Sometimes I begin to wonder if I have made a mistake!

Lately I have sat back and thought what the fuck am I doing! I am 22 years old and having to deal with shit that i shouldn't. I am 22 and taking fertility treatment....like WHOLY FUCK
I cant believe that it is so easy for other people to fall pregnant and for others it is so god dam hard, It really hurts me when I see people abuse their gift to muliply.
I knew a person that was going to fall preggers just so she could get the $6000.00 baby bonus that the government gives...LIKE FUCK I said...I hate it when people do that...and the other thing...Oh, If i fall pregnantto him he wont leave me...GRRRRR sorry to say but there are some chicks out there that are just totatlly FUCKED in the head, THere are genuine people out there that want to bring children in to this world, not for selfish reasons, and half the time it is the people that want that have the trouble!

I hate it that every time we get a Negative result I started to feel that I was letting Paul down. Than I began to feel I am letting myself down,,but fuck that gets me no where emotionally! I am an emotional fuck up already, it is my body letting me down. I weigh 130Kg, maybe I should do something about it,

Well, today is just another day. nothing much to say today. Paul is at work. One of our dogs chewed his 120.00 Golf Shoes. So there will be trouble when he gets home! I have a really sore hand at the moment.

It is pissing down with rain here. Thunderstorms all around. God I have Townsville's wet season! Its bloody the middle of summer here, thrashing with wind and rain and it is still boiling hot. I would kill for it to be cold....than I can snuggle up in a blanket and watch movies.... he he he he

well that is enough for today. AF is still here...that rminds me ... have to take my Clomiphene! Thanks Journal without you I would have forgotten...LOL

Well, it looks as though the 2 faint line HPT that I got must have been a dud! Because AF has been here for about 3 days now. So I am about to take my second clomiphene tablet for the cycle.
I really do hate these tablets! I get all lathargic, aches and pains, nausea and a few other un desirable things!
This is the third month that I am taking clomiphene! It is said to work with in 6 months. Some cases have taken a year! I guess it is a small price to pay to have a mirical grow inside of ones self!

I am more or less now just getting impatient. Playing the waiting game is just not that fun anymore! Paul and I keep getting told to stop "trying" we did that, whats next?

I geuss all I can do is wait!

This is the place where I begin to voice it all! I guess here I can say so many things and no one is really going to stop me! So in saying that lets start from the beginning!

I am not pregnant!

My name is Cassie Windsor and I am 22 years old! And I live in Australia! I have been married for 2 years on March 13! My husband and I have been TTC for about...2 years! My greatest joy would be to give him is miricle!
June last year I went and say a Gyno at the local hospital as I do not have 2000.00 to go and see one private! (The health system over here is shite)
I went and saw them! They asked me to do 1 blood test for three months on the 2nd day of my period. Well, i did the first test. I waited for my second period....July......Nothing August...nothing....Septmeber...Nothing....October...Nothing...On November 2nd 2005 I had another Gyno appt. So I went to that and saw another Dr. She prescribed Provera because I had not had a period in 4 months. Than she gave me clomiphene to stimulate my ovaries! So I started that and go my period on the 14th November and started the clomiphene on the 15th November...
All went well for the first month. I got my second period on the 12 December. So that created a normal 28 day cycle! YaY....Started the Clomiphene again on the 13th December! Today is the 9 January and I started my period again today...In fact it was due yesterday! I did do a pregnancy test on day 28 like I was told to. I used a ClearBlue Digital HPT. THe window showed "Not Pregnant. However the 2nd line was there, however faint! I did the 2nd test today before I got my period...same again...HMMMMMM
New Dr. appoinment on the 1 Februaury...see how we go