I have been so stressed lately about us moving. It's like I'm obsessed with it, and I really don't want to be. I'm just like well are we or aren't we? Because if we are, I want to pack up our stuff and get ready to go... and if we're not I want to clean out the spare bedroom and set up her nursery. I know that house buying is a thing that should be done with patience and with as little emotion as possible, but it's so hard. I almost don't understand what I'm going through right now, so it's even harder to explain to others. The truth is, I'm really stressing about being so far from ready for the baby when I know she's now two months away from coming. (and that's if she comes on time... I know sometimes baby's come alittle early) And I know I've been healthy and active so far, but it's getting much harder to do simple things around the house now. And what if something happened and I was put on bedrest? I wouldn't be ready. And I know that Nick would help me, but he really doesn't get it when it comes to what I would like to see set up for the baby in order for me to feel "ready". I know my mom understands, and she would help me, but still I don't even want to think about not being able to help and do it myself.

We looked at the two houses yesterday, which we needed to do, but I'm beginning to think it's bad for me. It gets my hopes up so much. And I start thinking about getting everything ready to go, but I don't know if we are going anywhere. Nick thinks I'm losing it, because it really is stressing me out to the point of being upset sometimes. He thinks that I'm just wanting "the next thing to make me happy", but really that's not it. I just want to know one way or the other. I'm happy where we are, but I want to get ready for the baby, and I would be happy in either one of the houses but I want to have time to get ready for the baby. Last night, Nick was like "okay we're not moving", just to get me to quit talking about it. I know I don't want to nag or pressure him, and that's not what I mean to do, it's just that I can't get it off of my mind (it's nagging me and I feel pressured and I can't help but express it). So last night after that conversation and final statement (which I don't know if it's true, I think he still wants to move, just wanted me to quit talking about it)I could not sleep a wink and it was 12am knowing I had to wake up at 7am. So I got up and went and cleaned out the spare bedroom. I put everything in boxes ready to move out or downstairs. I didn't know what else to do. I just couldn't lay in bed when I felt so stressed that I might jump out of my skin. So I ended up not going to bed until 3am. I surprisingly woke up easily at 7am. I still didn't feel like I could sleep, but now I feel very grumpy and I'm just being really short with these kids here at the middle school. (not that they don't need it sometimes, but I'm usually the nice teacher). So I don't know what to do about the stressing. I still feel stressed, but now I guess I'll have to internalize it and keep it to myself so I don't stress out Nick too. I almost think that now would be a good time for a trip to visit someone in another state and get away from the house shopping and being in my totally unorganized condo. I know things won't change by me going away, but at least time would pass, and I could hopefully center my thoughts on what is really important right now. I really believe controlling my mind is one of my greatest challenges. I mean honestly, deep down, I know everything will be fine no matter what. Even if we don't have a nursery at all. I mean Mary had Jesus far away from her home in a barn, and He was God in flesh. So I have no exuses for this one. Everything would be fine even with nothing. But it's the training my mind to get over this preconceived notion that I need a cute little nursery, with all her clothes neatly hung or folded, and pretty pink paint on the walls. I really wish it were warm enough to go camping in the mountains, because as strange as this sounds I would go all by myself and just get away from everything in this society, and hopefully clear my head of all this junk that's filling it. But that's probably not a possibility right now.

If anyone has a cabin or lakehouse get-away spot... and want to donate a free week away for me, let me know. haha kidding... sort of. Well everyone have a good day. And don't be stressed like me, it's not fun!

Finally, I know when all of my showers are going to be. The first one is going to be on March 6th, it will be hosted by Megan Best for the Carson-Newman girls. Then on March 8th Kristy Givens is hosting for our ABF from church. The following weekend on March 15th is being hosted by my Aunt Angie, this will be for my high school girlfriends and for the Sasser and Hazlewood side of the family. Then on April 5th, Sherry Lyons and Tamie Akins are hosting a shower for my church friends and the Blevins and Reasor side of the family. I'm so excited about all of these showers! I feel so blessed to have all of these people in my life. It feels so good to be bringing our baby in to the world where she will be surrounded by so many people that love her.

On another note, tonight Nick and I are going to our second night of Teddy Bear University. Last time we learned about signs of preterm labor, when to call the doctor vs. what is normal, and we practiced deep breathing expercises and massages that will help me to relax during labor. She gave all of us ladies a bag of ice to hold in our hands and timed it. Then we practiced the relaxation exercises while holding the ice, and the time went by so much faster. I was amazed at how these things could distract me from the cold, because I hate cold stuff. I can only hope that they work on labor contractions just as well. I'm not sure what we are doing tonight, however we are going to leave a little early because we have free tickets to the Tennessee basketball game, so we're going to go to that. I'm very excited to go, because I've never been to a TN basketball game before. The only thing I'm worried about is my back hurting while sitting in those tiny crowded chairs. Hopefully it will be so fun that I'll be distracted from back pain. Also Nick and I have found a house that we really like. We are planning on making an offer soon. I hope everything goes well, but I'm really trying not to get my hopes up too much. We'll just have to see what happens. Well I can't wait to see you all at my showers. You know which category you fall in to, so go ahead and save the date.

More and more the pregnancy symptoms are not so subtle. I have begun to not just have mild heartburn, backpain, feet swelling, and baby kicks. Now all of these things seem to be magnified. I know I've only gained 13 pounds so far, (which is right on track) but I have started to have the worst back pain. It hurts so bad, I've never had back pain like this before. Sometimes it almost makes me cry because the pain is so sharp. Last night Nick took me to Walgreens and bought me a heating pad. It helped quite a bit. Laying on that thing will probably become my new nightly ritual for the next 2 and a half months. (wow I can't believe that's all that's left of the pregnancy.... yay!) Also I have had the worst heartburn ever! It's so bad that it happens at all times during the day, no matter what I eat. And last night I woke up and the middle of the night in pain and literally choking because it was burning my chest and throat so badly. It must have scared Nick because I jumped up from a dead sleep coughing and choking almost like I was going to throw up. It was quite traumatic. I ate two tums and still did not feel much relief. I don't know what to do about the heartburn stuff. Tums is beginning to be a meaningless effort. You've already heard about my feet swelling up from serving. And even though I love to feel the baby kick and play, they are starting to become so intense, sometimes they even hurt. She is a little fire cracker though. She moves so much, and is so strong. It really blows my mind because I tell that there's a little person in there moving around. I often try to guess what body part is pushing or hitting against my various inside parts. It's so cool to feel, but still sometimes (like when I have to go to the bathroom or when I'm trying to sleep) the kicks can be a little unwelcomed. However I would take unwelcomed kicks any day just to know that she's okay and still growing strong. So really I don't mind those half as much as the heartburn and back pain. But I can't believe that the baby is only suppose to weigh somewhere between 2-3 pounds and she's going to get to 6, 7, or 8 before this is all over with. I can't imagine how these symptoms will be at that point. I don't even want to know, but I'm sure unfortunately that I will find out.

Hope everyone has a good day!!!!