Love that Lingo

Just when I was thinking the signing thing wasn't going to work, Gunner suddenly started to pick up on it. Now he watches me when I sign, and when I show him a new object, he looks at me expectantly waiting for me to show him the sign. He has also started to 'babble with his hands' and to imitate us when we sign to him. When my mother and I showed him the sign for 'light', he did it back to us a few minutes later, and he did the same thing when Arron and I showed him the sign for 'cheese'. He does a lot of things with his hands lately that look like he's trying to sign, but so far he just uses a few signs to actually communicate.

Amazingly, on the same day that he started to do this, he also started to 'talk'. He cried 'Mama, Mama!' when I left left him in the living room at Kalina's place. He was crawling towards me and saying that, like he was definitely calling for his Mom and now he does that whenever he wants me to come get him. Yesterday, I was down at Arron's palce with him and he started saying what we thought was 'Mama', but I was right there and it didn't make sense. Then, we realized he was actually saying what sounded more like 'Mum-mum' and that he was trying to tell us he wanted to eat. I took him upstairs and fed him and he was in fact really hungry!

Besides that, he points to things and says 'Da' as in 'what's that?' or 'look at that', and he says Dada for Daddy or sometimes for other men. He also says 'Daw' for dog (or cat, or Cookie monster). He makes all kinds of other sounds, too. He says what sounds like 'Tickle', though I'm sure he doesn't mean that by it. When we go out, he is so sociable and 'talks' to everyone who will listen. When friendly people smile at him, he gives back such a big smile, he looks like he is just overjoyed to see them and people really respond to that.

So, I don't think he will need to use the signs for 'dog, daddy, momy, and eat' because he can pretty much say those things, but no doubt he will use lots of other signs and I am so excited about it and can't wait to really start communicating back and forth with him about all kinds of things.

He woke up really late this morning (9:30) and cried, which is unusual, and then he started heaving and threw up. He wasn't his usual exuberant self during breakfast and choked on his bread and threw everything up. He just went back to sleep in his crib now at 11:45 without nursing first. Usually, he's so full of boundless energy that the only way to get him to mellow out is to dope him up with boob milk and then hopefully I he will settle down for a snooze for a little while. I hope he's ok. He's never been sick so far. I'm going to keep and eye on him and give him extra tlc till I'm sure he's ok.

EC Update

Gunner seems to only want to poop in the toilet now. Two days ago, we went to visit my mother who is recovering from having her gallbladder out. At the end of our visit, I could see he had to poop. I tried to hold him over the toilet but it was too awkward without the insert and he wouldn't go. I packed him up and brought him home. When we arrived, I put him straight on the toilet and he took a big poop right away. He has been waiting to get home and go on the potty! Yesterday, Oma was watching him for me for a few hours and he pooped in his diaper while he was there, so it's not as if he'll hold it to the point where he won't go in a diaper if he really has to, but he apparently prefers not to go in it. I am upset that Oma won't change him when he's in her care. She leaves the same diaper on him for 4 hours, doesn't even change it when it's full of poop but just waits for me to do it when I get there. Poor little guy! I know he's hard to chage because he squirms so much, but I really don't think that's acceptable to let him sit in his waste for hours just because it's hard to deal with changing him.

Other than that, Oma loves him a lot and is great with him and he has lots of fun and learns a lot of new things every time he goes to visit her. My parents adore Gunner so much now, it's hard to believe how negative they were about me having a baby when they first found out.

The Weather- AARGH

We're having an awfully cold, long winter. I can't stand it anymore. It started snowing in November and it's still snowing today, one day before my 37th birthday. I can't wait for it to warm up!!!

EC UPdate

This is going great. Gunner takes his poop on the potty every morning. As it was last time I wrtoe about this, I don't even have to wait anymore till I see he is starting to go; I just pop him on the potty around 8 am and he goes right away. He looks at books while he's on there. It's so cute.

I still haven't bought new clothes other than a couple of tops and I'm having wardrobe crises on a near-daily basis. I've lost 20 lbs so far but I still look pretty chunky an dit makes it hard to find jeans.

Gunner learned to clap hands this week. He is startoing to imitate our sounds and gestures more and more and I think he's probably start saying his first real word pretty soon if he keeps it up.

