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What I least expected with this pregnancy was:
I don't think I realized that I would really feel so crappy and out of energy. And I didn't realize that there would be such a big difference between knowing what symptoms to expect and then feeling them myself. It's kind of like the difference between reading about Africa and going to Africa. Even knowing ahead of time what was coming, I have still found a few things shocking when they have actually happened to me.
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The best bit of advice I've received is:
Trust my instincts. It's okay to be extra cautious, and it's okay if other people think I'm weird. It's up to me to take care of this baby, not them. (Thanks, Kit!)
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What has changed the most in my life with this pregnancy is:
Eating meat and dairy again, and not being able to think very clearly. And there is a huge chunk of worry gone... I was stressed about trying to figure out what else we should possibly try to get done before having kids (traveling? grad school? financial independence?), when really all I wanted was to just have a baby already. It is nice to be locked into it now and actually have some direction for our path. That probably sounds weird but it really took a lot of pressure off of me.
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What made me realize that I was really pregnant was:
Um... maybe being able to feel the uterus now? Puking and all those other first trimester things had me pretty convinced, though.
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This month's ultrasound was:
If you count dopplers as being ultrasounds, then it was funny. They put the goo on my belly and then we stopped and had a discussion about their perspectives on ultrasounds... and then I decided that I wanted to hear the baby's heartbeat again anyway, so we just went for it.
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At my prenatal visit this month I discovered that:
I am really excited about having a good doula, and I'm doing fine on food intake and types of food even though I was feeling rather nervous about that. Also, having a full bladder is what makes the baby migrate so high on my abdomen.
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My hopes:
I hope my labor is relaxed, free of medical intervention, and relatively easy. I hope that I heal quickly. I hope our baby is incredibly healthy, easy to take care of, nurses without a problem, and sleeps so much that I get plenty of sleep, too. I hope he or she is cute and smiles at me a lot. I hope our child loves Jesus more than I do and never has back problems. I hope that the trials he or she undergoes in his or her life will strengthen his or her faith but not be so damaging as some of mine have been.
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My fears:
I know my risk for miscarriage with this pregnancy has mostly passed. I believe that the Lord gave us a special picture of hope with this baby, and as a comfort to us after our loss. But I am gradually realizing that I am still afraid of losing this child. I think it has been harder for me to be excited about and pour love into this little one than it was with our first. I don't know if I will really feel like the danger is past until he or she is safely out of the womb and in my arms.
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