Pregnancy Journal

So i wish things were how they used to be...i mean if nothing ever got screwed up i wouldn't have to worry about hurting or hurting tom... i love richie he the love of my life and i do have feelings for tom but i dunno..i want to know if there is anything left between me and richie but i guess that isn't fair to ton because i'm just like stringing him along today when i talked to him we got into a little arguement because he left me a guestbook entry well he left me and richie a guestbook entry and i didn;t think that was right at all...i never told him to do that so i got mad...well anyways the pic is of me,my son and richie...the first fam photo we have together...well kylee has a doctors appointment on the 29th as do i so i can get two shots my birth control shot (depo) and the gardasil shot..so i can be one less lol..well talk to everyone later. tom if u read this again just do me a favor and listen to me and leave richie alone until we know what we wanna do... if things are supposed to work out for us they will okay..laters

kayla

not going back to work right now...my job is still there if and when i want to go back... Sucks because i did want to go back now but its just really hard being a single mom and trying to find someone to watch my 2 kids who are 21 months and 1 month...ya know... so i decided to just recieve assistance from the government and stay home with my kids.. i don't want to miss out on the little things ya know...well anyways...

 Some new news with Kylee she is going to be a month old on the 11th and she already has her bottom 2 teeth coming in...EXCITING RIGHT??? yah all the screaming because it hurt...shes not much of a crier she cries when shes hungry...and if her brother gets to close to her...but shes a pretty relaxed baby...sleeps for a full 8 hours everynight...and trust me i am not complaining... 

I've caught myself looking at my kids in a totally different way lately ...like how happy they make me and well how proud i am of Austin for speaking full sentences and for being a terrific brother to Kylee..he is so kind and sweet to her...he tries to help with alot that he is still just to little to help with...but it makes me smile...and every once and awhile i need to smile...Kylee is just the prettiest little girl i have ever seen..and makes me wonder and worry about all the boyfriends she is going to have but she will deffinetly be the heartbreaker...one day my son is going to ask some lucky girl to marry him and one day some lucky guy is going to ask my daughter to marry him and it just seems like everything is going so fast like it still feels like i brought Austin home from the hospital yesterday and its just crazy how big he got...i love them both so much and well nothing can change that...

on a different note i have decided that i am giving up on love ..well true love anyways..i constantly sit here and think what is richie doing well obviously nothing with me or our kids and well i just can't and won't sit around waiting for him to come rescue me like he did when we were 16...i've learned that things have changed and i;m not as important as i used to be..but i'll deal with it...i just can't pretend anymore that one day everything is just gonna be perfect because its not...and well not even sure if i want that life ya know...maybe he wasn't my true love or maybe he wasn't who i was supposed to spend so much time with...maybe theres someone else out there for me and my kids...hurts to say it but it might be true..i just feel for some reason god blessed him and i with 2 beautiful kids and we should be together i mean that was the plan but as they say plans change and so do people i guess...well i totally think this entry is long enough...write more soon...

later

So its easter seems like its way to early though....Austin got his easter basket already mainly because he was being so miserable and i figured he would calm down if he had something new to play with he didn't eat much candy just some m&m's... well Kylee is sleeping she has a big day today shes meeting her great grandma ... and we're going to see her great great grandma too...she was kinda miserable yesterday morning she was awake at 7:30 am for a bottle and i fed her then she would not go back to sleep until 1:00 pm that was the longest she was up... Austin is watching the new movies i got him the other day...The Wiggles...he loves the wiggles and the doodlebops...Kylee just stares at the tv mainly for the light i think because she can't really focus on a person yet...i mean if i'm right up in her face,,,she looks right at me even smiles at me sometumes...maybe its just gas...lol...well i guess thats enough for right now....later and happy easter everyone...