTE!!

We're going to have to get busy picking a name now that we know for sure.

So that's our excitement for the day!

I will full out warn you in advance that this post is going to be graphic and disheartening. If you have a weak stomach or feel faint easily, this is a good time to skip this post and move along.

I had some terrible dreams the other night, so bad that I woke up in a cold sweat crying.  I think it freaked Chris out a little too cause he was already awake and laying beside me when I woke up and reached for him.  ok here's the parts that might not be for everyone...second wawrning after this it's your own fault...

The first part of my dream was more or less just disturbing.  I was with some friends and family and I started to feel the baby moving so I looked down at my belly.  I could see the outline of these tiny little hands coming right out of my belly in 3-D. At first there were only two...then there was four! At first I was excited thinking that maybe the ultrasound had missed someone and that there were two babies in there...but then the hands came out farther and there were more hands attached to those hands.  Our baby was severely deformed and it had like 8 hands on each arm.  Everyone kept saying "your baby is a reject, it's completely deformed, and disgusting".  The dream ended and another more desturbing one began...

Third warning...that's three times now...not my fault.

OK back to the bad dreams.  This one had me in tears and had my heart going at a million miles per hour.  I was in this big examination room. I'm going to assume it was the OBGYN because all the women in there other than the doctors were pregnant.  Whats odd is everything was open to everything, the washrooms, exam tables, everything. Whe I came in other women were being examined and having thier "regular"pregnancy checkups. I had this sudden urge to go pee, so I sat on the toilet (again open to everyone else that was there) and started to pee. after when I wiped I could see the littlest spot of blood. And then it came! A giant WHOOSH of blood and tissue (looked like chewed up meat) came out and into the toilet...I started screaming for someone to help me. (The weird thing is, I actually felt the stuff come out in the dream).  But no one would come help me, I got up and tried to get one of the other doctors to help me, but she would just stare coldly at me and then continue on with her patient. I was bleeding everywhere and losing my baby but no one cared.

I woke up scared, it seemed SO real. Chris was awake already so he cuddled me back to sleep while I cried.  He figured I was having a bad dream because my breathing went freom normal to really heavy for a few minutes before I woke up. It was just so frightening!

I'll tell you something else weird that happened a few nights before.

I was dreaming about being in an arguement, I won't get into too much detail on this one. Then I woke Chris and myself up because I yelled (and I mean YELLED) "SHUT UUUUP" in  my sleep! lol.

Anyone else having bad dreams or yelling?  I had the bad dreams on occasion before getting pregnant, but this is happening like 3-4 times a week...and the yelling thing, although kind of funny, is kind of annoying.

I bought a book from work a few days ago, it's Dr Seuss's "Oh Baby The Places You'll Go, A Book To Be Read In Utero".  I bought it so I could read it to my tummy..lol I know it sounds kind of nuts. But the baby can hear now, even if it's muffled. Supposedly if you keep reading the story to the baby while it's still in your belly, they'll recognize it when they're out in the real world. I don't know if it works or not, but the concept is kind of neat so I thought "hey why not?".

Last night Chris picked it up when we were laying in bed, and he read the entire book to my bulging little belly, and it was just so adorable!  I almost cried.  I'm glad that the 3 month scary time is over, and I'm enjoying mine and Chris's time together bonding with our unborn baby. 6 more days to find our if it's baby girl Heinaranta or baby boy Heinaranta.

Toodles for now!