Must have been the hormones yesterday...i feel much better today LOL...anyhoo I made the best nachos and bean dip today, thanks to Aja's (sorority sister) recipe...Keane enjoyed it a lot...I think Keana did, but I know I have heartburn like a mug...anyhoo I am off to cook the chilli in the crockpot in a minute....i don't know what the heck is up with my HOT cravings..but whatever.... The habenero pepper I put in the bean dip almost took my eyes out when i started cooking them...LOL wonder what they are doing to my insides right now....  Okay so I had a bright idea this morning.... I think Keana should have my middle name...well my intended middle name.....I think that will be cute since she has hubby's middle name for a first name....well something derived from his middle name... (nope Keane isnt is first name :) )...Hubby doesnt like the name, but it means something to me.. Its my mom's mom last name (in Korea the woman does not change her last name) AND its Korean....and I really do want Keana to have a Korean middle name... I know the name is cliche and common in the Korean community...which is why Keane doesnt like it BUT it means something to me.... And I think that is what is important, naming a child with meaningful names...Not just something we pulled out of a hat...Which is what we were doing at first...I was literally taking names i thought were cute and running it passed him...

Oh well, I guess I will just chill on the name issue to later on...But i do like my new idea for her middle name...since I was having such a hard time finding something that flows LOL...My mom likes the name a lot too...LOL anyhoo I also found her furniture and decided on stroller and car seat option YIPEE.... This deciding stuff is hard LOL..seriously...I am already indecisive and to HAVE to make all these decisions has been plucking my nerves LOL..no really its been fun... I am just too excited to be having my little baby girl.. i just love seeing all baby anything right now.... Gosh I wonder if I will ever want to put her down..... I am not sure what she is doing in my tummy right now...but it feels like she is doing tricks! LOL Anyhoo I better finish the housework and cooking before its time for bed... I need to get plenty of rest tonight...I have a full week ahead of me!

okay....i am really irritated this Saturday afternoon....seriously, purely just irritated.... just needed to get that out.... I hope Keana is not feeling this...I hope she is cool...but I am so irritated that I don't have an appetite what so ever....But I know I need to go get up and eat SOMETHING....UGGHHH... WHY WHY WHY... anyhoo, I just need to vent...too bad this isnt exactly the (public) forum I need to be doing it in....LOL 

Don't you hate how things that you have no direct control over or even really should effect YOUR life does....don't you hate when issues not related to you end up having to effect YOU indirectly...yet that is really not taken into consideration...Life isnt perfect...Everyone knows it...so if you can just act accordingly and know that EVERYTHING/EVERONE is not going to be happy at all times, then cool...BUT dont take it out on the innocent party...because pretty freaking soon the innocent party won't be as innocent and you will have a whole other situation on your hands to deal with. 

Sometimes I feel that when you are too laid back with stuff and go with the FLOW on EVERYTHING people take that for granted...they say cool let me do my own thing, let me have my own schedule, let me do things that are important to ME because the other person (s) will just deal...WELL NO that shouldnt be the case, YOU should always consider the OTHER person especially if the same is shown for you.  But then again thats that perfect world, that doesnt exist right?  I don't like things that are unexpected, I don't like to take on responsibility that is not ulitmately mine, especially if I HAVE TO SUFFER FOR IT if something happens later on... But if you always go around saying "oh everything will be fine, everything will be okay" instead of thinking about reality and sometimes "negative" consequences HAPPEN you will be up for a rude awakening. 

I live in reality...be prepared for it all, know what you can handle/not handle, plan accordingly- plan in advance, JUST BE PREPARED for everything, when possible...sometimes life events don't allow you to do this BUT when you take on things that ARE NOT YOUR responsibility and SHOULDNT be then there you go....unnecessary occurances....I don't want to be put in those situations at all...  Luckily those things havent happened and I will do what it takes to prevent it when possible.  But seriously....do I really have to just be the brunt of the issues at hand....just because its not BROUGHT to me, doesn't mean it doesnt some how effect me....Especially if it indirectly effects how I am treated or related to....  When people have their own issues going on, they should be aware of how it effects people around them....