He still only does the sign for 'more' when he wants to eat, wants milk, water, or more food. I wish he'd pick up a few more signs already! I'm trying to be patient. Supposedly all babies pick up on it sooner or later.

Joel wasn't coming around for about a month. At first, I missed him a lot and did everything to try to reach him and get him to visit. Then, he showed up again and came by a few times. He said his disappearance had nothing to do with his feelings towards me or the baby: he was just in a funk and wasn't getting out much, probably because of the weather. He came out of his protracted mood swing and started calling me again but by that time I had gotten used to him not being around. These days, I forget to call him. I manage fine without him and don't miss having him around all that much anymore. I think of him now and then but haven't been pursuing him about coming over. He pushed me away a bit when he was down and apparently it worked because I don't care anymore if he doesn't come over. Anyway, when the weather improves he will probably start coming to see us more often again. He always has these ups and downs and he invariably comes back to me after a while.

For Better or for Worse

I have been meaning to write another entry for some time but my days are a blur of cleaning up, doing dishes, preparing our food, preparing the baby's food, running after him and picking up everything he pulls out. No glamour here, folks. He got four new teeth all at the same time, so he was very needy and was waking up several times at night and I was just totally drained, ready to collapse into bed with him by 9:00, though I'd have to stay up doing the above listed chores for another couple hours. Thankfully, he's been sleeping through the night again for the past couple days.

He's still crawling around like a little salamander and pulling up on everything and that's fine with he, I'm in no rush to see him walking just yet. I've seen him stand on his own a few times, though it's not something he does regularly yet. He seems to make great developmental strides every time he stays with my mother for a few hours. One day when I went to pick him up she declared that he was now putting the rings back on the rod of the stacking toy. I couldn't believe that. In my mind, he understood nothing of what to do with the stacking toy other than knock it over and put the rings in his mouth, but to my great astonishment there he was stacking the rings.

Another time, she reported that he obeys her when she tells him No. She said when he went to touch something he shouldn't or pick up something small and put it in his mouth, she raised her finger and sternly said 'Nein!', in German, and he put it down  or turned away from it. For some reason, though, when point my finger at him and say NO in English, he thinks it's hilarious and giggles as much as if I were tickling him. It's cute, but it's not the effect I was hoping to have no him. Maybe he's German. Or maybe, like his Daddy, he doesn't take me seriously when I'm trying to be stern.

Kallina came over with her 19-month-old son Philip yesterday and if I was at all entertaining the notion of having a second child, this cured me of it completely. The kid is huge, weighs 40 lbs and is the size of a large 3-year-old, which is no surprise since both his parents are over 6' tall. He went through the house like a tornado, systematically rooting through and pulling down every single thing within his reach- or at least trying to. Nothing was spared: the phone, the books, the watering can, even my precious blooming orchids were fair game. I don't know if this is to be expected of all toddlers, but I can't imagine dealing with that and a new baby at the same time. Kalina is about 3 months pregnant and I don't know how she is going to cope without putting Philip in daycare, but she is a committed stay-at-home mom of soon 4 who has never had any of her kids in daycare to date. Mazel Tov, girl.

We're still doing a bit if signing with him. He still just signs 'more' for when he wants to eat, wants more food, or wants water, but I have read that this is not uncommon. He seems to understand some other signs and their corresponding words, though. In the morning, when Arron rattles his keys as he comes in, I say It's Daddy and sign 'Daddy' and Gunner looks at the door and heads over to it. Now, even when Arron is not at the door, Gunner heads for it if I say 'where's Daddy?' He clearly knows who Daddy is and where he makes his appearance. When Arron is late, Gunner goes to the door and waits for him and says 'Da'. The other day, he squarely looked at Arron and said 'Daddy'. Even more amazingly, he is starting to imitate the sounds we make and last week when I said 'It's Daddy', he said it right back to me. Now, that was surely a fluke, but it's definitely going in the right direction. We both heard him say it and were just astounded. I won't be surprised if he soon starts saying "Daddy' to Arron on a regular basis.

As I crawled into bed last night to snuggle next to my angel, I kissed his chubby arms and hands and deeply breathed in his baby smell of fresh apples and spring flowers and everything new. I curled my fingers around the deep folds at his wrists that look like elastic bands tying off biscuit dough and rubbed my upper lip on his fuzzy blond head, and I realized what it is to have a child. It is finding your true love, for better or for worse, till death do us part. The real thing.

