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Name: FrazzledMom
[ Original Post ]
My step daughter is ADHD with strong impulse control problems. She lies, she steals, she gets into everything almost like a two year old. Recently she obviously was in the medicine cabinet (again) this wasn't the first time, she drank Pepto Bismol. Back then we told her she could DIE if she EVER touched or swalled adult medicine. We grounded her big time and she lost privleges. This time she took alka seltzer because I found the empty package in the garbage and neither me nor my husband took it. She is so darn stupid, I hate to use that word, but she leaves the "evidence" plain as day for us to catch her. Sometimes I think she wants to get caught. She has NO regard for the consequences. What do we do? We have done IT ALL to make her get it. And she just doesn't freakin get it!! At this rate she'll end up in Juvenile Detention home by the time she is 14. Help! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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Name: jamberrt | Date: Oct 6th, 2006 2:57 AM
That's my girl...what's a consequence???

The fact that she's your step-daughter only adds to the issues. I only mean that she's had a difficult situation to deal with if her parents split.

My daughter is adopted and went through a lot before she arrived. She had been diagnosed with ADHD very early - while she was still with birth parents. Every change intensifies the behaviour. Her acting out is "taking off", leaving school early, going with her friends at lunch when she's supposed to be at a friends house for lunch...

We've done some therapy which has given me some ideas. They don't always work and right now...I'm somewhat brain dead but if I think of something I'll get back to you. Hang in there! 

Name: FrazzledMom | Date: Oct 6th, 2006 5:00 AM
Actually jamberrt, her mother died in 04 so that just added insult to injury. i'm having a hard time bonding with this child because just when I think she's "got it" she does another really stupid thing to piss me off and insult my intelligence. I know I'm probably taking it way too personally, but yanno, its frustrating and it hurts and its sooo stressful that a child could actually get to me THAT bad, but she does! Tonight I made her write a hundred times, " I will never, ever, EVER go into the medicine cabinet and play with adult medicine ever again." She didn't like that too much. We made her write until bed time, no tv, no games, no NOTHING. I told her she keeps that crap up I'd add more to it and so on. So I hope this works. If not, then I dunno, I guess I'll just pack my bags and go to the psych ward! Thanks for your input. 

Name: teresa | Date: Oct 6th, 2006 12:38 PM
FrazzledMom, for starters, I have to give you a thumbs up for trying so hard with your step-daughter. My daughter is ADHD and some days it takes every ounce of energy to deal with her. There are many times when I just want to give up. Is she medicated? If not, you need to see your doctor. My daughter does stupid things too. Part of being ADHD is the need to be the center of attention, and I think leaving evidence in plain sight is done on purpose. Even though it is negative attention, she is still getting it. It would scare me if my daughter was getting in the medicine cabinet! I think you need to put your medicines under lock and key so she doesnt' kill herself. Hang in there and take it one day at a time. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. 

Name: FrazzledMom | Date: Oct 6th, 2006 12:54 PM
Thank you so much Teresa. Yes she is medicated. She is on Concerta and Risperdal. She takes every ounce of energy from me. Some days, I just feel so bad for my own kids (2) and her brother because all I do is scream at her. They shouldn't have to live like that. Sometimes I think I made the biggest mistake of my life marrying this person with all this baggage... but then I look at him, he is such a wonderful man, I can't imagine my life without him. I know I'm in this child's life for a reason, and I'm trying my hardest, but unfortunately there is so much anger and frustration inside me that I'm afraid I won't get past it. She makes it almost impossible to embrace and love her when all she does is steal, lie, and disregard discipline and rules at home and at school. That's why I joined this forum so that I can get some relief from hearing it from others, that I'm not alone. Thanks for your kind words and prayers. I need them now!! :) 

Name: teresa | Date: Oct 6th, 2006 2:14 PM
One thing I forgot to mention, is that I know alot of moms including myself who have consulted their doctors and gotten a prescription for ourselves to help us maintain control. I am on Zoloft for PMS. I noticed that during my PMS my daugther is twice as bad as any other time, I don't know if it's my attitude or she can just smell my hormones my the meds have really helped me. 

