I had this really funny story to tell... but for the life of me, I cant remeber what it is!  Just kidding.  But that isnt too far from how Ive been feeling.

The highlight of my weekend consisted of going grocery shopping on Saturday night.  Now, whoever said that the grocery store was one of the best places to meet men, must not have gone on a Saturday night!  Anyway, so I finally had the energy to get up off the couch, from where I plopped down pretty much Friday as soon as I got home from work, and decided I needed to go grocery shopping.

I lesiurely shopped for an hour, reading labels, putting things in the basket, only to take them out later.  Spending a good duration of my time contemplating which sweet I would allow myself, and finally deciding on both tollhouse cookie dough and cherry turnovers (which I still have not eaten!  its just comforting to have to look at in the fridge!)  I finally decide, I need to stop looking and just go ahead and check out, as it has already been an hour by this point!  So I go to checkout, and who would have thought... on a saturday night every single lane was backed up with at least two people waiting!  Talk about losers!  Get a life!  So I picked the shortest one... and spent my time reading the tabloids (is angelina jolie really pregnant by brad???).  Finally it is my turn to check out, and Im priding myself on keeping the total within my alloted budget.

The checker is getting to the end of my items, so I go to my purse to pull out my checkbook.  Oh wait... I dont have any checks, I need to order some.  No problem, Ill just use my debit card.  Hmmmm, dont see it at first glance, maybe its stuck between something.  My debit card is inside a keychain card holder....   Im still not finding it.  He's getting closer and closer to being finished checking me out... so I panic, and start to frantically dig in my purse, pulling items out.  Its still no where to be found.  I then remember, that when I had gone to check the mail earlier, and brought it back in.... I had left my keychain with the mail on my coffee table, at least thats where I think it is! 

By now the checker is telling me my total, and embarassed I tell him I have no way to pay for my groceries.  He looks at me strangely... what, did he think I enjoyed shopping, standing in line, and letting him ring everything up for my pure enjoyment???  Ok... that does sound like something I might do....  I go on to explain that I had apparently left my debit card at home, but I only lived right around the corner.  He tells me he will have them hold my groceries (up to 2 hours if you were wondering) and that I can pick them up when I get back with a form of payment.  Talk about embarassing as well as frustrating!  I did not want to go back, but I sure didnt want to go shopping again.  Long story short ( too late I know!) I ran  home, picked up my debit card, and went back to the grocery store to get my groceries.

Forgetful instance #2 -- I went to target tonight, to get some hangers (to finally hang the maternity clothes my sister mailed me like a month ago!!!), and a coupon holder book (what better time to start saving??) and some face moisturizer.  I go to pay with my debit card (that I didnt forget), and enter my pin code.  The code doesnt seem right when I enter it...  well guess what, its wrong.  So they ask me to re-enter, I draw a complete blank.  I mean Ive only been banking with this bank since what.... 1996...   So I try another number, still doesnt feel right when I enter it.  still incorrect.  I tell the lady checking me out that I can remember my pin number.  I just knew she was going to think I had stolen the card or something!  She didnt.  She did tell me that I could pay by credit instead of debit, and forego entering a PIN number.  (useful info in case you lose your debit card..... )  Anyway, I know I am going to be up all night tonight trying to remember my pin!  Im sure Ill bolt up at like 4 in the morning, spatting it off!  Hopefully, I remember it soon... because as you may recall, I dont have any checks still!!!!!

I am not feeling too good today... possibly a low grade fever?  But besides that, Im just very uncomfortable.

I dont know... maybe its the fact that my bra is cutting off my circulation, and the fact that my poor tiny little baby probably has a crease down the length of their body due to my jeans digging into me so deeply.

I think it all started by the fact that I had this horrible dream about the daddy, er, lets call him a sperm donor at this point.  He was dating some girl I went to school with all the way back from Kindergarten.... it was very strange.  She didnt care that I was carrying his baby.  But he was mean to me, and she wouldnt listen to me... so I woke up in a really bad frustrated mood.  Weird how dreams can do that!

I probably dreamed about him, since I emailed him last night to tell him about hearing the heartbeat for the first time, my due date, and the doctor/hospital I will be using.  IM not expecting a response.  Been trying to provide updates to my pregnancy via email, so it can never be said that I left him out of anything.  Its up to him now to decide if he wants to be involved or not.

Of course IM also stressed out about the whole, what am I going to once the baby is born.  My parents want me to move home immediately if not even before the baby is born.  I know they just want to be there and be around to help me out... but Im trying to work out what will work best for me in regards to my insurance/maternity leave and work.  Not to mention, my apartment lease is through October of next year (Im due the beginning of June).  I know my actions that led to my pregnancy were irresponsible, and I just want to handle this in the most responsible manner, without putting anyone out.  I do want to do as much as I can on my own.  Uggghhh, too much to worry about!  There's a reason you are supposed to be married before you have children!  Its too stressful to go it alone.

Well, I heard the heartbeat for the first time today.... I got a little vaclimped!  Ok, so I started crying. 

