Peepot at 32 weeks I added a picture of my belly at 32 weeks... quite a difference between the 24 week picture!!!
Sleeping has gotten more and more difficult for me these days. I pretty much need a pillow in front and behind me. I have found, that if I go for like a 10-15 minute walk in the evenings, that I have been able to sleep through the entire night. Which sounds good in theory, but probably not a good idea at 8 months when your child is pushing on your bladder!
So Im dreaming a very vivid dream. My sister bliss and I were living together, and had just woken up around noon. Well I got a phone call, but I am peeing so I tell bliss to tell whoever it is, that Ill be there in a minute. Well I cant stop peeing, it just goes on and on and on. The urge wont go away. Something wakes me up, Im really confused as to whether Im still in my dream or awake, as Im still peeing. It finally dawns on me, that I am awake in bed, and have been peeing on myself, and still am. I jump out of bed and the pee goes gushing down my legs. Im finally able to cut it off, and run to the bathroom to finish. There is nothing like having to get up and shower and change the sheets at 5 in the morning, knowing that your last few hours of sleep were interrupted! Havent found anyone else that has peed on themselves in bed (or at least that will admit it) Funny thing is, I dont recall a time in my entire life that I have peed on myself... as far back as I can remember!!
Anyway, I just seem so thirsty here lately! Im a sound sleeper... and since being pregnant, Ive only been getting up at the most once during the night to pee and take some tums. Wondering if I should start wearing depends to bed???
Had a huge emotional breakdown on Monday! There are just so many things going on.... for one, I live alone and have no one here to give me support or that I can just vent to on a daily basis about everything, Im trying to get everything taken care of so that I can move back to Houston very soon after baby roo comes which includes breaking my apartment lease and packing, my car had several lights coming on in the dashboard so I was wanting to get that taken care of before baby roo came, not to mention that I will have to pay close to $3000 after insurance for the hospital and delivery and to top everything off, on Monday we were waiting to hear the results of Mom's CT scan results.
So I broke down bawling. And Im not talking about just tears, or quiet whimpering, this was gut wrenching, really loud crying. My neighbor probably thought I was killing a cat or something. It felt good to get it out though. I havent really let myself cry like that this whole time. My mother's results came back good, now we are just waiting to hear if she will need to do chemo this time or not. I just gave up trying to plead with the apartment management about working something out with me due to my extenuating circumstances. They can just get in line for whatever pennies I have to give them. Insurance, not anything I can do about... better than not having any at all, but would be the best if I were on Medicare at this point. Took my car in to mainly get the dashboard lights checked out and my driver side seat belt taken care of... ended up getting my spark plugs replaced, tune-up and alignment done.... which have been needing to be done for a long time. A very sweet generous christian family helped me out in paying for my car work. They dont want me to pay them back, but I plan on it. The check engine light hasnt come back on, so maybe it just needed reset? Not sure. I found a used seatbelt part for half the price, and hoping my dad can replace that for me. So it was nice to at least get my car stuff worked out a little bit.
At work they keep asking me all these reasonable questions, which I am taking too personally, but I cant answer them because Im not coming back to work, so NO, I dont have childcare set up. No, I havent bought a breast pump. NO, I cant tell you how long I want to take off. Come on, work with me people! Im just counting down the days, until I can get settled back at home with the family.
2006-04-07 (32 weeks)
8 month check up Nothing new or exciting happened. Start going in every two weeks after today's visit. Blood pressure, urine, weight, baby heart beat were all good. We discussed circumcision, and if I wanted to have him circumcised... Im just wondering, who doesnt now a days??? Althought I jokingly told my co-workers that I was going to wait to have that done before he went off to college. hahaha
My insurance benefits are absolutely ridiculous! I might as well quit my job and go get on medicare! I have a $300 co-pay per night while in the hospital! Not only that, but once the baby is born, he will have a $300 co -pay and $500 deductible of his own! Its the most outrageous maternity benefits anyone has ever hear of.
So if my hospital bills arent going to squeeze every last penny from me, my apartment complex will! Im breaking my lease early, and I realize there are penalties that will occur. They are telling me once I give my 60 day notice, that for those next two months I have to pay the market value on my apartment (Which is $110 more than I pay normally) as well as pay a 2 month cancellation fee, so two additional months at the higher market value rent. It just barely works out cheaper than staying here throughout the duration of my lease. Wish I could afford a lawyer!
I guess nothing is going to go smoothly for me.
2006-04-04 (32 weeks)
Guestbook Entry from "M" M,
Sounds as though you were quoting me, because I tell people that all the time. Its not shallow, its just the truth. Did I recently tell you I was not attracted to you physically?
I dont believe this to be the case for the father though as he repeatedly told me I was beautiful. Regardless, my child will be beautiful to me.
Thanks for the suggestion and supportive guestbook entry.
2006-04-04 (32 weeks)
Its Expensive! So Ive already been paying my OB/GYN in advance for the delivery. Today, I get a letter from the hospital letting me know how much I will owe them, and how they would like for it to be paid off prior to my delivery! Uh, you've got to give me more than two month's notice to try to pay off $1400!!!! I guess Ill be calling them tomorrow to work out some type of extended payment plan. All costs have been estimated on a regular delivery, so if I have a cesarean thats just more they will tack on to my bill. The financial situation is very over whelming at times. Kind of makes me feel like a bad mother, knowing how poor we will be!
Well someone from church bought my son to be, a little outfit that reads "My daddy loves me, I love my daddy" Guess he wont be wearing that. Its really sad, that his father doesnt want him or seem to want to have anything to do with him. Would he be a good father? I dont know... but there's something very hurtful about your own flesh and blood rejecting you. I already feel sorry for my little boy, and am already dreading the talk we will have to have about it one day.
I havent felt sorry for myself this whole time, I get most upset thinking about how I will provide for my baby and the fact that his father doesnt want him. How do you explain that to your child?