I am not irritated at just one person its PEOPLE...people that just do these inconsiderate things in general, people who do not care for anyone else's situation, life, TIME, property and MONEY...They can't see past WHAT THEY NEED/WANT whatever...A guarentee they wouldnt want the same to occur...  People should think twice when they are GROWN before they request to utilize someone elses belongings (especially if they don't take special care of it and it comes back WORSE off than when it was in the owners hands), they need to think twice before they borrow/request ASSUME they can get someone else's MONEY...seriously, there is no such thing as EXTRA because if you have extra it needs to go into SAVINGS...especially when people have children or plan to have kids in the future...NO you can't have it, ESPECIALLY if you didnt protect your own finances...NO not when you have luxuries that you didnt get rid of FIRST (cable, cell phone, expensive car note, expensive APT when you dont need it etc)...stop keeping up with the Jones when you DONT HAVE IT...and have to BORROW IT.... no you cant borrow crap when you are just sitting on your behind thinking its going to be GIVEN TO YOU that life is about what you ASK for not what you WORK HARD FOR...I really hate people..okay that is strong, but UGGGHHHH i hate it when people are lazy and expect things to be handed to them...They let life move right past them instead of living and doing for themselves...or when they feel like its okay to say BUMP THIS I AM OUT, instead of working through it ESPECIALLY if they have no plan B...HAVE A PLAN B PEOPLE...I don't care how perfect you think life is, or how OKAY life is right NOW, who knows what will happen...what if you are let go, what if your husband/wife looses their job, what if an unexpected illness occurs....where are you going to get the finances emotional support from? that big screen tv? that luxurary car (which is any you really can afford the note or maintenence on)?  the cable, cell phone WHAT? Please tell me?

I am just sooo irritated with lifes happenings right now...not even at other people really...at me too..because i still have to work on things within myself...i hold my tongue for the sake of not arguing or the unpleasantries that occur when you say what you truly feel..I try to be neutral, i try to stay positve, i just try to stay in a mind state that doesnt cause me much more stress....BUT enivitably I STILL HAVE the STRESS i still get irritated, i still get frustrated, helpless, and it probably does MORE harm than just letting it out then...  I need to change that....Or either i need to STOP being so considerate and look at for self first...self and MY BABY...she really has me in this world...of course she has daddy and grandmommy and other extended family and friends...but ultimately if those people have other things going on in their life, if they have other people to tend to, if they have other agendas, if because we don't see eye to eye and life changes our relationships she only has ME...i must act accordingly....her immediate family on my side is JUST me and my mom....and she is not my mom's responsibility she is MINE....I think Keana coming into my life has just changed my prospective so much....I feel like I have to protect her first...I feel like I have to make sure SHE will be taken cared of BEFORE ALL ELSE...its sad, and I feel bad about it, but she is MY first and ulitmate priority...no one else just KEANA. Others are still a priority, husband, mom, etc, but SHE is and will be the TOP...because she is a baby, child, and i have to mold her into a responsible adult...so she just doesnt add to the mess that is today....  Once she becomes an adult, well then life is different, well then life switches priority...

I see what my husband and mom always said "you will know the meaning of life when your child is born" "you will know what you are living for".  I feel it now and I AM irritated that so much "outside" crap effects me, which effects her indirectly.  I know i cant live in a bubble, and i know i have to interact with others, but you know others bring you stress and drama...not even purposely..sometimes its not their fault..probably mine because i CARE...  If i could live without caring then I will be better off...but its not me...i care, i am sensitive, i want everyone to live a "good life" to be happy to be positive...but now i think its for selfish reasons..because if they are "good" then I am stress free....umm...well i guess I do want people to be happy just because... but i do receive a personal gain if their life is good too...

Okay so I feel better now... LOL Keana mommy is sooooo going to feed you in a sec...

