A Blanky from Grandma So I received a message from Barb (baby's grandma) and what do you know I started bawling!! Sobbing and crying away, so of course Pete and Thunder quickly rushed over to make sure I was okay, and everything was fine! Very nice in fact :) Barb asked what colour of blanky we would like for her new grandbaby.
Well that was such a sweet message that I couldn't take it!! Of course Pete was relieved and Thunder went to get a toy for me to play with, and me and Pete decided that we would love either a navy blue, or a forest green blanky very much. I am looking so forward to this thoughtful gift for my baby! Thanks Barb xoxo
P.S. Pete said to write that I was hysterical and inconsolable, but I think that is debatable :)
2007-11-19 (20 weeks)
Second Attempt So the other day I spent about twenty minutes pouring my heart out to this journal, and I pressed one wrong button and the whole entry was gone, so I was super ticked off and avoided writing for a few days!! So here is my second attempt at a new entry!
I've been feeling very overwhelmed the past few days, there's just a lot of different things going on and with the holidays coming it's a bit of added stress. Of course I'm lucky I get to go visit other people instead of hosting myself, I go visit my sis and my family, and me and Pete also go to his house to visit with his parents and sister. The other day Pete's dad said something about how we just open presents and leave, and that's not true at all. We spent a lot of time there last year. I went over there on Christmas Eve, and I wasn't working, and spent at least two hours there. That may not seem like a lot, but it's a lot in an awkward situation! The next day, I worked all day, and just stopped in at my sis' briefly, so if anyone has a right to complain it's her. I was very depressed by his comment, because it seems like even if I think everything is fine, it's not from someone else's point of view. This type of thing makes me insecure, and uncomfortable. Pete says that's just the way his dad is, and I should not take it personally.
It's hard because I've always been kind of obtuse when it comes to what other people think of me. I may think everything is fine and well, but I find out years later what people actually thought of me (I'm not talking strangers here either but people close to me). It's very difficult because it makes me second guess whether my impression of what people think of me is at all accurate. I get upset when I think about what people probably actually think of me.
But, the important thing to me is my baby, and that's the reason I've been so emotional lately. Today was a tough day emotionally, I'm feeling the pressure of getting ready to be a mom, and I am loving the experience of being pregnant, but I'm starting to feel this rush of nervous anticipation and there's certain things I want to be straightened out before the baby arrives. I have not been brave lately, and I am really missing that part of myself. I'm very scared and unsure right now, so I don't know if that's a type of person that people will prefer vs. my old self. Perhaps!
I am ready to cry at the drop of a hat, and this is a new development from the past week that I am finding hard to deal with but I am sure it's part of the hormones of pregnancy. Pete is being wonderful in helping me through this unsure time, although I'm sure it's hard for him to have me be such a different person right now. I dread the idea that years from now I will actually find out that Pete actually thinks badly of me, meanwhile I go along every day like a chump thinking everything's fine. That's not fair to him because he's never committed this duplicity towards me, but others have.
Anyway, like I said the reason I am thinking of all of this is because my emotions are running crazy the past little while. I am looking forward to 2008, and perhaps the return of the brave Rachel :)
2007-11-14 (19 weeks)
Wonderful Day So my hopes were answered and today was a wonderful day :) I was so worried I only slept four hours last night, and that was after much tossing and turning and being all ticked off. My pillows weren't right, stuff kept falling off my table, my nose was running etc, I had to pee, I was hungry, etc. I know it was me being worried that kept me up. I am now exhausted and looking forward to a nice nap.
I added some pics from our ultrasound to my photo album, I really like the bottom two because you can see the hand in the left one and the foot in the right one. The little one was really active in there, and flipping around, the tech had to chase them around. The heartbeat was nice and strong, so now the info is:
This made me so happy! I had a couple of tears run down my cheeks though when the tech finally said there's no way she would be able to tell the sex today due to the position and activity level of the little one. This feeling of sadness passed, and when Pete came in, we saw the baby trying to suck it's thumb. It was so cute because it kept trying and trying to get the hand in the right spot lol.
The length from hip to knee is 3 cm, and the weight is 300 grams. My sis' last son was 3.5 cm at this time, and she called me little one a little shorty lol. There was a funny moment when I was all freaked out by something weird on the screen, and I asked her what was that, and she said it's the baby's head. I thought this other thing was the baby lol. We saw the spine, and it's legs and arms, feet and hands, and little face.
I was talking to her about some of my worries, and she said I should start worrying about what to do when I suddenly arrive in diaper city!! Anyway, the ultrasound was wonderful, and I am so happy that it wasn't a tragedy waiting to be told, and I am now going for a nap!
2007-11-13 (19 weeks)
Ultrasound Eve So tomorrow at eleven am is my first ultrasound this entire pregnancy. It does feel like Christmas, so tonight would be Christmas Eve :) Plus, Pete is going to drag out our Christmas stuff so I can decorate probably on Thursday....I am excited to have a display this year of wonderful Christmas cards we've received in the past. Pete said more and more people are putting their Christmas lights up, it's one of our favourite things to do this time of year is drive around and check out the beautiful displays. One day our home will be decorated like that, and in the yard will be a big fat snowman that we built with our kids.
I am unbelievably excited about my ultrasound, but I am also nervous, because ultrasounds don't always bring good news. On the upside, I haven't had any indication of problems, this hasn't been a difficult pregnancy (even though I don't have a frame of reference). If there were anything wrong it would truly be a shock, as I'm sure it always is when it happens.
I am hoping so much that my baby is healthy, whether it's a boy or a girl. I haven't experienced mind numbing grief ever in my whole life, so I feel like I wouldn't be able to take it if something was wrong. Tomorrow will either be a wonderful day, or the worst day in my whole life!! How am I supposed to sleep??
Please please please let it be a wonderful day!!!!