EC Update

While he was teething, Gunner had a 'potty pause' where he didn't want to use the toilet. We just went along with it. Now that the teeth have come in, he is willing to do his business in it again. He pees in it after naps and when I take him to public washrooms after he's been in the stroller for a while, especially if he had a bottle and a nap in it. The most amazing thing is that he takes his dump in it just about every morning now. I don't even have to wait until I see he is starting to go. If I just put him on the toilet right around 8:00 am, he starts to strain to poop as soon as he is on it. He clearly seems to understand what he is there for. Sometimes it takes him a  while to finish, and I sit with him and play with him, making sounds and faces and showing him books. He especially likes the board book that includes textured patches and sound buttons corresponding to each of the 4 animals within.

Mom's Little Personal Trainer

I am constantly running after the baby. It's amazing how much enegry he has. I myself am near exhausted most of the time, mainly because I don't sleep soundly at night. I still keep Gunner in bed with me, can't bear leaving him in the crib. I enjoy snuggling with him so much, but I wake up every time he stirs. I even wake whenever he is not in a good position, having shifted to the head or edge of the bed, or lying with his face in the mattress or burrowed too snug against me.

On the bright side, the baby weight is just falling right off me with little conscious effort on my part. I went from 152 lbs to 147 last summer and stayed ther until near Christmas. When I got weighed by my doctor in February, I had lost another 7 lbs, much to my pleasant surprise, and have lost another 5 since then. Another 10 lbs and I will be just a little over my pre-baby weight, which is fine because I was a bit skinny before anyway.

I realized lately that the stiffness and soreness in my legs, hips and feet that was so bad after I had the baby is now virtually gone. It used to hurt so much anytime I stood up or got out of bed, that I'd be limping for several minutes, but now I don't even notice that pain anymoer. I think it's possible that it had something to do with all the extra weight putting a strain on my joints, because it seems like the more weight I lose, the better it gets. It could be something else, but it sure seems like it's related to that.

I'm still breastfeeding and still giving him just the same three 4oz bottles that he's been getting each day for the past few months. It's going well now, doesn't hurt anymore, and there is plenty of milk. Amazingly, my boobs have abuilt-in radar, t seems. Yesterday, I left Gunner with my parents while I went to the hospital with Arron. Just as we were getting ready to leav, my milk suddenly let down. When I called my Mom a few minutes later I found out that that had happened exactly when Gunner woke up from his nap crying inconsolably, probably because he wanted the one thing only Mummy could give him- her milk. I got to their place a few minutes later and nursed him and it was just what he wanted. I was just astonished that we are so in sync with each other that my milk lets down when he needs a feed even when we are apart.

The EC is not going so well now. Apparently, it's not uncommon for babies to have 'potty pauses' when they are teething or going through some other stress and i guess that is what's happening because he doesn't want to stay in positon long enough to go. That's ok, I am still doing EC even though we are having a lot o f 'misses'. I am keeping him in cloth diapers for part of the day, pottying him just after naps, and talking to him about what is going on when he goes to the bathroom- i.e. 'you're peeing!' I bought a toilet seat reducer today and am hoping that will make some of it easier. At least he will be able to sit on it without me having to hold him with both hands and that way I can try to keep him entertaied with toys and things.

Joel has completely fucked-off as far as i can tell. I was hoping he'd start coming around again so I could get him to watch Gunner sometimes, but he seems to be holed-up in his smoke-filled nest, probably glued to the TV with his eyes bulging and his teeth falling out like mossy pegs. I give up. He's unreliable at best and a loser besides and I should probably find a decent daycare anyway instead of expecting anything out of him. In typical burnout fashion, he threw himself into his relationship with the baby with great enthusiasm until the novelty wore off and now he can't be bothered to even come by or call to see how he's doing. Typical selfishness. I'm not surprised; he's always been that way. Things are looking dreary for him: I was probably his last and only friend and the baby was the only meaningful thing in his life, so it figures he would throw us away like he does with anything worthwhile. Oh well, it's not my problem. I don't really need his help. Let him rot his days away in front of that idiot box for all I care.