I don't really know if I'm depressed or just feeling real crappy. Today is another work day around folks whom I - (betta end it now). I'm sure you get the picture.  Anyway, Friday Dec. 8 was Shon's birthday.  I really missed him.  No, hug, kiss, nothing.  Then my brother's was the 10th.  I called to wish him well.

Sunday, my mother and father came down.  They took me, Darius, and Leah out to eat and I realize then how spoiled my kids are behind their grandparents.  I am kinda jealous though cause I as a child never had that kinda relationship with anyone. Not even my mom.  I'm just glad that they can enjoy themselves with my parents now.  On an up and up note, two older ladies were seated at a table next to ours.  I noticed they were watching us so I just smiled and kept about my business eating the lobster and steak (hmmm hmmm good). Finally at the end of their meal, she came over and said that they were so glad to see a young mother (who me?) with respectable and wellbehaved children.  They went on to say that earlier at their church they watched a couple let their 2 and 4 yr olds run up and down the pew during service. She patted me on my back.  I felt so good, almost cried.

Then, here comes Monday.  (SH**).  Back to work at this you know what.  I should be grateful that I have a Job but lately, I'm not sure its the best thing. Aaliyah's daycare called and said she was sick so I left to pick her up.  Fever 101.  I had to start her on tylenol.  Tuesday, My B-Day, stayed home and done nothing.  Well, cleaned the house, wash clothes, clean toilets, swept and mopped floors etc.  Boring. Went to Wal-Mart and got somemore baby stuff.  I always shop for the little one when I'm in a crappy mood.  I hope things change real soon..looking forward to seen my angel's face.  I just hope Shon can be here for the birth.

I hate to complain, but here goes...

I am grateful to God that I am physical able to work.  I'm glad that I have a job and an employer that wants me to return after our baby is born but unfortunately, he wants me back in 4 wks.  4 WEEKS? ARE YOU CRAZY?  I don't think so.  So when I went to my doctor's appt I asked him about the leave when you have a baby and he said 6 wks.  Ok, I can do the six wks, It's almost 2 months.  Well, then again, 2 months and I have to put my little angel in daycare which will be about 450.00 to 500.00 a month. Then I already pay 88.00 per wk for Darius and Leah.  Oh my God. I'm losing this battle.  On top of that,  my job doesn't offer any benefits.  No health insurance, no severance pay, no 401 (k), no maternity leave, Nothing, Ditto!!  So this means, when I go on maternity leave I will not get a check for 6 wks.  What the Hell!  Okay, gather my thoughts here.  Put it in God's hands, he'll work it out.  Well, I dont know what to do.  I do have experience on the job (paralegal with certificate and college hours).  Shon can handle the bills alone.  I do get child support.  I can sit home and keep my baby on my own for about 3 mts and take the others out of childcare.  They are 11 and 9 years old.  Pretty big enough to help around the house.  That'll save about 900.00 per month.  I just have to think about my car note and my ins.  (whew!!)  What is a girl to do?  I really don't want to put all this responsibility on Shon though.  I know he is a good man and I know he is more than willing to take it on but what happens when he starts to feel the pressure of being the only one employed.  I wish I could get fired or layed off so that I can get unemployment.  At least I'll get a check every two weeks, probably an extra 1,000.00 per month.  That'll be good.  God grant the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and most of all WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

ANY COMMENTS PLEASE REPLY!! I'M DESPERATE

Everything seems fine with Morgan..I hope.  I went for the Gestational Diabetes test again yesterday (3-4 hour), but before the doctor could see the results he had to leave for the hospital.  It seems a set of twins were ready to make their debut.  On a more positive note, Morgan is moving more and more.  My ribs are really screaming for a break.  It seems she must only like the right side.  I am so ready to deliver.  Shon is gone for work again.  He won't return until December 22.  I think by then we are going to get most of the furniture that she'll need immediately.  Well, the bassinet and swing is a must.  Don't forget the car seat and stroller.  I am also going to buy a baby bed and dresser.  Her room is going to be upstairs too.  So, I'm not sure as to when she'll be officially sleeping in the crib. 

The most troubling part of this pregancy is my maternity leave.  This attorney doesn't offer any benefits.  NOTHING!!  If someone has any info. on what I can do feel free to reply to my guestbook. 

Everything is coming along just fine.  I went to the dr. yesterday for another Gestational Diabetes test and guess what? I threw up all over the place.  That crap is horrible.  Then I fainted.  That's what happen when you miss meals.  Now, I had to reschedule another visit for next week. 

Anyway, this will be my first Thanksgiving in my new home.  I decided not to go to Louisiana for the first time.  Mostly because I can't take the drive.  But, I did call my dad and whined about not wanting to eat anybody else's food so he's sending me a turkey, cornbread dressing, banana pudding and 2 sweet potato pies. Excellant!! 

Shon decided to stay home for the holidays.  He'll just work a week over next time.  So that's good too.  Darius and Leah are okay.  I've been telling them as well as their father and grandma Cookie to get their list together for Christmas.  Nothing yet.  So I told them that it's okay we can just spend on Morgan.  Darius was like, at least get us some new jeans for school.  Oh my Lord!!   Well, I'm getting bigger and bigger.  My shirt that I wore to work today is so so tight.  I will have to go shopping again.  That's it for now.