I'm so sick  of people telling me they know how I feel. Unless they've had 2 babies inside them they can't possibly. I know I'm not the first person to have a baby (as has been pointed out to me many times) but I am me and my pain and suffering is real and I want it acknowledged without judgement!

I feel sick. I feel pain. I am sick of this. I want to feel semi-normal again.  I want to be me again. I dont like being this slow, grumpy, snappy person. I want to get on with my life.  I know being inside, each day is important. But I really cant do this for another 3 weeks. 

I called up on Monday morning as I was having lots of pain.  They told me to come in and put me on the CTG machine.  It took nearly 2 hours to get a decent amount of trace - because the twins kept moving.  Also every contraction moved them to a different position.  Apparently though these contractions that I'm having - these extremely painful, make you want to vomit contractions, are only Braxton Hicks practice contractions.  They watched me for overnight then sent me home yesterday. Still in pain. Still having contractions. And bleeding a bit. 

Saw my OB doctor today who has booked me in for a Caesarean for 26th March. That's 3 weeks away. I could cry.  He said not to worry about the pain or the bleeding. Only a man could say that surely.  The pain is ongoing and nothing helps it much.  He thinks it is just a normal part of the twin thing and its nothing to worry about.  He did say taking too much pain medication would probably give me constipation but I doubt that as I can barely eat anything so there is nothing to get stopped up with! 

I dont like doctors anymore. One doctor I saw at the hospital said they would probably do it at 37 weeks but my doctor has decided to go for 39.  I had an ultrasound yesterday too.  The top baby is currently 6lb7oz. The bottom one is 5lb10oz. Not bad sizes. Explains why it is so heavy!

So I have to sit here in agony and wait.   I'm not happy.

I have reached my point of total exhaustion.  I can barely move. Standing is hard work and it feels so heavy and painful.  Sitting for a while is OK but then it starts to hurt. Lying is better but  uncomfortable.  So unless I learn to stand on my head, I think I will have no more sleep or rest until these babies decide to grace us with their presence.  Deep sigh.

Mum arrives tomorrow. House has been cleaned. Shed is tidied and organised.  Back yard is looking quite good.  Still waiting on the grass but the rest is good. I'm really hoping Shannon will come round this arvo to put the swing together and take away my rubbish.  I love the movement of the swing so I really want to be able to sit on it. He's been going to do it for 2 weeks so hopefully it will happen today.

Yesterday i went in to work to do a few things and got accosted by someone who said she'd been waiting 4 weeks for me to fix her computer. I asked her if everything was plugged in. She said yes.  I finally went in to fix it.  It involved me PLUGGING IN THE ETHERNET CORD! How are they going to survive without me there to do these things for them? Stupid.

So tired. Not hungry. I kind of want some chips right now so I'm going to go get some. Sitting here is getting exhausting.

I just wrote a long entry and somehow it got lost.  sigh. So here goes again.

It's getting closer now and heaps scarier.  I spent the first 20 weeks looking for any sign that this one would fail too and now I'm nearly a mummy and I'm very scared but still kind of in denial.

My Mum arrives on Saturday so i really hope I can hold out till then.  Hopefully the court case will be finished on Friday. If it carries on longer she will have to go back down for it.  Heather has said she will come in with me if I go into labour before Saturday, which is nice, but I really want Mum to be there.  So I am trying to rest heaps with my feet up so hopefully nothing will happen before then.  I have this weird feeling that it is going to happen really soon.  Baby A is still footling breech so I am definitely going to have a caeserean.  I watched one on TV and think I'm kind of ready for it.  If I go into labour suddenly and strongly I will have to have a general anaesthetic but hopefully a spinal block will be ok.

I am still feeling sick and taking Ranitidine every 12 hours to keep the acid down as much as possible.  I have taken quite a bit of Panadol and some Codeine they gave me in the hospital.  Lots of pain at the base of my uterus. Very heavy there too.  They feel like they've shifted down and are now hanging out over the bone.  It is very uncomfortable.  What else.... fat feet, elephant ankles, sore hands, bleeding gums, oh yeah and a very fun haemorrhoid!!

Gee being pregnant is fun!!