Yesterday I went for another ultrasound to check up on the twins' growth.  I was given yet another due date. So now I'm really confused.  I'm now back at the beginning of April (2/4) which makes me almost a week further along than I was yesterday! It is so confusing. I'd really like someone to just tell me when it is going to happen.

 Lots of kicking and moving around. Particularly in the afternoon. They seem to have a sleep / wake pattern worked out for the time being.

My toes are all fat and so are my ankles.  Its so weird.  I have 6 weeks to go to enter the safe birth zone.  I'm pretty sure I can make it - even if I do go insane. I cant stop myself crying all the time. For no major reason. But mostly when I think about or talk to someone in my family.

A few weeks ago I was fascinated by birth and watched all these birth shows and stuff on discovery channel.  Now I feel like I can't watch because I'm starting to get a bit (a lot) worried about the actual birth.  I met another woman at the midwives clinic yesterday. She was huge. I said "please tell me you're really close". She said "there's two in here". I said "I have two in here as well but mine is heaps smaller." It really freaked me out because she was totally huge - like 6 basketballs! She was at 38 weeks.

I'm trying to clear things out.  I'm not sure why I'm such a bowerbird but I have so much stuff in here from ages ago that I will probably never use.  I think it comes from my nana and mum.  I look at everything and think - I could use that again, or someone gave me that, or that would be good for school.  So I keep it! So much junk. I have a million soap and shampoo samples from hotels that are cluttering up the cupboard but I'm sure I'll never use, but still I cant throw out something potentially useful.  I have the scraps from my carpet still on my floor because "I'm going to do something with that!" sigh.  I feel bad getting rid of things people gave me because I think what if they come over and ask where it is, or see it at the op shop or something.  Yesterday I took 2 garbags of stuff to put in the St Vinnies bins. I felt  really scummy putting it in because some of it was baby things I've been given but don't really want. I hope they don't go in there and see that I got rid of it.  But I really don't want other people's cast offs for things I can buy new for like $3!  Plus I have so much clothes and stuff that even if I put the babies in 10 outfits a day they will still not wear it all! 

I am listing some teacher books on ebay today.  The others I don't want can go to school for someone else to use.  I am not going to store other people's junk as well as my own (these books were given to me by another teacher when she left town).  I feel like I have had a huge change inside myself.  At the beginning of the pregnancy I was worried about what my class would be like when I got back to it. Now I really don't care and am wondering how to maybe extend my maternity leave.  I have been wondering about going back part time until the end of the year. It's something to think about. 

I love feeling the babies kick and move and I feel like I know them now. I call them by their names and have to be careful what I say to other people incase I let on.  To me they are already little people who I can talk to and feel. Now I have that connection, other things in my life seem so unimportant and things I was worried about losing before, I don't care about anymore.  I think maybe I'm close to being ready. Even though the logistics of two babies is still very frightening.

Honestly this has been the most traumatic and worrying 28 weeks of my life. Last week the babies were kicking me quite strongly. But the last few days I have felt hardly any movement. I am worried. My friend said things change daily, even weekly. I am just worried.  I cant believe I have another 12 weeks to go.  I think I'll go insane!

I go home next week. I have bought just about everything I wanted to get here and can get everything else at home or on ebay. So I'm pretty well set. I guess I'm ready. I'm just worried all the time.  I really want the pregnancy to be over so I can hold them. But then the worry really starts. I may never sleep again.

On Thursday I had another ultrasound. Since I am in Adelaide I did not know much about the place I was going to.  There was no screen for me to watch it on, and i couldn't see the screen she was using because she had me turned away from it for most of the time.  She couldn't give me any photos either because they dont do that. I was fairly disappointed.  I hope that was not my last ultrasound.

They said the babies are growing well.  One is 9oz heavier than the other. The lower one is getting squashed a bit I think because it was bigger than the other one last time.  She didn't change my date again so I am assuming we are going with the 7th of April.

I'm still feeling quite lousy.  My legs are cramping up easily. All I have to do is put them in the wrong position briefly and PAIN!!!! Sometimes when I stand up, I feel so heavy and it feels like my stomach and babies are going to fall out the bottom.  I'm trying not to waddle but it is hard.  At most I have 13 weeks to go but I really am hoping it will be earlier than that. My mum is coming up in the second week of March so hopefully VERY soon after that.

I have one more week in Adelaide, then 2 weeks at home before work starts again. Then I have 3 weeks before I start my leave. Luckily they have made my position superfluous so I can sit in the front office and answer the phones and scan library books and stuff like that.  I also have to help set up the transition program with the teacher who is taking over for me while I'm on leave.

So now I'm going to go lie on the couch and watch tv and maybe have lunch shortly.  I love being on holiday!!!