I have never been able to cry in a soft and feminine manner.  So I start trying to cry, which is usually embarassing for me since its big guffaws, so I try to hold it in.  Well this means, I keep taking in these breaths, like IM hyperventilating, which makes my tummy keep jerking as though Im not getting enough air!  So the OB/GYN (this was my first visit with her today, as I was trying out a new one that is closer to my house), kept looking at me to make sure I was okay.  Talk about embarassing!

I decided that my regular GYN is just located too far for me, as I am having to go through this pregnancy alone (as far as going to appts and such).  My primary care physician recommended a woman that is only about 10 minutes from where I live.  I shouldnt have had any doubts!  I mean, I do have a slight crush on my primary care physician as it is!  And he did tell me "If you were MY wife, this is where I would make you go..."    So when I left the dr's office today, she smiled really big at me and told me not to worry, that we were going to have a lot of fun!

Of course, this will be my first female GYN.... so Ill have to update you on my feelings/thoughts after my first pelvic exam with a woman!!!!!

To be continued....

Well about 4 1/2 hours from my last entry, I woke up with the worst pain ever imaginable in my neck.  A threshold for pain test???  I think NOT!

Now Im no weenie when it comes to pain.  Im the cut-my-toenails-until-they-bleed, and yank-my-hangnails-until-there-is-no-hangnail left type of gal.  Ingrown toenails you say?  NEVER  I cut those out myself.  The only pain I can think of as being similar in intensity, would be my rectal spasms.   Yes, you read that correctly.  Imagine a charlie horse up inside your butt.  The pain leaves you curled up on the floor in the fetal position.... But this new neck pain... I cant even move to get in the fetal position!

Like the good little pregnant girl that I am, I had taken tylenol -- NOTHING.  I used a heating pad -- NOTHING.  What can I do??

Ill cry.  Thats not helping.  Try crying harder.... OUCH!  Well that left me with one option.  Call Mommie.

In fact, lets call Mommie bawling, she'll fix me up.  Im not sure what I expected her to accomplish over 180 miles away.... did I mention she was a wiccan in a past life?  Just kidding.

(Side note:  A friend of mine has recently turned to the wiccan ways, and I made fun of him... perhaps I shouldnt have???)

Ok, so Mommie just wants to discuss the possibilities of what could have happened, and gripe as to why pregnant women now a days can not take anything as far as medicine.  Back when she was pregnant.... she took all kinds of things!  Uh, thanks MOM, maybe thats whats wrong with my neck!!!!  THis is not solving anything.  So we come up with a plan.

Its a race for geographical feasibility.... my mother will call my brother-in-law in Richmond, VA and I will call my family doctor here in Austin, TX.  Its going to be a close call as to who will be able to help me out most....

My doctor tells me that he can not prescribe me anything without seeing me.  Ok, Mr. DOCTOR, get off your high and mighty horse here.  Ive done the hard part.  Ive diagnosed myself, yet for some reason the state will not let me prescribe my own medication... thats all Im asking of you.  Just one simple task.  NO, he is insistent that he see me first, and is happy to let me know that he will be available from 1 to 4 pm today.  Uh what would you have me do for the next 9 hours???  Clever man that he is, suggested I seek medical attention at the emergency room.  DUH!?!?!  Why didnt I think of that...

So my mother calls me back to let me know the prognosis from my brother-in-law.  He thinks I need to go on to the emergency room!!!  Pure Genius I tell you.  Im not sure who to award in this quick paced decision making...

Well at this point, I have become quite experienced at waking people up abruptly.  I decide the newlywed couple next door will be my next victims.  I steady myself, and MY VOICE, and call the neighbors.  They dont answer.  So summoning all the courage and strength I can muster, I leave what Im sure sounds like a dying cat message "I just wanted to see if mmmm-eeee-ooooo-wwww, ya'll could take me to the emergency room or a 24 hr clinic because my neck hurts soooo bad... waaaaaaaahhhhh...."

I hear some fumbling with the phone, some clearing of throat, and finally, "Amber, we will be right there!"

Shoot!!!  They live right next door in the apartment complex.  Scrambling, I try to find some clothes to throw on... but I cant move quickly.  I find some jogging pants that Im able to pull on prior to their knocking on the door.  They come in, and I go to the laundry room to dig through the clean clothes to find a long sleeved shirt.  Im yanking clothes out left and right of the basket, and a pair of panties come flying out of the laundry room, landing at my neighbor's feet.  OK, no big deal... he's married now... he sees panties all the time.... I just pretend it didnt happen and nonchalantly pick them up.

From this point on, things run a bit more smoothly.  I walk into the emergency room, there was no one there!  No waiting, nothing...just invited to the back immediately where they start taking my vitals.

They diagnose me with what is called "Wry Neck".  Im still uncertain that they were correct in their diagnosis.  They give me hydrocodone, and send me home.  Who would have thunk it?!?!?  Its okay to take vicodin but not ibuprofen when you are pregnat!

IM still in pain, using the vicodin, some bengay and a heating pad... but its not bringing tears of anguish any longer.  Wish me luck on a restful night's sleep!

Goodnight!