I never thought i would say this, but....I PLAYED TOO MUCH TENNIS...my body is soooooo sore...i can barely walk...We played round robins tonight ( bunch of people get together play each other while switching up partners) and I ended up playing for almost 4 hours tonight....i couldnt get enough, well in reality I COULD....I cant even bend right....walking down the steps is painful...and too make it worse. I was half way falling asleep as Keane was recapping our night and NOW i am up and he is sleep LOL...WHY did he have to bring that blackout cake from cheesecake factory in the bedroom...and i just had to have a bite...well that woke me right up...Heck even Keana is sleep and she is usually up with me...She probably is exhausted...Poor baby...I know she was like MOMMY WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!...  I am just so wrong....So much for walking 5 miles at Stone Mountain tomorrow...I may not be able to WALK out of bed LOL...UGGGHHH

At least i did get to go to Babies R Us today and check out cribs and bedding sets...i think i have made a decision...or at least narrowed it down :)....Nursery here we come!....It will be time to paint and put up crown molding or whatever you call the stuff you put at the midbottom of the wall soon.... Anyhoo i need to try to get some sleep now...WHY did i have to over do it.... UGGGHHH hey but at least i played my butt off and WON :)....i played better withbaby than prebaby...well at least i thought so.....I was DOING the dang on thing LOL....

Okay so we had a blast this weekend in Nashville! LOL it was fun catching up with folks and seeing how much we all have changed or stayed the same...OMG WHY did the most embarassing stuff have to come out for me at the picnic though...We were going through my yearbook and Keane just had to point out my retardism during HS...LMAO...I was trying to be "hard" in one of the pics in my fatigues...OMG LMAO...it was me and a group of girls and we took a pic that said the "No Limit Seniors (you know as in soldiers) OMG ROTFLMAO...i dont even remember that!!!!!!!!!!...oh yea and then why did I only smile in one yearbook pic out of all the four years LMAO....of course he HAD to point that out too!...What can I say?...Now they joke on me because I always have that koolaid smile, now I am joked on because I didnt smile enough GO FIGURE!...anyhoo we stayed in the HOT, HUMID, NO BREEZE outdoors for forever Saturday...I attached a pic...man i look like I am leaking..LOL...must just be sweat..but its kinda weird that thats where it decided to show...LOL...

After the picnic we went to go hang with Auntie Rae Rae LMAO (okay really its my line/sorority sister Ragan, thats my nickname for her), her hubby Mario, and their new lil one (3 month old) EVAN...OMG he is soooooooooo adorable...but we were already explaining to him that lil Keana in my belly will be known as his play sister, or has keane said COUSINs so there will be none of that hanky panky going on as the grown up LMAO....but omg he just made us wish for fall/winter to come faster so Keana can get here....He is such a good baby...he really took to us...he was fascinated by Keane's animated but though... He just starred at him then giggled a little ever now and then...But what was the funniest when Evan kinda let out a cry and Keane was like oh he needs to be changed...I was like dang how you know and mommy and daddy didnt even peep that cry as that...LOL  and you know what sure enough he was WET..LOL...He said that he knows the "i don't want to sit here with wet balls cry" OMG...it was hillarious...but I realize how much my hubby knows babies...and I can't wait until ours gets here!!!!!!!!!

We also got to go by my hs friend Keishana's aunts house to see her fam whom I hadnt seen in ages..well at least 10 years LOL....it was GREAT seeing them again.  I just really thoroughly enjoyed our trip to Nashville.  I am so glad Keane got a chance to see where I grew up and I was even more ecstatic that he loved it and would come again!..LOL...I wasn't so sure, but I suppose he saw the beauty and appreciation for Nashville like I do!  I love him for that.... He even loved me and my mom's fav brunch spot Marche'...Another plus for him! LOL...

Okay so I had him drive back...why did it only take him like 3 hours and 45 min to get home WITH the 30 min stop we made...WHILE IT TOOK ME almost 5 to get there LOL...needless to say, he may have to do the driving next time LOL...He thought I was crazy when, as soon as we arrived home, I got BACK in the car and went shopping!!!!!!! LOL Well buying Keana some "stuff" was on my mind the entire trip so  i just had to go to Carter's...it was so much fun shopping for her!...But seriously now I need to chill and figure out what she really NEEDs...which car seat and stroller we are getting...what her nursery will look like etc....SOOOOOOO thats what I will be working on the next few weeks!!!!!!!!