Ugh.  This is what I have not missed about being pregnant = puking!!!!!!  Uggghh....granted, I really shouldn't complain.  I've been barfing about 3-5 times per week instead of daily as I did with my son.  Regardless, it still sucks.  I feel crappy almost 24/7.  And I'm SO TIRED!  I don't remember feeling this way before....but then again I wasn't chasing a baby around all day!  (and it must be part of that pregnancy that your brain blocks out after the baby is born and everything is awesome!)

Keeping this secret is also tough, despite how much I've enjoyed it.  I long to complain to someone other than my husband (I'm sure he can't wait to share that burden either!); I am really looking forward to getting some support & encouragement for raising 2 kids so close toghether (okay, I'm optimistic I will get that advice from someone, please!!)

I ordered my son a shirt today that says "I'm going to be a Big Brother!".  I will have him wear it underneath another shirt for his 1st birthday party (in a week and a half), and have one of my family members undress him when it's time for his cake.  I'm hoping someone will notice & that will start the "ripple effect".  I can't wait to see my SILs reactions!  LOL.  It will be great fun!!!  I'm also hoping to catch it on video tape, and send a copy out to the family that is out of town.  Wish they could be here too!! 

Yesterday was my first Mother's Day.  It was fantastic!!  I felt so special all day long, starting with a nice breakffast (compliments of hubby), church, and time spent with family.  I am now reading the book "Chicken Soup for the New Mother's Soul".  It's fabulous and a real tear-jerker!!  But let's be honest...what seriously isn't a tear jerker these days?!  I CRY AT EVERYTHING!  Ha, ha.

Okay, time to go read and rest.  I am thoroughly enjoying getting 9 + hours of sleep every night.  YEAH!

Me

I went to the OB's office yesterday for my first appointment.  I met with a midwife named Jessica, and all went well.  One of the doc's did an ultrasound, as I am unsure of my due date because of breastfeeding.  The u/s measurements read 6 weeks, 3 days +/- 5 days.  So that means anywhere between 5-7 weeks along.  The baby was very small, and you could barely see the heart beating b/c of the size.  So I'm going to go with around 6 weeks, making my EDD 12/10/07.

Wow.

I will also follow up with my regular OB in 2 weeks for another quick u/s, just to check on the growth and to get a better idea of a possible due date.  Next appointment 5/17. 

The MW asked if I knew if I wanted to deliver via VBAC or repeat C/S.  I told her I had no idea.  My thoughts on this are jumbled.  My son's delivery was an emergency, and I do NOT want to do that again.  My ultimate fear is trying a VBAC with the same result.  Not a settling thought.  Regardless, she gave me a great website to check out,

www.childbirthconnection.org

So far, the information is helpful & interesting...but it hasn't yet helped me make a decision.  I'd like to hear what my primary OB has to say.  And really, I have quite a long time to decided.

I'm feeling okay thus far.  Lots of nausea, thrown up once.  That's why I think I'm 6 weeks -- I started vomiting daily with my son @ 7 weeks.  But they say....every pregnancy is different.  I have to eat about every 2 hours, and my food selection has been limited.  I currently like baked potatoes, milkshakes, pasta, toast, and ice water with lemon.  Easy-to-digest stuff. 

My goal is to gain the "normal" recommended weight (25-35 lbs) vs. the 60 + I gained with my son.  Well, here's to hopin', anyway.

So far, we've been able to keep our "secret", though I had a dream last night that I told my MIL and a coworker, w/o discussing it with my husband first.  I've liked having this secret.  It won't be long until we start sharing, and then there's no getting it back! 

 The weekend away for work went well, though I think my friends *might* be on to me, as I had no drinks.  Oh well. 

Okay, gotta go help a sleepy one stop fighting his nap.....hopefully his mama can take one too! 

So this weekend should be interesting to say the very least!

Tonight we will go to my parents house and stay the night, as my brother and his family are in town.  Then we fly out to Chicago for the next 5 days for a conference for work.  My co-worker and his wife are our best friends.  To tell or not to tell....that is the question.  I'd rather not tell at this point, just until we have our 1st appointment and have some more "finalized" details to hand off too (how far along I am, my due date, possible u/s??). 

