Braxton Hicks? OK, this is the second time this has happened now... I have this horrible, painful, uncomfortable pressure where all my female organs are, as though something (or someone lol) is pushing and trying to get out. It especially hurts to walk which also adds pain to my lower back. IM not sure if this considered false labor, or if this pressure Im feeling is normal.... It makes me wince, but its not making me cry. For those of you that have been fortunate enough to experience rectal spasms.... its very similar but the front end!
Its hard to describe, but its not like the crampy feeling Ive gotten that I assume was from ligaments stretching in my uterus... this is a whole new feelilng, as Bliss would say, Like nothing Ive ever experencied before.
Who knows, maybe he bruised me from all his activity and kicking at midnight last night! I think I have the next Paolo Maldini in my belly! (absolutely gorgeous Italian soccer player for those that do not know)
I figure, as long as Im not spotting and I still feel him moving, that Im just going to bear with it until I see my OB/GYN this coming Thursday.
I posted a picture of my belly at 24 weeks, which means the baby is at 25 weeks. Ive had three different people tell me that he is a big boy! I want to say, no he is little, his mama is just fat!!! Hard to believe I only have 15 weeks left! I keep rubbing my belly and telling him to hold his horses, that im just not ready for him quite yet! I just keep thinking he's going to pop out early, not sure why. I really need to settle on a name.
Anyway, my non-politically correct psychiatrist was cracking me up the other day! He asked me if I knew what I was having, and I told him a boy. So he holds his pinky up, and wiggles it, then says so you got to see his little thingey? hahaha I was asking him what he thought would be best for my child, emotionally and mentally, in regards to the father, having his name on the birth certificate or not. He told me if I were his daughter, he would tell me "Leave that Son of a B... off that birth certificate" as he slapped the palm of his hand on his desk. Also told me there is no reason to contact him and when I expressed how I just wished I knew one way or the other what he was planning to do, he told me that I have my answer, because he hasnt contacted me. Helps to have someone other than family's perspective on things.
Im really starting to find more and more clothes that I like for my little boy. At first, I was having a hard time, because the boys clothes are just not near as cute as the little girls! i just dont understand why all the characters have to be on everything! Some arent too bad, but it really gets on my nerves! Why do little boys have to go around with pictures of dogs, beavers, bears, etc all over their clothes? Little girls arent going around sporting kittens and what not! Can anyone explain this to me? Perhaps I should develop my own line of clothing for baby boys!
2006-02-12 (24 weeks)
Mean Case of the Reds I had a very disturbing dream about Matt, the sperm donor, last night. Of course this was just one of many... This time he was a coach, and convinced me to quit my job (or at least just take off a week), and ride back with him to Kentucky until he finished his coaching job there. I was so crazy about him, I did it. Like a fool, I believed he really loved me, but when we got there, he had some girl that was practically living with him, and just threw a hissy fit that he had brought me back with him. (Im sure I would have done the same in her shoes) So I get in this big fight with him, telling him the girl that lived there was trashy with her mullet haircut, and how did he think he could have me while he still had her.... I dont know if I was already pregnant in the dream or not. But it boiled down to him wanting to have his cake and eat it too. I ended up leaving, and he chased me down... but then I woke up so Im not sure what happened. I woke up crying and it hasnt really stopped throughout the day, except for when I slept. So I just tried to sleep as much as I could.
I think Im just feeling sorry for myself these days. This weekend, I went and registered at Babies R Us by myself. Saturday I took my car to the oil change place, where the mechanic must have felt sorry for me or something, he kept calling me into the shop to tell me something, show me my air filter needed changed (even though I didnt ask for it to be checked), walked me to my car afterwards, even opened the door for me and told me to be careful out there... they've never treated me like that before, and Ive gone there several times. Anyway, I went and ate lunch by myself Saturday afternoon at a Mexican restaurant, felt like everyone was staring at me with pity, although I felt rather brave and independent to be out eating alone, especially while Im pregnant. Went grocery shopping tonight, got back and the single girl above me felt sorry for me carrying my groceries in and helped me carry them all in. Guess Im tired of not having anyone to help me with things. And I know my entire family will help me with whatever I need, but its just not going to be the same as having a man around.
IM probably just depressed with Valentine's Day around the corner... I always get this way. Im always alone on Valentine's Day even though it is one of my favorite holidays... you'd think I would have learned to hate it after so many years of being alone! Well last year, I had Matt and he gave me a card and chocolate covered strawberries.... he didnt try to make it romantic or take me out or anything.
