Pregnancy Journal

There really isn't any logic to my feelings some months I feel like it's never going to happen while other months I'm positive this will be the month. HOw is it hopes peaks it's way through despair and reality?  What I do know is we we've been trying close a year and a half and I read journals before that because my frined was pregnant and had a journal here. So needless to say, I've seen all those people like me ove multiple years try and try and get pregnant and those that had kids when my friend had her journal are now on their 2 nd child.  I used to feel that someday t would happen to me but now i don't think it will.  I know i will be ovulating within a week or so the signs are appearing but I just don't see it happening despite the desire. Either my husband will be to busy or schedules/holidays and family will get in the way or someone will be sick. that's the way it goes.  I love my family and i don't want to be the paretn's that never do anythign with our child and if you read my journal you know we take him everywhere and we are never alone but i need to rekidle something with my husband with like a day or two of alone time and I need to find somehappiness.  Maybe we're not pregnant because it's not supposeed to be maybe a second child would strain our relationship and put it in a place that can't be fixed.  We both say we want another baby but at what point is it time to move on. Everymonth is another month of dispapointment for me.  Every month i reevaluate me and my realtionship and I used to have good slef esteem and now I just see all the flaws that could be preventing us from having a baby. Maybe we don't have enought sex because I'm unattractive to my husband....maybe there's something wrong with me..... maybe we can't afford it......maybe our relationship isn't strong enough......this attempt at making our family complete is really weighing on me.  It  used to be a new adventure we were embarking on noww it's just a sore subject of something that has never happened.  Why are some months easier to get through than others.  Will this month be the month?

Ok so it's been a few days more of crazy in my boring life although  today I was told my life isn't boring just stable. Yeah me either way we're just having a twist on same ol same ol.  Money!!!!  that seems to be the issue that consumes us which is odd becasue we are comsumers but I digress.  My husband doesn't not pay the bills...i mean literally sit and write them he of course pays the bills.  So he is on this tangent that money is so tight and awful and "we're going to lose everything".....must stop will continue later.

Alright, so for boring everyday people we are so not boring.  Saturday, i woke up early went to the bathroom to find we had no water.  I panicked of course our well is only 2 years old.  My husband worked all day to figure out the bladder/pressure tank failed.  Great another $150 to spend on top of the $300 we spent on culligan the other day right before the holidays not to mention i have to givve the Acct $200 too. Well at this point anyone can see there is no longer a xmas budget and we can't make it up in that short of time so that sucks!!!  Then I realize that as the dishwasher is running there isn't water going into the washer.  So all day Sunday my husband took the dishwasher apart and looked at all the lines and found there was a clog in the line from the sink to the washer.    Even though our weekend sucked and money flowed freely from our hands  my husband is amazing and fixed everything without a plumber or repairman.  Then last night our ottoman top was falling apart so he took it out to the garage and nailed it but wasn't thinking peple sit on it and they'll wind up with a nail in the tush so he set it to the side and said he'd get to it today.  Which brings it to today. Our son got up early to say goodbye to my husband and not looking he stepped on the ottoman cover that my husband had put aside and put a nail right into his foot.  i must say there wasn't much blood. my concern was his tetanus shot and if he needed another. So I called the Er and guess what no one answered so i called urgent car which didn't open until 7 but I thought by the time we get ready and going we can be there first thing and we were.As time went on it hurt to walk so i had concern to take him.  SO now on top fo having mono and the flu the poor boy has now stuck a nail in his foot. NOrmal that's what I want just an average normal kid goes to school week. 

Anyway, We go in Thursday to have his foot checked again and get his upper GI results back.  In the meantime he can't eat wheat and has to soak his foot 3x a day for 30-6- minutes a shot. Yeah that says perfect for a 5 yr old boy.

On a good note today my husband called the people that drilled our well and it turns out the bladder thing is under warranty so they're going to come out and replace it.  Nice hting is my husband can install it and take the other out so there isn't a cost for labor either.  I sure hope things start to swing this way more as the holidays come becuase I don't know how we'll afford gifts and that makes me question financially another baby which i have never questioned our ability but our savings is gone and expenses are hitting us left and right, right now.

on the baby front other than my new questioning about ability we have worked a little towards baby making in the respect of keeping the quality fresh until O day. If we can get in a pattern now it will be easier around the holidays.  Oh and I have a fever slightly and my tongue still hurts which causes my ear to hurt.  Ice and cold really help I feel best in the morning when I've rested all night and haven't talked or moved my tongue or swallowed.

Craziness is ultimately how my boring life is right now and i just need to know when will it end?

My little boy is a super trooper. We went first thing this morning for an upper GI series to see if we can figure out what's going on with his stomache.  He had to drink 3 drinks and get into all sorts of poses and flop around at their discretion to get the shots they needed and he was great!!  I've determined if we are ever so blessed with number 2 we will never be as lucky as we are with him. I doubt there could ever be another with his fearless brave attitude. umber two would probably be high maintenance and whiny the exact opposite of our son. We could never be blessed with two great children.  Anyway, the radiologist should have read the pics this afternoon and the dr should have it by tommorow but being Sat. that means probably not until Mon or Tues. 

I'm now keeping a log of his pain to take when we have to go see the pediatric gatro dr.