But I'm feeling crummy -- I have NOT missed the feeling of permanent "carsickness" and "I-have-to-eat-now-or-I'm-going-to-die-but-nothing-sounds-good" feeling -- and I know that drinks will be involved with the whole weekend.  It won't be too obvious with my family that I pass up a glass of wine or a beer, but my co-workers/friends are another story....

Arrrggghh....

I have started to wean my son from breastfeeding (per my OB's recommendation).  I'm a bit torn about it - but ultimately I think it's for the best, because that is an awful lot for one body to take!   Besides, he'll be 1 in a few short weeks, and I was going to try to start weaning him then anyway.  I have very much enjoyed BF.  It's been a LOT of work, but well worth the effort.  I am looking forward to sharing this experience with Baby #2, in the not too distant future. 

Mother of 2.........ME!  WOW!! 

I'm pregnant. 

Holy crap. 

I'm PREGNANT!! 

Not that this is a new, or novel ideal created just by me. 

I was pregnant at this time last year.  Starting to get the drift?  I'm pregnant AGAIN and my kids are going to be roughly 18 months apart!  HOLY CRAP!!!! 

Again, I know lots of people who have kids that are 18 months apart or less (my brother and I are 19 months apart), and this is nothing new.  But it's sure new to me.  I never thought my kids would be this close in age.

I took a HPT test yesterday from the dollar store, to simply rule out the idea of pregnancy.  After all, we weren't trying (but we weren't exactly preventing...duhh!) but I haven't had a period since late February.  Again, no big deal, I'm still breastfeeding my 11 month old son.  Periods are hit 'n miss with BF.  More on the miss side this time, I'd say.

Within seconds, the HPT came up positive.  My exact thoughts: "A false positive...what a freakin' cheapo test!".  Test #2 = positive.  Okay, so it's the same cheapo brand from the same cheapo store.  Test #3 = positive.  Okay..this is crazy!!!

I loaded my son into the car, drove to the store and bought 3 more tests - 2 regular and 1 digital.  I tried to pee in a cup again, to no avail.  The cup had holes in it!  I couldn't pee anymore,  and I had to leave to drop my son off at daycare so I could get to work. 

The whole day went by, my thoughts consumed with the idea of having 2 babies under 2.  Would I be a good enough mother to both?  Would it be really hard to have them so close in age?  Can we afford this?  Am I gonna return to work?  When am I due?  How did this happen?  Oh my gosh!!!  On and on and on.  Sometimes it's scary to live inside my head.

So I got home, tested again, with a different brand.  Same results = positive.  Oh. my. gosh.  I'm PREGNANT! 

I nervously waited for my husband to come home from work.  I wrote him a card (see this month's reflections, month 1 for details), I paced, I moved around.  He got home, started to open the card & got distracted by something.  I wanted to scream!  He continued to open the card, and read it and re-read it a number of times.  Then he said, "Are you serious?".  Smiled, gave me a hug.  Yes.  2 kids under 2!!!

I took yet another test when he was home (5 total) just to prove it again, to myself.  POSITIVE.  WE'RE PREGNANT, AGAIN!  No need to take the digital test.  I think I'll return it and save $15. 

I called my OB's office this morning, to schedule my 1st appt.  The receptionist said, "didn't you just have a baby?" .  Yes, I tell her.  I know they're going to be close in age.  (I have a feeling this is going to be my mantra for many, many YEARS to come!),  she then proceeded to congratulate me & tell me she wished she'd done the same with her kids.  I couldn't get an appt with my OB, b/c she's so busy, so I'll see a midwife, May 3rd.  I'm kind of relieved.  My OB just got finished encouraging me (at my annual exam last week on April 16th) to "wait until the baby was at least a year" to get pregnant again, because of my c-section delivery.  I don't need a lecture from her too.

My SIL was telling me today how she and my other SIL were doing our "family planning"  for us - they both think we'll be pregnant again by the end of this year.  Little do they all know how right they are...

Overall, I'm excited & full of joy.  Secretly, I've missed being pregnant and am glad to be back.  Yes, I'm really scared, nervous and unsure of LOTS of things, but I already am in love with this 2nd baby.  My heart continues to grow, and I'm so grateful for that.