Hoping this Sprout will Stick I'm back again, sooner than expected. That always seems to be the case! After losing our little Sprout back in July we gave things a rest for a month to let my cycle get back to normal. Then we decided to try again this month. And sure enough, I'm pregnant again. I just got a positive on the digital test today.
Even though we were trying I'm still in shock. And just trying to keep positive thoughts that this new Sprout will stick and we won't end up with another chemical pregnancy or miscarriage.
John and I have decided not to tell anyone about this for a little while. In fact, I'm not even telling my rheumatologist yet, based on what happened during my visit with him a couple of weeks ago. I had told him about the chemical pregnancy and he freaked out that I hadn't told him I was pregnant (even though I only made it to about 5 weeks). I have APL Syndrome and that makes me more vulnerable to miscarriages and pregnancy complications, although those usually come in later in the pregnancy. He's blaming the APL Syndrome for the chemical pregnancy and putting a lot of his own emotions into it (his daughter has the syndrome and has had lots of trouble both getting pregnant and staying pregnant). He told me the next time I get pregnant he wants to put me on heparin shots right away. He also told me I wouldn't get pregnant again right away because I'm still breastfeeding my son Jake. HA!
I've done tons of research on my syndrome, both before my first pregnancy and since. My pregnancy with Jake was essentially perfect and without complications and I was only on baby aspirin. I truly believe my last chemical pregnancy just wasn't meant to happen, there was something chromosomally wrong and that's why it ended so soon. It was my first ovulation cycle after giving birth and I hadn't even had a period yet. I just knew I was pregnant somehow.
Anyway, after a lot of agonizing discussion, we have decided I'm going to continue with this pregnancy without the heparin. Going on it would mean injecting myself 2 or more times a day (I've never injected myself with a needle, although I'm sure I could do it if I HAD to) - throughout the entire pregnancy and probably for a few months afterwards. That's huge to me and I just don't feel like one chemical pregnancy justifies that kind of treatment, when it's such a common occurrence in women and not directly tied to my APL Syndrome.
Of course if something happens with this pregnancy I will re-evaluate this decision, but as of now I feel like this is the right course of action. So we're going to give the pregnancy a couple of weeks and then get the doctors involved when I'm around 6 weeks. At that point they will order a dizzying amount of bloodwork and the ultrasounds and other tests will begin. Which is fine - I've been through all that before and I know what to expect. But in these crucial first few weeks I just want to try to keep my life as low stress and optimistic as I can. I hope I'm making the right decision.
2007-07-27 (0 weeks)
Sad News The doctor believes I had a chemical pregnancy. My HCG levels from Tuesday and yesterday were both -5, so I am no longer pregnant. I'm still in a state of shock and upset and disappointed. I know that the pregnancy just wasn't meant to be, for whatever reason, but it doesn't make things any easier.
We are going to take a few months to rest and heal before thinking about trying for another baby. Maybe Jake will be walking and talking by the time I get pregnant again - that would definitely make things easier for me!
2007-07-26 (0 weeks)
Anxiously Waiting for the Doctor's Call The last few days have been extremely difficult. I woke up Monday morning to some light spotting. I was a little concerned as I hadn't really had that issue with my first pregnancy. But I know it is common and I figured I wouldn't worry about it. The spotting continued throughout the day and had progressed to menstrual-like bleeding by evening, accompanied by cramps. That continued overnight so I called the doctor first thing Tuesday morning and he told me to come right in.
The doctor was pretty discouraging. He didn't do an ultrasound because all the transvaginal ones were dirty (ew), but said that wouldn't be able to show him much at this point since I'm so early in the pregnancy. He did an internal exam and said based on the amount of blood he was seeing it looked like I would probably miscarry. I was devastated. He did say my uterus felt large, but that could be due to the fibroid I have. He also noted my cervix was closed and hard, which means I don't have an infection at least. He sent me off to have my HCG levels tested, with instructions to return on Thursday to have another test. He seemed fairly sure I would lose the baby before then though.
My mother-in-law was babysitting Jake that day anyway, and John took off work and we went and got some food. We were both in a state of shock and basically trying to accept that the pregnancy was over. My mother-in-law picked up on how upset we were, but thankfully didn't ask why. I went to bed depressed and miserable that night.
I woke up Wednesday morning feeling better. Actually, I was feeling all my usual pregnancy symptoms - nausea, slight headache, achy breasts. Those symptoms hadn't gone away through all of this. But the bleeding had trickled off to spotting and the cramps had gone from heavy to mild. The spotting stopped altogether by afternoon, and I've been spotting on and off since then.
All of yesterday and today I haven't known what to think. My emotions have been a complete mess. Do I hold out hope that the pregnancy will progress normally? Or will that optimism only lead to false hope if something happens and I lose the baby? I've been trying to think positively, but it's not easy. I never had any scares like this (at least early on) in my pregnancy with Jake, so it's tough. My blood factor predisposes me to miscarriage, but complications from that usually enter in later in the pregnancy. I know it's extremely common to miscarry this early in the pregnancy, but that knowledge doesn't make any of this easier.
I went and got my blood taken again this morning, and am waiting for the doctor to call with the results. That call could come any minute. We'll see if my levels are going up, staying the same, or going down. These results may not tell us anything about which direction this pregnancy is headed, but I'm hoping they'll offer a clue. In the meantime, I'm being hopeful despite the odds.
2007-07-19 (0 weeks)
I'm Back for Round 2! I did not expect to be creating a new journal on this site so soon. Yet here I am, unexpectedly pregnant again only 7 months after my son Jacob (affectionately referred to as Bean in my other journal) was born.
OK, it wasn't a complete surprise. We wanted to have 2 children close together in age, and I also wanted to get the whole pregnancy and infant child rearing stuff out of the way relatively soon since I'm 35 now. So I went off the pill a couple of months ago and we decided to let fate run its course. I hadn't gotten a period since before Jake was born and I'm still breastfeeding him, so I thought my chances of getting pregnant at this point were pretty slim. We had decided to re-evaluate our situation once he was a year old and take things from there.
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I just got a "feeling" that I was pregnant, and I was pretty sure I had conceived 2 days previously. The feeling stuck with me and I took a test a week from the day I thought I had conceived, which came back negative. I decided not to worry about it, but the feeling was still with me this week and I tested on Tuesday (almost 2 full weeks from the possible conception date) and I got a positive! Wow. Apparently we conceived on my first post-partum ovulation. What are the chances?
I just got confirmation from my OB's office today, and my first prenatal appointment is scheduled for August 10, when I'll be just over 7 weeks if my calculations are correct. I'm hoping we can get a good look at our little "Sprout" at that point, since Jake's first ultrasound was at 9 weeks and we got a nice view and saw his heartbeat at that point.
I'm still in a bit of shock, but very excited that our second child is on the way! We're going to wait a few weeks to tell our family and friends, and I'll probably surprise my parents with the news by emailing them a picture of the ultrasound photo (they live 3,000 miles away, on the other side of the country). Luckily they're planning to move back here which is good, because we're going to need help with 2 babies so close in age. 15 months apart - AAGH! Our little Bean is going to be a big brother!
