this "week" thing is so confusing to me. some web sites seem to count the 0 week and some don't. this morning, i was wondering if i'm in my 4th week or 5th. i guess i'm 4 weeks pregnant and going into week 5 of my pregnancy. :) i wanted to know what week i'm in so then i know how my baby is growing! :) according to babycenter.com, my baby is at the beginning of his/her embryonic period. the baby's organs will being to develop and some begin to function from now til 10 weeks! :) so exciting!

it's funny that most website i read today tells me that now is a good time to take a home pregnancy test since the hCG should be detectable now!  some even said that it's best to wait about a week after you miss your period since most HPT claim to be 99% to be accurate as early as the day you miss your period but as researchers found, only 1 out of 18 tests evaulated gives consistent result and the rest, they can only pick up about 16% of positive results. actually today should be the day i get my period. so i guess i'm ahead of others. sometimes i wonder how did i have enough hCG in me in my 4th week even before i miss my period. i wonder... could there be more than one baby in there? :)

i guess i'm happy that i found out early since i'm the worry type. when i found out that i'm pregnant, the first thing that went through my mind was "what did i eat for the past week that are harmful to the baby?" then i remembered the sip of dessert wine i had the weekend before... my daily cup of java and sweets... raw eggs... spicy food...i was starting to get paranoid and my hubby said it's ok, don't think about it now, what's done is done, just don't eat those things from now on.

i agree and from that day on i just went cold turkey on my favorite morning latte, brownie bite, double chocolate chocolate chips cookies, sashimi, lamb, spicy food, and almost all junk food. my hubby thanked me last night for eating healthy for the baby. when seeing other pregnant women not eating healthy food but going off-limits, my hubby just appreciated me more. :) i guess it's not too hard to eat healthy and cut those things from my diet when i think about my baby's health. it's funny how i've tried so hard to quit coffee and chocolate for the longest time, but couldn't. then i told my hubby that as soon as i know i'm pregnant, i know i can quit. and i was right. actually , i started drinking decaf 2 days before i found out that i was pregnant! :) i guess i should thank my baby for giving me the incentive to eat healthy. :)

read my favorite Psalm 139 tonight for devotion and it touched me very much esp v.13-16:

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

being pregnant just makes me look at this Psalm in a whole different way. i used to just read this as an affirmation of God's love for me and how precious i am to Him. this time, it's for my baby.  i just shared with my hubby that i don't want to get overly excited about my pregnancy lest something wrong will happen. this fear of losing the baby seems to be in every pregnant woman as i see from the journals i read here.  i'm not stressing about this but i just think that if i'm not crazily excited, my disappointment and pain will be less if the worst was to happen. he said he understands and that he has his worries too. we agree that we just gotta have faith in God. yes, there's just so much we can do. even though it's very much out of our control in terms of how my pregnancy will turn out, we just have to believe that everything is under God's control. i guess this fear i have is what keeps me humble and makes me realize how powerless i am and how powerful He is. as my hubby wrote earlier, we have been reading up on how the baby grows from a fertilized egg to an embryo, then begins to form different organs. it just puts me in awe to know all these intricate and yet systematic development and growth of a baby. moreover, it's all happening in me! i'd never imagined myself being a pregnant woman. this is all so new yet so wonderful to experience God's work in me.

after reading that Psalm, i read the copy of the Father's Love Letter which i posted up on my wall right by my desk. http://fathersloveletter.com/flltextenglish.html

i usually read this when i'm not at my best (lonely, depressed or just drained) and needed some reassurance from my Heavenly Father. when i read it this time, a few verses stood out, once again for my baby:

I knew you even before you were conceived (Jeremiah 1:4-5)... I chose you when I planned creation (Ephesians 1:11-12)... You were not a mistake (Psalm 139:15-16)...I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live (Acts 17:26)... And brought you forth on the day you were born (Psalm 71:6)

these verses are very reassuring to me. and it makes me see that God has His planning and His timing. me and my hubby talks about famiy planning on and off for the past 6.5 yrs of our marriage. for some reason, things just kept pushing our plan back year after year. then up until this year, we both went through seasons when we wondered if we want to have kids at all. but since my body clock is ticking away, i thought we really need to seriously think about this. so we decided to pray about this and ask for God's leading. i thought that i shouldn't go with my will but God's will. which means, i should just let whatever happen happens. eventhough i am never crazy about having kids in general, i thought i should not "prevent" God's work by making the decision on my own desire. so we agree that if God's willing, we are willing. if He's not willing, we don't even have a choice! :) so i don't think it's an accident or coincidence  that i got conceived the first time we try. this is definitely in God's plan and i know that He has the best plan for me (Jeremiah 29:11).

movie was great last night. went to see "Dan in real life" so we got some good laugh from it! :) afterward, we went home cuz i needed to have my second dinner! :) then we went to the local grocery store to walk! that's our daily exercise: going to this grocery store everynight after dinner and walk aisle by aisle. we do shop at the same time since i need to stock up on lots of healthy food like fruits and juices. what's good about this grocery store is that it has a blood pressure machine there. so we ck our blood pressure every night! mine has been slightly lower than usual. i usually have quite low BP to begin with mid 90s/mid 60s. the night before,  my lower number dropped down to 56 or sth... i'm thankful that i still don't have too much dizzy spells. i have been drinking LOTS of H2O. usually i drink quite a bit already 3L (12 cups) a day. now, i drink alot more. so i need to go to the bathroom ALOT more. this morning, i woke up at 4am for my b-room break. then i felt sooooo hungry and had to get up and have some cereal. i feel like i'm getting used to waking up in the middle of the night for feedings! my hubby was still up at 4am! we chatted a little about our future plan after the baby's born. since i can't do part-time at my job, he offered to work part-time. he said he doesn't mind to be a stay-home Dad. that's so sweet. usually, some women have hard times sacrificing their career to become stay home moms. i'm so blessed to have a husband who loves me and our baby so much!

it's Friday 5pm. i'm home already. just wanna start my weekend early and catch up on my thoughts and feelings for the past... 3 days. i still can't believe that i'm pregnant. it seems so surreal. sometimes i wish i have more pregnancy symptoms. :) well, not morning sickness though. i just want some consistent symptoms for me to know that i'm for real pregnant. one of the biggest changes for me has been hunger attacks throughout the day. i am surprised at how i can get hungry so fast!! i usually don't eat very much. my stomach is quite small and i eat half the portion of what normal ppl eat, and still last me ~4-5 hrs. but now, i still eat the same portion but many many small meals in between to last me the day cuz i get hungry every 2-3 hours. and i was surprised to find that i lost 2lb in 2 days, since i learned about my pregnancy! i'm still not sure if i'm getting enough calories. i do eat until i'm full and i don't let myself starve like i used to! :) maybe it's becuz i cut out on junk food completely so there goes the empty calories. :) i used to be a chocoholic. after i learned that i'm pregnant, i make sure that every thing i put into my mouth brings nutrition value to my baby! :)

today, i had some weird aftertaste after eating a Kiwi for morning snack. i was starving and ate it really fast and thought it was quite sweet. after the last bite, it left me some bitter after taste!! wasn't sure if it's the kiwi or me.

hubby came home early and he's taking me out to watch a movie! :) our little baby's first movie!