Name: jamberrt | Date: Oct 7th, 2006 3:01 AM
teresa, I know that PMS makes me crazy around my kids and I'm taking some herbal stuff. I take it every day and then double or triple (depending on stress level) during PMS.

FrazzledMom...so how old is your daughter? How old was she when her mom died? I know my daughter's birthmom is schziophrenic (scares the crap outta me) and so we were told that her animosity towards me can be because she's so scared she's going to lose me that she's trying to get rid of me before I can "leave".

SO I started doing a lot of one on one stuff and talking about how her mom would have loved to have raise her and had no choice. I told her my choice is to always be here and I will always work towards that. I apply it when we're driving...we were late one day and she's "HURRY" so I said, "IF I hurry, we could get in an accident and if I got hurt too bad to take care of you then I'd have made a bad choice to speed because I want to be your mom forever..."

Sounds psychobabble maybe and it's hard in the heat of the moment to think of stuff like that.

Another thing I learned is natural consequences. I don't know how that would apply to her taking meds (what would alka seltzer do to her)...I know our mornings are INSANE and so there were mornings when I would call her and she wouldn't get up and so she was late for school. Thankfully I have a good boss and explained what I was doing so she got detention for being late. 


Name: fancy | Date: Oct 8th, 2006 4:16 AM
Hi my son hes seven and has adhd and good for me hes always scared to touch anything because hes scared he will die I tought that was a problem for me but man I hope it works out for you have you tired to getting her help talking to her doctor or possible trying to scare her by taking her the the hospital and getting a doctor or someone there to scare her letting her know what shes doing she could die doctors scared my kids before by telling them that before and now they will ask me if this or that will hurt them it gets very ignoring at times but I know they wont touch anything that will hurt them and I also scared them about a bad boys home if he dont strighten up so far it has worked I hope something I said will help just hang in there I tell my self it cant get any worse 

Name: FrazzledMom | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 12:58 PM
thanks for all your imput. By the way jamberrt ... my step daughter is 10 and her mom died when she was 7. AND her mom also had some kind of undiagnosed mood disorder. It sounds like bipolar from what I am hearing or possibly narcisstic (sp)? personality disorder. All I know is that people who speak of her.. this is terrible... say that she was a mean, nasty person. Some people say she was evil. How said is that? My husband doesn't portray her that way, but other people in the family do. I think he might has been oblivious to it.

Yea we have been through this once before when she drank pepto bismol. We told her she could DIE! Especially because of drug interactions with her own meds. Its not that Alka Seltzer or Pepto would hurt her, thats not the point... the point is is that NO ONE plays in the medicine cabinet because she would be that one who accidentally takes something that would kill her. I guess we are going to have to lock all the drugs up under lock and key.

Anyway, I have a new problem that has developed with Courtney over the weekend. She has made her nose bleed by picking it three times in two days for attention. The one time she did it she was on a writing assignment I gave her for stealing. I made her write 100x. She said she made her nose bleed to get out of doing the work. I told her, I don't care how much you bleed the bleeding will eventually stop and you will STILL be doing your punishement. This kid kills me! I tell her constantly that I know her game and that I'm five steps ahead of her at all times, and she still continues this crap behavior. I'm tired of it! I told my husband last night, I broke down, told him the kids are sucking the life right outta me. I absolutely do not like the person that I have become under this stess. I called her counselor this morning and told her of the new behavior. I'm losing hope for her, even the consequence of not going trick or treating has not stopped her! 

Name: teresa | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 1:36 PM
Is there something she really really wants? Does she like money? Find something that she wants and try a reward system. If she behaves for a week, she gets whatever. My daughter is a big winer so I started the reward system that she will earn $1 for everyday she doesn't wine. Granted she has yet to make it an entire week, but things are better. Find something that works for you. I am interested in knowing what your husband's response was when you told him you had had enough. Hang in there! 

Name: FrazzledMom | Date: Oct 10th, 2006 12:27 PM
Hey teresa... yea we are going to try that "positive reinforcement" tactic here soon as we come up with a good plan. I told my husband I had had enough, yes, but I was just having a bad day and he told me he would do whatever it took to make things easier for me. I am lucky. He is very supportive. I eventually got over it. I just needed to melt down and be by myself for a while. 

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