I think Im just going to go on to bed, hopefully Ill be in a happier mood tomorrow.
2006-02-09 (24 weeks)
Taking Care of Business Woohoo, I got my tax refund already! I paid off three different credit cards that I had been working on for the last year. So thats a little less financial strain! That just leaves two credit accounts that I need to work on... hopefully can have one paid off before the baby is born! With the rest of the money, I wanted to buy a changing table/dresser combo. Having a hard time deciding which one I want though.
Got signed up for a preparation for childbirth class. Not only is it on Friday nights, but I will be attending them alone. A guy friend of mine volunteered to go with me, but feel as though whoever is going to be in the delivery room with me should be the one to go with me. My doctor keeps insisting that I will want someone in there with me... and to be honest, I think I will be fine alone. A bit of a loner anyway.... My sister said she will try to go with me, but she lives in Houston and I dont think she can get off work early enough on a friday to drive to Austin to go with me to the classes. I guess we will see. Ive invited her and mother to attend the actual birth of my son though. I have a feeling both of them will wind up just getting on my nerves! Shhh, dont tell! hahaha
I initially signed up for a breastfeeding class, but in an effort to save money, I figured since they send a lactation consultant around after the baby is born that I will just ask what I need to know at that time.
Speaking of breastfeeding.... so a woman at work was telling me I needed to start working on toughening my nipples. hahaha Ok, I know thats true, but her suggestion was using a washcloth while in the shower. I was thinking, you nasty woman, do you not scrub yourself with a washcloth? Probably one of those loofah types.. I mean how do can you get clean from some flimsy, fishy material that you use over and over again? Ive tried one, and I did not come out feeling squeaky clean, so I said never again!
Wrote a letter to my apartment management to find out the consequences of breaking my lease. Told them my sob story, so we will see if they let me off the hook or if they are going to be completely insensitive and insist I pay penalties and such.
Going to go register this weekend at Babies R Us, so if anyone has suggestions for must have/need items please let me know. I dont even know where to start!!! Although I was thinking... most people dont go buy anything from an actual registry, they always want to buy you clothes... and more than likely its going to be something that you hate! So whats the point of registering anyway?
Now if I can only decide on a name. I was talking to my cousin on my drive home from work today, and just as natural as can be without thinking, called my little boy Greyson. Which is my top choice so far... so does that mean I have subconsciously already decided on that name???
2006-02-02 (23 weeks)
Tidbits Found out good news today.... Once I go on maternity leave, if I decide I dont want to return to work, I dont have to pay back the maternity leave pay! Woo-hoo!
My boss is about to go into labor any minute now, I cant wait for her to go! In fact, it would be really nice if I could deliver before she returns, but I doubt that is going to happen.
I broke down and finally bought some sudafed. Ive been congested for over a month now with no let up or relief. Its helping a little. Ive been taking plain benadryl at night, which is helping me sleep again! There for awhile, I was waking up like every two hours... it was horrible!
Im already feeling discomfort. Its hard to shave and cut my toenails. And to get up out of bed, or from sitting on the floor, I pretty much have to roll and build up some momentum to get myself up! There have been times when I have thought I was fat or really overweight., but I could still manuever! Is this what it feels like to be overweight? Anyway I feel huge, and I havent hit the 6 month mark even!
So Ive been trying to decide, would it be better to buy a cheap changing table and then a good quality dresser, or just to get a combo changer unit? As you may recall from previous entries, I do not plan to even buy a baby crib, as my little boy will be sleeping with me until he is ready to move to his own bed. So the only furniture I need is something to put his clothes in, and I really want a changing table.
Its really hard for me NOT to write to the sperm donor. But Im sticking to my guns.... he hasnt written me since the beginning of December (yes, we are having a mexican stand off and are not speaking to one another). So I figure, why give him any updates or try to include him in anything when he expresses no interest whatsoever. I would kind of like to HEAR his idea for names, I mean he might actually have a realy good one that I havent thought of... since Im having such a hard time deciding! Sure would be nice if he would take care of the healthcare for the baby, without demanding any custody!
Got registered for my childbearing preparation class. It will be 3 Friday nights in a row... not like I have anything better to do on a Friday night! It will be oh so much fun going to these type of things by myself. But Im sure there will be some couples there for my entertainment! My younger sister is going to try to go with me, or my friend Jordan said he would go with me, or the best yet, my sister's ex-boyfriend even volunteered to go with me to classes!!! hahaha
Well Im just rambling now... just hadnt written in awhile, and I know how everyone is busting at the seams to find out how Ive been doing!
